


Love Actually

by KirigiriRamen



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Christmas fic, Fluff, Love Actually AU, Multi, Romance, Slight Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-20 12:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 126,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2429303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KirigiriRamen/pseuds/KirigiriRamen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>4 years ago, Naegi gave up on love completely after Kirigiri's death.<br/>4 years ago, Tanaka brought home a princess, and Souda falls head over heels in love with his best friend's girlfriend.<br/>4 years ago, Mioda Ibuki split with her band members, leaving her alone with her producer Twogami.<br/>4 years ago, Ishimaru aimed to run for Prime Minister.<br/>4 years ago, Togami married Fukawa.</p><p>And near Christmas today:<br/>A small miracle happens.<br/>And all of them gets the shit kicked out of them by love.</p><p>Based on the Movie<br/>NOTHING TO DO WITH DANGANRONPA TBTP OR DANGANRONPA ANGEL SURVIVORS</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unravel

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me a while ago.  
> Love Actually actually received some pretty Polarized opinions over the years, but despite all of that, I genuinely like it. But I understand why some would hate it.  
> So, in an attempt to make it enjoyable for everyone, I tried writing this fic as a better way to flesh out the characters' relationships with one another.  
> Some parts might be different from the main plot, though, so keep a keen eye out!  
> The climax should be on Christmas Day!  
> Thank you!
> 
> P.S. To those who are expecting Danganronpa: Angel Survivors or Danganronpa: Turn Back the Pendulum, be patient, but if you really want to see a chapter, please tell me and I'll see what I can do!

Whenever I despair about the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Haneda Airport. General opinion started to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. Seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified, or newsworthy, or even morally inappropriate but it’s always there. Fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge; they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling that you’ll find that love actually _is_ all around.

But of course, before reach that conclusion, I’ll need to tell you _this_ story.

**4 Years Ago: February 4th**

**Haneda Airport**

“ _I feel it in my fingers_ _…_ _I feel it in my toes... Love is all around me-"_ _  
_

Souda hurriedly changed the radio station before The Troggs could continue.

The morning had dawned clear and cold, with a sharpness that teased a dream of spring. Cleaners shoveled the feeble amounts of ice and snow gathered on the road, now caked with dust and ash. People went about their business, with no flowers on the pavement to stop and smell, and on this day it seemed there was no love to be seen, to be heard, to be appreciated.

Kazuichi Souda, on this loveless winter day, drove to the airport in reminiscence, listening to American Rock on the radio. “ _Welcome to the Hotel California_ …” He murmured tunelessly, thankful that nobody could hear him sing within the vicinity.

He turned down the volume as he approached the toll.

“That would be 100 yen, sir.” The counter called.

Nodding in understanding, he tossed the silver coin on the counter, and rescinded his window shut.

_Has it really been a year since he left?_

***

The night before, Souda was in his workshop, applying generous amounts of lubricant on his hands when out of the blue, his phone rang.

As the ringtone blared, he looked from his moist hands to the phone in dismay. _Of all the rotten luck_ _…_

Resignedly wiping his hands, he grabbed the phone from the set. “Hello?”

“Souda?”

Souda’s eyes widened. “Tanaka? It’s seriously you? Oh God, how long has it been?”

“Yes, it is the great me.” His voice, a rich baritone steeped with mystique, answered. “Is this a good time?”

“It depends, I was applying lubricant on my hands just as you called.”

A few tense moments passed.

“Hello?” Souda uncertainly paced.

“ _What_ were you doing with lubricant on your hands?”

“Fuck, that came out wrong.” Souda had turned a hot pink. “It’s just that I’ve got a _really sweet spanking hot_ specimen laid out before me.”

Another few tense moments passed.

“Should I call another time?"

“IT’S AN ENGINE! AN EXPERIMENTAL V16 ENGINE!” Souda facepalmed. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong again.”

“Hmph. Troglodytes.” Tanaka huffed, and the comfortable, familiar feeling of warm annoyance flooded back towards Souda at once.

“So, how’s that place in Europe you’re staying at?” Souda took another swig of Coke on the counter. “Novo- November…something?”

“ _Novoselic_.” Tanaka corrected him. “And it’s…surprisingly adequate.  The locals don’t seem to mind that Lucifer walks amongst them, his devas in tow. And the fauna here…fascinating specimens, I must admit. ”

Souda smiled. “I see you’ve still kept that amount of lunacy with you. So, why the sudden call?”

“I’m flying back tonight.”

Souda spat out his soda. “I’m sorry, what?”

Tanaka sounded uncomfortable from his side of the phone. “It’s…It’s just that I’ve finished my research here. And…there’s also-“

“Dude.” Souda interrupted in excitement. “Why didn’t you call sooner? That’s great! I mean, some more time would have been welcome, I know the gang would be _willing_ to hold a party, but since we’re already having one tomorrow, it’s probably gonna clash…”

“…That’s very thoughtful. A rare instance, from someone like you.”

“Oi, I’m trying to be nice-“

“I understand. I’m sorry, it was a bad jape on my part.”

“It’s alright. Go on.”

Tanaka was beginning to crack. “Well…I was wondering if it would be convenient for you to provide a means of transportation from the airport to my apartment.”

“Of course, you’re my best friend!”

“I’m not finished…”

Souda’s face fell.

“Please don’t tell me you’ve brought another anaconda-"

“There are no anacondas in Novoselic!” Tanaka boomed, before reverting back into his normal voice. “It’s just that I... I…”

“You…You what?” Souda goaded him. “Spit it out.”

There was an uncomfortable 5 seconds of silence. Then Tanaka replied:

“I’ve brought a friend with me.”

“So? My car can seat another perfectly. Of course, I’m a bit surprised that you managed to make a friend there-"

“It’s a member of the opposite sex.”

His hands slipped, and the bottle shattered on the wooden floor.

***

**NAEGI'** **S APARTMENT**

It was one of Naegi’s greatest pleasures in life to awake in Kirigiri’s arms.

On rare instances like today, he would awake early to the sun’s lustrous rays, and instead of getting up, he would listen to the peaceful breaths of his wife behind him, smell her locks of hair strewn across his face. _My wife._ There was a peculiar sense of joy these words brought to him every time they reverberated in his mind. _She is my wife._ And the giddiness of love enveloped him once more.

He gently caressed her smooth, porcelain arms, all the way down to her ruined hands, another symbol of the trust that she gave only to him. Naegi fondly remembered the night she finally removed her gloves as she climbed into bed with him, how open, raw, and vulnerable she looked. That night he had told her endlessly that he loved Kirigiri, kissing every inch of her body, taking special care with her delicate hands that trembled as he ran his lips across her fingers.

It was too much for Naegi to bear. Finally giving in, he turned in his sheets to look at her, every single inch of her glittering skin, all of her perfect imperfections, her long lashes, her lips-

Naegi gently touched his lips to hers, and her amethyst eyes flitted open as she returned the kiss in earnest, pressing her face gently against his. Finally, after a few moments, or possibly several sunlit days, they detached, a gossamer of saliva hanging between their lips.

“I didn’t recall asking for a wake-up call.”

“I know. I just couldn’t resist.”

She laughed, and Naegi’s heart soared as he ran his hands through her silvery hair.

“Happy Birthday, Naegi-kun.”

Naegi’s eyes widened. “Oh God. Is that today?” He reached across her and turned the clock in his direction. _Well, I_ _’_ _ll be damned._

“Any wishes, Naegi?”

“Well, in this position, I really can’t think of anything else I want.” Naegi scratched his head. “I mean I’ve already got you.”

Naegi loved how quickly Kirigiri’s cheeks bloomed red. “Yes, Naegi, you have me, but birthdays _are_ birthdays, and it would be unsavory to break tradition.”

Naegi frowned in puzzlement as he laid back to her side. “Well, it’s kinda hard to think of anything now that I want, Kirigiri-san.”

“Actually…” she rested a finger on his underwear. “I can think of several things.”

It was Naegi’s turn to blush now, as her hand moved under his crotch, her eyes unflinching as she playfully stared back. “You’re a genius, Kirigiri-san.” He joked.

“You’re only realizing that now?” In mock anger, she toppled him and climbed onto his chest, her breaths heavy from longing and tension. He could see everything, her perfectly formed breasts, lightly covered from her long flowing hair, and he loved it all; all of it was his.

“Well, this _is_ a pretty nice birthday present, I suppose.” Naegi sheepishly laughed, and their noses touched.

“You can’t give sex as a proper birthday gift.” She pouted. “I’ll have to think of something later.”

“Kirigiri-san, you don’t have to push yourself that much for me. I’m fine with anything as long as I’m with you.”

Unsure of what to reply, she lowered her lips to his, and flicked her tongue tentatively against his. Naegi desperately wrapped his hands behind her back, their bodies melding closer as they straddled one another in earnest. He was in love with every single second of it, from the way her hair smelt of lavender to the gentle pressure she adopted as she kissed, from the way her waist rubbed against his already rock hard crotch to the way she run her hands across his hair.

Their lips parted, and she placed his hand on her cool, smooth chest, her heart hammering against her ribs.

“I’m still getting you something tonight, though.”

Naegi’s head lulled playfully. “More of this, perhaps?”

“No, don’t be obvious.”

“This day just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it?”

She deftly removed his underwear behind her back, and smiled as Naegi let out a small gasp of surprise.

“Well, we better hurry, we both have work today.” She pulled Naegi into a sitting position, and for a moment the two simply laid in each other’s arms, feeling their respective warmth, listening to each other’s breaths and gasps, until their hearts beat as one against one another.

“Just promise me there won’t be any nasty surprises like last time.” His hands fell towards her waist in hopeful lust and desire.

“Alright.” She agreed. “No surprises.”

But of course, that was a big fat lie. You see, several things had been arranged the day before. Let’s mark what happened as such, shall we?

**TOGAMI CONGLOMERATE (THE DAY BEFORE)**

The youngest heir to the Togami conglomerate did his best to conceal his disdain for his guests.

“So, let me run through your proposal again.” He muttered in fluent Korean, and scanned the sheet they passed him. “We will supply your country in a month fifty thousand microchips, two hundred thousand metric tons of grain and wheat, and in return my company will get?”

“The eternal gratitude of Kim Jong Il, as well as being accepted as an honorary citizen of the holy republic of North Korea.”

He resisted the urge to laugh. _I could start a war here, if I_ _’_ _m not careful._

“With all due respect, your offer is worth considering, but I have my other clients to speak about. In _China_ , for instance.”

The Korean dignitaries nodded eagerly. “Yes, we are good friends with the Chinese-“

“WHAT I AM CONCERNED WITH,” Togami raised his voice, “is that you would remain greedy.” Ignoring the blatant outrage on the dignitaries’ faces, he continued: “Under commission of the Chinese Republic, the Daqin railway company has sent to you relief aid, food, blankets and such. Imagine their surprise when your country _kept_ the trains the aid were transported in.”

The North Koreans shifted uncomfortably. “It is a simple misunderstanding, I can assure you that-"

“Speaking from a purely business point of view, with no regards to politics whatsoever, I must say this is a very bad deal.”

“I urge you to reconsider-"

“I’m sorry, you have to leave. This meeting is over.” Togami rang the buzzer on his desk. “Aloysius, could you escort the North Korean dignitaries out?”

“As you wish, young master.”

***

“Fire my secretary. North Korea is not what I meant when I said I wanted him to find new trading partners.” Togami snarled as sipped a cup of coffee.

“I agree whole-heartedly, young master. Utter buffoons, the lot of them.”

Togami sighed. Running the company, even if he was just in charge of affairs overseeing the major cities of Asia, was proving to be remarkably draining. Not difficult, but draining.

“Your wife sends her regards, and if I may quote her directly, all my exes and ohs and my babies.” He went on.

Goosebumps spread like wildfire against Togami’s skin." She has a lot of time on her hands, doesn’t she?”

“Not as much as you think, young master. I’ve noticed her novels have taken a much more mature, more peaceful note than her last few.”

“Really?” He had never taken more than a polite interest in her literary endeavors, and such news was oddly comforting. “That’s nice to know. What’s my agenda today?”

They shared a knowing smile. “You have another meeting with the South Koreans today later this evening.”

“Remove my secretary’s severance paycheck.” Togami groaned as he sank further back into his chair. 

"What's wrong with the South Koreans?"

"Archaic civilisation undergoing rapid development without equal progress in ideas. You should see the look on their faces when I forget the correct honorific to address them."

“Would you like me to cancel the appointment-"

“No, it wouldn’t be professional.” Togami drained the remaining dregs in his cup, and stood up abruptly. “If that’s that, then you may leave-"

Togami’s cell phone pinged.

“Did you give my number to any of our clients?” He spat irritably.

“I always gave them mine as if it was yours, young master. Those were your instructions, young master.”

He took out his cell and read the message in surprise.

“Young master?”

He hid a smirk as he reread the message. _To think that she would get in touch, and with another request, to begin with. She has pluck, I_ _’_ _ll give her that._

“Reschedule my meeting with the South Koreans.” He returned the cell phone into his pocket. “I’m running a reunion function, as well as a birthday party. Nothing too extravagant, if I may add.”

“Very good, young master. Should I inform your wife?”

“If she feels better.” Filled with new energy, Togami paced the room. “Arrange for a modest party in one of my residences in the suburbs. Not too large of a spread, modest refreshments and eats, and…”Togami’s voice trailed off. _I guess it would be fine._ “Bring 4 bottles of Krug as well.”

“Yes, my lord.”

**TODAI UNIVERSITY (THE DAY BEFORE)**

Ishimaru blinked as he extracted himself from a book of Political Science. “Naegi-kun’s Birthday Party? Tomorrow, you say?” He listened attentively as Togami’s butler dutifully informed him of all the necessary information he needed.

“I should be studying, though.” He looked wistfully back towards the book he had just finished annotating. “I’m really sorry to say that I’m rather busy-“

“The young master wishes to remind you that it doubles as a reunion party.”

“Then there’s no problem! I’ll be there. Thank you.”

Ishimaru happily turned off his cellphone, and for the rest of the afternoon was preoccupied in finding something that would suit Naegi’s liking.

**BACKSTAGE: ROPPONGI BLUE THEATER (THE DAY BEFORE)**

“Oh? There’s a party?” Sayaka had to shout for her voice to be heard behind the thrall of the crowd and the music. “And Togami’s organizing it?” She repeated in disbelief. “Hell can’t freeze over twice you know!”

She looked forlornly at the present she had bought a week in advance. _And I was planning on giving it to him alone, too._ _Never mind, then._

“I’ll be there!”

**A CERTAIN COFFEE SHOP DOWNTOWN (THE DAY BEFORE)**

“Naegi’s birthday?” Hinata repeated as he handed a steaming cup of coffee to a customer.“Tomorrow? Do you want me to call the rest of the gang?”

**ONKIO HAUS RECORDING STUDIO (THE DAY BEFORE)**

Over the death metal, Twogami blinked as ‘he’ saw who was calling.

“Hello?”

“Brother mine, tomorrow’s Naegi’s birthday.”

 _Naegi?_ Twogami racked his brains. _Oh, that boy._

“Yes, and?”

“I’m holding a little party down in one of my residences in the suburbs and inviting the entire gang. Would you like to come?”

“Sure!” Twogami was elated. “Yeah, of course, I’ll be there!”

“You can invite one more person with you, just another note. Goodbye.”

“Bye, broth-“ Togami hung up before he could finish. He sighed unhappily, reminded yet again of harsh reality.

“PORKFEEEEET!”

Twogami shuddered as Ibuki burst into the room. “How was I? I hope you noticed the way I sang ‘Beelzebub’ as if it had 8 syllables, that’s GOTTA be a new world record.”

“Don’t call me that. Treat your producer with a little bit more respect, will you?” ‘He’ irritably nudged her away.

“OOH. RESPECT. YESSIREE.” She immediately sprang into a salute. “It seems producer-san is immune to Ibuki’s boundless charms and wit! Very well then! I am at your beck and call! Oh goodness, speaking of which, do you know what I love about buffets? Buffets to me are wonderful you can walk from one end to the other, grabbing a bowl of natto in one hand and a coleslaw in the other, cucumbers wedged between our legs-“

Twogami’s eyes twitched as she continued her incessant rambling.

 _To think I have to work with this girl_ _…_

Finally, the moment of madness overcomes him:

“Hey, Mioda-san. Would you like attend a party with me?

**SOUDA'** **S WORKSHOP (THE DAY BEFORE)**

“Party tomorrow? I’m in! Holy shit, I’m in! Oh, I gotta tell you, Hinata, I was so surprised to hear you call, but now I’m going to have to reapply another helping of lubricant on my hands…. Hello? Hinata? Hello? Are you OK? Hinata?!!”

**HANAMARU PRIMARY (THE DAY BEFORE)**

“Yes, Kirigiri-san, I received your message loud and clear.” Komaru Naegi had busied herself escorting the little children out in the playground when she received the call.

“I’m hoping for this birthday to be special, in the light that it’s our first year married together.”

“And the first year you guys graduated from High School.” Komaru finished. “I know. I’ll be there!”

“Fantastic! I’ll see you there.”

As she hung up, Komaru reminisced about the time her brother and Kirigiri had showed up abruptly in the middle of the night in front of their parents to announce that they were getting married.

Of course, all of them were surprised, and the arguments that they were too young and that they should get a job first (which, in Naegi’s defense, he already had) escalated through the night, and as the minute hand struck three, Makoto Naegi was already close to tears.

Naturally, it had been left to Kirigiri to reason with his parents that she would be his voice of reason, that she understood their worries entirely, and reassured them that he and she knew what she was doing, and most importantly, that she loved him. _She loved him._

_You really are lucky, Onee-chan._

Smiling at the thought, she hurriedly extracted a particularly energetic elementary school student from the sandbox. _Back to work._

***

**HANEDA AIRPORT**

The intercom blared. “ _Flight 254 from Novoselic to Tokyo has just landed, all passengers please proceed to baggage wheel 5._ _”_

 _Right on schedule,_ Souda thought as he parked his 4-seater in an empty lot. The night before, he had emptied his car out of his assorted junk that he considered too precious to throw away. The very first mountain bike he assembled, for example, now in bits and pieces after an extraordinarily stupid decision to ride his bike through a raging waterfall.

He had changed into a pair of form-fitting ragged jeans, along with a shockingly yellow shirt and leather jacket for the occasion. He carried a small banner scrawled with the words ‘Tanaka Gundam’. A year had passed since he had left for Novoselic, and Souda had forgotten whether there was ‘H’ in his name. _Probably not. That would just be stupid._

Souda strode across the marbled floors, mingling amongst the crowd at the Arrivals gate. “Excuse me, pardon me, coming through-“ He mumbled as he pushed past others to reach the front of the railings.

_It would take a while before he arrives, I guess._

“Kazama-kun!”

Souda looked up just in time to see a brunette burst pass the railings and leap into a passenger’s arms into a passionate embrace, oblivious of the stares around them.

It was fine for the first minute, but soon even Souda had to agree: _Those two really need to get a room._

Trying to distract himself, he watched as other couples, families in long distance relationships reunite with one another, their smiles and euphoria and bliss. As he looked at an attractive man surprised his girlfriend with a bouquet of flowers, Souda became aware of a gnawing feeling in his heart.

_I'_ _m alone._

Over the past years in school, he steadily became aware of a disturbing situation: couples in their school would invariably, inevitably break apart form the rest of the social stigma. It happened with Kuzuryuu on Valentines’s, where Pekoyama finally plucked out her courage to ask him out. It happened yet again with Akane and Nidai, whose relationship just sort of happened after one too many brawls.

 _And now it'_ _s going to happen with Tanaka as well?_

From the moment they had met, they had shared an unlikely relationship; one that started with the both of them absolutely loathing one another, progressed into gradual acceptance, and finally respect and camaraderie.

_If this goes on, me, Hinata and Hanamura will be the only bachelors left in our class._

…

_JESUS CHRIST!_

“Souda?”

He snapped awake from his reverie, and looked up in delight.

“Tanaka!” Unceremoniously, he ducked under the railing and rushed over for a hug, ignoring his weak protests. Soon, he gave in, and lightly patted Souda on the back.

“Good to see you.” Souda squinted. “You’ve put on some weight.”

“I did not!” Tanaka flared.

“Dude, it’s normal. I’ve heard about how much butter and lard western countries use.”

“I do not partake in mortal forms of sustenance, Souda! How many times need I remind you?”

Souda laughed, and against all his morals, Tanaka joined in with a little chuckle at their reunion.

“So where are the hamsters?” Souda finally recovered.

“Oh, they’re behind.” Tanaka shrugged. “Ran into a little standoff with the guardians of aerial transit.”

“But you _did_ manage to bring them back, right?”

“HeheheHahahahahaha!” Tanaka folded his arms. “All in good time, no one can stand off against Tanaka Gundam and live to tell the tale.”

“Cool.” Souda looked around, blinking. “Where’s your friend?”

Tanaka huffed. “Apparently the guardians can’t learn when to stop. After releasing me and my devas, they held her in for questioning.”

“Questioning?” Souda groaned. “Tanaka, have you ever considered this is yet another one of those con artists who go around pretending to be environmental activists?”

Tanaka hid his face under his scarf. “No.”

“Are you sure? Because the last time something similar to this happened, you gave her half your life savings-“

“I know what foolish things I’ve done!” He shouted, before reducing his voice to a whisper. “This person’s different.”

“How do you know?”

At that moment, a new voice entered the conversation. “Sorry for keeping you waiting!”

Tanaka hid behind the scarf yet again. “That’s her.”

Confused, Souda promptly looked behind Tanaka towards the arrivals gate…and his jaw promptly crashed to the ground.

Walking towards them was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

***

Naegi had scarcely taken a step out of his workplace later that evening when he saw all three of them waiting outside.

“Get in the car.” Hinata grinned.

“You’ve had this coming for a long time now, and you know it.” Hagakure was valiantly holding back his laughter.

“But seriously though, get in the car.” Togami repeated.

Naegi could not help but laugh. “Oh my god, guys, I’m not sure what to say-“

Togami snapped his fingers. “Boys.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, both Hinata and Hagakure lunged forward and hoisted the screaming Naegi up in the air, and promptly flung him into the Rolls Royce.

“Guys?!”

“SHOTGUN!” Hagakure scrambled to the front seat as Togami clambered into the driver’s. Revving up the engines, the drophead coupe was soon cruising at a leisurely speed across the freeway, marked only by the sunset in the distance.

“Happy birthday, Naegi-chi.” Hagakure called once they were safely on their way. “I’ve got your present right here.” He took out from his sleeve a small rectangular package.

“Dolt, we’re supposed to let him open it with everyone.” Togami snapped.

“It’s fine, Togami. Thank you so much, Hagakure-kun!” Naegi grinned. He looked back at his fellow passengers with interest. _They_ _’_ _ve grown so much_ _…_

“One second, I need to call Kirigiri.” Naegi gleefully brought out his cellphone and punched in her number.

**SLUETH'** **S LIBRARY: SHIBUYA DISTRICT**

“There’s only so many ways one can jump off a roof and survive.” Kirigiri pointed at the projector in front of her audience, entitled ‘The Reichenbach Fall’. “But until we can confirm that the suspect in question did not, in fact, contact anyone before he went on the roof, this case will remain unsolved.”

“Maybe the two were in cahoots.” Her fellow detective Yui muttered.

“No, there’s too much evidence that states otherwise.”

Just as Kirigiri was about to lay another piece of evidence, her cell rang. Giving her colleague a ‘this will be quick’ look, she hurriedly ducked away and turned it on.

“Hello?”

“I thought we were very clear, no surprises?” The glee in her husband’s voice was unmistakable, even as he attempted to sound angry.

“I don’t know. You seem to love surprises.” She shrugged.

“Well, I’m not complaining, but the kidnapping was overkill.”

 _That wasn_ _’_ _t part of the plan._ “Is Togami there with you?”

“Along with Hinata and Hagakure. Wait. Are _more_ people coming?”

“…It seems to have escalated into a sort of high school reunion, to be honest.”

She waited for Naegi to finish whooping in euphoria, before continuing: “Still wish I followed your request, Naegi?”

“…I love you so much.” 

Kirigiri bit her lip, trying her best to contain her happiness. “I know. And I love you too.”

Over the receiver, she could hear the car erupting into catcalls and hoots. Hagakure began chanting for phone sex, Togami remained respectfully silent whilst Hinata just laughed long and hard.

“Anyway, Kirigiri-san. Shouldn’t you be off work soon?”

“About that…” She turned back to her diorama of the crime scene. “I might be a little late. I don’t think you should wait.”

“Huh?” Even then, she could hear the forlorn disappointment in her husband’s voice. “B-but…It’s not going to be the same without you.”

“I know, I’m really sorry about this.”Kirigiri put a gloved hand between her eyes. “But this case really is pretty urgent…I’m sorry it had to be today of all days-“

“It’s alright, I understand. You wouldn’t have wanted this to happen in the first place.”

Kirigiri exhaled. “I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

“Ok.” Naegi looked out the window and saw the row of houses in the distance. “Are you sure you’re ok with us starting the party first?”

“Positive.”

“Alright. Tonight’s still on, right?”

Even Kirigiri had to blush.

“Do you want to skip the party?” She whispered.

“Tempting. But I think it’s a little too late for that.” Naegi laughed, the car having been just admitted into the complex of suburban bungalows. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

***

“You were getting pretty lovey-dovey there, Naegi-kun. You put us bachelors to shame.”

“Hinata, you’re the only bachelor here.” Togami snapped.

Uncomfortable silence ricocheted throughout the car. Naegi cleared his throat.

“So, Hagakure-san. How’s everything with Asahina?”

“Oh? Oh yes, it’s great!” Hagakure grinned from ear to ear. “She’s been pretty cool with my career, I’m fine with hers, we even went to Disneyland the past week. Bonus points: I know it’s pretty obvious, but she has hiiii-uge bazongas. Hubba Bubba.”

“Oh, of course that would your main focus.”

“Well, I can’t really argue with you, can I, Togami? Speaking of which, how’s Fukawa-chi? How far along is she?”

Togami shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “1 and a half months, I guess?”

“Good old Togami.” Hinata smirked. “Always the first to jump the gun.”

“How is Fukawa-san coping with all of this?” Naegi marveled.

“She’s alright. She needs all the help she can get, but she’ll be- WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO?!” Togami screeched the car into a halt, a richly decorated bungalow in front of them.

“Ah. We’re here!” Hagakure undid his seatbelt. “And boy, that’s a lot of confetti.”

“And toilet paper.” Hinata goggled.

“Heads will roll for this.” Togami gnashed his teeth.

“By the way, Naegi-chi, do you drink?”

Naegi shook his head. “Not that much.”

“Good news. Tonight, _we_ will be the ones telling you ‘Not that Much’! NOW COME ON! LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!”

**SILVER MOON RESIDENCES: APARTMENT 122B.**

Togami unlocked the gate, and the 4 stepped into the sprawling garden. A lovingly tended topiary featured large, majestic horses, and in their very center a phoenix was bursting into life. The air was perfumed with rosemary and orange zest, and Naegi drank it all in.

“Let’s have some ground rules for this party, people.” Togami paused in front of the door. “One, no hooking up, no quickies within my watch inside this house.”

“How else can we get lucky?” Hagakure protested.

“Two.” Togami went on. “Absolutely no rowdy behavior. I don’t know what kind of parties you plebeians went to, but this is different. This is a _function_. We are expected to behave in a dignified manner.”

“There’s a good chance this party isn’t fun, isn’t it?” Hagakure muttered.

“And most importantly,” Togami went on in raised voices, “Absolutely no smoking inside.”

“Damnit.” Hagakure looked guiltily his birthday present.

“Are we perfectly clear on this?”

“Of course, it’s your house, your rules.” Naegi nodded. _It_ _’_ _s not like I expected anything else, any way._

“Good. Excited, Naegi?”

“Considerably more so three minutes ago, but yes, still very excited!”

“Lovely. Shall we?” Deftly, Togami inserted the key and unlocked the door…and was promptly blasted back by a torrent after torrent of loud music.

“BLOODY HELL.” Togami snarled as he marched inside, Naegi following closely behind him. A small hallway connected the front door and the spacious living room, and the closer they approached, the louder _Lil Jon_ screamed ‘Turn down for what’.

“I changed my mind, I am excited.” Hagakure gleefully bounded behind him.

And as they finally reached the end of the hallway, Naegi could not help but gasp.

***

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” The living room erupted, as the occupants raised their glasses in unison. There was a sense of utmost euphoria throughout the room, and as Naegi was half pushed, half groped his way into the center of the room, there were cheers, there were hoots, and the music only got louder and louder. Hors d’oeuvres were intricately laid on tables parallel to the room, and a fountain streamed chocolate over hundreds of strawberries and marshmallows.

_This is amazing._

“Woah Woah Woah, everyone! If I may have your attention please.” Ishimaru stood at the center of the room, where everyone stood in a circle watching. “Can we have a few words from the birthday boy?”The suggestion was met with a resounding ‘Yes’, and gleefully, Naegi was pushed to the center of the room, glass of champagne in tow.

“Anything to say, Naegi-kun?” Asahina called.

“Um… Wow.” Naegi stalled for time as he looked around, and was amazed by how everyone had managed to come. _Leon. Sayaka. Sakura. Asahina. Fujisaki. Yamada. Hagakure. Oowada. Ishimaru. Fukawa. My entire class_ _’_ _s here._

His seniors, which he had the great opportunity to befriend, were also kindly staring back. _Hinata, Hanamura, Koizumi, Saionji, Kuzuryuu, Pekoyama, Akane, Nidai, Impostor, Ibuki_ _…_ Naegi had the feeling that several were missing, but he remained silent.

“This… is pretty unexpected, to say the least. I don’t mean the party, to be honest, but the fact that all of us managed to come back for this occasion."

“Naegi, you’re an egomaniac if you think that we’re here just for you.” Saionji barked, much to Koizumi’s chagrin.

“I get that as we forge new relationships, old ones get displaced in the process and passage of time. It’s inevitable. But, I’m really glad most of us could make it today, and as an added bonus on my birthday…which is pretty much the best gift you guys could ever get me…so thank you so much to everyone for coming today, thank you so much Togami for organizing this, and…yeah that’s pretty much it.”

The room burst into polite applause.

“ALRIGHT ENOUGH BULLSHIT!” Leon downed his glass of champagne. “LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED FOR REAL!” The crowd dispersed, and students left to mingle.

“Can we get some food, though? I’m starving.” Akane groaned.

“Interesting. Aloysius, is the food ready?”

“Dinner will be served in 5 minutes.”

“I can’t wait 5 minutes!”

“You will.”

“Just one thing, though, Naegi.” Oowada cleared his throat. “What the hell did you mean, just appearing was the best gift we could give?”

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way…” Naegi laughed nervously as Oowada towered over him.

“Oh yes, Naegi.” Hanamura winked. “There are lots of things people can give!”

“You mean like sex- OW!” Asahina had elbowed Hagakure firmly in the gut.

“Actually, I’m already…you know.” Naegi raised his left hand, and a plain silver ring glittered in the ambient lighting.

“Well. That certainly puts me in my place.” Hanamura commented.

“By the way, where _is_ Kirigiri-san?” Komaru had sidled over.

“Oh, she had some work to attend to.”

“Ehhhh? But it’s your birthday!”

“I know…but it can’t be helped, though. She’ll come as soon as possible.”

“I’m so envious of you, Naegi-kun!” Asahina pouted. “When I ask about marriage, all he can go on about is how expensive weddings are!”

“I did not!” Hagakure protested. “I just think these things are likely to put us in greater debt, my rationale is perfectly sound!”

“Smile!” There was a flash, and Koizumi emerged, camera in hand.

“Could you delete that, please? I was picking my nose.” Hagakure complained.

“Then it wouldn’t be candid, wouldn’t it?” Koizumi handed over a small wrapped box, adorned with ribbons here and there. “Happy birthday, Naegi-kun! Don’t open it yet.”

“Thanks, Koizumi-san!” Naegi looked around, and promptly placed the present in an empty corner. _I_ _’_ _ll store the gifts here later tonight._

“Speaking of which, Koizumi-san, if it doesn’t bother you, I would like to ask, how is it you can cope when others talk about you and…you know.” Komaru nodded towards Saionji’s direction.

“Oh, um…” Koizumi embarrassedly looked towards Naegi and the others.

“I think I’ll go talk to Fukawa-san.” Naegi automatically said.

“We’ll come with you.” Hagakure offered, and the three exited amongst the crowd to find her. Once Koizumi decided that the others were sufficiently out of earshot, she continued: “Oh, of course it bothers me. Less so over the past few months, but it does. We’re getting there though…”

“You’re very brave, Koizumi-sempai.”

Mahiru smiled. “It’s not really a matter of bravery, to be honest. Sometimes love just…happens.”

“And in the most odd of circumstances.” Komaru nodded. “To be honest, I always thought you were a bit of a mother figure towards Saionji-san.”

“It does feel like that sometimes, yes.”

***

“What a paradox.” Hagakure remarked as he watched Fukawa cradle her stomach. “It’s both bizarrely plausible that you would be the first to get knocked up because it’s Togami…but at the same time…It’s Togami. It’s bizarre.” He took a swig of beer.

“What do you mean by that?” Togami snapped.

“Don’t be mean, Hagakure-san.” Naegi looked towards Fukawa with a queer sense of respect. “How’s it like, being pregnant?”

Fukawa bristled. “Are you sexually h-harassing me?”

“No! No! I’m just a bit curious at how you cope.”

“My white knight does all he can.” She rocked back and forth, a vapid smile on her face.

 _A baby, huh._ Naegi _had_ talked to Kirigiri about the subject, and they had both agreed, purely due to financial reasons, that they should ultimately wait. But as Naegi stood there, watching Fukawa beside Togami, another picture came into his mind: that of a boy with purple hair and green eyes.

“Fukawa, I envy you.” Naegi grinned, present in hand as Fukawa began reacting in the completely wrong way.

Aloysius reappeared at the foot of the stairs. “Ladies and Gentlemen, dinner shall be served in the dining room.”

“About time!” Akane whooped.

***

“I propose a toast.” Hinata stood up, glass in hand. “To Naegi Makoto, the boy who has surprised us all. I don’t think I ever expected you and Kirigiri to be the first couple amongst us.”

“Nobody expected it.” Leon hooted next to an impassive Sayaka.

“I remain in firm respect and admiration towards the people who are willing to take such risks in the face of adversity and the great, roaring beast that is life.”

“Hear, Hear!”

“So, happy birthday, Naegi-kun, and may you have many more. To Naegi!”

The group echoed ‘Naegi’, and the chatter began anew as the first course was served.

“I get the feeling I should do a counter proposal towards Togami.” Naegi remarked. “The first out of all of us to get a girl knocked up.”

“He certainly wastes no time in producing heirs.” Yamada’s eyes glinted.

“No offense meant, Togami, but was it in fact a shotgun marriage?” Kuzuryuu grinned.

“You take that back.”

“I guess we’ll never know.” Kuzuryuu laughed.

“Speaking of which, Kuzuryuu, have you considered a partnership?” Oowada called between mouthfuls of mussel soup.

“The idea is intriguing, but it’s not really my place to make the decisions.” He shrugged.

“Oh. Speaking of Kuzuryuu, have I ever told you guys of the time he finally got his first tattoo?” Hanamura wagged a finger, and soon the table was lost in lovely banter between the oddest of pairings.

Togami was answering Pekoyama’s query on working within his company, Ibuki was exchanging tips with Sayaka on how to keep voices nurtured, and Naegi was engaged with Fujisaki, as he matter of factly told him how his father continued to treat him like a child.

“So, Ishimaru. How’s Todai?” Nidai boomed.

“Splendid! Political science and Law are proving much easier than expected!” Ishimaru calmly set his spoon aside.

“He’s demeaning himself.” Oowada protested. “Kyoudai’s been meaning to run for the title of Prime Minister.”

A stunned silence befell the room.

“Prime Minister? Of Japan, you mean?” Togami repeated.

“Yes.” Uncomfortable by all the attention he was suddenly receiving, Ishimaru sank in his seat.

“That’s amazing!” Pekoyama remarked.

“I never thought I’d once get to meet a friend dabbling in politics.” Hagakure laughed.

“Just think, Ichi! You’d be Ibuki’s first friend who’s a politician!” She trilled.

“But it’s a long hard road to Prime Minister, you know.”

“I’m prepared to follow my grandfather’s footsteps.” Ishimaru steeled himself.

“Strong words.” Naegi stood up, glass in hand. “Another toast, then. To Ishimaru Kiyotaka, may he succeed in his endeavors, and become the next Prime Minster of Japan-“

**_BUZZZZZZ_ **

The table looked up towards the television screen.

“Hello? Hello? Is this thing working?” Souda’s eyes filled the screen.

“Yeah, Souda we can hear you!” Hinata laughed.

“The party started already, hasn’t it?”

Saionji swallowed. “No shit, Sherlock!”

“What is the meaning of this?!” At that point, another pair of eyes came into view.

“Look, Tanaka’s back.” Fujisaki beamed.

“Do you not find it imprudent to keep the dark lord outside, cold and hungry?!” Tanaka boomed.

“I was about to let you two in, but I think what you suggested is also a very good idea.” Togami smirked. “Being late isn’t very polite.”

“Togami…”

“Fine, fine!” Togami nodded to Aloysius, who bowed stiffly and exited the room.

“Do we have enough chairs?” Twogami spoke up.

“I had some more prepared, just in case!” Asahina piped up.

“Souda told me he called yesterday out of the blue.” Hinata wiped his mouth. “And get this guys, _he brought a girl._ _”_

There was a silence even longer than the last.

“Now I’ve heard everything.” Sayaka whispered.

Leon puffed his chest. “Insolence! The Great Gundam Tanaka would not fall for any witch’s charm.”

Koizumi was taking the news much more calmly than the others.

“Are you sure Tanaka was aware that it was a girl he was bringing back?”

“Tanaka isn’t devoid of common sense as he would lead us to believe.”

“This should be interesting.”

 ** _Knock Knock Knock._** The door to the dining room shook slightly, and the room waited with baited breath.

“Come in.” Togami called.

The door opened, and a beaming Souda entered, along with a slightly miffed Tanaka, whom in turn was leading-

Togami choked on his Niçoise salad.

“Oh my, I’m sorry to intrude on this festivity.” A girl with hair as golden as autumn sunlight walked in, relaxed and dignified.

 _She_ _’_ _s very pretty._ That was an understatement. The girl could easily best Sayaka in terms of grace and poise, and when she walked, his eyes followed.

"Mother of God." Hanamura gaped.

“Holy sheeeeit.” Hagakure was elated. “Tanaka brought a hottie back with-“

“That’s the crown princess of Novoselic.”

The entire room looked from Togami back to the girl. Naegi’s head was spinning. _A Princess?_

"Ahemhoomhoo ~ _IbukitakesthatbackIshimaruthisgirlismyfirstpoliticalfriend."_ Ibuki coughed. "Ahoomhoom ~ _Wowshelooksreallyhot._ " She coughed again.

“Oh, no need to get up…” The girl's hurriedly said as several made motions to stand. "There no need to stand on ceremony here."

"Guys, we should stop staring." Jolted by sense, Naegi snapped out of his reverie, and the girl silently thanked him from where she stood.

"Ok. Why don't you introduce yourself, um... my lady?" Asahina kindly asked.

"Oh, of course." She cleared her throat. "My name is Sonia Nevermind. It is very nice to meet you all, and I hope we can be great friends."

"You hear that, everyone? She wants to be _friends_." Souda gleefully repeated.

"Oh, I'm all for it!" Yamada chuckled.

"No problem with that at all." Koizumi warmly invited her in.

"Aloysius, tell the cook that the remaining portions may be served." Togami snapped his fingers as the three passed. "Yes, my lord."

"Lord?" Sonia sat down between Souda and Tanaka. "Are you also royalty, Togami-"

"No, no no no no, for the love of God..." Several people muttered in unison.

"Don't go encouraging him, he's already a pain in the ass." Oowada informed her.

"He _considers_ himself as much, nothing more." Saionji remarked.

"Excuse me, are we actually going to ignore the elephant in the room?" Hagakure leaned in eagerly. "How did our humble friend Tanaka befriend you, Sonia-chi?"

"Sonia has kindly assisted me with my research." Tanaka buttered a piece of bread. "Without her, I would not have managed to gain entrance to the Märchen forest within the palace grounds, and my investigation would have remained incomplete."

"Märchen forest?" Sayaka asked.

"The forest where Grohl the Envious, Burckhard the cruel and Channing the Lusty were executed. There _have_ occasionally been sightings of paranormal activity, but I've never got the chance to see it." Sonia pouted.

"We _did_ , however, manage to glimpse the swamp adder, and several voluminous toadstools in the process, and even the silver deer." He fed his hamsters crumbs of bread. "Sweet baphomet, Jum-P's still jet lagged."

"He'll recover soon, I trust?" Sonia sounded concerned.

"It would take more than the machinations of the earth to conquer him." Tanaka commented darkly. "But your concern is appreciated."

"And what are you doing abroad, Sonia-San?" Fujisaki piped up.

"Tanaka invited me for a short exchange."

There was a clattering of knives and forks, and in unison the men (except Togami) began hooting in surprise.

"Is something amiss?" Sonia blinked.

"Our Tanaka has finally grown up." Kuzuryuu smirked.

"Finally he's grown a pair." Oowada joined in, and Hagakure roared in laughter, much to the discomfort of Tanaka, ducking under his scarf in refuge.

Sonia tried raising her voice. "Ok, that's enough-"

"Is anyone going to just ignore the fact that Tanaka was holding hands?" Souda interrupted, and the entire room roared with applause and hype.

"Don't worry." Sakura leaned closer to a speechless Sonia. "They're genuinely happy for him, despite all their furor."

"In keeping with our theme," Souda limbered up, glass in hand. "To Tanaka Gundam, my best bud, the first to invite Royalty into our humble circle. Ladies and Gents, to Tanaka Gundam, the overachiever!"

"THE OVERACHIEVER!" The men boomed, and they drank deep from their glasses.

"TAH!" Nidai slammed his glass down. "Now, tell us more. What's it like, in Novoselic?"

***

As the others tucked into a succulent wagyu donburi, listening to Sonia and Tanaka's story, Hinata became aware of a disturbing trend within an individual as he ate.

The signs, whilst small, were distinct for Hinata to make out.

Everytime she looked away, Souda would blissfully glimpse at Sonia, only averting his gaze when Sonia turned towards his direction to continue her story. Every 5 minutes, Souda would take a playful jab at she and Tanaka's relationship.

Being with Souda for years had allowed Hinata to understand him completely (which to be fair, he was exceptionally easy to read), and he quickly realized what was happening.

_Souda's in love._

Hinata could not help but let out a sigh of utter disbelief. How quickly Souda could get infatuated was something that consistently amazed him. _But I never thought he would fall in love with Tanaka's girl, for God's sake._

He watched as Souda laughed along with Sonia in stoic silence.

_I guess it should be OK for now..._

***

“OK, guys. We’re about to launch into the 2nd part of the evening: Party games.” Hagakure opened a box full of green bottles, whilst everyone gathered in a circle.

“Games?” Naegi repeated.

“It’s a game I’d like to call: Drunkard’s Dilemma.”

“A _drinking_ game?” Koizumi tsk-tsked. “Rather crude, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s pretty fun, but before we play I want everyone to drink one of these.” Hagakure raised one of the green bottles for all to see. “ _Condition._ Mitigates the hangover tomorrow for maximum enjoyment tonight.”

“You imported this?” Surprised, Togami raised a bottle.

“Well... my mother keeps a secret stash of this.” Hagakure laughed, and he took out a stack of cue cards. “Now, here’s how the game’s played: there are three rounds in total, in each round, there are a set of instructions. We need to follow these instructions perfectly, or we start over.”

“And… in each one of these cards, drinking is inevitable?” Hinata confirmed.

“Yes. There are some pretty nasty ones within, though, and it took years of practice for me not to throw up doing so.”

“This sounds interesting! What are we drinking?” Sonia piped up.

“A specially prepared version of the Cranberry Kamikaze.” Hagakure waved Aloysius over, where chilled pale pink liquid was assembled in small shot glasses. “Vodka, Orange Juice, Cranberry Juice, Lime Juice and Sprite in place of the usual Triple Sec.”

“Sounds more like a cosmopolitan.” Hanamura blinked.

“It’s to prolong the game.” Hagakure shrugged. “If we used the normal tequila shots, we’d be… _royally_ smashed, so to speak.” There were a few titters of laughter here and there. “Any questions? No? Great! Oh, and Fukawa-chi will have shots of Cranberry and Cider for the bun in her oven. Then as the guest of honor, Naegi-chi shall pick first.” Hagakure hurried over with three sets of cards, one Green, one Yellow and one Red.

“What’s with the different colors?”

“The red one ends the game immediately, but is the hardest, and vice versa. Some of them are downright brutal.”

“Naegi-kun, just get it over with and pick the red set.” Leon offered. “Then we can move on to opening your presents.”

“Would it not be more fun if we faced the challenge together?” Sonia beamed.

“Of course, Sonia-san.” Souda eagerly agreed.

Naegi hesitated. _My luck is notoriously bad_ _…_ His hands hovered over the red deck, thinking about the possible ramifications of his actions.

_Screw this._

Naegi tapped the red deck, and the crowd waited with baited breath as the cards unfolded for Naegi to pick.

“Pick wisely, Naegi-chi. Whether we hurl or not tomorrow all depends on you.”

 _Thanks for reminding me._ Sighing, Naegi chose one at random, and Hagakure raised the card for all to see.

“We have a chosen one, Aloysius, prepare the shots immediately!” As the butler exeunt, Hagakure turned the card over and read aloud:

“ **The Drunkard at Magic High School.** ”

Hagakure paled.

“… Is that a good thing?” Sayaka blinked.

Gulping, he continued:

“ **Watch the First Episode of Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei, and take a shot for every time Miyuki says** **‘** **Onii-sama** **’**.”

“Oh no.” Yamada began to rack up a cold sweat.

“Rules are rules.” Hagakure brought out a CD. “Guys, you heard the card. Every time Miyuki says ‘Onii-sama’, we drink.”

“I’ve never watched this before.” Togami whispered to Naegi. “Exactly how many times does she say it? Not that I’m afraid, of course.”

Naegi shrugged. “I don’t know. But it can’t be that bad. How many times can she say it in 24 minutes?”

Readers: The correct answer to Naegi’s question would be 26. Now, I could explain everything in Machiavellian accuracy, down to the last bead of sweat on Yamada’s abnormally large forehead, but this story is already longer than any chapter I had ever written. Hence, let’s gloss through over the key moments, shall we?

**2 minutes into the Anime**

They had allowed Naegi and the others to mingle, as long as they drank from the platters of shots strategically positioned in various stations around the room. Komaru and Makoto both sidled alongside Ibuki and Twogami, as they listened to Tatsuya explain the history of magic.

“Ok, everything _seems_ alright so far.” Ibuki squinted.

“I might have overestimated the difficulty of this game.” The impostor looked at the TV with interest. “If the first 2 minutes can be taken as precedent-“

**_Onii-Sama!_ **

“THAT’S ONE!” Hagakure whooped alongside Hanamura, as the entire party downed the shot in one go.

“I guess I spoke too soon-“

**_Onii-Sama!_ **

“THAT’S TWO!”

“There’s a good chance this doesn’t work out, doesn’t it?” Komaru whimpered. Naegi gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

“It should be fine now, it’s up to her brother to-“

**_Onii-Sama!_ **

“Oh, fuck me.” Naegi sighed as Hagakure screamed “That’s three!”

“OOOOOWEEE! She’s said Onii-sama thrice in the last 10 seconds!” Ibuki shook her head vigorously.

“Thank God, her brother’s finally talking.” The impostor rubbed his eyes in disbelief.

“By the way, Mioda-san.”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve heard about the split. I’m sorry.”

Ibuki’s face fell slightly. “Oh. That. Heh Heh. Heh….”

“Mioda, are you alright?” Komaru blinked.

“Oh, it’s fine. I just-“

**_Onii-Sama!_ **

“THAT’S FOUR!” Hagakure whooped.

“Like I said, Ibuki’s just-“

**_Onii-Sama!_ **

“This girl really needs to get a life.” Naegi muttered as everyone quickly downed another. The atmosphere in the party had risen, and everyone’s spirits were gradually getting higher and higher, though the strong-minded, like Sonia managed to remain stubbornly sober.

“Ibuki did it on her own accord.” She finished, and the impostor, for the lack of a better thing to do, patted her lightly on the back. “What’s the point of being an artist if you’re producing it for the sake of the people?”

“Fair enough.” Komaru nodded. “Don’t worry, we’ll-“

**_Onii-Sama!_ **

“What’s wrong with this kid?!” Oowada flung his hands towards the screen as Hagakure whooped: “That’s Six!”

“We’ll always be supporting you.” She finished.

“… Gosh, Komaru. You make it sound like Ibuki’s terminally ill!” She laughed. “Don’t worry, at least I’ve got Producer-chan to help me!”

“Much obliged.” Twogami shrugged.

“You’re not angry at the other band members?” Naegi frowned.

“No! No!” She shook her head. “Ibuki’s not the type to hold grudges-“

**_Onii-Sama!_ **

“Ok, I can’t ship these two anymore.” Saionji glared as Koizumi bracingly downed another shot.

“Like I said, it’s really my own choice…” Ibuki faltered. “Ibuki’s own choice. Really.”

“Hey, chin up.” Naegi set his glass down. “Look on the bright side.”

“What?”

“Miyuki’s finally leaving.”

“THANK GOD!”

**4 minutes into the Anime**

“I must say, Japan’s tropes and culture is significantly different from what I imagined. For incest to be allowed…” Sonia tilted her head thoughtfully as she watched.

“It’s not bad if it’s wincest.” Yamada informed her.

“Oh, I’m not saying I don’t like that! She is pretty cute.” She shook her head. “I’m just saying it’s different.”

“Well, not many enjoyed this anime to begin with. Number one rule of making a good manga or anime: Don’t make the Main Character OP.”

“OP?”

“Overpowered. You see-“

**_Onii-sama!_ **

“Is it starting again?” Tanaka sighed, wearily downing another shot.

“I must say, I’m surprised that you’re showing no signs of being tipsy…” Yamada commented.

“That’s true, though.” Souda grinned. “What’s your secret?”

“Oh, I’ve had much worse.” She laughed. “It’s tradition for the royal family to enjoy this drink that consists almost entirely of-“

**_Onii-sama!_ **

“THAT’S NINE!”

“Somebody’s been smoking here!” Togami loudly declared as he lunged around, taking slightly larger steps than usual. “I can smell it. Fess up, who’s been smoking?” He spun in his heels, sniffing the air loudly, Fukawa following close behind.

“I need to remind you that there’s no smoking allowed in this little-“

**_Onii-sama!_ **

“THAT’S TEN!”

“Yamada, could you help me please?” Hanamura called tipsily. “I’ve lost the plot. Help me find it before it thickens!”

“It would seem that I am needed! Toodles.” Yamada squeezed past a jovial yet disapproving Ishimaru and Chihiro as he made his way towards Hanamura, finally sitting down.

Souda cleared his throat.

“This party’s pretty nice!” Souda remarked.

“Yes, everyone seems rather convivial.” Tanaka conceded.

“I must thank whoever set up this party. Everyone’s so interesting! And especially Togami and Naegi, who allowed me to show up uninvited.”

“Speaking of Naegi, what did you get him, Tanaka?” Souda asked.

“A personally annotated copy of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them._ I found it surprisingly enjoyable. In a childish, easy-for-mortals-to-understand sort of way.”

“Yes.” Souda muttered dryly. “I’m sure he would love that.”

“Oh, like you’re one to talk.” Tanaka huffed, his breath wafting with alcohol. “What did you get him, then?”

“A working model of the F12 Berlinetta.” Souda waved the package proudly. “I made it myself, ya’ know.”

“A toy? Now look who’s childish.” Tanaka scoffed.

“It’s not a toy! It’s-“

**_Onii-sama!_ **

“- a fully working model, down to the last gear and muffler.”

Tanaka and Souda glared at each other for a tense moment.

As if on cue, they then both burst into laughter. “Oh, he’s going to like this alright.”

“Absolutely.”

“Gosh… Looking at the gifts you’ve given, guys, mine might seem insensitive in comparison.” Sonia looked worried.

“You brought a gift?” Souda was astounded.

“It was just something I grabbed from my shelf-“

**_Onii-sama!_ **

“No, Hagakure I’m not drunk!” Hanamura slurred. “See, I can still take off my pants!”

Somewhere within his peripheral vision, Souda watched Koizumi hastily take out her video camera as the scene unfolded, to the horror and utter lunacy of the people present.

“What did you get him?”

In silence, Sonia took from a bag a plain wooden box, adorned with a simple white bow. Removing the bow, she took off the lid, and the two peered excitedly inside.

A brilliantly silver and lustrous egg illuminated the recesses of the box.

“Holy…” Souda gaped.

“What is-“

“One of my Faberge eggs.” Sonia blushed slightly. “ _Nobel Ice,_ to be exact.”

“A Faberge Egg?” Tanaka repeated. “I was under the impression that there were only 50 in existence-“

“No, the Faberge family fled to Novoselic near the end of Peter’s life, and produced eggs for the royal family until their demise.”

Souda stared at her, utterly mesmerized.

 _A kind soul, beautiful looks, with such grace_ _…_ _And the way she smiles._

“Well, I don’t think Naegi-kun will have any right to complain about this in the first place.” Souda remarked, utterly entranced.

“Your generosity knows no bounds, princess.” Tanaka smiled slightly.

**_Onii-sama!_ **

“Oowada! It’s you, isn’t it?” Togami shot another helping of Kamikaze into his gullet, and limbered towards the biker with the reckless confidence of David towards Goliath. “I smell smoke from you. It’s you!”

“The fuck are you on about?” Oowada’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t smoke!”

“Then why do I smell smoke from you? And ash?”

“Would you excuse me, Sonia.” Tanaka bowed slightly and he bounded towards the restroom, leaving the small table empty save for Sonia and Souda.

“Nice guy.” Souda finally spoke up.

“Yes he is.” Sonia beamed. “Tanaka’s so very interesting and illustrious. Do you know he has 4 hamsters-“

“-living in the recesses of his scarf? Yes, I know. Kudos of being his best friend.” Souda paused. “At least, I think I am.”

“He speaks fondly of you!”

“Were you talking to a gremlin? Because that doesn’t sound like Tanaka at all.”

“Well, not explicitly fond.” Sonia put a finger to her lips. “But with a certain passion in his irritation.”

“How flattering.” Souda commented dryly, and they both chuckled.

**_Onii-sama!_ **

“I KNOW ASH!”

“Togami, please, there’s no need to-" Naegi attempted to intervene.

“Don’t. Tell me. I…” Togami prodded Oowada squarely in the chest. “Don’t.”

“Oh dear. Shit’sgettingdown, Shit’sgettingdown, Shit’sgettindown, Shit’sgettingdown-“ Souda and Sonia watched as Oowada threw a wild hook towards Togami’s jaw, only for him to miss completely and spin several times on the spot.

“Are you guys always like this?” Sonia finally asked.

“We get into scrapes sometimes, but we do like each other.” Souda managed. The alcohol was reaching his head. “Some more than… others.”

Sonia twirled a lock of hair back. “Can I tell you something, Souda-san?”

Somewhere inside, imaginary steam blew out of Souda’s ears.

“I’m all ears.” He replied, trying to ignore the hammering of his heart.

“I came from Novoselic wanting company… and friends… and freedom to pursue my relationships as I see fit. And seeing all of you together as one big group…” She smiled warmly. “It gives me hope.”

 _She_ _’_ _s pretty-She_ _’_ _s nice._ Souda blinked.

“To be honest, I feel the same. I didn’t exactly have the nicest bringing up…” He remembered a vague memory of his father before continuing: “And I think I wanted friends just as much as you do now. And meeting everyone from High School… that was a real stroke of luck.”

“Oh, I can believe it.” Sonia beamed. “Do you think they’ll accept me, though? Despite my-“

“I can be your friend.” Souda blurted.

_Shit. I said it. ISAIDITISAIDITISAIDIT ARRRRRRRGH~_

“Really? I’m glad! Thank you so much!” Sonia warmly laughed.

Souda had never, in his entirety of his life, ever progressed this far in a relationship with a girl before in his life. As he watched her laughing, a curious sense of self-actualization overcame him.

_I like her._

“… Say, Sonia-san.” He cleared his throat. “While you’re here in Tokyo, how about we-“

“Excuse me.” A new voice entered the group. “Sorry, but may I talk to Souda in private?”

 _Hinata?_ Souda stared confusedly between the two. If Hinata was intoxicated, he made no signs of showing it, and he stared Sonia steely in the eye.

“Oh, of course! We can continue this conversation later, Souda~”

“Of course!”

***

**GARDEN**

“Dude. What the hell, man? Way to be a cockblock!” Souda complained. “Me and Sonia were just-“

“Shut up. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Hinata shook him.

“What do you mean-“

“Tanaka. Is. Your. BEST. FRIEND!” Hinata screamed.

“Yeah… and your point is-“

**_Onii-sama!_ **

“We gotta drink-“

Hinata took the shot glass from his hand and flung it hard towards the juniper trees in the distance. “No, we need to talk. There are _boundaries_ , Souda!”

“It’s not like that!” Souda muttered. “I just-“

“She. Is. Tanaka’s significant other. Can’t you see?” Sure enough, through the large drawing room windows, the two watched as Tanaka returned to the Princess, whom promptly began chatting as animatedly as she did with Souda.

His face fell. “But… but Hinata…”

“Look, it’s fine to harbor feelings.” Hinata calmed down. “But please, whilst they’re seeing each other, please don’t make a move.”

Souda dully looked as Tanaka roared with laughter at a jape Sonia told him.

“I think I love her, Hinata.”

“YOU JUST MET HER TODAY!” Hinata shouted.

“Can’t I dream?” Tears were beginning to well up in his eyes. “Can’t I get a girlfriend like anyone else?”

“If you do that, you’d break his heart.”

And Souda knew that he was right. As the truth repeatedly gutted his heart into piece by aching piece, he understood.

“I get it.”

“You sure?”

“I get it.” He repeated, sounding more confident this time.

Hinata nodded, and the two trudged back towards the manor in silence.

Souda understood just then what he had to do, no matter how fucking painful it was.

 _I won'_ _t get in his way._

Wiping away his tears, he looked as Sonia turned, catching sight of him. Smiling, she waved a little.

He turned away and tapped Sayaka on the shoulder.

 _Who knows. This doesn'_ _t mean they'_ _ll always be together_ _…_

***

Just as the anime was finally reaching its credits, Naegi’s cell rang.

“Sorry, Komaru. I’ll be back!”

Naegi hurried out of the manor towards the calm silence of the topiary outside as he answered the call.

“OK. Now you’re officially REALLY LATE!” Naegi laughed.

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“Yes.”

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“Yes.”

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“…. She what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Togami and Twogami's relationship would be fleshed out later.  
> This prologue is absolutely necessary for the events later to come. You will notice I didn't include anybody Next to Naegi's potential next relationship, and this is intentional.  
> Some missing characters would appear later on in the story.  
> Not all of the characters in the original story were from their original High School, hence this is a complete Reunion.  
> Thanks, and if it wouldn't take up much of your time, feedback would be much appreciated!


	2. Thnks fr th Mmrs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BACK WITH A VENGEANCE.

**4 Years Later**

Autumn withered, and winter came.

Like wolverines, the mid-October breeze bit into the cheeks of children and adults alike, tore into the cracked hands of the ungloved, spat dust into the eyes of the world. Often this blindness, this unforgiving coldness, is where the hearts of many seek solace in the warmth of another.

Of course, many were not as lucky. And these people, come winter, will remark:

_But let's face it, the human heart is an extraordinary stupid thing. Stupid, desperate-as-fuck, and weak, it is. And this thing's supposed to lead the brain? The mind's consigliere? I could make better decisions following my royal arse._

This cynicism, this wave of pessimist despair, is all but a recurring trend. It happens the month before Valentine's, it happens the month before White Day, and of course, it happens the month before Christmas. That holy day where people give presents to each other, from cakes to cookies to photos to iPads and iPhones shamelessly grabbed from old men and women who were a few places in front of you in the Black Friday sale. Don't try and deny it.

But ultimately, people want to spend Christmas happily. On the cold, voluminous day, the last thing anyone would want to be is to be _alone_. Always, there is that small sliver of hope that a miracle would happen.

This year, that miracle did.

But I'll get to that later. Before the miracles happen, let's go before Christmas several weeks back, when all of Tokyo was in uproar and hullabaloo.

***

The Prime Minister stared at the crowd outside, unblinking.

 _I’ve won. Should I feel happy about this?_ It had been the most grueling 6 months of his life. Battling more experienced opposing parties, defending himself from verbal attacks, watching his actions step by step every second he spends in public had certainly taken its toll for Kiyotaka Ishimaru.

He looked into the mirror in front of his seat. _It feels like I aged 20 years… And I haven’t officially started the job yet._

“Sir?” The driver called as he pulled to a stop in front of a pristinely white gate. “Just a heads up: We’re here.”

“I hear you.”

“I don’t think I’ve introduced myself, sir.” The driver doffed his hat as the gate opened. “Name’s George.”

“Nice to meet you, George.” Ishimaru inhaled deeply as his new residence came into view. “Tell me George, how many Prime Ministers have you served?”

“3, in total, sir.”

“And were there any as young as me?” Ishimaru muttered.

George grinned sheepishly. “No, sir.”

“… Bigger shoes to fill in, then.” Ishimaru straightened his jacket.

_Today’s the day._

***

**Naegi’s Apartment**

_He opened the door in glum exasperation, unsure of who to expect._

_“Hello, Naegi-kun. May I come in?”_

_“No.”_

_The sharpness of his tone startled Asahina._

_“U-um… Ok, that’s fine. I’ll make this quick.” She stammered._

_“Even better, make it non-existent.”_

_“Look, I understand that you’re sad. And I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through at such a young age, and everyone’s just so shocked about it.”_

_“Whoopdy-doo.”_

_“OK… that was a bit irrelevant-”_

_“Look,” he interrupted, “If you have nothing new to say, could you just leave? Please?”_

_“Naegi, the point is, you’re not alone in this.”_

_“Tell me something I don’t know that actually makes a fucking difference.”_

_“I-I…”_

_“Look, I get that you’re trying to make me feel better. It’s not, OK? But the key thing you don’t get is that the best thing you can do is just leave me alone.”_

_“… Everyone misses you, you know. We’re all just waiting for you to come back, to be friends again.”_

_“Give it a month and they’ll forget.”_

_“N-Naegi-“_

_“For the love of God, don’t start crying, I really will slam the door in your face if you start crying.”_

_“Nobody’s forcing you to come back, we just-“_

_The door slammed shut in her face._

***

_“Naegi-dono, before you close the door on me, I would like to say that I am no stranger to what you are feeling right now.”_

_“… You do?”_

_Yamada nodded solemnly._

_“A few months ago, when it happened, I was left in utter despair and grief. There were so many unanswered questions, so many new wounds that opened in my heart, the pain wouldn’t end no matter what I did to pass the time. There was a fair amount of guilt included as well, Naegi-dono. A lot of it, to be honest, for trusting the wrong people. I’m fairly certain that what I felt is quite close to what you’re feeling too.”_

_“… I am sorry to hear that.”_

_“It’s alright, the wounds are getting better.” Yamada sighed. “Slowly, I would admit, but they’re getting better, now that Tokyo Ghoul is getting a re-serialization-“_

_The door slammed shut in his face._

***

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_ **

“Go away, I’m not home…” Naegi muttered as he read _Norwegian Wood_ for what must be the thousandth time.

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_ **

Naegi sighed in exasperation. He had hoped these sort of things would have died down over the past 4 years. Every time his classmates encountered him by chance, they would put on the sort of expression one would give to an abandoned cat on the streets in an alleyway. He hated that. He hated being reminded of what had happened.

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_ **

Naegi turned up the volume of the stereo in retaliation, and the voices of Green Day serenaded the room.

 _Get the fucking idea, will you?_ Naegi thought. _Whoever you are, I don’t want to see you._

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_ **

At this point, Naegi calmly folded the edge of _Norwegian Wood_ and hid under the covers. _They’ll give up eventually._

The nights felt empty without Kirigiri. The bed seemed too large, the covers too cold, and as much as he craved solitude from the people that bothered him, he loathed it. Loneliness was a bitter pill to swallow.

He listened intently outside. The knocking had mercifully stopped.

Then it happened.

There was a screeching of static, and the door burst open.

“ONII CHAN, that’s enough!”

Naegi jumped.

“Komaru?”

His sister readjusted the volume on the megaphone. “I insist, you’ve got to get out of bed this instant.”

“First, turn down that megaphone, for the love of god and Jesus Christ.” Naegi wearily got up.

“Why didn’t you answer the door?!” Komaru turned off the stereo and turned to face him.

“How the hell did you get in anyway?”

“You gave me a spare key, remember?”

_Spare key… first the megaphone, now the key, it’s official: I’m not getting her any more birthday gifts._

“So what do you want with me, Komaru?”

In silence, his sister passed him an elaborately designed card. He recognized it, of course, and had it thrown straight into the sink with no intention of any reply.

“I’ve received one, yes.”

“Then what are you waiting for? Get dressed, it’s time to go!”

“Go?” Naegi frowned. “The wedding ceremony is in Novoselic, if you think I’m going to-“

“There’s a private ceremony just for Tanaka and Sonia’s friends in Japan BEFORE the real event, the one Souda organized! Everyone’s coming, so please, it would mean the world if you just showed up.”

“Over my dead body.”

“Look, Onii-chan, can I just say something?” Komaru sat down beside her brother in the area where Kirigiri used to sleep. “I care for you. I really do. And all your other friends are waiting for you as well. I know your grief must be insurmountably high, and no matter how much I try to understand the gravity of what you’re going through, I never will, but… it’s time to move on.” Her voice softened.

“… And what do you propose?”

“Start talking to your friends again, that’s a start! You haven’t talked to anyone ever since the funeral.“

“For good reason.” Naegi muttered.

“Let me finish…” Komaru raised her hands. “Your friends are trying to help you-“

“Really? I couldn’t tell.”

“They’re not going to talk about it if it makes you feel uncomfortable. They’re all trying to help you move on.”

“Move on.” Naegi repeated dully as he leapt off the bed. “You make it sound like something that happens on my own volition.”

“Just give this wedding a chance. Please. And see everyone again…”

“Ah! Therein lies the rub: meeting everyone.” Naegi laughed bitterly.

“Why is this such a big deal for you?”

“Hmm, why indeed.” Mockingly, Naegi tilted his head. “Let’s see: first, there’s the obvious fact that the last time I saw the blushing bride, I raged at her with all the pent up fury that’s been accumulating for days.”

Komaru bit her lip. “Sonia understands perfectly that you were in grief. “

“Second,” Naegi continued, “Everyone seems to be going into overdrive about trying to make me feel better, and truth be told: it’s making things actively worse.”

“What else do you expect them to do? They’re your friends-“

“And here’s the kicker: if your definition of moving on is finding another significant other, I’m not ready for that.” Naegi threw on his hoodie.

“ _That_ was a misunderstanding-“

“It didn’t look like a fucking misunderstanding from my point of view!” He shouted, and then softened slightly when he noticed how quiet Komaru had become.

Regaining his breath, he turned back towards the bookshelf, and ran his fingers through the spines of many.

“Onii-chan… you need to stop blaming yourself for this.”

Naegi ignored her as he placed a copy of _Life of Pi_ and _Paradise Lost_ into a small carry-on bag.

“Honestly, you’re acting as if you gave Kirigiri your entire life or something-“

“I did.”

The silence that followed was choking in its viscosity.

“…Komaru, I can take care of myself just fine. But if you’re talking about me moving on with somebody else, don’t even think about it. Each one of us only gets one love, and I’m positively certain I already met mine. The rest… they just _suck_ in comparison.”

He checked his watch.

“I’m sorry, I need to go now.” Naegi relaxed slightly as he pulled the leather bag over his shoulders. “And you need to leave.”

Averting her piercing stare, he walked out of the room.

“… You’re pathetic, you know that, Makoto? PATHETIC!”

Naegi slammed the door shut.

***

He told the driver to stop north of the Tsukiji district. Up till then he had ignored all of the driver’s attempts at polite conversation and stared straight ahead. He paid quickly and exited the car, squinting in the harsh sunlight.

He was still in a terrible mood.

He was furious when he had left his apartment, but his rage had slowly dissolved during the ride. He could not make up his mind who was he really angry with, Komaru, himself, Kirigiri…

Naegi thought of Kirigiri Kyouko and Togami fucking Byakuya and Komaru fucking Naegi and the whole lot of his friends staring at him from afar, whispering amongst themselves, putting on their masks of pity when in reality they really didn’t give a shit.

He thought about Sonia Nevermind, whom he had lost his temper with during the ceremony itself. _She shouldn’t even have attended,_ Naegi acidly thought. _Why should she, when she didn’t even know Kirigiri? The others, I can understand, but her?_ _Fucking riff-raff._

He thought about Sayaka… he didn’t think about Sayaka.

He thought about Fuhito and Jin Kirigiri. It was hard to imagine someone whose grief might be larger than Naegi’s in comparison when it came to Kirigiri’s death, but it was only right to assume it, and Naegi had forced himself to remain strong as he offered condolences towards the both of them.

He thought about Kirigiri, whom he had stoically watched as she was laid to rest. He knew that he would never be able to mend things. The abruptness of her death meant that the wound would never heal, since he would never now get an answer to the questions he had meant to ask.

He felt an implacable hatred and clenched his teeth.

It came to him that he was not really angry with Komaru, or with Sonia. They were just the people on whom he had vented her anger when what he wanted was just to be alone. Being angry with _them_ was pointless. Being angry at his _luck_ , his incredibly fucked up matter of chance… that was pointless as well, to be honest.

But the loneliness he had so desperately wanted was asphyxiating him bit by bit.

Naegi wandered until his legs carried him towards the gates of St Luke’s hospital.

_… Of all the rotten luck._

Raising his hood up, he pushed the gate open and trudged through the barren grass.

***

**TOGAMI MANOR**

“Hi, Fukawa-san. It’s me. I’m sorry for calling at this hour, I literally don’t have anyone else to talk to now.”

“I understand, Komaru, really horrible time now, to be honest. Kiddy thing.” Fukawa noted apologetically as her daughter bounded into the room. “It’s not that I’m not terribly unconcerned about you and your brother.”

“I understand. Another time, then?”

“Yeah. Another time. Bye.”

Hanging up the phone, Fukawa turned to look at her child. “Well? What’s the big news?” She asked expectantly.

Akira grinned. “We’ve been our parts in the nativity play and I’m the lobster!”

Fukawa blinked. “The _lobster_?”

“Yeah!” As she nodded her radiant blond hair bobbed up and down.

“In the… nativity play?”

“Yeah! _First_ lobster!”

Fukawa resisted the urge to laugh. “There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?”

“Duh!”

“Right, um… I’m proud.” She ruffled Akira’s hair playfully. “Now why don’t you run along and do your homework.”

“Ok, mum.”

***

**St Mary’s Cathedral**

The best man knew he was screwed when he walked into the great hall.

It was, for the lack of a better word, huge. 8 layers of concrete shells constituted the ceiling, with an apex 40 meters high. A cross of windows provided ample amounts of cold, natural light, as the visitors milled around, chatting about the upcoming ceremony. The space was vast, far too vast for such a small ceremony.

_Is this really supposed to be a church?_

But everything was already in place, at least. The organist above gave a wink as he walked down the aisle.

“ _Everything ready?_ ” He mouthed.

The organist nodded in glee.

“Souda?” Hinata walked over when he saw him. “Tanaka wants to see you. He’s in room 6.”

Nodding in understanding, Souda quickly exited the hall.

***

**A CERTAIN BAR DOWNTOWN (3 MONTHS AGO)**

_“I’ll have two shot glasses filled as such: half a shot of Sambuca, and half a shot of Bailey’s Irish cream.”_

_The bartender bemusedly stared at Souda._

_“Two slippery nipples coming right up.”_

_Goosebumps spread like electricity through Souda’s skin. **If only people would start naming drinks properly, for God’s sake**. Once he had requested Sex on the Beach from a hot female bartender, an event  Hagakure had never let him live down. _

_He looked towards where Tanaka was waiting in a corner. The man was shakily feeding peanuts towards his hamsters, and clutched his scarf tightly, as though fearing it was about to fly off at any moment. **Something’s up.** _

_“Here ya go.” The gruff bartender handed him two shot glasses, and Souda, taking one with each hand, calmly strode towards his waiting friend._

_“So, what’s the news? You sounded pretty urgent on the phone-“_

_“I’m getting married.”_

_Souda’s nipples shattered on the ground._

_“Wait. Wait just a- I can’t even… Wait. Sorry, I couldn’t have even… WHAT?!”_

_“Keep your voice down, fool!” Tanaka feverishly looked around to make sure nobody was listening. “I-I proposed to Lady Sonia yesterday, a-a-and she… replied in the affirmative.”_

_Souda stood in blank shock, his fingers continually grasping for the nipples that had slipped through his fingers._

_“Souda?” Tanaka waved a hand in front of his face. “Souda?”_

_“Y-You and Sonia-san.” Souda repeated._

_“Yes.” Tanaka blushed._

_“Getting married.”_

_“Yes.”_

_“… That’s… wonderful. Wow, um… congratulations, I guess?” Souda managed._

_“Souda?”_

_“Dude. You proposed to a princess.” Souda tried his best to put on an expression of excitement. “And she said **yes**? SCORE!”_

_“Well… it had been on the both of our minds over the past few months…” Tanaka conceded, relieved that his friend was taking the news much better than expected. “Sonia’s been… very forward in her advances-“_

_“Wait. Did you two already…” Souda ran his index finger in and out of a clenched fist._

_“NO! Not yet!” Tanaka flushed In embarrassment._

_“… It **is** a royal wedding, now that I think about it.” Souda’s eyes widened. “Have Sonia’s parents agreed to this engagement already?”_

_Tanaka shifted uncomfortably. “It took quite a bit of convincing on behalf of Lady Sonia for them to consider me as an apt candidate for her hand.”_

_“So… yes?” Another fragment of Souda’s hope fractured itself._

_Tanaka could only nod._

_Souda whistled, albeit tunelessly. “Cool! So what do I address you as now? Your grace? Your Majesty? My Lord?”_

_“Kukuku… you may continue to address me the way you do now.”_

_“… But it wasn’t in the news, though. I thought an engagement would be a pretty big deal.”_

_“That is why I was ordered to keep it secret.” Tanaka muttered. “But I thought you should be informed first.”_

_Souda gave a real smile at that. “Why?”_

_“… I want you to be my best man.”_

***

Souda had been simultaneously elated and devastated at the same time upon hearing of his friend’s engagement. On one hand, it was his best friend getting married, something that they had joked would never happen all those years in high school. It provided a queer sense of happiness and fulfillment and pride as his best friend to see Tanaka grow out of his introverted shell, and promise his life, his eternal love, towards that special someone.

On the other hand, that _special someone_ was Sonia.

 _The proud owner of my wasted heart,_ Souda thought unhappily as he passed Togami in one of the marble floorways. He had stayed true to Hinata’s words for the past 4 years, trying his best to avoid being alone with her, only engaging in light-hearted civil conversation when Tanaka was around, averting her gaze when the two were alone.

All because she was the love of his life… and the love of Tanaka’s as well. He didn’t know which he wanted more: Tanaka’s continued friendship, or the freedom to pursue Sonia as he pleased.

 _I was denied the chance before I could ask for it._ He sighed. Though Souda had been merry and gladly promised to be the greatest best man in the face of the planet, he only wished he could chase after her the same way he did.

_Well… at least I’m gonna get one thing done right as best man._

He arrived at the oak door and cleared his throat.

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_ **

Souda opened the door. “The groom wishes to see me?”

“Souda. I need your honest opinion on this.” Tanaka turned, panic stricken. “This tie is horrendous, isn’t it?”

Souda frowned. “It’s fine. Purple suits you.”

“Are you sure?” Tanaka turned back to the mirror in dismay. He had taken the opportunity to let his hair down for the event, and the hair normally streaked with gel now hung in tender strands beside his cheeks. His tailor had chosen for him a suit that accentuated his slim physique, with a white shirt and a violet pocket-handkerchief on his left suit pocket. “How do I look?”

“… Very handsome, sir?” Souda sarcastically whistled.

“Be serious, you wretch, it’s the big day.” Tanaka whirled around.

“I told you. You look nice. But drop the scarf, will ya? It doesn’t fit the suit.”

“This is no scarf! This is my lifeline in this holy palace.” Tanaka clutched the wooly scarf firmly around his neck. “This is no place for a demon from hell! Angels are watching my every move, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike! But the great Gundam Tanaka has always come prepared, for his accursed talisman repels his sacred purity, and smokes with bloody execution.”

 _If only it would repel Sonia as well,_ Souda thought as Tanaka launched deeper into another spiel.

“There is no way I’m allowing you to exchange vows wearing that thing. Give me that.”

“NO!”

Souda rolled up his blue sleeves. “You have the count of one before I go ballistic. You are _not_ wearing that scarf today, Gundam Tanaka.”

“Souda, please. This isn’t even the official wedding yet, and you’re already harping on and on about my attire?”

“… You’re right. Fine. Put it on.” Souda gave in. “Just don’t use it to cover your face after the kiss, for the love of God.”

“You have my word.” Tanaka nodded.

“Anything else you want from me?”

“Just one thing.” Tanaka stepped closer. “I would like to make sure there aren’t any nasty surprises in this union of holy matrimony.”

“Nasty surprises?” Souda laughed. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You said the same thing two days ago regarding the stag party.” Tanaka barked.

“… Oh yeah.” Souda grimaced as they recounted the odious event. “Sorry about that.”

“So, Souda, let’s get something perfectly clear.” Tanaka held up a finger.

“No surprises?”

“No surprises.” Souda smiled.

“Unlike the stag night?”

“ _Definitely_ unlike the stag night.”

“Do you admit listening to Hanamura’s advice was a mistake?”

“Yes.”

“Do you admit that my lap dance was a mistake?”

“Yes.”

“Do you admit that the Brazilian prostitutes were a mistake?”

“Yes.”

“Especially when they turned out to be men?”

“…” An outburst of giggles escaped Souda’s lips. “I’m sorry-heeheehmpf- Yes.”

“IT WAS NOT FUNNY, SOUDA, I SAW HIS GENITALIA!”

And the rest of the conversation was drowned in Souda’s laughter.

***

**PRIME MINISTER’S OFFICIAL RESIDENCE**

“ _And here is the newly elected Prime Minister of Japan, Kiyotaka Ishimaru about to step in._ ”

_“…matching his grandfather for the title of youngest Prime Minister in the history of Japan. Opposing parties have made no effort to hide their disdain, but experts are saying-“_

_“In one of the largest times of turmoil Japan has ever encountered, Kiyotaka Ishimaru has made big promises and ideals, but just how far can he-“_

“SIR! I need you to come inside with me.” A bodyguard silently informed him.

Nodding in understanding, Ishimaru gave one final wave to the crowd outside, and retired into the peace and quiet of the residence.

“Welcome to the residence, Prime Minister.”

“Yes, thank you.” Ishimaru closed his eyes, hoping that the spots would quickly vanish. “I’m beginning to dislike the press.”

“You’re only hating them _now_? You’ve got much to learn.” A new voice entered the fray.

Ishimaru looked up.

“Down here.”

Ishimaru looked down.

_A boy?_

“Nice to finally meet you in person, sir.” The boy extended a hand. “Nagisa Shingetsu, your Principal Private Secretary.”

“Secretary!” Ishimaru was taken aback. “But… you’re just a child-“

“I am nearing the end of my elementary school days, sir, yet I daresay I’m more competent than half the people in your office.” The boy irritably huffed.

“Oh. Um… I look forward to working with you.” Ishimaru shook his hands quickly.

“And you. I’ll do my best at this job, sir.”

“I’ll try doing my best as well.” Ishimaru smiled.

Nagisa gestured within the hallway. “Shall we?”

“Oh, yes, of course.” With that, the two turned on their heels and walked into the residence’s inner sanctum.

“How’s your first day?” Nagisa asked.

“Good, though I must work on my wave.” Ishimaru sighed. “The public seems to think I swing a little too much to the left.”

Nagisa raised an eyebrow. “Pun intended, sir?”

“What?”

“Nothing. How are you feeling?”

“It feels great. Cool. Erm…” Ishimaru thought hard for that specific word. “ _Powerful_.”

“Well, I hope you’re prepared. From what I’ve gathered, it’s not a very good time to be in power.” Nagisa took out his Galaxy Tab and swiped through an agenda. “We have the global threat of ISIS on our heels, diplomatic relations with China and by extension Korea, and of course a delightful little something called Ebola.”

“Ebola?!” Ishimaru jumped. “Has it spread to Japan already?!”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Nagisa rolled his eyes. “Everything about Ebola is massively over-exaggerated.”

“But the U.S.-“

“-are American, that’s all.” Nagisa dismissed the idea. “Rest assured, _our_ foreign and health policies and procedures are working fine, for now. Whether you’d like to change them… that would be left to your judgment, sir.”

“Of course.”

They turned into a small alcove, where a small group of people was standing at attention.

“Ah, here’s the household staff.” Nagisa gave a _bear-with-me_ look towards Ishimaru, and ushered him inside. Turning to a regally dressed old man, he told Ishimaru:

“This is Mitsuo. He’s in charge.”

“Good morning, sir.” Mitsuo smiled tightly.

“Good morning.” Ishimaru beamed, thinking desperately inside for some means of small talk that they could engage in.  “I had an uncle called Mitsuo. Hated him. I think he was a pervert. But I very much like the look of you.”

Mitsuo blinked.

“Oh. Ok, then. Good.”

Shaking his head slightly, Nagisa moved on to a middle aged lady: “This is Yui.”

“Hello, Yui.”

“Good morning, sir. I’m the housekeeper.”

“Oh, right.” Ishimaru laughed. “It should be a lot easier with me than with the last lot. No nappies, no teenagers, no scary wife.”

Yui laughed. “Very good, sir.”

Nagisa turned to the last person, a timid looking girl trying desperately to avoid Ishimaru’s gaze.

“And this is Tsumiki.” Nagisa clapped his hands. “She’s new, like you.”

Ishimaru looked closer in curiosity.

“Hello, Tsumiki-san.”

The girl finally looked up, smiling. “Hello, Ishimaru-san.”

The room went deathly quiet.

“I mean, sir.” Realizing her mistake, Tsumiki flushed in embarrassment. “Oh shit, I can’t believe I’ve just said that.” She paled. “And now I’ve said ‘shit’. Twice! Forgive me, sir.”

“Oh please, get up, it’s fine, it’s fine.” Ishimaru hastily helped the trembling girl up. “Look on the bright side. You could’ve said ‘fuck’ and we’d have been in real trouble.”

“Oh… that’s right.” She giggled nervously. “I was so worried that I was going to fuck up on my first day.”

Nagisa slapped his forehead.

“… Oh no.” Tsumiki looked close to tears.

“Right.” Nagisa hastily stepped in, pulling Ishimaru away. “How about we get your things and fix the country, shall we?”

“Hmm?” Ishimaru blinked. “Yeah, I can’t see why not.”

As the two exited the room, Ishimaru turned back for a final glimpse of the staff.

“It’s alright.” Yui comforted Tsumiki.

“Did you see what I did?” Tsumiki whispered in mortification.

“Yes, I did.”

“I just completely screwed things up.”

“WRONG WAY, sir.”

The voice of Nagisa snapped Ishimaru back to his senses.

The boy tapped a door. “Your office is here, sir.”

“Thank you very much, Shingetsu-kun.” Ishimaru gratefully slipped in. “Um… could I bother you for a cup of tea, please?”

“I’ll alert the household staff at once.”

“Thank you. _Thank you!_ ” Nodding once, Ishimaru locked the door.

Ishimaru sunk into the chair behind his desk. A nameplate reading Kiyotaka Ishimaru sat openly at the front of his desk. _So this is it. I’m the prime minister of Japan._ He tried focusing on his meetings, his diplomatic exchanges, the speeches he was going to make.

Instead, his thoughts kept flitting somewhere else.

“… Oh god.” Ishimaru said aloud. “That is _so_ inconvenient.”

Suddenly, he heard the shattering of fine china outside, and the high wail of despair that accompanied it.

_So inconvenient._

On cue, he heard Tsumiki burst into tears outside.

Sighing loudly, he turned on the radio.

“ _I feel it in my fingers… I feel it in my toes~ Christmas is all around me…”_

Nagisa burst in.

“The tea’s going to take a while.”

“Yes, I’ve heard. Is she alright?” Ishimaru smiled.

Nagisa sighed. “Amateurs.” It was then that he noticed the wailing of the radio, and his eyes wrinkled in displeasure.

“Sir, do you mind turning that down a little? _What is that music?!”_

**RADIO NIKKEI BROADCASTING STATION**

“AND THAT WAS THE GREAT CHRISTMAS EFFORT BY THE ONCE GREAT IBUKI MIODA.” Monokuma cackled. “Ooh, dear me, how are the mighty fallen. I can safely put my hand up my ass and say that is the absolute worse record I’ve heard this century-“

**_BANG BANG BANG_ **

Monomi banged hard on the glass adjacent.

 _What?_ Monokuma looked behind her and understood.

“Oh. And coincidentally, I believe Ibuki Mioda will be a guest on Monomi’s show in a few minutes time.” Monokuma continued, unabashed. “Welcome back, Ibuki. Upupupupupupu!”

***

“Ibuki told you: they hate it! They didn’t like it before, they won’t like it now even with a few words changed!” She scowled.

“Look, Mioda, could you please just give the interview a chance? There’s still a possibility of a turnaround in sales.” Twogami sighed.

“It doesn’t matter what I say: everyone automatically agrees it’s crap!” Ibuki shrieked in frustration. “Just because Ibuki got kicked out of the band, nobody listens to me anymore.”

Twogami shrugged. “I do.”

“The _important people_ , Ibuki meant!!!” She paced around the room.

“Just try your best, alright?” Twogami asked, slightly hurt. “Look, Monomi’s calling for you already.”

“To be honest, Ibuki doesn’t even care anymore.” She pouted as she walked inside the studio.

Twogami watched her sit down lackadaisically.

“But _I_ do.” He muttered.

***

**ST MARY’S CATHEDRAL: AISLE**

The organs on the balcony were playing ‘All things bright and beautiful’ just as the doors to the great hall opened yet again.

“Am I late?” Hinata looked around.

“Fashionably.” Kuzuryuu gestured towards where he should sit. “Souda and Tanaka are already in place.”

Hinata turned. Sure enough, Tanaka and Souda were calmly standing beside the altar, chuckling over a private joke. Souda had even managed to obtain a camera for the event, and he hung haphazardly across his chest.

“That son of a bitch’s really going to do it.” Kuzuryuu marveled. “Prince Gundam fucking Tanaka. All while you’re still single, Hinata. COME ON, man.”

Hinata flushed. “… Yeah. I know, but it’s not like I _want_ to remain single.”

The two sighed and turned back towards Souda and Tanaka, now engaging in lively conversation.

“I must say, you’ve gotta admire Tanaka’s confidence in the whole matter.” Hinata remarked.

“Calm as water, he is.”

Guys: you can see where this is going.

*******

**THE ALTAR**

“I CAN’T GO THROUGH WITH THIS!” Tanaka half shouted, half whispered to Souda, utterly panic stricken.

“YES YOU WILL! THESE ARE PRE-WEDDING JITTERS, AND YOU JUST NEED TO CALM DOWN.” Souda looked around.

Tanaka raised his scarf to his lips. “The accursed, unholy Tanaka was not be purified in this ritual of holy matrimony.” He continued. “I will not stand for this ceremony any longer-“

**_SMACK_ **

Souda’s slap echoed ninefold throughout the hall, and heads turned in surprise.

“Pre-wedding jitters!” Souda called, and the crowd tittered with understanding and resumed their conversation. “Tanaka, you’re overreacting. No worse, you’re overreacting whilst acting like a fucking demigod.”

“Demon-“

“I don’t care. Now, Tanaka, the guidelines of being Best Man are clear: when the groom has wedding jitters, I’m supposed to slap those cheekbones of yours such that you start speaking sense. And if the first slap doesn’t work, I’m entitled to kick you in the ass _so hard_ , you’ll be puking my shoe polish.”

Tanaka sighed.

“Souda,” he began. “This is the biggest decision I’ve ever made in my life. I think evaluating the whole thing before the decision is finally sealed is only natural.”

“You’re not evaluating it, you’re freaking out.”

“No, no no no no no, something’s bound to go wrong- SWEET BAEL! I’d forgotten the ring!”

“You gave it to me the night of the stag party for good reason.” Souda took out and opened the ornate, elegantly furnished box, where the ring shone: two bands of white gold sandwiching another thinner band of bloodwood, with ripples of glass encasing wondrously golden rattlesnake venom (safely denatured, Tanaka swore) weaving in and out.

“Oh.” Tanaka exhaled, slightly disappointed.

“Tanaka: your are one lucky son of a bitch to be with Sonia. She likes all your quirks and curses and demons and the way you used to sleep on my fricking couch, and you like her too. She likes your hamsters and the way you can stand the horror movies she watch while I just hide underneath the covers… and she likes all those animals you bring her to see, no matter how bratty you are while I just…” Souda’s voice trailed.

_I hate my life._

“… You’re right.” Tanaka took a deep breath. “I am fretting over nothing. This union of holy matrimony will only serve to make me stronger!”

“THAT’S THE SPIRIT!”

“Although…” Tanaka twirled his scarf. “I am less than receptive of the idea of us kissing in front of all these people, but luckily I still have this-“

**_YANK_ **

“GIVE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW-“

“Dude, take a chill pill; Sonia will be knitting you one every week after you’re married. And socks. And mittens. And lovely woolen underwear. ”

“IT’S NOT THE SAME-“

At that moment the door to the chapels opened once more.

“Ladies and Gentleman, if you would please rise…” The priest’s voice rang throughout the hall. Souda watched the organist flexed his fingers on the balcony.

“Oh, bugger.” Tanaka whispered. “It’s finally happening.”

As the first chords of Mendelsohn’s wedding march was played, Souda raised his video camera in preparation.

And then the angel walked in.

The entire hall was transfixed as Sonia Nevermind glided towards the altar, smiling gracefully with dignity, beaming towards the groom, whom had relaxed in an instant the moment he saw her and her long, flowing hair. And Souda? Mesmerized, pained, overjoyed, conflicted, he did his job, and quietly filmed.

_God, she’s beautiful._

He looked over to Tanaka. Grinning from ear to ear, he returned Sonia’s beams and gazes with love twofold, and as the sun’s rays illuminated the two as Sonia reached the altar, there had been no holier, picturesque sight.

The march ended, and the organist exeunt.

“You see? That wasn’t so hard.” Souda leaned over.

“Oh, Souda.” Tanaka chuckled. “The trials have only begun.”

***

Naegi stepped outside the hospital, his bag a book emptier but his loneliness uncured, his bearings right but completely lost, his eyes aware but his mind unfocused.

The lapses… the lapses seem to come like breezes. And as they came, be it memories of Kirigiri, Naegi would space out, losing all touch of reality for a sudden moment. Miraculously, luckily, he would just have enough sense and awareness of those around him: the bare minimum, just the bare minimum. However, it was during these little breezes that Naegi was completely hollow.

He had been hollow for four years.

Four whole years.

The spells would come and go, but as October and February approached, it seemed the emptiness would not end. And in those months Naegi would sometimes go sleepless for days on end, listening, imagining Kirigiri’s heart beating beside his.

Sometimes renewed anger and grief would find it’s way into the pathetic little shell known as his life. Anger at himself, mulled over that... Anger at the world, mulled over that… Anger at Kirigiri… mulled a lot over that…

But almost as quickly as the anger arrives, as the tears fall, he would be empty again, be lonely again. The trips to the hospital never helped much. As much as he hated being alone, he needed it. He needed this panacea. He needed to be freed from the pain. The panacea is but an anesthetic; he would go on back to his lapses of nihilist despair again and again and again…

Naegi woke up and found himself in the middle of the road.

Shaking, he ran back towards the sidewalk, resting his head against a building as he collected himself.

_Breathe, it’s alright. Breathe…_

He couldn’t breathe.

The air ramming back and forth within his lungs, he took out his phone and slowly keyed in the numbers. The next few seconds always were the longest for Naegi.

_One dial tone… Two dial tones… three… four… five…_

On the sixth dial tone, a girl spoke:

“You’ve reached Kirigiri. I’m not in right now, please leave a message.”

And as the tone rang, Naegi breathed once more.

Naegi looked up. His legs had carried him outside one of his usually frequented libraries, where all books were free to peruse.

_Books. **Books.**_

On the days he would spend the time reading. Much of his time was dedicating to reading, these days. It was another form of escapism Naegi had never thought he would dive into. From Middle Earth to Westeros, from Dan Brown to Stephen King, he read them all one by one. And as his mind became preoccupied with books, the emptiness could be ignored for a little while longer. It wouldn’t vanish, but he could cope as long as he had his books.

And _Norwegian Wood_ … that book was his muse, his lifeline, his anchor to reality. Murakami was no doubt a literary genius, whose fame was tantamount to superstardom, but up till _that event_ Naegi hadn’t bothered to peruse his works. His prose had a peculiar quality to them, always clear, brutally rash, yet beautiful, trance-like in the process. _And his ideas…_ Never had loneliness and grief been encapsulated this wonderfully into such a beautiful novel before, with the rare exception of Lord Tennyson, of course. _In Memoriam A.H.H._ was excellent, though not nearly as riveting as Murakami’s work.

It was a simple routine: pay the cashier, find a seat, grab whatever he didn’t read or hadn’t finished reading, and spend the rest of the day flipping pages.

And the pages… _the pages!_ Every word, every syllable, every idea that the books sing, it sent him crashing back towards a new reality; loneliness was ignored: he would dive into the smell of old paper and ink, and for hours at a time, Naegi lived again.

And he would stay reading until the sun vanished from the face of the earth.

***

**RADIO NIKKEI BROADCASTING STATION**

“So, Mioda-chan, welcome back to the airwaves with your new Cwistmas single, cover of Wuve is All Awound!” Monomi gushed.

“Except we’ve changed the word ‘love’ to ‘Christmas.’” Ibuki snorted.

“Yes! Is that an impowtant message to you, Mioda-chan?”

“Not really, Monomi. Christmas is a time for people with somebody they love in their lives.”

“… And that’s not you?”

“That’s not me, Monomi.” Ibuki shrugged. “When Ibuki was younger and successful, Ibuki didn’t give much of a thought to it and didn’t take it seriously, and now I’m left with no one, just on my own.”

Twogami grinded his teeth.

“Wow. Thanks for that, Mioda-chan.”

“For what?”

“For actuawy giving a real answer to a qwestion. It doesn’t happen often here at Monomi Radio, I can tell you.”

“Oh, that’s nothing.” She laughed. “Ask me anything, Ibuki will tell you the truth.”

“Ok. Best shag you ever had?”

“Neil Patrick Harris.”

Twogami facepalmed.

“Oh. Um… Wow.” Monomi tittered nervously.

“Just kidding.” Ibuki laughed, and relieved, Monomi laughed along with Ibuki.

“He was rubbish. No wonder he’s gay.”

A ping of awkwardness rang throughout Japan.

“Moving on!” Monomi soldiered on. “How do you think the new wecord compares to your old, cwassic stuff?”

Ibuki sighed.

“Come on, Monomi, you know as well as I do the record’s CRAP! The only reason I’m still bothering to give out singles at all is due to my fat manager’s useless encouragements and my contract. Nobody bothers listening to me anymore, and you know it. But wouldn’t it be great if the number one Christmas single this year weren’t my fucking bandmates-turned-popstars but the lone, ejected rockstar, searching for a comeback at any price? Those young popstars come Christmas might as well be stark naked on stage with their bikinis and bloomers and I’ll be stuck in my apartment with my fat manager, ugliest guy in the world, fucking miserable because our fucking gamble didn’t pay off!”

Monomi gaped in silent horror. Twogami had remained very still. Somewhere else, Ibuki could hear Monokuma laughing in malicious glee.

“So if you believe in Father Christmas, children, like your big sister Ibuki does: buy my festering shit of an album. And particularly enjoy the incredible stupidity of the moment we try and squeeze an extra syllable into the fourth line!”

“I think you’re weferring to: ‘If you weally wuv Cwistmas…””

“’Come on and let it snow!’” Ibuki mirthlessly laughed. “I mean… ouch!”

“Well.” Monomi finally recovered. “So, here it is one more time, the dark horse for this year’s Cwistmas number one, Cwistmas is All Awound! Thank you, Mioda-chan, and we hope to see you again soon.”

Ibuki turned towards Twogami and grinned.

“That was fun, right, Porky?”

Twogami could only stare in mute disappointment and shock as the music began playing again.

***

**THE WEDDING RECEPTION**

It was over within seconds: the two exchanged rings, swore vows, kissed, and Souda’s little world crumbled into pieces once more.

After that, there was much joy and celebration in the dining room.

Ishimaru had sent huge bouquets, along with a card tagged with endless apologies that he couldn’t make it. Nekomaru and Teruteru were bawling loudly and giving them thousands of blessings. Hagakure was half dragged, half pulled towards the two by an insistent Asahina, and he good naturedly offered Sonia half off anytime she wished to discuss the occult at length.

Akane just stared pointedly at the cake.

Oowada, Hinata and Leon allow themselves to be more forward: congratulating the two whilst insisting that they weren’t crying. Pekoyama and Kuzuryuu casually ‘welcomed them to the club’. Togami left within seconds of offering them curt congratulations, on account of his busy schedule. Koizumi caused a small commotion when it was revealed she had brought a selfie rod, and a special photo was taken with all of them squashed into the very middle.

And Naegi was notably absent.

“Well… it’s only to be expected.” Hinata muttered. “He didn’t attend yours either, Hagakure.”

“But it’s been years already.” Hagakure pointed out. “You would’ve thought he’d been over this by now. Rather out of character for somebody who was all ‘we should all move forward’ before.”

“We all have our only exceptions.” Kuzuryuu remarked, and Pekoyama blushed furiously beside him.

“ _Oh dear._ ” Asahina shook her head disapprovingly behind Hinata.

“What?”

“Hanamura.”

The group turned, unsure of what to expect. Hanamura weaved expertly in and out of the crowd, holding up a plate of hors d’oeuvres, offering them to girls he passed:

“Best sandwiches in Japan.”

Saionji waved him off.

“Try my lovely nuts?”

Sayaka politely excused herself.

“Beautiful muffin for a beautiful lady.”

Akane devoured it without a second thought.

“ _Good morning my future wife._ ”

Koizumi raised a hand to slap him before Hanamura hastily ducked away.

“He’s never going to quit, isn’t he?” Asahina muttered.

“You gotta love a lovable lothario.” Hagakure grinned.

“Tch.” Kuzuryuu turned in disgust as Hanamura sidled over.

“How about a round on me?” Hanamura growled in a voice loaded with innuendo.

“I’ll pass.” Hinata shrugged.

“Dude.” Hanamura prodded his chest. “You’re still single, go mingle. There’s plenty of plus ones that were invited here as well. And within them: there’s surely one where I can bang tonight.”

Hinata rolled his eyes. “Does that happen often?”

“The success rate’s improving.” Hanamura wagged his eyebrows. “But that won’t happen for you unless you start-“

“I have no qualms about being single, Hanamura.” Hinata reminded Hanamura as his eyes scanned the room. “I’ll enter a relationship when I want to-“ He stopped short.

“What’s wrong?”

Hanamura turned and squinted his eyes. Sitting next to Chihiro Fujisaki was a buxom girl silently playing away on a PS VITA. Locks of champagne-pink hair drifted over her lazy eyes.

“Wow. Oh yeah, you just know she likes it dirty.” He drooled.

“That’s Nanami from accounting.” Hinata breathed.

“Wait. You two know each other?”

“We briefly talked a few times, never long conversations.” Hinata sipped his drink.

The two locked eyes.

“Dibs.” Hinata warned.

“Good! Initiative comes to people who get up and go!” Hanamura patted him on the back. “Go on. By the end of this wedding I want you two to get _so drunk_ , she’ll end up in your apartment with a new ‘joystick’.”

“I’M NOT LOOKING FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND!”

The entire room turned to look at him in amazement.

Hanamura whistled. “Very noble of you. Now, if you would excuse me, I’m off to offer my nuts to that European bridesmaid over there. Afternoon, y’all.” With that, Hanamura slickly shuffled off.

“That went well.” Asahina muttered distastefully.

“Are you really going to talk to her?” Pekoyama quipped.

“I’m thinking about it.” Hinata hesitated. “Is she Fujisaki’s girlfriend?”

“Step-sister.” Kuzuryuu corrected him.

“Oh, good. There’s still a chance.” Hinata looked towards the girl again, entranced. He’d always found the way she sometimes nodded off in the middle of their brief conversations to be quite… endearing.

“Well to be fair, she could be a Lannister, so…”

Asahina slapped him.

“Calm down, my dear.” Hagakure rubbed his cheek. “Just a joke, I swear.”

“It was in _very_ bad taste.”

Hinata looked back towards Nanami.

“I’m going to talk to her.” He decided.

“You go get that girl.” Asahina goaded him.

***

_“It did go off beautifully, didn’t it?” May questioned from the threshold of the library._

_Archer roused himself with a start. As soon as the last carriage carrying Ellen, the love of his life had driven away, he had come up to the library and shut himself in, with the hope that his wife, who still lingered below, would go straight to her room. But there she stood, pale and drawn, yet radiating the factitious energy of one who has passed beyond fatigue._

_His wife sat down and he resumed his seat; but neither spoke for a long time. At length Archer began abruptly: “Since you’re not tired, and want to talk, there’s something I must tell you. I tried to the other night. I want to make a break-“_

_“A break? To give up the law?”_

_“To go away at any rate-at once. On a long trip, ever so far off- away from everything-“_

_He paused, conscious that he had failed in his attempt to speak with the indifference of a man who longs for a change and is yet too weary to welcome it. Do what he would, the chord of eagerness vibrated. “Away from everything-“ he repeated._

_“Ever so far? Where, for instance?” she asked._

_“Oh, I don’t know. India, Japan.”_

_He felt her warmly and fragrantly hovering over him._

_“As far as that? But I’m afraid you can’t, dear…” she said in an unsteady voice. “Not unless you’ll take me with you.” And then, as he was silent, she went on, in tones so clear and evenly pitched that each separate syllable tapped like a little hammer on his brain: “That is, if the doctors will let me go… but I’m afraid they won’t. For you see, Newland, I’ve been sure since this morning of something I’ve been so longing and hoping for-“_

_He looked up at her with a sick stare, and she sank down, all dew and roses, and hid her face against his knee._

_“Oh, my dear,” he said, holding her to him while his cold hand stroked her hair._

_“You didn’t guess-“_

_“Yes-I; no. That I, of course I hoped-“_

_They looked at each other for an instant and again fell silent; then, turning his eyes from hers, he asked abruptly: “Have you told anyone else?”_

_“Only Mamma and your mother.” She paused, and then added hurriedly, the blood flushing up to her forehead: “That is- and Ellen. You know I told you we’d had a long talk one afternoon- and how dear she was to me.”_

_“Ah-“ said Archer, his heart stopping._

_He felt that his wife was watching him intently. “Did you **mind** my telling her first, Newland?”_

_“Mind? Why should I?” He made a last effort to collect himself. “But that was a fortnight ago, wasn’t it? I thought you said you weren’t sure until today.”_

_Her color burned deeper, but she held his gaze. “No; I wasn’t sure then. But I told her I was. And you see that I was right!” she exclaimed, her blue eyes wet with victory._

**THE LIBRARY**

Naegi closed _The Age of Innocence_.

“That **bitch**!” He suddenly heard himself say.

A middle-aged lady gave him an affronted look as she shuffled off. The girl who usually sat on the chair beside him looked vaguely amused, or as amused as stone could be.

He gave an apologetic smile. “Sorry, this book is driving me to the grave.”

“What?”

“It’s… depressing, to say the least.” He held it up for her to see. “The Age of innocence. A classic.”

She took the book from him with slender fingers and silently read the blurb.

“… It sounds promising.” She finally replied.

“I’ve pretty much finished it, would you like to read it?”

The girl looked up with such silent intent that Naegi sank deeper into his chair.

“… Maybe another time would be more suitable. Thank you for the recommendation, though.” She handed it back.

“Oh.” Naegi was unsure of what to expect. Just normal conversation was difficult for him, but talking with a complete stranger was another matter entirely. “It’s fine.”

Without another word, the girl returned to her book.

In that moment, that moment of dismissive silence, something familiar began creeping inside Naegi. Parallels were drawn, her poker face and _hers…_

The feeling subsided just as quickly it erupted.

Naegi flipped another page, greeting the epilogue with a heart full of despair.

***

**THE WEDDING RECEPTION**

Midway through desserts, Souda took out the cue cards and stood up.

“Um… Excuse me, if I could just interrupt everyone in the middle of your Mont Blancs…” the entire room’s chatter died down. “Apparently there’s this tradition where the groom’s best friend gives the groom on his happiest 24 hours in life his 5 most uncomfortable minutes in his life.” There was a round of merry titters at that remark, and pushed, Souda continued: “Tradition’s a sick bastard, exhibit A. But it would be rude to break tradition, so Tanaka, allow me these 5 minutes to deliver your best man speech.” He paused. “Oh, and for the record, the most uncomfortable 5 minutes of Sonia’s life will be coming later this evening, courtesy of the groom.”

The room erupted into laughter. Tanaka laughed too, though looking (understandably) concerned.

“This is the first time I’ve ever been a best man, and halfway through preparations I discovered to my very big surprise that I lacked the understanding how to properly insult and defame Tanaka properly throughout these 5 minutes.” He waited for the laughter to die down. “Hence, I consulted one of the better best men I’d seen: Hanamura.”

The cook good-naturedly raised his glass as everyone stared.

“I mean, he did a spectacular job, considering what he had said on the day itself and the fact that the couple in question were still talking to him.” Asahina looked slightly uncomfortable, but the rest of the room tittered. “And it seems the couple in question is _still_ talking to one another, so consulting him seemed to be a safe bet.”

“But I’m not here to talk about Asahina and Hagakure’s wedding and how Hanamura revealed that Hagakure briefly considered banging her sister, I’m here to talk about a freak miracle: Tanaka and Sonia’s engagement.”

“First off: How I met the groom. Bollocks. This is _easy._ We were roommates at school. On the moment I first met Tanaka Gundam, I looked into his eyes, his hamsters, his scarf, his _hair_ , but of course I didn’t know then that I would hate his guts… it was 2 seconds later on the moment I first _heard_ Tanaka that made me draw that conclusion.” _I’m in fine form,_ Souda noted as Tanaka started reaching for his missing scarf amidst the guffaws. “That was 9 years ago. Now? Things changed. When I look at Tanaka, scarf gone, hamsters still there, somehow marrying the princess of Novoselic… Yeah, I still hate his guts.” The room roared.

“However… after a lengthy amount of hilarious encounters, including me finding his stash of porn he insisted did not belong to him (the owner seems to have had a fetish for furries, though), us getting our asses kicked for not rehearsing an oral presentation in advance, us arguing on what show to watch ( _Top Gear_ defecates _The Dog Whisperer_ for breakfast any time, any day), we tolerated each other. And eventually became very good bros… bros who hated each other from time to time but good bros.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but when Tanaka told me he was getting married, I dropped my nipples.” He paused for effect. “That was my honest reaction. I mean, why would anyone marry Tanaka Gundam, demon overlord of mystical sounding stuff? I pondered this to myself over the past few days, and to my honest surprise I found quite a few quirks that was worth marrying him for.”

“He’s very artistic… when it comes to his appearance. When we were roommates, the entire bathroom shelf was occupied with grease paint, bandages, ethanol, hair gel, hairspray… you should have seen the look on my face when he asked me for some toothpaste.”

“He’s very athletic: upon our graduation he was recognized for giving one of the largest contributions to the school football team… by not joining it.”

“He’s very honest.” Souda stopped talking for a whole 5 seconds for them to get the joke.

“He’s…. Damn, if this was a speech about why would anyone marry Sonia Nevermind, this speech would be 4 minutes shorter.”

“In the end, I reached the conclusion that Tanaka is **the** luckiest son of a bitch in the world. Joking aside, it’s… in many ways… ironic, yet a great honor to serve as you and Sonia’s best man, for Tanaka you have been a very good friend to me. He’s an asshole who can be occasionally kind, he’s a pompous prat who can drop the act when the going gets tough for others, he’s my best friend. We both have our differences, but it’s nothing a bottle of vodka can’t solve. I’d like to wish the happy couple and toast their future happiness: To Tanaka and Sonia!”

“To Tanaka and Sonia!” The room rang with thunderous applause and bravos.

***

Hanamura slumped in his seat.

“I just discovered why I can’t go out with many women.”

Hagakure snorted. “Gee, I wonder why?”

“Japanese Girls! They’re stuck up, you see. And I’m primarily attractive to girls, you know, who are cooler, game for a laugh at my jokes. Like American Girls!” Hanamura snapped his fingers. “So I should just go to America and pick up girls! I’d get a girlfriend there instantly. What do you think?”

“It’s a crap idea, Hanamura.” Hagakure shook his head.

“That’s where you’re wrong. American girls would love how cute I look and my adorable Japanese Accent.”

“You don’t have an adorable Japanese accent. Japanese accents aren’t adorable.”

“YES I DO, YES THEY ARE!” Hanamura’s eyes glazed, with the gleam of one who saw breasts for the first time. “I’m going to America!”

Hagakure choked on his spit.

“WHAT?!”

“I’ll go there for Christmas time! There’s bound to be plenty of lonely chicks with unresolved father issues they plan to solve with excessive promiscuity.”

“Hanamura, you are a fat, lonely asshole. Just accept it.”

“NEVER!” Hanamura leapt off his chair. “I AM HANAMURA, GOD OF SEX, AND I’M ON THE WRONG CONTINENT!”

Hagakure shook his head in dismay.

“This is a shit idea.”

***

Fifteen minutes later, after the lengthy wedding buffet, Tanaka and Sonia were invited for a dance in the middle of the room. Eagerly, couples joined them, and soon the ballroom was filled people slow dancing away.

Souda watched Hinata leading Nanami on, with a complexion of beetroot and red velvet. _Lucky you._

With nothing better to do, he aimed the camera towards Tanaka and Sonia in silence, wincing occasionally at the DJ’s poor choices of music.

He wondered whether it would be noble if he had told Tanaka the truth: that he was hopelessly, irrevocably in love with his girlfriend. Maybe if he had taken that leap of faith, Sonia’s arms would be around his waist, her face buried into his shoulders, her sweet smelling hair for Souda to smell-

“Do you love him?”

“What?!” Souda looked towards the voice.

“Well, don’t take it too seriously.” Koizumi laughed nervously. “I just thought I’d ask you the odd question in case it was the right one and you needed someone to talk about it and no one had ever asked you so you never been able to talk about it even though you might have wanted to, and you needed advice on how you would avoid failure like I did.”

“No! No! NO is the answer.” Souda revoltingly shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

“So… that’s a no, then?” Koizumi looked slightly hurt.

“Yes.” Souda looked away. “It’s not that I have anything against you and Saionji, or that I’m not sorry it didn’t work out… It’s just friendship.” He looked towards Sonia. “Just friendship.”

“I understand.”

The two stared at the dancers on the floor.

“… So what do you reckon, this DJ, the worst in history?” He asked as the closing chords of ‘Beauty and the Beat’ rang throughout the room.

“Probably.” Koizumi grimaced. “I think it all hangs on the next song.”

As if on cue, the DJ made an announcement: “Now here’s one for the lovers. That’s quite a few of you. I shouldn’t be surprised and a half.”

The strumming of an electric guitar rang throughout the room.

‘ _I’ve tried playing it cool… but girl when I’m looking at you…_ ’

“He’s done it.” Souda nodded. “It’s official.”

“Worst DJ in the world.” Koizumi agreed.

As Harry Styles crooned another line, Souda turned off the camera.

“Do you wanna dance?” He heard himself say.

Koizumi considered it. “I don’t see why not.”

***

**THE LIBRARY**

Having finished The Age of Innocence, Naegi looked over to where the girl was silently reading. A small pile of books sat in an unsteady pile next to her.

_King Lear… 1984… After London… Timon of Athens…_

Naegi looked towards his own pile of books. Already, he had finished Pride and Prejudice, The Age of Innocence, and was already halfway through _The Wind-up bird Chronicle._

He considered starting a conversation. He had seen the girl come here almost as often as he did, it wouldn’t hurt for him to have some company he could engage in banter with. But there was almost always the risk of it turning into a fully blown relationship; he didn’t want one, and he wouldn’t need one. In these days simple platonic company seemed to be a rare occurrence, if not an impossibility between members of the opposite sex.

The loneliness gnawed at his heart the longer he stared at her.

_I’ll be fine, I can at least guard my demons inside._

He looked towards the book she was reading, and smiled.

“ _A clockwork orange?_ ”

The girl turned to look at him impassively. “What about it?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, I had just read the book before.” Naegi smiled. “Real Horrorshow.” He laughed awkwardly, as she stared at him appraisingly.

“I find the slang to be rather annoying to be honest.” The girl admitted.

“It’s a writing style. It’s quite unique, the way he manipulates language and ideas.”

She could have given the same look she gave Naegi to Mona Lisa in Drag.

“… Is that so?”

“Well… um…” time had subdued memories of awkward conversation, and Naegi found himself at a loss of what to say. “What I meant was… I’m sorry if I’m hard to understand.”

She nodded.

“Your books all seem to follow a theme, though.” Naegi remarked.

“Yours too, though probably not the same as mine.” She admitted.

“They’re all pretty depressing books. _King Lear_ is truly a tragedy.”

“It’s life.” She corrected him. “These things happen.”

“But… But everyone dies!” Naegi pointed out. “All because one of his daughters didn’t affirm her love for him.”

“It’s only death.” She shrugged. “I don’t fear it.”

Naegi stared in amazement. “But… it’s so absolute and final, almost random in it’s killing spree.”

“I’ve seen worse.” She nonchalantly flipped a page.

“Oh.” Naegi paused. _Change the subject…_ “Do you like these sort of books? My name’s Naegi, by the way.”

She stared at him from head to toe. “Ikusaba. And these books were recommended by my sister, I haven’t formed an opinion of them yet.”

“Well, do you like them?”

“I feel like Alex is simply a child, to be honest. Exaggerations of a toddler’s rampage.”

“I _liked_ Alex.” Naegi remarked. “He has an odd sense of humor.”

“You find this funny?” Ikusaba sounded surprised.

“Well… maybe I do have an odd sense of humor myself, but I’ve actually watched the movie before, and Malcolm Mcdowell does a very good job at playing him.”

Ikusaba remained silent.

“Some of it’s quite violent, but I tend to skip those parts entirely. I don’t think I have the factor for gore.”

Ikusaba remained silent.

Naegi sighed. _This is becoming a flop._

“I’m sorry, this is probably disturbing you. I shouldn’t have bothered you in the first place.”

“No.” She spoke in a small voice. “I wasn’t bothered.”

“Oh! That’s great!” Naegi smiled in relief.

“Don’t get me wrong…” She looked away. “I’m not really a people person, and… I’m not very good at conversing with others.”

“… You’re doing fine!” Naegi assured her.

“Thank you. But it’s the truth, though. Your tidbits of knowledge are quite-“

“Would you like to watch the movie with me?”

The words escaped Naegi’s lips before he could stop himself.

_… Oh fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck._

“The… movie?” Ikusaba remained stock still.

“Um… stupid idea, you don’t need to come if you don’t want to, but… I have the DVD in my apartment a few blocks away. Would you like to watch it with me?”

Ikusaba stared at him blankly, and Naegi wished for loneliness yet again.

“… Is it really ok?” She finally replied.

“What? OH, yeah!” Naegi nodded. “It’s fine! I’ve been meaning to watch it again myself today.”

“… Thank you, then I’ll take you up on your offer.”

A small ember of hope started burning under his hard-boiled heart, as Naegi’s emotions soared.

“Are you sure? I could be a suspicious person.” Naegi confirmed.

“You are not.” She shook her head. “I recognize people with killing intent… And I can more than take care of myself even if you do try.”

“Thank you!” Naegi smiled wanly. “Thank you so much!”

Ikusaba blinked twice as Naegi turned away, packing his things.

She allowed a small smile to lift the freckles on her cheeks.

 _That wasn’t so hard._ Naegi thought as he placed his books back into his bag. _I can easily make friends and keep them._

You can’t, Naegi. You can’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written Ikusaba yet in any of my fics, so I feel like some attention towards her is well deserved.  
> Naekusaba is quite dear to me, but having never written it before it's quite nerve wracking, but I'll do my best!  
> No promises, but their relationship will develop as the fic goes along.  
> I realize the Ishimaru/Tsumiki is an odd pairing, but given their movie counterparts and their similarities, I'm determined to make this work.  
> Thanks! As always, feedback is always appreciated!  
> And side note, 2 months early, here's a christmas single to put you all in the christmas mood:  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUFqlozV4zU


	3. Symphony No.9 in D Minor, Op. 125

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a shitload of time to write.

**ST MARY'** **S CATHEDRAL**

“What’s it going to be then, eh?”

“The best man speech was…trying.”

“As it should be.”

The party was over, and after the pleasantries and blessings were given, many went on their way. The bride and groom exchanged hands, chatted with the rest, said their goodbyes and watched as their friends left the church one by one.

“You see, your highness? Nothing to be afraid of.” Souda grinned. “And now just think of all the things you can do with her in the sack-“

“SOUDA!” Tanaka sounded horrified.

“I’m not apologizing for that. We’re both grown men, we should have the liberty to discuss these matters frankly. Not in detail, mind you, just frankly.”

“…I understand.” Tanaka looked towards his bride, whom was delightedly sharing email addresses with Sayaka Maizono.

“The thought alarms me a little.” He said in a much smaller voice.

Souda nodded. “I’m told it happens all the time…But if other people can get on with it, I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“But the fact that she isn’t a vir-“

“All the better.” Souda shrugged. “She can lead you in bed.”

Tanaka attempted a retort, but then somehow the thought lodged in the middle of his mind, and he remained silent.

“Will you be staying long in Novoselic?”

“Just 2 weeks. It will be rounds and rounds of endless hand shaking and waving and photographs being printed on souvenirs and mugs and t-shirts and memorabilia…Lots to look forward to.”

“Ooh, certainly. Dignitaries and princes and ministers all kissing each other’s asses before kissing you and Sonia’s hands, lots to look forward to, oh, _joy!"_ Souda chuckled. “So you and Sonia are coming back afterwards, right?”

“Yes…”Tanaka descended further into his scarf. “But after the royal wedding, I was planning on leaving for a short investigative journey to Lemur Island, Madagascar.”

“WHAT!?”

“Sonia’s fine with it.” Tanaka went on. “Upon my invitation to join me, she opted to stay here and sort out some of the paperwork and continue exploring Japan…We have travelled many places already, after all.”

Souda blinked. “But…you’re married. You should have a brief honeymoon period, at least! Don’t you want to spend the beginning of your marriage years together-”

“Of course we will have a bloody honeymoon. But it is a big and beautiful world.” Tanaka sighed. “I want to see more of it, more examples of life teeming in every form and every skin and every soul in every environment there is to see…When Sonia assumes her royal right and starts ruling, I will rule beside her. I will be her pillar of support. I have promised as much. However, upon assuming regency, I must give up my lifestyle and hobbies completely. I can never do this anymore.” Tanaka paused, lost in thought. “Do you know how much that idea scares me?

 _I would do it. I would give up everything I had, everything I had ever wanted just for a good shot like you received. I would make that sacrifice with ease, Tanaka, compared with the one I_ _’_ _m making for you now._

Souda remained mum.

Tanaka rested a hand on Souda’s soldier. “Souda, let me get this crystal clear with you: There isn’t a day that goes by without me loving that woman. And you have no idea how grateful I am that she loves me back. I will be with her when she needs me, and she will be there when I need her. And besides: It’s only a week.”

“I understand!”

The sharp tone caught Tanaka by surprise.

“Souda? Is something amiss-“

“It’s… sorry, unpleasant thoughts.” He calmed down, exhaling the last of the anger with him. “Bad memories.”

“Do you wish to talk about them further-“

“No, it’s your wedding day.” Souda muttered. “Shouldn’t rain on your parade. Call me when it’s over, alright?”

***

Souda angrily tore off his jacket as he walked across the marble hallways into the winter sun. _Madagascar. Lemur Island. How bloody romantic of Gundam Bloody Tanaka!_

Rage, envy, spite, all of it came rushing back to his head at that moment in time. His best friend was married, so why on earth did he want to kick everything in sight? All he wanted at that moment was to just blurt out everything, on the hopes that maybe _that_ will allow Tanaka to take it seriously.

 _I could be a better husband._ Souda thought. _I don_ _’_ _t see how I could do any worse-_

Souda stopped in the middle of the road, looking at his reflection in a coffee shop. _Who am I kidding?_ He didn’t have the slightest clue on what constituted as romance and what constituted as stalking in the first place. _And most of my other conquests have failed just so._ His hair, dyed ludicrously pink, didn’t do jack shit when it came to picking up girls.

 _Women!_ Souda unhappily complained as he continued walking. _Women!_ _‘_ _Confidence is sexy as fuck_ _’_ _, they say. Is that why most women date assholes who send dick pics to themselves? Then there_ _’_ _s the guitar freaks who serenade the entire bloody cafeteria with Elton bloody john and Para-bloody-chute and One Bloody Repulbic and One Bloody Direction and Linkin Bloody Park-_ Souda liked Linkin Park- _with girls flocking like chickens to corn. And then you have Tanaka. Chuunibyou type, dark, mysterious, brooding, something out of a widely-mocked, absolutely stupid vampire novel who forever stayed at 17._

_His redeeming feature? 4 babe magnets living in his scarf._

_And me?_ Souda cocked his head. _I like cars, airplanes, helicopters, motorcycles, robots who could destroy the world at the touch of a button. Girls like cars, too, right?_

_No, gold diggers like cars._

“ **JESUS! POWER! BOTTOMING! CHRIST!!!** ” Souda screamed.

**_WHACK_ **

“Language!”

Souda turned, wincing slightly as he rubbed the back of his knee.

“Koizumi? You followed me?”

“You forgot to return the camera!” She exasperatedly removed the DSLR from his chest. “Did you know how irresponsible that was? Did you know how long it took for me to find you?”

“Didn’t expect that you would still be here.” Souda shrugged.True, he had indeed forgotten to return it, in his furor and moodiness surrounding Tanaka’s departure.

“Keep on being like this and I’m never letting you borrow anything from me again. And _stop_ fidgeting, will you?”

Souda sighed. “Fine. I’m sorry I forgot to return the camera. _Happy_?”

“Not particularly.”

“ _Wait._ If I return the camera to you, how the hell do I get all the videos I took?”

“Oh it’s simple enough. You can just burn them on a CD, or even just transfer the memory card into a laptop and let a USB do all the work-“ Koizumi paused, watching Souda’s eyes twitch in confusion. “You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”

“What? In this age?” The snort coming from Souda’s mouth sounded suspiciously high, cracking as he looked away.

“…You seriously don’t. This is unheard of.” She laughed.

“I can’t help it!” Souda flushed. “I focus on mechanics, simple systems, motor oil, assemblies! Not this binary bumbo jumbo that everyone’s into these days.”

Koizumi looked at her watch. “Can’t be helped, then. I’ve got time.”Quickly, she flagged a passing taxi.

“Come on.”

“Wait. Where are we going?” Souda approached cautiously.

“My workplace. We’ll get you set up and on your way.”

 **NAEGI** **’** **S APARTMENT**

It soon became abundantly clear to Naegi this was not the best film to watch with a member of the opposite sex.

I mean, for those of you who watched the film, you would understand that the very first shot involved Alex sitting with his droogs, surrounded by models of stark naked women, legs spread open _real horrorshow_ in compromising positions around them.

And then there was the _Singing in the Rain._ An old favorite of Naegi’s was savagely ruined beyond repair as they watched Alex sing gleefully as he snipped off piece after piece of the women’s dress, beating her and her husband in time as he does it, before finally removing his trousers and raping the woman in plain sight of her husband.

Many times, Naegi stole a glance towards Ikusaba in embarrassment. Thankfully, she was taking the film in stride, remaining miraculously impassive as Alex raped, pillaged and sang throughout the first 20 minutes of the film. Sometimes she would amusedly remark ‘That wasn’t in the book’, and Naegi would apologize if it offended her, but she always waved him off and continued without comment.

“Oh God, I’d forgotten about this scene.” Naegi whispered as the probation officer gripped Alex’s genitalia through his underwear.

“It’s alright.” She mumbled. “It’s not like it was you who made the film anyway…but that really wasn’t in the book!”

“Kubrick is naturally insane…and a genius. Either term’s fine, to be honest.”

“I don’t like the changes, to be honest.”

“Oh? Why not?”

“Some people _are_ born evil. They’re chaotic, havoc inducing, sadistic human beings. That’s what I liked about Alex’s character: the fact that he needs the subtext of parental sexual abuse to justify his violent sexual tendencies dials back the intrigue and appeal to Alex’s as a whole.”

Naegi looked surprised. “But we’re all born innocent! There must be some universal essence to the human element that every baby is born with, and our personalities and philosophies are only shaped by what we encounter and face on a daily basis! I like Kubrick’s thinking: It makes Alex seem more human.”

“More human? Are you suggesting that to be human is to be good? That is an… _amusing_ assumption. A big one, I will admit, but amusing.”

“…It is pretty prideful, I admit. But I still hope that it’s the case.” Naegi shrugged. “I mean…this idea shouldn’t be more than wishful thinking, shouldn’t it?”

Her grey eyes glittered. “There are plenty of monsters in this world, Naegi. You’re just lucky you haven’t encountered any of them.”

 _“_ _GOOD! REAL HORRORSHOW! INITIATIVE COMES TO THEMS THAT WAIT! I_ _’_ _ve taught you much my little droogies. Now tell me what you had in mind, Georgie boy._ _”_ Alex crooned.

“…I hope I never will.” Naegi shrugged.

In silence, the two returned to the screen, where the 4 were walking on the flat block marina.

“…You might already have.” She whispered out of earshot.

***

**TOGAMI CONGLOMERATE**

3% became an all time favorite number for Byakuya Togami.

As he filed through the various performance reviews, his pen was at the ready, flourishing 3% raises on every page. _Die. Die. Die._ He thought.

Over the past 4 years of being CEO of the Togami Conglomerate, Togami had arrived at a theory: a half-baked croissant could inhale a fifth of vodka and still perform most management functions. Incompetency limited the potential damages that most managers could bring, and Togami was already used to handling most of the work himself.

The thought recurred to him in an instant, and he considered it.

 _1%... 1%... 1%... les incompetent number 1, les incompetent number 2, les incompetent number 3_ _…_

Sighing, he looked towards his wall, where a meticulously put-together piece of art entitled ‘House’was hanging. Purple roofs, yellow windows, orange bricks and foundations ( _at least she_ _’_ _s got that part right_ ), surrounded by overly large birds that he guessed were meant to be butterflies.

In short, his daughter’s masterpiece.

 _Well, it_ _’_ _s no Renoir, but it_ _’_ _ll do._ He grudgingly thought.

**_Knock Knock Knock_ **

“Come in.”

His secretary opened the door.

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes, Ludenberg. Take out your memo and begin taking this down.”

Celestia obliged, moistening her ruby lips.

“The Christmas party’s coming up.” Togami began. “Not my favorite time of the year, not my favorite event, and it’s your unhappy job organize.”

“Tell me.”

“It’s basic, really. Find a venue, over-order on the drinks, bulk buy the guacamole, order the chocolate fountain and advise the girls to avoid Hanamura if they want their breasts unfondled.”

“I see.” She batted her lashes. “Wives and family, I presume?”

Togami turned sharply. “Yes. I mean, not children, of course, but their wives and girlfriends, et cetera. You get the idea. You have some horrible six-foot, tight-T-shirt-wearing boyfriend?”

“No.” The right corner of her lips curl into a playful smirk as she eyed him further. “I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, hoping to be kissed.”

Togami’s eyes twitched.

“…Really?” His face morphed into his default scowl, one that bordered on uncertain frustration. “Right. That’s it then. You may leave.”

Smiling, Celestia made her way to the door.

“Wait, Celestia.”

She turned in surprise.

“Are you setting in fine? Learning who to avoid?”

“Absolutely. And also who to seek.”

Togami stared, uncomprehending.

“…Right. Back to work.” He barked.

Smirking to herself, his secretary exited the room.

 _Unbelievable._ Togami poured himself a scotch. _Unbelievable. The first competent secretary that_ _’_ _s been found in 4 years turns out to be a man-eater._ He downed the glass quickly, and felt the volatile alcohol warm his body like liquid fire, burning as it descended.

 _Calm down. You_ _’_ _re overthinking things._ Togami shook his head as he returned to his stack of performance reviews. He couldn’t complain about his marriage life; motherhood had changed Touko for the better, and her old habits that used to drive him up the wall had diminished somewhat over the years. _She stays at home writing her novels and taking care of Akira, whilst I just oversee the company. Simple as that._

He stared at the performance reviews in silence.

Finally, he grabbed the phone.

“Celestia, please send Hinata from Advertising to my office.”

**TAKA ISHII GALLERY**

“Hello?” Koizumi picked up her cell as she and Souda walked into the museum. “Yes, Sasaki, what is it?” She gave Souda the _just one moment_ look, and turned to take the call.

“Oh? They’ve arrived? The Christmas exhibits? Wow! That’s early, really good news.” Koizumi tucked a lock of her crimson hair back as she smiled into the winter breeze. “Ok, I’ll be there to check them out, you can start with the publicity footage. OK. Bye!”

She switched off her phone.

“Great news! _Christmas Uncovered_ by Yukio Mashoto is finally here!”

“Christmas uncovered?” Souda frowned.

“It’s supposed to be some really exciting, really family driven photographs to put people in the Christmas spirit, and as an added bonus, we’re the first art gallery to feature his newest work!” Koizumi bounded on her heels in joy.

“Sounds exciting.”  _Can I get outta here already?_

“You may be sarcastic, but there’s really little to joke about when it comes to contemporary art!” Koizumi nagged as they entered into a large room, where huge canvasses were wrapped in brown paper.

“Look at all of them.” She smiled in anticipation. “I guess Christmas came early for me! Finally, a crowd pleaser.” Koizumi looked around like a child having trouble deciding on which gift to unwrap first.

“This one first, then.” She pointed to the largest in the center of the room. “Souda, could you assist me?”

“Sure.”

The two strode over towards the towering package, and with one great swoop, the two had torn long strips from the packaging, and the canvas was laid bare for all to see.

Souda did a double take. Koizumi had gone very pale.

“…Holy Fuck.” Souda managed. “That’s…interesting.”

The entire canvas consisted of a woman’s bare bust, colored navy blue, the nipples obscured by two strategically placed santa hats.

“…Classic…Contemporary…” Souda went on, trying in vain to get Koizumi to start talking again. “Avant Garde…Strikingly bold…”

“It’s porn.”

“What?”

“Souda, you know as well as I do that’s just porn!” Koizumi sank to her knees in disappointment. “This entire exhibition’s going to be the death of me. I’m going to porn prison. I’m going to be raided by the porn police.”

“Come on, it’s can’t all be _that_ bad.” Souda tried to cheer her up, and quickly ran towards another wrapped canvas. “There’s bound to be some normal ones- OH, fuck.” He turned away from a photograph of Christmas lights trailing from a man’s rectum. “Not to worry…there’s going to be some bad eggs in the basket anyway, let’s check another one.” Souda tore at the one beside him, revealing a topless, blindfolded woman with a gag ball fashioned in the style of a Christmas bauble.

He shook his head. “Damn.”

“God. GOD!” Koizumi dejectedly hung her head. “Is this what art’s become? Since when was art all about BDSM and blatant nudity, mixed with a healthy dose of commercialism inside? It’s not even porn, I mean, even porn has better lighting than that! The light balance’s completely off.”

Souda looked unsure of what to say. It certainly had been a while since he drove a girl close to tears, and for a while he just stared as Koizumi sighed repeatedly.

“…I’m not the biggest fan of art, but I daresay you could do better than that.” He finally answered.

“I can.” She flung her hands in the air. “But I don’t call the shots here…The director does, and he’s an idiot. Most critics are idiots. Do you know that American millionaires are paying millions for invisible art?”

“ _Invisible Art?_ ”

“Yes, Souda. Invisible. Can’t. See. Anything. What do you make of that?”

Souda pursed his lips, desperate to try cheering her up.

“Well…it can’t be that bad. I mean, if you consider it from another angle, it could be very thought provoking, a work of art that could only be seen in certain conditions, like UV light, for instance. A Mona Lisa which you can only see in a specific instance…wouldn’t you think that _that_ might be truly thought provoking about the wonders of art?”

Koizumi stared at him as though he had gone mad.

“Souda, maybe I wasn’t clear. American millionaires are paying millions for ‘invisible art’, complete with ‘imaginary’ canvas, drawn with ‘imaginary’ tools, and photographs taken with ‘imaginary’ cameras.”

“…Well, there goes the last of my faith in humanity.” Souda sat down beside her, and they dejectedly stared at the gagged woman.

“This is turning into a really bad day.”

“Couldn’t agree more.” Souda muttered.

“…Who would have expected this; from Cubism to Abstract Expressionism to photographs to porn.”Koizumi rested her cheek on her hand. “Do you think anyone saw it coming?”

Souda considered it.

*******

_“_ _LEAVE THAT ALONE, DON_ _’_ _T TOUCH IT!_ _”_ _The cat lady screamed as Alex laid a finger on the gigantic, porcelain replica of a penis._ _“_ _IT_ _’_ _S A VERY IMPORTANT WORK OF ART._ _”_

_Alex playfully pushed it up, and down, and up and down, and up, and down-_

_“_ _Well what the bloody hell do you want?_ _”_ _She barked towards the intruder, the penis bobbing up and down beside him._

Naegi smiled. He knew the following words by heart.

 _“_ _Well to be perfectly honest, madam,_ _”_ Naegi said along with Alex. _“_ _I_ _’_ _m taking part in an international student_ _’_ _s contest, to see who can get the most points for selling magazines._ _”_

Ikusaba stared at Naegi with such curious intensity that Naegi shrunk further into seat.

"Sorry." Naegi gave a small spasm of nervous laughter. "My favorite line."

They watched with rapt attention as Alex smashed the porcelain penis into the cat lady’s mouth.

***

“Yes.” Souda nodded. “Someone was bound to have.”

“…One day, when I become the curator of this gallery, I’m going to display family-friendly images, photos of people fully in the Christmas spirits, heck; I’ll display anything with a bit of happiness to tell.”Koizumi declared.“Maybe a long-exposure shot of the Tokyo skyline at midnight, Akihabara at day, kids playing with balloons, with their moms and dads…I’m going to do it! And if critics tell me it’s not abstract, I won’t care.”

“They do have a point, though." Souda blinked. “Don’t you think anyone can take photos like that?”

“When was the last time you saw something like that in an art gallery?”

“I haven’t been to a gallery before in my life.” Souda noted regretfully. “I always copped out on school trips... Dad wasn’t too happy about that.”

They stared in silence at the woman’s bust, the Christmas hats almost luminescent in their glow.

“Well, you don’t know what you’re missing.” Koizumi broke the strained silence.

Souda looked at her. “A truckload of porn?”

“Souda…”

“Kidding.” He laughed. “But honestly speaking, I find it hard to appreciate these sort of stuff.”

“Says the guy who went on and on about Avant Garde just now.”

“…I don’t even know what the hell’s Avant Garde!”

Koizumi laughed, and a little bit of the anger within Souda inexplicably eased.

“Alright,” she muttered resignedly. “I’ll open one more, then I’m calling it quits.”

“Together?”

“You read my mind.”

They approached a package the size of a refrigerator, and in unison, they tore, revealing a man’s navel with a tiny Christmas Hat covering his-

“Oh, Hell!”

“They’re not usually that big, THEY’RE NOT USUALLY THAT BIG!!!”

***

 **PRIME MINISTER** **’** **S OFFICIAL RESIDENCE**

“This is the proposal they sent us?”

“Absolutely not! Look at it: the agreement’s absurd, another lengthening of their debt repayment, what are we standing to gain from all of this?”

“And POTUS is coming in personally to seal the deal before another fiscal disaster in like the one in 2013.”

“Prime Minister, what's it going to be then, eh?”

Ishimaru looked at the set of papers laid before him. Sitting beside him, Nagisa paused in his typing of  the minutes of the cabinet meeting, and looked at him expectantly.

“Yes…” The clacking of the keyboard resumed. “I fear this is going to be a difficult card to play.”  _A very big risk, and if it fails, the blame will fall under my shoulders._

“Come, come.” A balding minister boomed. “See here, sir, there’s a strong feeling in the party we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be bullied to and fro like the last government.”

“ _Here, here!_ ”

“Action, we demand action to be done.”

“This is our first important test in front of the public, we should definitely take a stand!”

“If I may speak,” Ishimaru raised his voice, the words stuck within his throat. “As much as it pains me to say this, I have decided…not to.”

Upon these words, the Cabinet council groaned, and the sense of urgency and expectations were lost, deflated.

“Now, I understand how you feel, but we shouldn’t forget that America is the most powerful country in the world, and the last thing I would like them to think is that Japan’s being governed by a petulant child.”

“ _And his little sidekick_ _…_ ” The balding man muttered.

“But at least…” A blond, middle aged man commented, “we should present ourselves with dignity.”

“Dignity! How’s dignity going to help the country, defend what we as Japanese believe in?”

“That’s enough.” Ishimaru commanded. “This matter is settled until further notice.”

The room descended into terse silence.

“Speaking of which, who would you have to screw around here for a cup of tea and rainbow biscuits?”

On cue, Tsumiki walked in.

"These are your b-biscuits, sir..." She stammered as she set down a tray. "And your tea."

Ishimaru could only nod in embarrassment.

“Now, what about the disputed islands in the south China sea?”

**PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE**

"Well, that's the entire agenda for today." Nagisa announced as the two returned to Ishimaru's office. "The meeting with the president's put off till next week, so we have a bit of time for you to, um, _carry yourself with dignity_. But tomorrow you're taking a routine check of the department of public health-"

”Yes, this was covered as much in the cabinet meeting." Ishimaru answered as he collapsed into his seat.

"You did as best as you could on the first day, I suppose. But time will tell in the end." The boy kept his Galaxy Tab away. "Sir, with your permission, may I leave-"

"Actually..." Ishimaru raised a finger as he collected his thoughts. _It has to be done._

"Actually, would you mind bringing Tsumiki-San over? Two cups of tea, and..." Ishimaru stared at the boy appraisingly. "What beverage do you enjoy?"

Nagisa was confused. "Sir?"

"What would you like to drink?" Ishimaru repeated.

"... A juice box would be fine." The boy stared at his shoes, completely mollified.

"Oh! Of course!" Ishimaru nodded in approval. "And afterwards, just come back with her, alright?"

"Did I do something wrong?" Nagisa blinked in alarm.

"No no no, you're doing a very fine job!" Ishimaru hastily reassured him. "I just some time should be taken to get to know my staff better."

Nagisa furrowed his brows. "Oh. Certainly. Yes sir."

"Off you go."

***

**TOGAMI CONGLOMERATE**

**_Knock knock knock_ **

Celestia opened the door. "Hinata's here to see you."

Togami looked up from the piece of paper he had been staring at for the past 15 minutes. "... Yes. Send him in."

Stowing his performance reviews under his desk, Togami watched from the corner of his eye as Hinata nervously walked in.

"Togami?"

"Yes, Hinata. Switch off your phone and tell me exactly how long you've been working here."

Hinata gulped. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Answer the question." He spat irritably.

"Um... One year, seven months, three days, and I guess... 5 hours?"

"How pedantic." Togami nodded. "And how much of that time have you spent being in love with our enduring accountant, Chiaki Nanami?"

A deafening silence bombarded the room.

"I'm sorry, what?!" Hinata gaped.

"Answer the question."

"Why the hell are you asking this? Why are you even, I can't even-"

" _Just_ answer the question." Togami snapped.

"No, I fail to see how it's going to help you in any way. Are you ill?"

Togami removed his glasses and took a closer look at Hinata.

"Everybody knows anyway."

"WHAT! Sir, I don't know what kind of rumors you've been hearing, but I assure you I- WHY ARE YOU SO SUDDENLY CONCERNED ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE?"

"Because it's a distraction." Togami answered deftly. "It's a distraction for all of us. Hence, on grounds of company productivity, I suggest you start doing something about your feelings for Nanami."

Hinata looked at him, completely in awe of all of the bullshit that was suddenly flowing from Togami's mouth.

"So, back to the question. How long have you been in love with our endearing-"

"Togami, I'm not answering that question."

"ANSWER IT, I COMMAND YOU AS YOUR BOSS."

Hinata glared, in disbelief that he was working for somebody younger than he was, then answered:

"One year, seven months, three days... One hour?"

Togami nodded. "I thought as much."

"... Everybody knows, you say?"

"Everybody knows."

"Even Nanami?"

"... It's hard to tell." Togami admitted.

"Oh no." Hinata groaned.

"Have you been seeing her lately?"

"... We _did_ briefly dance in Tanaka's and Sonia's wedding reception."

"... And afterwards?"

"Nothing Happened!!! Why is it everyone has this stinking notion that every single man who attends a wedding's subconsciously spurred on to find true love, and hook up with some random John Mary Sue and the day after never see each other again?!"

"You _are_ going to see her again."

"Same difference!"

"Hinata, the fact is, your petty failures at love are a distraction to all of us."

"... Well, what do you think I should do?"

Togami rolled his eyes. "This is pathetically simple. Invite her out for a drink, then casually mention to her you'd like to have lots of sex and babies."

"YOU'VE GONE MAD!"

"This is called being pragmatic." Togami finished polishing his glasses, and nimbly returned it to his ears.

"NO, Togami, there's something seriously wrong with you today. Why on earth do you think I should say that?"

"Because she'll either break up with you or give you a shot, and either extreme is fine by me, as long as you don't remain in the, _what's that word,_ friend zone."

Hinata remained silent as he evaluated Togami's words.

"Besides, Hinata, it's almost Christmas."

"I know that."

"Think about it, for all our sakes." Togami showed him the door.

"... Certainly. Excellent. Will do." Hinata shakily extracted himself out of the chair and stumbled out of the room.

Togami closed the door behind him, and turned back towards his daughter’s drawing.

He looked back towards the door and breathed deeply.

_Now I can work in peace._

Filled with a great sense of achievement, he sat back down behind his desk of mahogany when he thought of Celestia again.

“GODDAMNIT!” He screamed.

***

 **PRIME MINISTER** **’** **S OFFICE**

“Sir, here’s your tea.” Tsumiki set down the tray. “And these papers are from the treasury.”

“Thank you.” Ishimaru beamed.

“Well, I’ll just be-“

“Actually, Tsumiki-san, may I have a chat?”

Tsumiki dropped the folder she was holding. “W-what?”

“No, nothing serious!”Ishimaru and Nagisa hurried over to help reorganize the papers. “It’s just that…”

“Just?”

“It’s just that I’m starting to feel uncomfortable about us working so closely every day and me knowing so little about you two. It feels elitist and wrong. So…would you take a seat?”

“…Sir, you do realize it’s only been a day, right?” Nagisa dryly commented.

 _…_ _Right. Not as smooth as I had hoped._

“The earlier the better, right? Nagisa, why don’t you take a seat as well? Please, make yourselves comfortable!”

Unsure of what to say, the two sat down on the plush sofa in the side of the room, and Ishimaru brought a chair over to face the two.

“Please, drink up.”

“Huh? Oh, thank you, sir.” Tsumiki shakily brought the rim of the cup to her soft lips.

For a few moments, there was complete silence in the room, save for the sound of Tsumiki blowing on her tea, Nagisa dignifiedly drinking grape juice from a straw, and Ishimaru staring deeply into the beautiful space that is the ebony coffee table.

 _Where should I look? Would looking at her face be too creepy? Maybe her chest- no. Her navel- no. Her shoes_ _…_ _that_ _’_ _s fine. I_ _’_ _ll look at her shoes._

So he did.

And then he suddenly recalled Hanamura’s drunken lecture 4 years ago, on various fetishes known to men, one being-

“SO, NAGISA-KUN.” Ishimaru broke the silence a little too haphazardly.“Tell us a little bit more about yourself! How is it an elementary student like yourself managed to become my secretary?”

Nagisa considered the question. “Our school has a small internship program.”

“…This is an internship?”

“Originally it was. My father and mother were perfectly happy to have the words ‘Worked as an intern in the Prime Minister’s Official Residence’ on my college portfolio and business resume.”

“…Aren’t you a little too young to be considering such things?” Ishimaru asked in amazement.

“No. When did you start, sir?”

“Only in junior high!”

“Well, my parents are college professors, they place a lot of emphasis and expectations towards me. Naturally, I must adhere to them.” Nagisa suckled loudly on his juice box.

“Alright. Continue. This is quite remarkable.”

“Right.” Nagisa tried to remember. “And then, one of the friends of the old Prime Minister told my father he had specially arranged with the school administration to have me personally promoted to Principal private secretary, on account of my academic and co-curricular excellence.”

“That’s splendid! You must be so proud-“

“My father was furious. It was meant as an insult.”

“…Come again?” Ishimaru’s voice dropped.

“Consider this.” Nagisa unabashedly stared him squarely in the eye. “The previous prime minister, who didn’t like you or your party or my father in the first place, had his friend recommend me to the position of principal private secretary, in the hopes that you would fail and shame the country. Of course, my father (who I do not share my opinion with) who didn’t have high hopes for you in the first place naturally saw through his actions: veiled by good intentions, what the friend really wanted was that as you failed miserably, I would be the one partaking in some of the blame. My resumes and portfolios would read: “Served as Principal Private Secretary to utter failure of a Prime Minister”. Charming stuff.”

Ishimaru closed and opened his mouth repeatedly as he tried cutting in, but Nagisa continued: “Also, my appointment was meant to insult you as well. He imagined that having a child serve you as a Principal Private secretary would be very good tongue-in-cheek for the youngest Prime Minister in the state of Japan. So in a way, the previous Prime Minister had found a way to insult all of us at the same time…Excellent tactician. Senile, yes, but excellent tactician nonetheless.”

“So in a way,” he finished his juice box, “this move of making me principal private secretary is nothing but a tactical move. My achievements and background were completely disregarded in the entire application process.”Nagisa turned to the Ishimaru. “So when you asked whether I was proud to be here, the answer is…not yet.”

“You musn’t think that I was insulted to have you, Nagisa-kun!” Ishimaru gasped. “I truly think you’ve been doing a good job so far.”

“I know. _MY_ work is not going to be the insult. That is,” Nagisa turned beet red, “if there really is an insult at all.”

“There isn’t. I can assure you there isn’t.” Ishimaru whispered.

“Ok. But please don’t be offended, sir. I share none of my father’s personal opinions…other than the fact that you do seem rather inexperienced, but that will change for the better in time.”

“Glad to hear.” Ishimaru’s smile was a little strained, but he moved on: “So, Tsumiki, tell us more about yourself.”

“Hmm?” Tsumiki nearly jumped as she realized who Ishimaru was addressing. “W-Well, there’s not much to know.”

“Come, come. There’s no need to be shy. Look at Nagisa-kun! It’s the first day and he already managed to make me feel extremely uncomfortable with his little backstory but I’m not saying anything bad! It’s all part of getting to know each other. Like, where do you live, for instance?”

Nagisa blinked.

“…Sir, I’m not the expert at socializing, but I do think that asking where a person lives right off the bat is something we should avoid.”

“No no no, it’s alright! Really!” Tsumiki mumbled. “Roppongi. The dodgy end.”

“Oh!” Ishimaru beamed. “One of my dearest friends live in Roppongi!”

“Oh.”She nervously returned his smile.

“So…which place exactly is the dodgy end?”

“Near the end of Harris street.”

Ishimaru thought hard.

“Right…yes, that is rather dodgy.”

“What’s in Roppongi?” Nagisa piped up.

“Quite a few offices, izakayas, night clubs filled with-“

“I THINK THAT’S QUITE ENOUGH FOR A CHILD TO HEAR.” Ishimaru hastily stopped her mid-speech. “So, you live with your…husband? Boyfriend? With three illegitimate children?”

“A-actually, I just split with my previous boyfriend, s-so I’m kind of back with my mum and dad for a bit.” She stammered.

“Oh.” The relief in his voice was obvious. “Good. I mean, sorry. I mean, I really shouldn’t have said it was good, don’t know what suddenly came over me.”

“It’s alright. My parents were pretty nice about the entire matter.”She flushed scarlet.

“Hmm.”Nagisa’s interest was piqued. “Why did you break up?”

“Nagisa-kun!”

“If you’re not allowing me to take part in this discussion, may I please be excused?”

“…Fine, stay.”

“Much obliged, sir.” Nagisa returned to Tsumiki. “Why did you two break up?”

“W-what?” Tsumiki nearly dropped her teacup. “A-actually, it was my parents’decision.”

“Your parents? Why?”

“They didn’t like him very much. But he’s alright, really. He just sometimes gets drunk and becomes a little too rough…and occasionally brings other girls into his apartment...” she paused in uncomfortable recollection. “And he said I was gettng fat.”

“That’s outrageous!” Ishimaru protested. “You’re not fat at all!”

“Actually, he said I had thighs the size of tree trunks…my neighbor said the same thing... They're not very nice, come to think of it.”

“No, they aren't.” Ishimaru said firmly. “You’re well rid of him.”

“No, he can be nice sometimes.” She laughed nervously. “That really is all I deserve, in the end.”

 _…_ _this girl has a massive inferiority complex._ Ishimaru darkly thought, as he watched her twitching contours, about to burst in tears in any minute.

“Tsumiki-san, you are a very nice woman, fully deserving of much more respect! And if there’s anything I can do to make you feel better, I will do it.”

Tsumiki smiled. “Thank you sir, but there really is nothing you need to do-“

“This may sound slightly morbid,” Nagisa interrupted loudly, “but I would like to take this opportunity to remind you sir that Special Forces is on speed dial 5.”

“Why would I want to know-“ Ishimaru stopped mid-speech as he realized what Nagisa was getting at.

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

“It’s a valid option, sir.” Nagisa hastily defended himself. “And I do believe someone who mistreats women is fully deserving of such retribution. Don’t you think so, miss?”

“It _is_ a little extreme.” She whispered.

“The affair is over, Nagisa-kun.” Ishimaru wearily rubbed his eyes. “I’m sure Tsumiki appreciates your concern, but no.”

Despite this, Tsumiki gave a small smile of forlorn thanks, and the boy looked away.

“W-well... alright.” Nagisa backed down. “But just remember they’re absolutely charming. Ruthless trained killers only a phone call away.”

The three lapsed into silence once more. The tea in Ishimaru’s cup had long gone stagnant, though still producing feeble attempts of steam.

“Well… thank you very much for the tea, sir. I enjoyed this discussion very much." Tsumiki straightened up.

"Did you just stand up _before_ the prime minister stands-"

"IT'S ALRIGHT, Nagisa-kun." Ishimaru quickly stood up as well. "It's been very nice talking to you as well." Beaming, he showed her out the door.

Still smiling, she picked up the tea cups and walked towards the door.

**_CRASH_ **

The tinkling of china made Ishimaru and Nagisa whirl around in shock, only to find Tsumiki sprawled chest-first into the ground, legs twisted and bound with the wiring of the lamp that fell with her, knees bent, revealing a very tight pair of-

"Oh my." Nagisa turned beet red.

Tsumiki collapsed into tears.

"Oh God. Please don't cry! Are you alright? What happened?" Ishimaru hastily rushed to help her up, quickly wiping her tears in the process. "It's alright don't cry, please don't cry, I can easily get it replaced. Now let's get you untied, let's see-"

**_SPLUT_ **

No sooner had he touched her leg did blood spurt from his nose like a rainbow.

 _"Oh no._ I'm so sorry, sir-"

"Sir, we'll take it from here!"

Two aides hastily helped Tsumiki up and carried her out of the room, leaving a massively bleeding Ishimaru alone with the gaping secretary.

 _Well, that was embarrassing._ Ishimaru thought as he held a tissue to his nose. He couldn't help it; he had never established any sort of romantic connection in his life. Heck, his first kiss was given to a baby during a public campaign.

A BABY, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

"Sir?" Nagisa finally regained his voice. "With your permission, may I be excused?"

"Go." Ishimaru waved him off, and Nagisa bolted out of the room.

He looked at his grandfather's portrait on his desk.

"Did you have these sort of problems on your first day as well?"

The picture said nothing back.

Ishimaru sighed.

"Of course you did, you saucy old bag."

**TOGAMI CONGLOMERATE**

Hinata's head was still reeling. _Still_ reeling, hours after his meeting with Togami. After much consideration, he had narrowed down Togami's cause for madness to two things: lack of sex, or too much stress.

_Either way, what should I do about her?_

Right or wrong, Togami had pointed out the facts: he liked her, everybody (Nanami to a lesser extent) knows, and that he should do something about it quickly.

Being one of the only supposed few bachelors remaining amongst his friends was a grueling, stressful affair. Every single social event, every New Year's Eve party, every birthday, every birthday, they had nagged him for the lack of a significant other.

 _If only they knew,_ he thought darkly as he passed his cubicle. It didn't change the fact that a part of him definitely fancied Nanami, and that he fantasized about her from time to time.

He looked to where Nanami was sitting. Her head was drooping, the silver curls just covering her sleepy eyes trained firmly under the desk.

 _Yosh._ Hinata huffed. _Now or never._

With confidence, he strode over to Nanami's desk and cleared his throat.

"Hey, Nanami-"

 **_AAAAAAAIIEEee_ ** _aEEE **EAEE**_ **AAAAEEEEEEEEEEE~**

 _THE FUCK-_ Hinata fell flat on his back just as the blood curdling scream was quashed by static.

"Hinata-kun?" Nanami looked up, unperturbed in the slightest.

"Hi!" Hinata got up to his feet sheepishly. "What are you doing? What was that scream?"

She held up the iPad for him to see.

"It was Freddy..." She mumbled. "You made me forget to close the right door."

"Oh." Hinata didn't have the slightest clue what she was talking about, but given the situation it seemed faking an understanding seemed like the best option. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. 20/20/20/20 night is much more easier to handle than I expected... I think."

"... You like games, Nanami?"

"I guess so. Even bizarre ones like this one. I'm just waiting to get fired so I'll be finally free."

"... Are we talking about games, here?"

She stared blankly into space.

"Hello?"

Nanami's head drooped yet again. A gentle snore was just audible for Hinata to hear.

"Um..." Hinata lightly tapped her shoulder. "Nanami?"

" _Ume-shoryu_!" She gasped as she snapped awake.

"What?"

"... Oh. I fell asleep again, didn't I?"

His heart thumped hard as he watched her wipe the small trail of saliva on the bottom of her lip.

"Are you not getting enough sleep?"

"Sometimes I..." She blinked slowly. "... forget."

" _What do you mean, forget???"_

She shrugged.

Trying to ignore how ridiculously cute Nanami was being, he plucked his courage:

"Say, um, do you wanna get some coffee later after work?"

Nanami's eyes widened.

"..."

"It's ok if you don't want to go, just thought I should ask."

"... That sounds nice, but I've got something on later." She mumbled.

"Oh." _It sounds nice,_ he repeated to himself. "Like?"

"... I'm buying camping supplies for next week."

"You're going camping?"

"... Not in the conventional sense." She smiled. "But another time would be nice."

"... Right!" Hinata recovered. "Sure."

Giving a small wave, he left her desk, feeling a thousand imaginary eyes boring at him in the distance.

 **NAEGI** **’** **S APARTMENT**

_And the symphony came. Flowers were brought in, and oh, what euphoria it was to hear old Ludwig Van again! The wonder of wonders, the birds of like rarest spun heavenmetal, the silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense again, the choirs like a cage of silk around the hospital bed._

_Oh, it was gorgeosity and yumyumyum. And when it came to the Scherzo, I viddied it:_

Ikusaba broke into a tiny smile as she saw what Alex pictured in the film’s final moments: buck naked, he engaged in violent, joyous intercourse with a laughing blonde, to the triumphant applause of citizens in Victorian garb as well as the magnum opus of Ludwig Van.

_"I was cured alright."_

The credits started rolling.

“They did omit the last chapter, though.” Naegi broke the silence.

“There was a last chapter?” Ikusaba turned in surprise.

“Yes! In the last chapter, 4 years later, Alex becomes bored and inspired by Pete, he decides to settle down and have a family.”

_... Well, that explains why she ripped out the final pages._

“I didn’t read it in the book.” Ikusaba nods apologetically.

“Then you must have read the American version.” Naegi reasoned. “I’m ambivalent towards it. What do you think?”

“I would have completely lost interest in this book if I had known that Alex would be reformed at the end.”

“Yes, but he’s being reformed by his own choice! Doesn’t it give you a sense of hope that even the worst people can change on their own volition?”

_Can. Keyword._

“It’s a matter of will or won’t…Naegi-kun, not whether we can or not.”

Naegi looked lost for a few distant moments, and she took the time to take a better look at him. Decidedly ordinary, polite, good mannered, rather shy; his words and demeanor had an uplifting effect. But she saw it all the same: it lurked within his eyes, his words, his demeanor…

_Despair._

It fascinated her; for somebody to be so accepting, so _kind_ , only to be under the same spell she and her sister was so hopelessly fascinated in.

“…It’s nice discussing these ideas with you.” Naegi smiled.

“Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.”

They gazed at each other, possibly for several minutes, hours perhaps, until the silence became unbearable.

“Oh God. I’d forgotten to get some coffee.” Naegi suddenly realized.

“There’s really no need-“

“It’s customary!”He got up. “Is black ok?”

“Anything goes.”

He gave a final small smile, and walked with light steps towards the kitchen, leaving Ikusaba to take a better look at her surroundings.

The apartment was small, but clearly great care had been taken with it. The furniture was plain, wood upon cream yellow walls and the air was warm with the scent of chocolate and vanilla, tinged with dust and smoke from the winter air. Besides the tv set, a long cupboard of CDs were lined, parts of it in alphabetical order, the others scattered, as if the owner didn’t bother any longer to put them in meticulous care. _Kenny G, Bill Frisell, Tim Berne_ _…_ Ikusaba was dimly aware that the CDs were following a certain theme, but tone-deaf as she was, she wouldn’t know the details too correctly.

She looked up. A few photographs were neatly framed and arranged on a solitary shelf. Curious, she cleared the small layer of dust on the glass panel. There was Naegi, an expression of absolute bliss on his face as he raised his hand in a Victory pose. Beside him, a beautiful, slender girl with lustrous, violet hair stood beside him, hands to herself, and though she did not smile as wide as Naegi towards the camera, Ikusaba sensed she was equally happy.

Another showed Naegi, younger still, princess-carrying the same girl in an outdoor pavilion. Naegi had an expression of comical determination, whilst the girl laughed in a mix of embarrassment and glee, her white dress flowing like spring water behind her.

The other pictures-

The wave of bloodlust took her off guard.

Years of training as a mercenary made Ikusaba instinctively duck, but the bloodlust dissolved as quickly as it came.

“What are you doing?”

Naegi's voice was carefully measured as he scrutinized her from across the room.

"... Actually, I just... I'm sorry." She waited for the blow to fall.

He took several deep breaths and collected himself.

"Coffee's ready."

***

Moments later, the room was filled with the delicious aroma of ground coffee. Ikusaba hardly touched her drink, though neither did Naegi, their minds still stuck on the small incident beforehand.

"... I didn't mean to intrude on your privacy."

"It's fine." Naegi gave a small smile that felt more than a little forced. "It was just a nasty surprise. And I'm sorry if you think I overreacted."

She took a small sip of the black liquid, and found it distinctly bitter.

"... Can I ask you a question?" She regained her voice.

"Please."

"Who is she?"

Naegi looked at her for a good amount of time before he shut his eyes.

"Her name's Kyouko Kirigiri."

 _Never heard of her..._ Although Ikusaba had never expected to.

"And she was your girlfriend-"

"She was my wife."

The silence that followed was longer than all the rest.

"... I'm sorry."

Naegi nodded, absent-mindedly stirring his mug.

Death was never a foreign topic for Ikusaba. Years spent on the battlefield had given her a pragmatic, if not nihilistic outlook towards life, and the result was she approached these heavy ideas with the sensitivity of a rampaging washing machine in the department of mysteries. Still, Ikusaba could see the melancholia within Naegi's eyes, and tried her best to sound sympathetic.

"Forgive me, but you seem a little young to have already married."

"We had discussed the idea briefly during the last few weeks of our school life, and the more we discussed, the more we liked the idea... Still, come graduation day, she never expected the ring." The corners of his lips curled gently upon recollection of the sweet memory.

She decided to test her luck. "... When did it happen?"

His lips pursed.

"4 years ago."

"4 years?" She repeated incredulously.

He nodded. "Just a year into our marriage, she-"

"No, I mean, why are you still grieving?"

The question hung heavily in the air between them.

"... What?" Naegi had become very still.

"I would understand if it had happened recently, but 4 years? Why are you still in despair?"

" _Of course_ I'm still in grief." His voice came out a little strained. "It happened so suddenly. And quickly.”

Ikusaba blinked.

"I'm sorry, but I don't see how it connects. 4 years is still very long-"

" _I loved her! That's_ what connects, alright? I've spent so much time chasing her only for her to be ripped out of my fingers, and I couldn't do anything about it when the accident happened! I love her. That's why to this day I'm still grieving. I'm grieving as I was nowhere to be seen when it happened. I'm grieving as I didn't tell her what I felt before she died, or hear what she felt before she died. I'm grieving as I'm never going to find anyone like her ever again."

He must've realized he raised his voice, for the next few lines were considerably softer: "It may be pretty long, I guess, but that's just my grieving process. I don't think that time is an issue." He looked at her with subdued interest. "I mean, haven't you ever gone though such a thing before? Don't you think you would grieve for a long time if someone you loved passed away? Say, your parents-"

"They died not long after me and my sister were born."

Naegi's gaze softened immediately.

"I didn't know-"

She nodded. "That makes both of us."

"Ok, then, say your sister. Wouldn't you grieve if your sister passed away?"

"... No."

Naegi looked confused. "But... isn't she part of your family?"

"Yes, but... It's complicated." She had never talked about her sister with somebody else, and found words describing their relationship to be scarce.

"... Don't you love her?"

"Of course."

"And she, you?"

Ikusaba exercised her right to remain silent.

Naegi sighed.

"It looks like both of us are screwed up one way or another."

"Agreed."

Ikusaba gave a small smile before finishing the last remains of his coffee, then remarked: “It’s getting late.”

Naegi looked out. Indeed, the setting sun was just beginning to kiss the mountains in the horizon.

“You’re right. You better get going.”

Nodding, she slung her bag over her head and got up, accompanying him towards the door. Ikusaba was putting on her jacket when she noticed Naegi pulling on his overcoat.

“What are you doing?”

Naegi stopped in the middle of doing a button. “Oh, sorry.” He smiled sheepishly. “I was thinking about taking you home.”

“Why?”

“B-because it’s not safe at night!” He replied as if the answer was obvious. “Especially if you’re alone.”

Ikusaba blinked, then turned away before he could catch sight of her silently laughing to herself. _How na_ _ï_ _ve, how earnest,_ she thought.

 _…_ _it should be fine as long as she doesn_ _’_ _t see him._

She sighed. “Well, if you insist, I can’t stop you.”

***

“Bonito flakes?”

“Yes, please.”

“Red Shiso?”

“Yes, please.”

“Seaweed flakes?”

“Yes, please.”

Koizumi looked up from the grill. “Maybe you shouldn’t.”

“Why the hell not?” Souda’s stomach rumbled as the pancake’s savory aroma wafted higher up his nostrils.

“They’ll get stuck on your teeth, and that’ll look ghastly.”

“How the hell do you suppose I eat okonomiyaki if I’m scared of seaweed flakes? Give me that.”

“No, it’ll look bad!”

“I don’t _care!_ I’m starving already, and all you care about is what’s on my teeth!” When she still refused to hand over the small container, he reached across towards an empty table and reached for their condiments tray.

“In the first place, why am I having dinner with _you_?” Souda grumbled as he sprinkled seaweed flakes with a generous hand.

“You were hungry, I was hungry, I suggested a spot I knew behind the gallery, and here we are.” Koizumi expertly flipped her pork and cabbage okonomiyaki with the short spatulas, the tabletop grill sizzling with ecstasy. “That’s all.”

“Hmm.” Souda filled his mouth with a forkful of the pancake. _Still slightly raw in the middle_ _…_ He allowed the pancake to sizzle more on the stovetop before helping it onto his plate. “Well, unwrapping porn is hard work.”

“Don’t make me slap you-“

“Can’t anyone take a joke these days?” Without further ado, he stuffed half of the pancake into his mouth, a monstrous amount of batter, cheese, onions and seaweed filling the entirety of his cheeks. _It **is** good, _he conceded, as he continued chewing the huge mass within his mouth, still savoring the heavy taste as he looked up to see Koizumi’s look of sheer disgust.

“Don’t you at least have some decent table manners?” She chided.

“Ar ‘oo goong du ‘ag ‘e ‘ole day?!”

Koizumi silently made up her mind never to dine with Souda again in the future.

“Don’t. Talk. With your mouth full.” She gritted her teeth.

Souda swallowed the huge mass, then repeated: “Are you going to nag the whole day?!”

“Only if you keep forcing me to.” Koizumi dignifiedly bit into a corner of the pancake.

“Well, at the rate you’re eating that, we’ll be here the whole night.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”She sipped some of the roasted tea that was provided free of charge. “I always eat like this.”

“Nobody’s ever had a problem with how I ate either.” Souda said before glugging down a can of coke, relishing the sanguine draught that ran down his gullet.

For the next few moments, there was silence save for the sounds of cutlery and the clattering of cups on greasy wood.

His rage against Tanaka had mostly dissipated, and after much time of thinking about it, he concluded he was being irrational in his anger. _But me being jealous, that_ _’_ _s not going to change for a long time._

As he polished off his plate, he wondered if he was ever going to let go of this wasted opportunity; this wasted chance at bliss and freedom and love. But if the last 4 years were of any indicator, any prognosis of him letting go was morbidly negative.

 _So she_ _’_ _ll forever be the owner of my wasted heart_ _…_ He washed down the unsettling feelings with the last of his coke.

“…Hey, Koizumi.” Souda eyed her. “Why did you and Saionji break up?”

Her chopsticks paused on its way to her mouth.

“That’s an abrupt question.” Koizumi finally said. “Why do you ask?”

“Can’t a guy be curious?”

“Don’t avoid the question.”

Souda glared for a good few seconds before finally relenting.

“…It’s part of some…relationship matters I was considering.”

“Be specific.”She smirked.

“…Moving on.”

Koizumi considered his response.

“…Partly due to long distance,”

“Saionji, huh? Go on.”

“Partly due to other influences,”

“…”

“But mostly due to ourselves.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Souda, it’s difficult being in a relationship with someone in the same sex.” She began. “…And keep in mind, these are calculated words: right now, being a part of LGBT is at least not considered a sin, but it’s not exactly a virtue either in the eyes of others.”

“Whatever happened to live and let live?” Souda muttered.

“Sometimes I wonder.” She shrugged. “Most of the time when me and Saionji went out together, nobody ever assumed that we were in a romantic relationship.”

“…That’s good right?”

“Saionji didn’t like that. I didn’t either, to a smaller extent. There’re really no rules when it comes to LGBT relationships. Anything we try feels wrong in public. I mean, it’s understandable, but still unpleasant that many still treat LGBT as a rarity.”

“To be fair, LGBT are a minority.” Souda reasoned.

“Still.” Koizumi sighed. “Then there’s the furthering of our careers to consider, in which these things should generally be considered secret. Hence in short, our entire relationship was doomed ever since we got out of school.”

There was a tense silence that followed.

“…You think Ishimaru would do something about that?”

Koizumi laughed. “He’d better, or I’m not supporting him next time round.”

“But if that’s all, why don’t you two just move somewhere where you can be accepted? Like the states.”

“That’s where the part about ourselves comes in.” Koizumi kept her stiff fingers firmly wrapped around the cup for warmth.

“What do you mean?”

She sighed. “Can you please don’t mock what I’m about to say?”

Souda tsk’d. “Even _my_ insensitivity has its boundaries.”

The melancholy on her face dissolved slightly, and she continued:

“The thing about being bisexual-“

“Bisexual?” Souda blinked. “I thought you were a lesb-“

“What, I can’t swing both ways? Before I met Saionji, I was attracted to guys as well…But it was the first time I had developed romantic affection for a member of the same sex, so I decided to give it a try. You know the rest.”

“As a matter of fact, I don’t.”

“Do I have to spell everything out for you?” She irritably rested her head against her seat. “I’m still unsure of Saionji, but I know that I can eventually develop romantic feelings for a guy. Unlike one of the real lesbians I’ve met who think of touching a guy as appealing as touching a toaster.”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

“…What I mean is we both thought our relationship wasn’t worth fighting for.”

Souda blinked. Twice.

“You gave up?” His lips dropped in dismay.

“…We both felt that there was a multitude of other options that we could go for that didn’t include each other.” She whispered. “Easier roads that could be taken.”

“B-but…that’s it? That can’t be. You two love each other-“

“I still do.” She clarified. “…But if we know it’s never going to work out with the both of us, why fight what can't be won?”

“Because she could be your soul mate.” Souda thought wistfully of Sonia. “Koizumi, you might be giving up on your one true love.”

“…Giving up is a harsh term.”

“I don’t see another phrase for it-“

“ _The phrase is_ _‘_ _moving on_ _’_ _!_ _”_

Her words reverberated within Souda’s mind again and again.

_Moving on? Yet another euphemism for something we are ashamed of._

The conversation continued outside, whilst Souda and Koizumi waited for their respective bus to arrive.

"... Was there at least any closure?" Souda asked.

"Of course."

"You say that, yet you still harbor lingering feelings for her." _Then what the hell am I supposed to do?_

Koizumi tilted her head thoughtfully. "I don't think that means I haven't moved on, you know."

"Why?"

"... I guess in a sense, I'm leaving it all to hope."

"I'm confused. Isn't that wishful thinking?"

"And _only_ wishful thinking." Koizumi grimaced. "Paradoxically, that's pretty despair inducing."

"... Then whatcha think I should do?" Souda finally popped the question. "Say there was this guy, and you're pretty sure this guy is the guy of your dreams. But under the universe's complete bullshit rules and regulations you can't get him conventionally. Unavailable. Zip. What would you do?"

Koizumi regarded him curiously.

"... The girl of your dreams... You've liked this person for how long?"

"Pretty long." He avoided giving an exact value.

"... Well, I would invite him to coffee one day, reminisce about the past, and then casually drop the fact that I used to like him."

"But I _still_ like her. I _still_ want to be with her."

"You said you couldn't get her conventionally. I'm taking your words at face value, so I'm assuming there really is no chance. So, if you plan on doing so anyway, start by dropping hints." Koizumi stared at the flow of passing traffic. "But you're still in for a lot of hurt."

 _... I can't do that._ Souda thought in dismay.

"... What if I just blindly hope like you do? And just keep my heart alone until one day she reconsiders."

The look Koizumi gave Souda then was one full of sympathy.

"Good luck with that."

On cue, Souda's bus arrived.

"... Well, I should be going." Souda got up. "Thanks for helping me."

"No problem." She gave one final, weary smile. "Night, Souda."

"Night, Koizumi." And with that, Souda hopped onto the bus, paid the fare, and climbed onto the upper deck.

He took out the CD that Koizumi had helped him burn and gazed at it.

_Good luck with that..._

Finally, he tucked it away, resting his forehead against the cool glass.

He dreamt of Sonia in her wedding dress.

***

Naegi wished she would initiate some sort of conversation.

Throughout the taxi journey, they had made absolutely no attempt to rekindle their past discussions. _Understandable, given their contents._ But he was close to never seeing this girl again, and the thought of being alone even a minute longer was enough to scare Naegi witless.

Ikusaba wished he would initiate some sort of conversation.

Throughout the taxi journey, they had made absolutely no attempt to rekindle their past discussions. _Good._ But she was close to never seeing this guy again, and the thought of returning to her apartment without at least the prospect of seeing him again was enough to make her despair.

"Had a fight, you two?" The driver loudly snickered. "What happened, eh?"

Ikusaba absentmindedly wondered how much blood would the driver lose if he was rammed into a wall at 90 miles an hour.

"Understand how you two feel. Lost a wife meself." He went on, ignoring his occupants' obvious discomfort. "She went for this other guy, and get this: he's my brother. HA! Never talking to him again. Not even at Christmas. Spending this with a Portuguese twat who-"

"Stop the car, we're getting off."

Naegi lurched from his reverie. "What? But this isn't your-" The rest of his words were swiftly cut off by a glance from Ikusaba. _Cooperate._

He immediately opened the door as the taxi pulled over.

"Righto. You two have a lovely night!" The driver called before Ikusaba slammed the door shut.

"Thank god." Naegi breathed. "That was clever."

"Yes, he was beginning to annoy me."

"That makes two of us." He looked around the neighborhood. "Which way?"

She pointed to the right.

"Ok."

There were still quite a few people lingering around even in the cold of night. Young men in working garb having finished their evening shift, boys and girls playing in the dilapidated playground, the night was young. As Naegi turned up the collar of his winter coat, he noticed how little Ikusaba was wearing in comparison.

"Aren't you cold?" 

"Hmm?"

"You don't look like you have much on."

"It's fine." Her impassivity was impressive. "I was trained to resist its effects."

"Are you sure?"

She gave him a reassuring smile. "Positive."

"Today was fun." Naegi broke the tension again.

"I enjoyed myself as well." It was the truth.

"... I'm sorry for probing into your life."

"I probed into yours. We're even."

She thought long and hard of what to say, what could possibly allow him to remain in contact for the next few days. Ikusaba racked her brains, but as a soldier, tactics were never her strong points.

It was a little over five minutes later that she reluctantly decided to go with the truth:

"I like your company."

Those words had never been uttered before by her mouth, and she could feel the blood rising in her cheeks as Naegi turned in surprise.

"I'm glad." Naegi broke into a relieved smile. "I like your company too."

"Even after all that-"

"It was a bit of a rude shock, but it's alright."

Silence.

Ikusaba stopped in front of a house. "This is where I leave you."

Naegi looked appraisingly at the well lit house. "Alright."

_Now or Never._

"Listen, can I propose something?"

"Yes?"

"Clearly, you've got your own problems. I have my own to handle." Naegi began. "I know that I'm alone, and would like company. I like yours, you like mine. Do you feel the same way?"

Ikusaba considered it. "I guess I do."

"Ok. How about this? We'll be friends, seeing each other from time to time, maybe even often, and enjoy each other's company, with the following conditions: it remains strictly platonic, and you don't mention my problems with... Kirigiri-"

"- and you don't mention my relationship with my sister." She mused.

"It's just an idea, though." Naegi mumbled. "It's fine if you-"

"It's fine. I like it."

Naegi stopped. "Really?"

"I wasn't expecting much in the first place, but yes. I'm fine with it."

Elated, Naegi took out his phone. "Great! I'll give you my number."

"And mine." She took out hers.

"Great!" Naegi beamed as he pocketed his phone. "Listen, there's supposed to be this new izakaya near the library where the food's really good, do you wanna meet for lunch tomorrow?"

"That sounds fine." She smiled.

Amazed at his luck, Naegi grinned: "Thanks! I'll see you tomorrow, then... _Bring_ a book!"

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking about exchanging a book with you. Something I like with something you like."

She bit her lip.

"... I'm not sure about that." _Particularly if she finds out._

"It's fine if you don't." Naegi hastily assured her. "I just thought it would be a nice way to get to know one another better."

She thought hard.

"... I could recommend them to you."

"Nice!" Naegi gave the OK. "Then I'll meet you at the library tomorrow, same time?"

She nodded.

"Ok. Good night, Ikusaba-San."

"Good night, Naegi-kun."

***

10 minutes after Naegi left, Ikusaba was still wondering why she had lied to him.

Why she had stopped a block away from where she really lived.

 _To avoid being seen_ was her natural response. But it begged the question: why avoid her in the first place?

Ikusaba sighed as she arrived at her apartment.

 _I could just tell her._ The thought was more than a little hopeful for Ikusaba. _But she'll just throw one of her fits and tantrums again._

She quietly unlocked the door and stepped in.

"I'm home."

***

“FUCK!”

Hinata swore as a second cab ignored him.

Finally, he decided that he needed the exercise anyway, and walked the remainder of the journey into his apartment.

 _Maybe another time…_ He felt nothing short of embarrassed when the memory of asking her out came back. _How the hell am I supposed to pick up from where we left off?_

He was still brooding on this when he saw the brightly lit billboard in Ikekuburo.

**POKEMON OMEGA RUBY AND ALPHA SAPPHIRE**

**GET YOUR COPY HERE FIRST AT XX/XX/XXXX**

Hinata blinked and did the math.

… _That’s next week._

_"... I'm buying camping supplies for next week."_

_"You're going camping?"_

_"... Not in the conventional sense."_

Something clicked.

Hinata froze in the middle of the road, as he processed what he was seeing.

Finally, he picked up his phone and punched in a number.

“… Hi, Fujisaki-san? Funny question.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before ending off, I feel like I should say something about this:  
> For those of you who didn't know, Warusou on tumblr has been very kindly translating DR:AE and posting the translations on his tumblr page for all to peruse. He's halfway through chapter 5 right now.  
> He's currently the sole translator of the DR:AE project, unless I'm very much mistaken.  
> Another tumblr user by the name of Valwinz requested his permission in usage of his translations to transplant the translations with geirusy's (another tumblr user) footage of the the game. Warusou accepted, but there were cases in which Valwinz did not properly credit Warusou for the translations for the videos he posts on Tumblr and youtube, putting himself first against others.  
> Naturally, Warusou was understandably and rightfully pissed. Especially when he realized the amount of NSFW material (including a DR:AE Doujinshi that featured the warriors of hope) that was posted alongside his videos on his blog. Hence, he disallowed Valwinz from continuing to use his translations. When Valwinz refused, Warusou considered making his translations private, something Valwinz responded negatively (and colorfully) to.  
> When Valwinz continued posting videos with translations he claimed were not from Warusou but from 'anons' (which is bullshit, by the way, a few punctuation changes does not mean it's different), Warusou gave up and continued translating for the rest of the public.  
> In my honest opinion, Warusou has the full right and privilege to disallow people from using his translations, as well as making his translations private. As the sole translator of DR:AE so far, he has every right to do so. Yet he continues to translate DR:AE for the public, despite Valwinz continually making videos and wasting no time in claiming credit for himself (despite the latest videos do crediting Warusou).  
> Readers: It is fan support that keeps people like Warusou going despite plagiarisers. So keep your kudos, but please just give a word of encouragement and support to Warusou in the ask box. It would mean the world to him:  
> http://warusou.tumblr.com/ask  
> Thank you! :)
> 
> P.S: This post sums up the incident pretty nicely.  
> http://warusou.tumblr.com/post/101326479843/i-apologize-for-the-sheer-amount-of-unnecessary
> 
> Next Chapter:  
> "Captain! Iceberg ahead!"  
> "What's it made of?"  
> "Fluff, sir!"  
> "FULL STEAM AHEAD!!!"


	4. This Summer's gonna hurt like a Motherf*cker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow This chapter's huge.  
> But I'm feeling happy because Street Fighter 5 is announced, and Touka is BACK!!!!  
> Enjoy 15000 words of fluff!

_"I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it_ _–_ _to be fed so much love I couldn_ ' _t take any more. Just once. But they never gave that to me. Never, not once. If I tried to cuddle up and beg for something, they_ ' _d just shove me away and yell at me._ _“_ _No! That costs too much!"_   _It_ ' _s all I ever heard. So I made up my mind I was going to find someone who would love me unconditionally 365 days a year. I was still in primary school at the time, but I made up my mind once and for all._ _”_

 _“_ _Wow,_ _”_ _I said._ _“_ _And did your search pay off?_ _”_

 _“_ _That_ ' _s the hard part,_ _”_ _said Midori. She watched the rising smoke for a while, thinking._ _“_ _I guess I_ ' _ve been waiting so long I_ ' _m looking for perfection. That makes it tough._ _”_

 _"Waiting for the perfect love?_ _”_

 _“_ _No, even I know better than that. I'_ _m looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortbread. And you stop everything you_ ' _re doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortbread out to me. And I say I don_ 't  _want it anymore and throw it out of the window. That's_ _what I'_ _m looking for._ _”_

_"I'm not sure that has anything to do with love,_ _”_ _I said with some amazement._

_“_ _It does,_ _”_ _she said._ _“_ _You just don_ ' _t know it. There are times in a girl'_ _s life when things like that are incredibly important._ _”_

 _“_ _Things like throwing strawberry shortbread out of the window?"_ _  
_

_“_ _Exactly. And when I do it, I want the man to apologize to me._ _“_ _Now I see, Midori. What a fool I_ _’_ _ve been. I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortbread. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donkey shit. To make it up to you, I_ _’_ _ll go out and buy you something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?_ _’_

 _“_ _So then what?"_ _  
_

_“_ _So then I_ ' _d give him all the love he deserves for what he_ ' _s done."_ _  
_

_“_ _Sounds crazy to me."_ _  
_

_“_ _Well, to **me** , that_' _s what love is. Not that anyone can understand me, though._ _”_ _Midori gave her head a little shake against my shoulder._ _“_ _For a certain kind of person, love begins from something tiny or silly. From something like that or it doesn_ ' _t begin at all._ _”_

***

_When you stop to examine the way in which our words are formed and uttered, our sentences are hard-put to it to survive the disaster of their slobbery origins. The mechanical effort of conversation is nastier and more complicated than defecation. That corolla of bloated flesh, the mouth, which screws itself up to whistle, which sucks in breath, contorts itself, discharges all manner of viscous sounds across a fetid barrier of decaying teeth—how revolting! Yet that is what we are adjured to sublimate into an ideal. It's not easy. Since we are nothing but packages of tepid, half-rotted viscera, we shall always have trouble with sentiment. Being in love is nothing, its sticking together that's difficult. Feces on the other hand make no attempt to endure or grow. On this score we are far more unfortunate than shit; our frenzy to persist in ourpresent state—that's the unconscionable torture._

_Unquestionably we worship nothing more divine than our smell. All our misery comes from wanting at all costs to go on being Tom, Dick, or Harry, year in year out. This body of ours, this disguise put on by common jumping molecules, is in constant revolt against the abominable farce of having to endure. Our molecules, the dears, want to get lost in the universe as fast as they can! It makes them miserable to be nothing but 'us,' the jerks of infinity. We'd burst if we had the courage, day after day we come very close to it. The atomic torture we love so is locked up inside us by our pride._

***

Kirigiri took one look at the black smoke wafting out her window and laughed.

 _Of course._ She thought grimly as she ran at a breakneck pace up the stairs, her black briefcase clanging loudly against the steps. _Of course he would do such a thing on a day like this._

She smirked as she imagined the chaos that must be rampaging inside. He meant well, she knew, but after repeated occurrences of the same event, Kirigiri could not but help but feeling a little annoyed.

In spirit of her moodiness, she took out her cell phone and called Naegi.

He picked up on the second ring. "H-Hello?"

"Hello, Naegi-kun."

Even from the receiver, she could sense his panic. "K-K-Kirigiri-San! H-hi, um, it's not a very good time."

"Hmm?" She quietly unlocked the door, masked by the noise in the kitchen. "What's happened?"

"It's nothing, don't worry, I can take care of it! Stay wherever you are for another 10 minutes!" His voice grew hysterically high as Kirigiri watched him clear the smoke with a dishcloth.

She decided to amuse herself.

"Actually I'm already approaching our apartment."

"WHA-" Naegi turned pale, his waving of the dishcloth intensifying . "I forgot to mention, c-could you please get some Nutella from the convenience sto-"

"Naegi!" She feigned shock. "What is all this smoke I see?"

He let out a cross between a shriek and a sob.

"It's nothing serious, I swear, I've got the situation under control." Naegi hurried to look out the kitchen window. "It's just something I-"

His voice trailed off. Kirigiri had walked into the kitchen, impassively surveying the unholy mess that had become of the oven. Naegi stood, mitts on, looking as though he wished nothing else in the world but to be doused in acid, out of sight.

She killed the call.

"You know, this feels lamentably familiar."

"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry!" Naegi stammered, close to tears. "I just thought third time's the charm, so I went for it anyway and tried baking, but..."

"But?" She playfully goaded him.

"... But the bottom of the cake tin gave in."

"How many times do I need to remind you it's the thought that counts?" A tinge of exasperation leaked into her voice as she surveyed the charred mess on the oven floor. "Or at least, something simple would be appreciated?"

"I know." He glumly took off his mitts. "It's just... It's not that simple. You gotta give something on birthdays that you yourself are satisfied with, and for me... That's a cake."

Kirigiri got that sinking feeling that Naegi would never understand.

"Well, I'll just go ahead and say it again, for good measure: thank you, and it's the thought that counts." She stood up, waving her locks of hair back as she went. "I'll take a shower, then."

Leaving him lost for words, she exited the smoky mess.

***

An hour later, the mess was cleared away, the acrid stench of smoke was mostly gone, and the two sat, serenaded by jazz (a new CD she had received as a gift), working on their respective agendas.

Or tried to.

Naegi _still_ felt hopeless. And disappointed in himself, but that’s a given. He had hoped that this year, he would do it right, that he would redeem himself over the disasters that had happened the past 2 birthdays. Surely his luck wasn’t _that_ bad, was it? Almost in response, he thought back to the horrid stench that had permeated the kitchen just an hour ago.

What made him even more crestfallen was the fact that Kirigiri was taking all of this in stride. He knew he shouldn’t have, it was his mistake in the first place, he should have been thankful that she was willing to overlook such an accident with a few laughs and reprimands. But the thought that maybe he was really just someone lucky to be with her, just somebody whom Kirigiri had just so happened to take a fancy to, somebody whose spirits he couldn’t lift, to make smile…

He looked towards Kirigiri, working diligently away at a small pile of paperwork. _Is she happy?_ These insecurities always seemed to pop up every now and then, every time he glanced, captivated by her timeless beauty and grace. _But she married me. Does that say anything, at least?_

“Hey, Kirigiri-san?”

She looked up. “Yes?”

“…I’m sorry about-“

“I thought we were over that.” Annoyed, she stiffened in her seat. “It was an accident.”

“No it’s not that.” Naegi’s voice broke. “It’s just, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you anything decent for your birthday.”

Kirigiri stared, and as she stared, Naegi wondered what was dancing in her eyes: pity, amusement, or annoyance?

“Well… that _is_ something you can apologize for.”

“…”

Finally, she got up and turned off the stereo, the saxophone and piano cut off mid-bridge.

“Then, to make up for it…” She blushed slightly as the words lodged against her throat. “Would you heed one of my requests?”

Naegi nodded earnestly. “Of course. I’ll try my best.”

Kirigiri took a deep breath and collected herself.

“Sing _that_ song for me.”

Naegi blinked. “W-what?”

Blushing furiously now, Kirigiri looked away. “Don’t make me ask again.” Her voice was tinged with exasperation, maybe even a hint of longing, “Sing me the song you sang for me on that starry night."

"Kirigiri-San!" He complained. "But... It's embarrassing."

"..." She stuck true to her word.

"I-I know the last time I did it voluntarily, but it was a spur-of-the-moment sort of thing!"

"..."

 _Why bring that up again?_ He knew what she was talking about, of course. Unbidden, the memories of the two, alone, in each other's arms on the school roof that spring night began pouring back. And he had, on impulse, sang the same song his mother sang to him when he was very young. _At that moment it did feel right for that sort of thing._ Naegi remembered it having taken her by surprise: she was not one for outbursts of romance and passion, especially in public. To be honest, it was convenient to assume that. Hearing her ask him to sing it again was nothing short of unexpected.

Naegi sighed.

He stood up and approached her with unsteady feet. She looked away, slightly embarrassed as Naegi slid his fingers between her gloved ones.

Taking a deep breath, Naegi began:

_"Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars._

_Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars._

_In other words, hold my hand...._

_In other words... Darling kiss me..."_

Consciously, unconsciously, they moved closer to each other, rocking back and forth slightly, slowly as her arms gently circled Naegi's waist. Feeling Kirigiri's warm breath on the back of his neck, breathing into the lavenders that surely must grow somewhere within her hair, he continued:

_"Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forever more._

_You are all I long for, all I worship and adore._

_In other words, please be true..."_

Kirigiri brought her cool lips against his neck, and Naegi gasped in surprise. His knees nearly gave way as she moved higher up his neck, his ears, his lips, at which point Naegi kissed her passionately back.

Slowly, they pulled away, and their noses touched as the inevitable final line came:

_"In other words... I love you."_

The music stopped, yet the magic remained; they stood there in each other's arms, and Naegi drifted through the past, and all the sweet memories they shared. He wondered what she was thinking at that very moment; what she was thinking as her embrace tightened around Naegi's back.

"... Thank you, Naegi-kun." Her lips gently curled into a smile. "That was very nice."

But Naegi only had one burning question on his mind.

"Was it really enough?"

Her fingers stopped in the middle of playing with his hair. Kirigiri pondered the question for a few moments that were eternities in the mind of Naegi Makoto.

She met his wide, expectant eyes.

"It'll do."

 **_PRESENT DAY: 4_ ** **_WEEKS TO CHRISTMAS_ **

**MONO: TV STUDIO**

“They have **got** to be doing this on purpose.”

Ibuki’s good mood was short lived as she and Twogami saw the stage.

“Why are they putting Ibuki’s band members’ merchandise right there?”Ibuki muttered.

“As you know, they’re on the top of the charts right now for _their_ Christmas album.” Twogami tried calming her down. “It’s only natural that the producers-“

“This?” Ibuki picked up the CD case and waved the cover at Twogami’s face. “A Christmas Album? Give this to any hobo out there and they’ll be convinced it’s porn! _Look_ at that!”She flung the case away in fury.“And did you hear what they said about me and my music last week? ON THIS VERY SHOW?”

“Mioda-san.” Twogami lowered his voice. “I know it must be offending, and you must feel incredibly hurt because of it, but we shouldn’t create another PR stunt.”

“PR stunt? Let me get this straight, chubs. This has _nothing_ to do with publicity, alright? This is personal! I-B-U-K-I, PERSONAL!”

Togami became desperate. “…Ibuki, I’ve spent a lot of time convincing them to allow you on the show, the least you could do is promote your work, and just be…nonchalant. Relaxed. Cool about the entire matter. Please?”

The Rockstar rubbed her eyelids dejectedly.

“Fine.” She recovered. “Ibuki will be cool as a Swedish banana, just for you, Byakuya-chan.”

“Thank you.” Twogami heaved a sigh of relief. “And remember: smile!”

“Miss Mioda?” A stagehand hurriedly tapped her from behind. “We’re live across Japan in 1 minute.”

“Gotcha! Be right with you!”

***

“Good Morning, you little bastards, and welcome back to the MonoChrome Show!” Monokuma screamed to the roaring crowd. “Well, you wanted her back ever since my sister’s radio show, so back by surprisingly popular demand, here’s Ibuki Mioda!”

She waved once to the clearly disinterested audience, as canned applause rang throughout the room. Twogami smiled with satisfaction as Ibuki, undeterred, focused her attention towards the 2 animatronic bears.

“So…5 weeks to Cwistmas, Mioda-chan!” Underneath her bubbly exterior, Usami was a _lot_ more cautious than usual. “And it looks like your big competition’s going to be BLUE!”

“Hmm?” Ibuki turned, as if just noticing the grand assortment of merchandise and CDs behind her. A huge framed portrait of her band members leered back at her.

“OH, yes.” She nodded. “Ibuki saw them on the show last week. They weren’t very nice about Ibuki’s record.”

“No.” Monokuma tsk’d tsk’d. “The little scamps!”

“But anyways, Mioda-chwan, I heard you’ve got a pwize for our competition winners!” Usami beamed.

“Yes Ibuki does!” Ibuki graciously returned the smile as she rummaged in her pocket. “It’s a personalized felt-tip pen!”

Twogami gaped in confusion at the object Ibuki held out for the room to see. _That_ _’_ _s just an ordinary sharpie._

“R-right!” Usami recovered. “Wow!”

“I know, right?” Ibuki was beside herself in excitement. “It’s brilliant! It even writes on glass, so if you’ve got a framed picture, like for example,” Ibuki positioned herself next to the framed portrait, “this one of ‘Blue’, you can just write on it with ease, like this!”

Without further ado, Ibuki uncapped the marker, and with an elegant flourish, drew a speech bubble connecting all 4 members of ‘BLUE’. Usami exchanged nervous glances with the cameraman as Ibuki continued writing. Monokuma looked rather excited. Twogami watched Ibuki write with a sinking feeling in his gut.

All of Japan was rapt as Ibuki wrote 3 words:

**WE ARE SLUTS**

“U-U-UM,” Usami stammered in horror as Monokuma guffawed, “Mioda-chwan, there are kids watching this!”

Mioda turned towards the camera, a sudden burst of clarity blooming on her face.

Her expression turned serious in a heartbeat as she addressed the camera:

“Oh…I forgot.” She capped the marker pen. “Hi kids. Here’s an important message from Ibuki onee-chan.” Ibuki took a deep breath. Twogami braced himself for the impact.

“Don’t buy drugs.”

Twogami blinked. Finally, he let out an audible sigh of relief. Ibuki nodded reassuringly towards a grateful Usami, before continuing:

“Become a popstar and they give them to you _FOR FREE!_ ”

“AND I DO BEWIEVE THAT’S A COMMERCIAL BWEAK!” Usami screamed as Monokuma doubled over with laughter beside her, the room descending into chaos amidst the hoots. “WE’LL SEE YOU SOON! BYE BYE!”

There was no need for canned applause over the whistles and laughter of the audience. And as Ibuki waved towards the camera, all smiles again, Twogami could only hang his head in silent despair.

*******

At 23:59 the previous night, Nanami Chiaki woke up to a noise rarely heard in her small apartment: an alarm clock.

The shrill, tinny rings were foreign to her, and for a while she remained in bed, fumbling one handedly with the back, searching for a possible way to obliviate it entirely. After several tries, she finally found the little knob that would quash the cacophony completely.

With small movements, she sleepily extracted herself from the warm mess of blankets and planted her small feet into the carpeted floor. _Up and at them,_ Nanami thought as she lethargically set off to make a small pick-me-up of cashew nuts and coffee.

Nanami’s nose wrinkled as she sniffed the foreign drink. She never had the tolerance for caffeine, no matter how minuscule the quantity may be. One unlucky night she had drank her father’s energy drink during one of his late-night programming marathons, and tossed and turned all 9 long hours until the dawn broke. _So why on earth am I drinking this little shot glass of espresso?_

As she popped another cashew into her mouth, she wondered about Hinata’s sudden proposition back at the office. The incident took her by surprise, and all the way through playing Five Nights at Freddy’s 2, Hinata’s head kept popping up in the most absurd of places: the vents, the hallways, and in one unexpected encounter, as a floating head (courtesy of Golden Freddy).

 _Why would he suddenly ask me out?_ The thought perturbed her more than it should have. Apart from her step-brother and the guys she regularly played against in the arcade, her experience with guys was zilch, much less romantic endeavors. Nanami absent-mindedly twisted a single lock of her hair.

“It could be nice, though…” She remarked to herself.

A quick look towards the clock snapped Nanami back from her fantasies, and she quickly downed the drink. Trying her best to shake away the jitters that suddenly overwhelmed her entire body, she grabbed her sleeping bag and deck chair, as well as a miniature heater she had specially bought for the occasion. Plucking her PS Vita and 3DS from their respective charging stations, she took one final look around her apartment. A basket full of various controllers (gamecube, Playstation, Kinect, Wii U, etc) was neatly tucked into a shelf along with her other games, gathering dust. A single copy of Super Smash Bros Wii U laid on the ground, opened, advertising 8 person play.

 _…_ _Maybe Fujisaki will come by sometimes._

And with that little thought, the door gently swung shut.

**HANEDA AIRPORT: PRIVATE TERMINAL**

They watched from afar as the plane landed onto the freezing tarmac, taxiing its way towards them.

“Air Force One.” Nagisa wrapped his orange scarf tighter around his neck. “Carrier of POTUS.”

“Protocol dictates that we don’t use that mnemonic in front of him.” Ishimaru was proving even more skittish than usual, drumming his fingers repeatedly as the limousine sped towards the rumbling chassis. “And be polite, no need to cause a freezing of relations between-“

The drumming stopped.

“Refresh my memory: what is on our agenda today, Nagisa-kun?”

Obediently, Nagisa brought out his Galaxy Tab. “First we have the standard greetings and lunch functions, in which everyone’s all smiles, then we have the discussions of the possible alleviation of their debts towards us in account of the global financial crisis…I expect the smiles to be mostly gone by then. Finally, after an agreement has been slash has not been reached, a press conference will be held to tell the public everything’s fine. We’re still friends.”

“…If only everything was as easy as you make it out to be.” Ishimaru laughed, and resumed the drumming of his fingertips.

 _My first real test as a Prime Minister,_ he thought. _Let_ _’_ _s hope that the others won_ _’_ _t be as difficult._

“Sir?” Nagisa spoke up.

“Yes, Nagisa-kun?”

“…I have a small request, if it’s possible.”

“What is it?”

“…My mother thinks it would be excellent if I could obtain a picture of me shaking the President’s hand to be put on the cover page of my Curriculum Vitae.”

“ _That_ might be difficult.” Ishimaru shook his head.

“I understand, but if the opportunity presents itself,” Nagisa’s voice turned a little desperate, “for example, during an intermission between meetings or press conferences, do you think you could…introduce me to him? I’m sure he’ll take it from there.”

 _This kid_ _’_ _s going places when he grows up._ The thought provided some sense of fleeting amusement for the already nerve-wracked Prime Minister.

“…Alright.” Ishimaru relented. “But the photo would have to be approved by the White House Communication Director first.”

“Oh, I know.” Nagisa broke into a satisfied grin. “Trust me, sir, I’ve done quite the bit of research.”

“Sir?” George rapped the glass behind him. “We’re here.”

The two glanced towards the slowly approaching plane, a swarm of reporters standing in the freezing cold, waiting for the key shutter chances when POTUS waved or shook Ishimaru’s hand.

 _Right then._ Ishimaru braced himself. _It_ _’_ _s time to fight for my country._

***

Dawn broke.

Tokyo was covered in a grayish, green light, similar to a cloudy day in the forest, yet there was no fog. A fine layer of snow covered the pavements and roads, and the dew that had miraculously managed to form were crystallized into little icicles on the bare trees by the roadside. Children watched with wonder as they watched little white fluffs swirl erratically around them, before being dragged (forcibly so) by their parents, rejoining the flood of people going to and fro amongst crossroads.

Amongst this flood of people, a solitary figure leaned against a shop window, immobile, gazing stoically at the winter cherry blossom growing strong in front of her. In the biting wind, she could almost feel her freckles that littered her cheeks growing red and angry.

 _I_ _’_ _m early._ She thought as she resisted the urge to check the time. _Always._ Perhaps it was the small, nagging fear that he might decide to leave her if was late.

Ikusaba sighed, and watched as her breath turned into mist before her eyes. It had been a week since meeting Naegi, and they had met each other every other day discussing books, music and so on, but like the complete disappointment she was, she wasn’t sure what she thought of him. He was kind to her, and she was grateful, but there was always this sense of powerlessness when it came to talking with him, like something inside that she couldn’t reach no matter how hard she tried. It was as if Kirigiri had created a shell for the real Naegi to reside in, and much of the time Naegi was talking she wondered whether the Naegi she was talking to was real, or a smiling mask.

She wondered what her sister would recommend if she saw what she was going through.

 _“_ _Matsuda,_ _” J_ _unko turned away, utterly bored,_  " _this is like trying to explain scientology to Michael Bay: You don_ ' _t give a SHIT about either one!"_ _  
_

Ikusaba closed her eyes, determined to shut away her sister’s shrieks that echoed throughout her mind. She could almost feel the bloody fingernails digging into her hair, her shoulders, her back. Years of being with her sister had trained her better than any army instructor could about self-control, patience and complete obedience.

She looked at the book she had borrowed from Naegi on their previous encounter.

 _“_ _Norwegian Wood?!_ " _Junko laughed._ _That sounds like a porn book! Are you reading porn? Are you starting to develop hair in weird places?!_ _”_

From that moment onwards, she kept all of her borrowed books hidden from her sister’s reach. _Like it helped, though._ Nothing could remain secret long with her sister.

“Ikusaba-san!”

All of a sudden, maintaining her cold exterior became exponentially difficult. She watched as Naegi panted, out of breath, as he made her way towards her against the current of the crowd.

“Hi.” He smiled sheepishly. “Sorry I made you wait.”

“It’s alright. I’m always early.”

“Eh? Oh. Then I’ll try being early next time as well.” He looked around, unsure of where to go. “So… do you have anywhere in mind today?”

She cringed as she imagined what her sister would say if her friend arranged an outing with her with no set destination in mind.

“Nothing in particular.”

“Oh. Then, I don’t suppose you’d like to walk with me?”

“That’s a good idea.”

Beaming, he picked up his shoulder bags, and they set off together to nowhere.

“I finished _Norwegian wood_.” She began.

“Oh! And I finished _Journey to the End of the Night._ ” Naegi took her book out from his bag.

They both waited for a while for the other to speak.

“Well?” The glass of silence shattered.

“Hmm?”

“What did you think of it?”

Naegi’s brows creased in thought.

“It’s…difficult to describe.” He said at last.

“Come on, you can do better than _that_.”

He flushed slightly. “Well, I have to say it’s unlike any book I’ve ever read.”

“Odd. I would have to say the same for _Norwegian Wood._ ”

“Really? I always thought _Norwegian Wood_ _’_ _s_ pretty normal.”

“Normal for you.”

“…Is _Journey to the End of the Night_ normal for you?”

“Pretty much.”

Naegi whistled. “Well…ok. I’ll put it in a simple way: it was…sickening, yet morbidly fascinating. Nauseating, almost.”

“That stung, you know.”

“I don’t mean it in a bad way, it’s just…the feeling it gives me is…so draining, disillusioning. The author’s nihilistic, pessimistic ideas made me seriously consider dropping the book halfway...” Naegi quickly glanced back at Ikusaba. “No offense.”

“None taken.”

“The war scenes, the anti-Semitism…it’s like somebody absolutely revolting was ranting before my eyes.”

“…Was it _that_ bad?” Ikusaba muttered.

“I’m not saying I didn’t like the book; that’s too simple of a way to describe it, in many ways I do admire Céline's writing. I’m saying that it doesn’t make me feel very well. Given the chance, I’d probably reread it a couple of times, but it won't be enjoyable reading... It's not the sort of book I'd like to read before going to bed."

She snorted. "And _Norwegian Wood_ is the sort of book you'd like to read before going to bed?"

Naegi understood what she meant. _Norwegian Wood_ depicted Toru Watanabe's life in the 1960s, coping after his male friend Kizuki's sudden, unexplained suicide. He was left with Naoko, Kizuki's girlfriend, who was more affected by Kizuki's loss than he was, and had become a fragile, brittle little thing after he died, eventually leaving for a hillside sanatorium to collect herself. While dealing with his feelings for Naoko, he chances upon an encounter with Midori: overconfident, vivacious, yet not as pretty, she was Naoko's opposite in every way. Wrestling between the two relationships, chooinsg between the past and the future, coping with the loss of Kizuki's through a broth of hard alcohol, guitars, literature and casual sex, amidst student revolutions in the college he studied at, Watanabe's journey of moving on one way or another was the key underlying focus of the book. Oh, and watching Naoko's eventual slide to insanity and later death.

 _Journey to the end of the Night,_ however, was a plain, irredeemably bleak, misanthropic rant against humanity with glorious dashes of nihilism, fascism and antisemitism for good measure. A snarling commentary about human nature, the tale recounts a young Frenchman’s life from 1914 to the mid-1930's amidst the Great War, told by the man himself. More precisely, it’s an unsparing stripping down of the ordinary people he encounters. With more depressing, cynical, utterly sick soliloquies than the first draft of 'Hamlet', it was well received by many, yet was eventually accused of inspiring fascism and antisemitism within France, a prospect especially embarrassing given the start of World War 2 just 7 years after the book was released. Only a year after the book was published, the author Céline was jailed for being a national disgrace.

Depressing stuff.

"... The two books are different." Naegi finally remarked. "There isn't any recovery, or hope of, in _Journey._ It's pages upon pages of seething rage, vitriol and despair. But Norwegian Wood... I guess it's my favorite book as I can relate to it more. And at least, at the end, like _The Bell Jar_ , there's hope."

Ikusaba frowned. "Poor example to bring up. The author of _The Bell Jar_ committed suicide just a month after the book was published."

An awkward silence rang between them punctuated by the loud honks of the cars beside them.

"... It's the story that counts-"

"It's semi autobiographical."

"Shit." Naegi rubbed his eyes wearily. Ikusaba watched his gloominess with some interest.

"What about you, then?" He continued walking. "What did you think of _Norwegian Wood_?"

She could feel her freckles growing red as Naegi gazed wide-eyed towards her.

"... I liked it."

"That's great!" Naegi beamed. "Um... Could you be a little more specific?"

They stopped at a traffic junction, and watched as lorries and trucks roared away in front of them. The snow collected on the roadside was tinted with soot, little mountains of cigarette ash.

“It was also unlike any other book I’ve read.” She finally replied. “It felt…real.”

Naegi smiled. He understood exactly what she meant.

“But I get the feeling that I’m missing out on many things as I read the book.”

“Missing out?”

“Every little inconspicuous detail he pens, I feel like there’s supposed to be some sort of special meaning to it all. The desiccated cicadas in the forest, the caged firefly, maybe they’re all supposed to form a picture. A picture that I cannot see.”

“Invisible art?”

“Imaginary art.”

“…I wouldn’t think about it too much. When a book says the sky’s blue, it just means the sky’s blue.”

She lapsed into silence as she pondered his words. Naegi shifted nervously as they passed a familiar playground.

Naegi stopped suddenly.

“What is it?”

 _I came here._ Naegi suddenly remembered as they watched the little kids play. _I came here once when I was young. And then another time so much later._ The last time he saw it, it was but a dilapidated ruin. The springs underneath the see-saw were covered in a generous helping of rust. Graffiti had sprang upon his vision like a naked Belgian.

“Somebody’s renovated it.” Naegi remarked in wonder.

“It doesn’t look very new.”

 _Fair enough._ Naegi squinted again. _Maybe I_ _’_ _ve forgotten the smaller details._

She cleared her throat.

“I have a small query though.”

“Yes?”

Ikusaba looked as kids who couldn’t be older than six swung gleefully on the swings.

“Do people really have that much sex as they did in the book?”

He burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend you,” Naegi wiped tears of laughter, “but that question was seriously out of the blue!”

The laughter halted slowly as she gave Naegi the same face she wore around her sister.

“Well,” Naegi shrugged, recovering. “I wouldn’t know…Probably not in real life, but it _is_ set in college, so there’s always that level of doubt.”

“Can I ask another question?”

“I’ll probably regret it, but go ahead.”

“Was _your_ sex life like that in college?”

“No.”

She understood the subtext at once, and wisely left the subject alone.

“You must find me rude for asking these questions.”

“I don’t.”

It was her turn to be surprised. “Really?”

“Strangely, I don’t find it obtrusive.” He looked at her with interest. “It’s like you could ask anything and I would answer you; you don’t seem to have bad intentions whatsoever, but I think it’s something more than that…something I can’t seem to capture.”

She buried her mouth into her black scarf.

“I’m glad.” Ikusaba whispered.

“But _this_ is seriously remarkable!” Naegi beamed. “First we were talking about war, then imaginary art, and now my sex life! I like talking to you, it’s been quite long since I enjoyed someone’s company so much.”

Ikusaba had never truly appreciated how beautiful the tree growing next to her was.

“O-oh.” She stammered, face flushed.

“Please, let’s talk about something else, whilst this feeling lasts. You pick the topic of conversation, I insist!”

Ikusaba hurriedly racked her brains.

“The quote about strawberry shortbread.”

“I love that!” Naegi breathed. “Yes, that is a _very_ famous line. Lovely little analogy… do you agree with it?”

“Seems like a pretty big risk, analytically speaking.”

“I know. It’s like giving your entire life away for that someone, requesting them to make your life perfect, and you’ll do the same for theirs, when you could possibly handle it perfectly yourself. But sometimes, I guess people can’t help themselves as well as they help others.”

Ikusaba gazed intensly at him. “Like you?”

He looked taken aback. “W-wha?”

“You seem to understand the analogy well.”

“Um…” Naegi shifted uncomfortably. The little moment of magic was fading.

Not wanting it to be lost, she immediately said: “Sorry. You don’t have to answer that question-“

“It’s fine.” He assured her. “But…I’m not sure about it. I honestly don’t think I _had_ any lasting impact on my friends in helping them. Mostly the small stuff, nothing big or life-changing.” Naegi smiled at her. “What about you? Do you have any connection with that quote?”

“I’m not looking for love. Or selfishness.”

“Everyone’s looking for love, one way or another, one twisted form after another, why should we be any different?”

Ikusaba stared straight ahead as they eventually started walking again. “I don’t know. That’s just how I honestly feel. I don’t think I’ve ever in my entire life wished for love before.”

“Why?”

“I don’t think I’ve bothered searching.”  _And if my sister_ _’_ _s relationship with **that** man is any indicator, I_ _’_ _m already in a romantic relationship with my sister._

“What about you?” Ikusaba continued. “What is it with you and your obsession with that book?”

Naegi pondered the question. “That’s difficult.”

“Do you see yourself in any of the characters? Watanabe?”

“…Naoko.”

“What?”

Naegi shrugged. “Watanabe seems too stoic for me. Even though he’s also going through a lot of hardship, I think in the end, I’m just Naoko: still recovering.”

“…Naegi, you’re not suicidal by any chance-“

“NO!”

“Naegi-kun, we’re in the middle of the road.”

“Sorry.” He moved at a brisker pace. “Me? Suicidal? _That_ _’_ _s_ new, haha! For the first time in my entire life, I’m suspected to be suicidal. Achievement unlocked!”

“I’m sorry.” She automatically replied.

He groaned. “Why do you _keep_ apologizing? There’s no need to apologize so much. Only assholes or broken men and women are able to abuse the power of an apology that much. Every single apology we do; it’s a quick method to not remain in other people’s debts, to not be associated with them any longer, a, a, a pacifier! (he clapped his hands) That’s the word! Now, an apology is not the gesture of sincere remorse it’s supposed to be, but a desperate, ham-fisted to save one-self.” Naegi’s voice trailed off. “Took me a long time to realize that."

Ikusaba looked at him with concern. “Then, why do you compare yourself with Naoko if you’re not suicidal?”

Naegi thought hard. Suicide had never came into the equation the past 4 years. More often, it was anger, simple depression that rocked him to his core. _Never suicide._ Naegi thought. Yet regarding Naoko, he felt he could relate to her so much more than the novel’s protagonist, Watanabe. Kizuki, her love interest, had committed suicide out of the blue. Though how Watanabe was affected by his death was meticulously explained and elaborated, Naegi always felt more empathy for Naoko. Fragile, lacking self-confidence, and not the last person to have seen Kizuki before the suicide (it was Watanabe), something she had been angry in that fragile, unconfident little way, guilt eventually took her life, and she was left hanging from the rafters in the sanatorium she confined herself in.

“…I guess I sympathize with her. She offers another insight on grief.” _Not to mention I also wasn_ _’_ _t the last person she talked to before she died_ _…_

“Oh. You mean-“

“Careful.” Naegi’s kind eyes froze like cold steel. “Let’s not broach the subjects-“ But the rest of his sentence was lost as those war-hungry eyes immediately became vacant, empty, even as they walked.

Ikusaba sighed. She had nearly gotten used to Naegi’s ‘episodes’, but she always hoped time after time that they would end quickly. Upon mere mention of _her_ name, he would get angry, space out, become depressed for a good few minutes, and then recover as if waking up from a nap mid-sentence, and proceed to talk about something more pleasant. Out of the corner of her eyes, she made sure Naegi was walking safely.

His grief fascinated her. It wasn’t escapism, it wasn’t despair; it was grief, pure grief, grief that had remained strong even after 4 years.

 _Is this love?_ She wondered whether she would become like that if the day came when Junko would die; stubbornly stuck in the past, clinging onto fragments of their little games they played.

She continued watching as Naegi soullessly strolled along the pavement.

 _What if, though? What if?_ She pictured herself dead, maybe alongside her twin sister, and watching Naegi cry over her, become soulless over her… _Junko would like that._

But Ikusaba wasn’t as sure she would.

***

**PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICIAL RESIDENCE**

"I must say, I really like your jet."

"Well, thanks! We love that thing as well!" The president, a good looking man in his early 30s, dabbed his mouth with a napkin as the servers took away an empty plate. "Now, regarding the talks we'll have later, we'll be discussing..." He turned to his aides expectantly.

"Yes, sir," The presidential aide was a middle aged man, and habitually adjusted his horn-rimmed glasses. "We'll be discussing the matter of our respective debts, and if we have time, we'll also discuss at length the ownership of the southern islands."

"Perfect." Ishimaru smiled politely as the second course was served: a salad of walnut, bitter greens and butter lettuce, dressed in Yuzu vinaigrette. "But let's not discuss such things during lunch."

"Oh, I wholeheartedly agree." The president laughed. "Terrible for the appetite, politics. How's everything, by the way? Finding it difficult?"

"It would be worse without my aides." Behind Ishimaru, Nagisa bowed awkwardly. The president frowned.

"But he's a boy!"

"And very talented." Ishimaru assured him.

"'Tis the age of the new generation, eh?" With another one of those booming laughs, he called the waiter over with a snap. "More wine, could you please?"

"Certainly sir." The server took the glass and with an elegant flourish, a steady stream of ruby wine cascaded.

**_Knock Knock_ **

The door opened, and Ishimaru's heart gave a premature ventricular contraction.

Tsumiki silently strode over to where the two sat, and gently replaced the napkins with fresh ones, ignoring the stares of both Ishimaru and the President of the United States.

_Please, for the love of God, don't let there be an accident._

"Thank you, Tsumiki-San, you may go."

Giving a nervous smile, Tsumiki hurriedly exited the room.

Ishimaru realized he had held his breath the entire duration Tsumiki was in the room, and heaved a sigh of relief.

"God, did you see those pipes?" The president wolf-whistled in a way that sent shivers down Ishimaru's spine. "Who _is_ she?"

"That's a member of the household staff." Ishimaru said firmly, both to the president and himself. "But more of that later, let's have some more wine."

***

Hanamura climbed into Hagakure’s van with a mad grin on his face. “Exciting news!”

“What?”

“I’ve just bought a ticket to the states!”

“No!” Hagakure hastily swerved to avoid an old hag pushing a shopping trolley full of cats.

“To a fantastic place called Wisconsin!”

“No!”

“YES!” Hanamura whooped. “Wisconsin babes, make way for Sir Hanamura Teruteru!”

“No, Hanamura-chi, you’ve gone insane!”Hagakure shook his head. “There _are_ a few babes in America, I grant you, but they’re all going out with far more attractive, richer guys than you!”

“Nah, Hagakure, you’re just jealous.” Hanamura combed his hair. “You know perfectly well that any bar anywhere in America contains ten girls more beautiful and more likely to have sex with me than the whole of Japan.”

“And out of those 10, 9 of them will be staring into their cell phones, 7 will accuse you of sexual harassment, 4 of them will wear anti-date-rape nail polish at the mere _mention_ of you buying them a drink, and all 10 of them will NEVER SLEEP WITH YOU! Jesus, Hanamura-chi, you gotta see reason! This plan is complete bollocks, that’s what it is! You’re a fat, lonely asshole who happens to be my best bud, and nobody’s going to sleep with you!”

“Two things you’re forgetting, my dear Hagakure.” Hanamura batted his eyelids seductively. “One, my seductive Japanese accent, two, the way to a woman’s heart is through her-“

“A MAN’S HEART!”

“Same difference. Stomach!” Hanamura clapped his hands. “This is the smartest decision I’ve ever made, and I’m not going to let anyone stop me!”

“No, Hanamura-chi, no!”

“Yes, Hagakure, yes!” Hanamura rolled the windows down. “EVERYONE! I’M TRAVELLING THE PORN JOURNEY CALLED LIFE!”

“No!”

“YES!”

“NYET!”

“DA!”

“NEIN!”

“JA, DARLING, JA!”

 **SOUDA** **’** **S WORKSHOP**

“So, Tanaka. How’s the wedding ceremony? You looked pretty grim on live TV.”

“What do you think? There’s so much paparazzi, I’m beginning to seriously consider cursing the lot of them to die before 50.”

Souda laughed. “Well, the event’s televised in Japan as well.”

“I am painfully aware of that.”

“And you and Sonia have got _quite_ the rabid following here. Especially you.” Souda snickered. “You’re the hottest sex symbol since Benedict Cumberbatch!”

“Who?”

“Benedict- Never mind. Well, I’ve gotta be going. Wish you luck in Lemur Island.”

“Just a moment, Sonia’s been meaning to talk to you.”

Souda froze. The butterflies in his stomach began flying wildly again. “W-what?”

“She has a favor to ask from you.” Tanaka stated matter-of-factly. “I’ll patch you to her jet: she’s flying back to Tokyo as we speak.”

“Oh.”He tried desperately to ensure his voice remained level. “Okay, I’ll talk to her.”

“And Souda,” Tanaka’s voice dropped low, remaining utterly serious. “Be nice.”

 _I would love to._ Souda thought glumly as he replied: “I’m always nice.”

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“No, I’m afraid I don’t.” Souda protested. “I treat her the same way I do to-“

“Souda?”

He stiffened at the sound of her voice. “Sonia-san.” His voice was cooler than he had intended. “Hello. Congrats on the wedding. How’s the honeymoon?”

“It was fantastic!” He heard her laugh over the phone. “And once again, thank you so much for the gorgeous send-off.”

“Yeah…” Souda picked his hair, sounding disinterested. “So, what can I do for you?”

“Oh, It’s only a tiny favor.” Her voice lowered. “It’s just, I noticed you were carrying a camera throughout our wedding and filming the entire thing. I was wondering, could I please have the CD as a memento?”

Souda’s blood run cold. _The CD!_ He checked his DVD rack, as though fearing the CD would fly off into Sonia’s arms at any moment. “W-Why? I mean, your official wedding ceremony looks a lot nicer than the one we prepared-“

“But the one you’ve prepared has all of us inside! All of my friends!” Sonia toyed with the phone. “It wouldn’t have been such a joyous event without my friends…like you!”

 _…_ _Friends?_ At once, Souda was transported back to the fateful birthday party 4 years ago.  _…_ _That_ _’_ _s right_ _…_ _but I had never bothered talking directly to her since_ _…_ He laughed at the sick irony of it all.

“Right, ok, I’ll try looking for it, but don’t get your hopes up. I probably lost the CD anyway.”

“Eh?”

“Well, gotta go. Safe flight.”

“W-wait-“

He killed the call before she could continue.

 _Tanaka_ _’_ _s right._ He mused. _Maybe I **have** been a little cold towards her. _

_WELL IT_ _’_ _S NOT LIKE I FUCKING WANTED TO IN THE FIRST PLACE!_

Souda returned back to his workplace downstairs, where a lime green Lamborghini Gallardo was sent in for repairs.

“How’s Tanaka?”

Koizumi sat in the small couch, flipping through a photography magazine.

“Good... hates all the publicity, but good.” He opened the hood and whistled as he worked.

“It’s been a good week already, and the gang’s still pretty excited about the entire thing.” She lifted another one of those mugs, emblazoned with Tanaka’s and Sonia’s visages. “And I thought one royal wedding already caused enough ruckus.”

“We all like new ways to get distracted.” He looked around. “Could you pass the wrench, please? The smallest one there is.”

Koizumi looked at the huge mess of tools clattered across the tabletop.

“Have you _ever_ considered cleaning up this place?” She complained as she spotted the item in question.

“Don’t see the need for it.” Souda said through a mouthful of egg sandwich. “I know where everything is just like that. See, the spanners are in the top shelf along with the assortment of nails and screws, the blow torch is right next to the gas stove and the power drill’s next to the cokes.”

“One small move and this could turn into a disaster-“

“I’ve lived like this for 5 years, alright?” Souda guffawed. “I think I can handle it.”

Giving up, Koizumi returned to her NatGeo Magazine.

“When do you plan on going back?”

“Until the exhibition’s over, preferably, but probably after lunch.”

“Why?”

“There’s another school excursion.”

Souda cringed. “Oh, dear.”

Koizumi nodded. “For the past week there’s always laughing and pointing and even people taking photographs of the exhibits…did you know that this woman came up to me and told me I should be _ashamed_ of publishing these works to the public?”

“You didn’t publish those works.”

“That’s the point! But I’m still offended in so many ways. So today, I decided that I wasn’t going to subject myself with the opinions and laughter of a couple of school kids, and called in sick.”

“Nice!” Souda grinned. “What did you tell them?”

“I told them I had stomach cramps, clammy palms, high fever, the works.”

“…All that’s left is a 1961 Ferrari GT California and this would be a movie I’d pay to see.”

Koizumi blinked.

Souda realized his joke fell on deaf ears.

“You’ve never watched _Ferris Bueller takes a day off_?”

“What?”

“Great Movie about a kid who decides to skip school just because of the weather. He borrows his friends’ Ferrari and drive around, interrupt a Macy’s thanksgiving parade, it’s fantastic, lovely stuff, but the end’s a real tear jerker.” Souda’s face soured as he recalled the scene. “Spoiler alert: the Ferrari was destroyed!”

Koizumi rolled her eyes. “I don’t think I will ever understand your obsession with cars.”

“All guys like cars. Alright? It’s as if Optimus Prime declared in the Big Bang that all men will have the blood and fuel of Lamborghinis and Ferraris and Rolls Royce in their veins; and only by having one of these babies will we finally reach our truest potential.”

Koizumi sighed in disgust.

“You watch Transformers.”

“What the hell’s wrong with Transformers? The latest one has a fricking robot dinosaur-“

“And is one of the most critically panned movies of all time.”

Souda considered making a biting remark back, then thought better of it and returned to the sheets of carbon fiber he was working on.

_Women. Even the sane ones are crazy._

“So, how’s the thing going on with this mysterious lady?”

“Oh, are we honestly picking up that conversation we ended a week ago?” Souda irritably slammed the hood shut.

“You don’t _have_ to engage in it, of course.” Koizumi matter-of-factly flipped a page. “It was just rather interesting to see a side of you that isn’t so one-dimensional.”

“One dimensional? Me?!” Souda prodded his chest with both hands in indignation. “What part of me is one dimensional?”

“I don’t know.” She smirked. “Your obsession with cars, girls you can’t reach, lack of basic understanding on how to take care of yourself –speaking of which, have you washed that jumpsuit of yours for the past 4 years –, it’s all one-dimensional.”

“Of course it looks like that from your point of view. In truth, I’m really not like that…Ok, maybe most of that’s true, but there’s a lot more to me! You have to understand that. Also I wash my jumpsuit bimonthly, BYATCH!”

Her brows furrowed as she lowered the magazine.

“So? How’s the girl?”

“I’m not comfortable with talking about this topic.”

“Is it somebody I know?”

“I neither confirm nor deny this statement.”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“I NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY THIS STATEMENT!”

“It is.”

Souda rubbed his eyes wearily. _That sort of statement_ _’_ _s supposed to work on TV, dammit._

“So, let me guess. Is she married? Is that what you meant by last week’s ‘universe’s complete bullshit rules and regulations?'”

He remained silent.

“Why look at that. You mastered a little secret of handling publicity: Don’t. Say. Anything.”

“Look, it’s difficult, alright?” Souda finally said. “And I really don’t know what to do now, I’m just figuring these things out as I go. On one hand, she’s the woman of my dreams, on the other, I’m absolutely wasted at big romantic gestures…and the fact that she’s married, yeah you got that right, don’t need to rub it in.” She gazed at him like she would a spring bear. “I might probably fail even if I did muster up my courage…And I don’t want to give up what I have now…But this is agony! This is completely Kafkaesque.”

“No it’s not!”

Souda glared. “What?”

“That’s not Kafkaesque!” Koizumi shut her magazine irritably. “Goodness, do you even know what it means?”

“I dunno. Complicated, I guess?”

“No! Jesus, you just found it somewhere and decided it sounded cool, didn’t you?”

“I do know what it means! It’s something related to Edgar Allan Kafka-“

“It’s _Franz_.”

“Franz Allan Kafka-“

“You’re thinking of Allan Poe! Two completely different people!” Koizumi shook her head. “Good grief. You really did watch an episode and then-“

“You watch _Breaking BAD_?!”

Souda’s voice was one macerated with disbelief.

“You?! Of all people, you watched _Breaking Bad_? BITCH?”

“I don’t know.” She sunk further into the sofa cushion. “I watched one or two episodes, I guess.”

“No, no no no. One does not simply watch ‘one or two’episodes of the greatest fucking television series of all times. BITCH!” He was giddy with laughter as he paced relentlessly before her.

“Didn’t expect you to be a fan of _Breaking Bad._ ”

“Whaddya think my jumpsuit’s based on? So? Who’s your favorite character? Mine’s Jesse.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell.”

“Cut the sarcasm and give it to me straight. Who do you like best? For Tanaka, it was Gus Fring, for Sonia it was Walt, and for Asahina it was M-“

“Skyler.”

Immediately the mood dropped faster than Skrillex could drop the bass.

“What did you say?”

“Skyler. That’s my favorite character.”

Slowly, deliberately, he lifted a finger and pointed it towards the entrance.

“Get out.”

“You _are_ one dimensional after all, just disregarding Skyler-“

“Get out! This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed! BITCH!”

“What’s wrong with Skyler? She cares about the family so much more than Walt ever will-“

“HA HA HA. Very funny-“

“Walt admitted it himself. He didn’t do it for the family.”

“YEAH. LIKE SKYLER’S ANY DIFFERENT!”

“Well if your romantic partner wasn’t serious, would you? She’s pragmatic, I like that in a woman!” The conversation seemed to have taken a serious turn, now, as the two launched into a heated debate over the likability of Skyler White. “And she’s a strong, independent mother who knows what’s best for the family!”

“Bullshit.”

“Come on, it’s not like Walt’s any better-“

“Why’ja bring up Walt?”

“Because that’s where her biggest relationship lies.” Koizumi admitted. “And Jesse’s too innocent for me to pick a bone with.”

“HA!”

“That doesn’t mean he’s perfect, by any means.”

“Yeah, I know…wait, why are we talking about this? We should talk about Skyler! SKYLER! Pragmatic, well if that isn’t richer than the royal family!” He plopped down on the Sofa beside her and turned on the TV.

“What are we watching?”

“An episode that made me loathe Skyler from the bottom of my heart.” Souda lifted three fingers. “Season 3, 3 words, 5 syllables, can you guess?”When she didn’t answer, he whispered:

“I, FA-KE-DE, TED!”

“You shouldn’t judge her based on that action alone. I’d like to remind you that sometimes we allow our emotions to get the better of ourselves-“

“SHUSH! Episode’s starting.”

And that’s how Koizumi and Souda spent the rest of the morning re-watching Breaking Bad, bitching about Skyler White.

***

**IKEBUKURO POKEMON CENTER**

_“_ _Immense gold Payout collected!_ _”_

 _“_ _Enemy Hero Killed!_ _”_

 _“_ _You are impressive!_ _”_

 _“_ _Enemy Hero Killed!_ _”_

 _“_ _ACED!_ _”_

10 minutes before the doors opened, Nanami tapped away at her iPad, weaving in and out of the jungle and the lane as her avatar, Krul, slashed away at the Kraken. By the time she had reached there in the middle of the night, there were already one or two stragglers, bringing tents and snacks, arguing over the possible inclusion of Battle Frontier. But being one of the first few was enough, as she looked back to see the long line of people that surely must have extended all the way down the staircases of the emergency exit.

The smell of a makeshift brunch aroused her attention enough for her avatar to be pelted by machinegun fire. Annoyed, she waited for Krul to respawn, tapping impatiently at the screen, ignoring the suddenly loud grumbling in her stomach.

“Attention everyone, 5 more minutes!” A shopkeeper called as the people inside nervously began making the final preparations. But it seemed her stomach had no sense of patience whatsoever, and as her avatar pulled out a huge sword from its abdomen and hurled it towards her enemies, it seemed her stomach felt just as hollow.

 _If I have to get something to eat, I can_ _’_ _t marathon the Pregame like I wanted to._ The thought disappointed her more than it should have, but that’s what happens when your appetite is whet.

“Hey, Nanami!”

She froze in her deckchair as her head turned towards the sound of the voice.

“Hinata-kun?”

“Hi!” He replied breathlessly, panting for breath, hands clinging to a plastic bag. “You’re buying then new Pokemon game?”

“Rather obvious, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, stupid question.” Hinata laughed. “Anyway, I was in the area and I thought you might be hungry.” From the plastic bag emerged a bento set, and Nanami watched wide-eyed as he handed the set over.

“... For me?” She confirmed.

“It’s not much.” Hinata admitted. “I tried my best. I mean, I looked at the line, and I thought overnight camping would be exhausting, and seeing as the store only opens at 11, I just thought that-“

But Nanami barely listened as she quickly devoured the box of mackerel, rice, rolled egg and pickles.

“Thanks!”

Hinata’s cheeks burned redder than Groudon.

“Wow! That’s quick, um…” He reached into the plastic bag again, and brought out a thermos. “Miso Soup?”

“No thank you.”

“Eh?”

“Nothing. Um…” She blushed as she struggled for words to say. Her avatar was AFK, but she barely gave it a thought as Nanami looked towards him. “Did my brother send you?”

“EH?!” Hinata stammered. “U-um, not exactly.”

“Not exactly?”

“Well, I…” He looked away. “Don’t freak out or anything, but I noticed last week you were talking about buying camping supplies for this week, and I saw a billboard advertising the game, and two and two sort of clicked. Then I called Fujisaki to confirm my suspicions…”

Nanami blinked. “You…you did this all for me?”

“…It’s not much. But yeah, I guess.”

“…”

Nanami’s mind seemed to have short circuited, as she ransacked her mind palace thinking for a logical explanation for what was happening before her eyes. As she ran down shelves and shelves of gaming history in her little mind, she came across a rarely explored aisle, devoted to Dating Sims.

Her history with dating sims were nothing short of disastrous. The last few times she decided to attempt to explore the New World, she was stabbed, watched her friend committed suicide, pushed in front of a subway train, her girlfriends throat slit in front of her… _In hindsight, School Days probably wasn_ _’_ _t the best choice for a beginner like me._

 _Could this be_ _…_ _the Nanami route?_

She looked back towards Hinata.

 _But I didn_ _’_ _t set any flags. Odd._

“I’m very touched.”

Hinata heaved a sigh of relief. “Thanks! Um, well I guess-“

“Get in line, dumbass.”

Nanami turned in confusion. The bleary-eyed people around her were shooting glowering looks towards Hinata, and she immediately understood.

“Oh no, he’s not buying the game.” She hurriedly assured them, before turning to him, “You’re not, right?”

“No.”

At that moment, the doors opened.

“Alright, everyone in a single file please-“ But the rest of the order could hardly be heard, as the horde of people clambered into the store, upending plush toys of Mudkips and Charizards and Snivys and whatnot to get a copy of the limited edition copies of _Pokemon: Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire,_ all before you could say to yourself ‘Black Friday’. Hinata watched the horde of people clamber in, cashiers moving like mad to ease the queues, shouting that each person may only buy one copy of each, watched Nanami move quickly to the front of the queue, a red and blue aluminum box in each hand.

“Could you wait a while?” She called over the din. Hinata gave a thumbs up in response.

Finally, after much jostling, Nanami managed to wrestle her way out of the Pokemon Center, proudly holding two copies hot off the racks.

“Got it.” Nanami smiled. As she proceeded to pack her chair, heater and sleeping bag away, Hinata rushed over to her side: “I’ll do it.”

“No, it’s ok, I’m good.” She folded the deck chair with one hand, and placed the games within the carryon that held her sleeping bag.

“So…um, hey listen.” Hinata’s voice grew higher. “I was wondering if you’d like to hang out after this?”

Nanami blinked. Somewhere within her, a voice was telling her another flag had been set.

“Oh, I’d love to but…” Nanami sighed. “But I really need to at least complete the Pregames for the both of these. It’s all to unlock-“

Suddenly there was a scream in front of them:

“WHADDYA MEAN, THERE’S NO BATTLE FRONTIER?!’”

Nanami’s shoulder slumped.

“Never mind, then.” She gave him a small smile. “Ok, let’s go!”

“Alright!” Hinata excitedly followed her, carrying her deck chair. “Do you have anywhere you wanna go?”

“…” _Processing_ …“Would you like to come to my apartment?”

Hinata flushed. _A-Already?!_ Trying to ignore the **_thump thump_** of his heart, he inquired:

“Sure, b-but why?”

“I was thinking we could spend some time hanging out and bonding together.”

**_THUMP THUMP THUMP_ **

“Oh boy.”

 **PRIME MINISTER** **’** **S OFFICIAL RESIDENCE**

“Absolutely not.”

“I implore you to see reason on this matter.”

“You know perfectly well the ramifications the world shall receive if we have another fiscal crisis like the one in ’13.” Horn-rimmed barked as the President stared steely-eyed back towards Ishimaru.

Ishimaru cleared his throat. He’s proving hard to negotiate with.

“Then collectively, we request you levy our debt towards you.”

“Out of the question!” Another aide ejaculated.

“If I may be so bold as to interrupt,” Nagisa announced, “I think what Ishimaru requested is perfectly reasonable, factoring competitive advantage and so on-“

“You’re a little kid, and already you’re thinking about dabbling in politics?”

“Sharks are born swimming.” Nagisa muttered. “While I understand the United States’reasons for asking for extension of debts, you have to understand that we have our own country’s financial matters to take care of.”

“It’s perfectly reasonable.”The Prime Minister sat up a little straighter, made a little more confident by Nagisa’s help. “We’re steadily handing back our debts, but if you really insist on us levying your debts, it’s only fair that you levy our debts as well.”

“It doesn’t work like that!” The President reminded him.

“Why not you just listen to your superiors?”

“SUPERIORS?!” Ishimaru nearly screamed. “This is the Japanese Government, not another political outpost for you to control. It’s only natural that I have to take my country’s economic affairs above all others.”

“Sure. Economic.” Horn-rimmed snorted.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing! Simply debating the relevance of the saying, ‘like Grandfather, like Grandson’.”

Ishimaru’s blood boiled.

“Mr President,” he muttered in poisonous tones, “I would appreciate if your aide could stop bringing up past history.”

“You’re right, that was underdone, Guillam.” The President nodded.

_This discussion’s getting us nowhere._

Ishimaru sighed. “Why not we discuss some other matters and get back to this later?”

“All for it.”

**TOGAMI CONGLOMERATE**

“I found a place.”

Togami looked up from a copy of THE ECONOMIST. “Sorry?”

“I found a place for the Christmas party.” Celestia repeated.

“Oh? Good.”  _At least one thing’s been done right._ “What’s it like?”

“It’s an art gallery.” She purred. “Full of dark corners for doing dark deeds.”

Togami nearly choked on his spit.

“Oh.” Trying valiantly to keep his voice level, he glared at her. “Good. Perhaps I should take a look at this place sometimes.”

Celestia licked her lips. “You should.

***

At Ikusaba’s suggestion, she and Naegi had eaten their lunch at a small pizza joint famous for its pizza dough. He had little appetite, only managing 3 out of the 8 slices whilst she managed four. Within minutes, they were out again. One thing led to another, and the two found themselves strolling out of a park.

Sunlight bathed Tokyo in a cool, red light. It was as though somebody doused the land with fruit punch, and as Naegi walked, the scenery, the atmosphere was almost enough to make him start skipping out of the blue.

“This feels nice!”

“Really?” Ikusaba was less than enthused with the surrounding. “Feels pretty ordinary to me.”

“Ordinary?” Naegi turned. “That was like a scene from one of those old time movies that make you burst into song, with little chipmunks and beavers singing along with you, magically knowing the lyrics!”

“You watch a lot of weird stuff, don’t you?”

“Kids stuff.” He smiled. “From my childhood.”

Ikusaba blinked, uncomprehending. “Mm.”

“Come on, surely you’ve seen some nice stuff when you were young?”

“Not really.”

“Oh, am I about to broach one of those subjects?”

The sudden burst of clarity took Ikusaba off guard. As she stared back towards his curious, unblinking eyes, a cold wave overcame her. Was it a confirmation of her biggest fear, that her relationship with Naegi was all a play?

“Not really.”

“Then…if I may ask, why didn’t you see any nice things when you were young? Surely, you would’ve-“

“I ran away when I was young.”

“Come again?”

“We ran away.”

Naegi stared. “W-why?”

Ikusaba gave a non-committed shrug. “She felt like it.”

“And you just agreed?!”

“She had her mind set. Once she’s decided on something, she’d do it no matter what.” Ikusaba continued walking. “That’s just who she is.”

“…Wow.” Naegi shook his head.

“Can we change the subject?”

“Please.”

“What does Norwegian Wood sound like? I know it’s a Beatles song the book’s named after, but what does it sound like?”

“Ah! I thought you’d ask.” Naegi took out a pair of red earphones, tucking one inside his left ear and giving the other to Ikusaba. “I have it on my phone.”

Ikusaba gazed at the earphone.

_"Called it!" Junko triumphantly groaned, just as the two protagonists huddled together, sharing a red scarf for warmth. "It's the red string of fate and all that **Crap!** Told you, Matsuda, it's as predictable as having a parent get a heart attack before the end of a romcom."_

"Ikusaba-San?"

"Nothing." She vigorously shook her head, as if hoping the hotness within her cheeks would be dissipated quicker. Tucking the earphone inside her ear, Naegi pressed **PLAY**...

_I... Once had a girl._

_Or should I say, she once had me._

_She... showed me her room._

_"Isn't it good, Norwegian Wood?"_

_She asked me to stay_

_and told me to sit anywhere..._

_So I looked around_

_And I noticed there wasn't a chair..._

_I... sat on her rug,_

_biding her time, drinking her wine._

_We... Talked until two,_

_And then she said: "it's time for bed."_

As the brief interlude of the sitar and guitar began to play, Naegi remarked: "I'd like to think that during this pause, the singer's undressing and preparing for sex."

She didn't laugh, but did giggle slightly to herself. "And did he?"

"Wait for it:"

_She told me she worked_

_In the morning and started to laugh._

_I told her I didn't and_

_crawled off to sleep in the bath_

 

"Poor thing." She smirked.

_And when I awoke,_

_I was alone_ _…_ _this bird had flown._

_So... I lit a fire._

_Isn't it good Norwegian Wood?_

They walked, connected by the little red strand between their ears, listening to the last few strums of the bass.

"It's not very nice, is it?" Naegi finally said, the magic of the moment gone.

"It's pretty plain, I'll give you that."

"But you can see why Murakami chose to base his book on the song."

"There are quite a few parallels, now that you mention it. In a similar but different way, Toru was after something from Naoko. He was looking to obtain Naoko's love and Naoko used the knowledge to get what she wanted from Toru - a chance for emotional closure and companionship."

The music had been replaced by smooth jazz, and piano chords fell like soft rain across fields of gentle drums.

"What's this?"

"Oh, it's Vijay Iyer Trio's _Optimism_." Naegi scratched his head. "Tamil Jazz artist, very talented."

"Talented? There's no order to it." It was true, the chords had a peculiar quality and rhythm, as if they were guests high on treacle in the mad hatter's tea party.

"That's the beauty of Jazz." His smile dissolved into one of utter bliss. "The lack of order makes it all so much more exhilarating, don't you think?"

"I do like it, but not as much as you do."

"Oh? Then what kind of music do you like?"

"Mostly rock."

"Ooh! What kind? Indie? Alternative? Electronic?" Naegi mused. "There was this extensive period of time where I fell for the boundless charm of Alternative rock."

"Most kinds. A little bit of metal on the side, and-" but the rest of what she said was lost, as suddenly Naegi desperately brought the both of them inside an alleyway. The force he exerted threatened to pull off Ikusaba's earphone, yet miraculously, the rain continued to fall on percussion fields.

"Naegi-kun? What are we-"

"Shh." Naegi looked back out towards the street.

The wave of killing intent took Ikusaba off guard yet again.

"Naegi-kun, what is it?"

Collecting himself, Naegi sighed.

"That was one of my best friends."

 _Friends?_ Ikusaba quietly peeked out the wall.

The two were chatting animatedly. He looked a few years older Naegi's age, and though he had a similar, albeit more spiky hairstyle, his overall laid-back demeanor, toned muscles and gait could not be more different to Naegi's moodiness and slender body. The girl he was talking to, Ikusaba decided, was cute. Her locks of hair did not mask the sleepiness of her pastel eyes, mirroring her pale, unblemished skin. The girl dressed simply, in a cardigan and stockings, but no one could help but notice her large breasts that could put Junko to shame.

Ikusaba sub-consciously looked down towards her own.

 _Disappointing,_ she repeated to herself, as an imaginary Junko clutched at her flat chest.

"Are they gone?" Naegi stood, back facing the wall.

"They've turned away 20 meters ahead."

He exhaled. "Ok. Let's keep on moving-"

"What was that all about?"

"Can we please don't talk about-"

"What was that all about?"

Naegi silently swore to himself. _Why can_ _’_ _t I engage in one simple conversation without Kirigiri appearing in every single step I take?_

Eventually, he rubbed the bridge of his nose and looked up. Ikusaba calmly waited for him to speak.

“Wanna get a drink?”

**PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICIAL RESIDENCE**

"Well, that's that." The President beamed. "I'm very glad we were able to come to an agreement on this matter."

"The feeling is mutual." Ishimaru smiled. "Thank you for coming today, all that's left would be the press conference in 30 minutes." He looked at the clock.

"Actually, could you excuse me and my aide for a moment?"

"Certainly."

Still smiling, Ishimaru and Nagisa made their way out of the door.

The door swung shut.

"That was a _FUCK UP_ the size of _FRANCE!"_ Ishimaru swore.

"Sir?" Nagisa blinked repeatedly. "A-are you alright-"

"Come on, Nagisa-kun. You know perfectly well we screwed up." They went into the archives next door, passing Tsumiki along the way. "We're allowing them levies on debts, whilst ours pretty much remained the status quo."

"I wouldn't put that as a failure, sir. The press will say you highly value your diplomatic relations with the United States."

"But public discontent is likely to surge... Think of all the taxes we need to increase because of this." Ishimaru rubbed his forehead. It was a simple action, to flatly refuse POTUS and his requests, but Ishimaru could not find the bravery to do so. He kept convincing himself it was alright to be like this, to be meek in the face of discontent, but deep down he felt a gnawing disappointment

 _Is this it?_ Ishimaru wondered. _Is this how I mark myself, is this how I want to step out of my Grandfather's shadow?_

Every interview, every step he took towards where he stood today, the corruption scandal would come back taunting him. He would have hoped that winning the election would end all of this; all of this madness. _No such thing._ Critics went into ballistics when the polls were counted, and for the entire period leading up to the swearing in ceremony, it was as if there would be riots for a re-election, something unprecedented in the history of Japan.

 _And now, I’m going to be the bearer of bad news? Even though it’s the safest option to keep our diplomatic ties in check, they’ll all jump the gun and call it_ **_ineptitude._ **

The saddest part was, he wouldn’t dare even if he could. Any move he’d make, Ishimaru feared for the public backlash, something POTUS had surreptitiously made use of.

_The one time I should be brave, I back down._

Ishimaru sighed.

“There’s always more opportunities to succeed.” Nagisa offered.

“Hm?”

“You’re not the only one with big expectations riding on your shoulders, sir.” The boy twiddled his fingers. “I think I understand how you feel… if only in a much smaller scale.”

Ishimaru smiled. “That’s very thoughtful of you, Nagisa-kun. You’re right of course, there’re always more opportunities, more chances to renegotiate.” He went to the drawer and took out the dossier. “Now, let’s go back, and think about what we can say to the press.”

“Yes, sir.”

The two made their way back to the room which housed the President.

“Sir?”

“Yes, Nagisa-kun?”

“About my earlier request-“

“Ah, yes. I’ll do my best and ask him straight away!”

“Really?”

“I should at least try and make _one_ person happy today.” And with those words, the two entered the room…

And found the President running his hair through a trembling Tsumiki’s hair.

The dossier fell.

“Oh, my…”

“It’s _great_ scotch!” Quickly recovering, the President airily waved the tumbler glass in his hand. Ishimaru was pressing his lips so tightly against each other that only a thin line remained.

“U-um…” Tsumiki was trembling from head to toe, nervously looking from the President, Ishimaru, and a dumbstruck Nagisa. She looked close to tears. “I’ll be leaving now, then.”

“You should.” Ishimaru curtly replied, and Tsumiki hurriedly made her way towards the door.

“Tsumiki, I hope to see more of you as our countries work together for a better future!”

Ishimaru’s lip curled.

“C-certainly, sir.”

And she left the room in nervous tears.

Ishimaru forced the edges of his lips upwards. “Conference in 5 minutes, Mr. President.”

“Of course.” He nodded.

“Well then, I’d leave you to get ready.” With a last, curt nod, the two exited the room.

A heavy silence befell them as they processed what they just saw.

“Sir?” Nagisa said in a much smaller voice.

“Yes, Nagisa-kun?”

“I don’t think I want to shake his hand anymore… Or take a photo with him, for that matter.”

“Then what about your parents?”

“… I’ll just tell them what I saw.”

“Do you think they’d believe you?”

“No.” Nagisa shrugged. “But that’s honestly why I don’t want to shake his hand. I don’t think there’s any better defense than the truth.”

Ishimaru gripped his fists. He could hear the reporters gathering outside already.

“Neither do I.”

**NANAMI’S APARTMENT**

It turned out, Nanami’s definition of _hanging out_ and _bonding_ meant she wanted Hinata to be her player 2.

Additionally, it turned out Hinata _royally_ sucked at shoot-em-up games.

Either that, or Nanami was a beast. Or it was just the simple fact that the difficulty level was set on ‘legendary’.

“No, Hinata-kun, don’t use the assault rifle. Conserve your ammo.”

 _Easy for you to say,_ Hinata thought as he watched Nanami’s character melee flood species with the butt of her pistol, walking in reverse all the while.

“What’s this seventh level called again?”

“The Library.”

“Why does it feel like everything’s repeating itself?”

“That’s because it is.”

“Terrific.”

“It adds to the difficulty of this level… And _don’t_ use the plasma weapons, they’re useless.” Her eyes were trained on the TV, and even as she spoke she quickly threw a frag grenade towards a horde of flood.

“You’re really _good_ at this!” Hinata remarked, plugging a particularly nasty monster with a shotgun causing it to explode into small flood species.

“… Thanks. I may have tried completing it in the fastest time possible.”

“Did you break the record?”

“No. Some other guy found a glitch with a plasma grenade that managed to skip the first horde entirely.” Her words were punctuated by rapid spraying of bullets everywhere.

For the first two levels, he put up with horde after horde of monsters, but as the elevator to the third story came up reading _But I don’t Want to ride the Elevator,_ Hinata put down his controller.

“Can we play something else?”

“… Why?”

“It doesn’t seem very… fun.” He finally admitted.

“You’re right.” Nanami considered it. “Ever played Ocarina of Time?”

“No.”

“Great, let’s play the Water Temple together.”

“Is that better?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, I’ll get the Gamecube controllers.” He went to the little box with all the remotes and pointed it towards the TV.

“Just change it to HDMI 2, it should be-“

The TV flashed to life, and Hinata gasped.

“Ishimaru!”

“Who?”

“That’s one of my friends!” He pointed at the TV. “He’s the Prime Minister!”

Nanami blinked. “Really?” She racked her little head for details that she could remember about him.

She scooted off the bed and sat next to Hinata on the floor, taking a closer look. As they watched, the President of the United States was addressing the reporters:

_“Yes, very satisfactory. We’ve got what we came for and our special relationship is still very special.”_

_“Prime Minister?”_

Ishimaru cleared his throat, before staring steely towards the camera.

 _“I like that word, relationship. Covers all manners of sins, doesn’t it?”_ He turned towards the President as he spoke.

_“I fear that this has become a bad relationship.”_

“Holy Crap.” Hinata gaped.

 _“A relationship that’s based_ _on the President taking what he wants and casually ignoring all things that really matter to um…”_ Chihiro stared from his workplace as Ishimaru fumbled for words. _“Japan. We may be a small country, but we’re a great one, too!”_ Ishimaru boomed over the speakers in the shower room Kuwata shared with his teammates. _“We’re the country of sushi, anime, manga, George Takei, we’ve got Luffy’s right fist; Luffy’s left fist, come to that.”_

 _“And a friend who bullies us is no longer a friend!”_ Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama listened hunched over the radio. _“And since bullies only respond to strength, I am prepared, as Prime Minister, to be a much stronger!”_ Togami nodded approvingly, scotch in hand.

 _“And the President,”_ Ishimaru exchanged dark looks with the seething President and aides, _“should be prepared for that.”_

And the conference room went in thunderous applause, before being quickly drowned by the flashing of lights and questions for _“MR PRESIDENT!”_ were left unanswered, as he stormed out of the complex.

Hinata sat, full of wonder at what he just saw.

“That was _amazing_.” Hinata breathed. “Don’t you think so too, Nana-“ It was then he noticed the soft weight on his left shoulder, and heard the soft breaths that rose and fell.

Slowly, taking care not to wake her up, he carried her by the head and knees, and gently set Nanami on the bed. He took the small blanket that was laid on the purple sheets and tucked it over the fast-asleep Nanami.

 _She’s even cuter when she’s asleep._ Hinata smiled to himself as he watched as her chest rose and fell with each small snore. He resisted the urge to caress her soft hair.

Finally, with one final look at the room, Hinata silently exited the apartment.

***

“So just like that, you’ve avoided your friends for _four_ years?”

Naegi guiltily stared into his cup of café au lait that tasted like sweetened printer ink.

Ikusaba sighed.

“Naegi-kun, four years is long enough. If you’re grieving by yourself, that’s fine, but having others partake in your misery is... it hurts them.”

“I know that.” He admitted begrudgingly. “But it’s difficult, alright?”

“What more could they say? _I’m glad you’re back, nice to see you again,_ no one will tell you anything you don’t want to hear.”

“Yes, but that might not be what they really feel. I don’t want to return to my friends if all of them puts up pretense around me.”

Ikusaba struggled for words to say. Even _this_ was a curious sensation, helping somebody she wasn’t obliged to.

 _Why am I doing this?_ Ikusaba wondered as she stared at his impassive sheen. _Do I want to see his innocence again? His happiness? But why?_

“Then… I suppose you should come clean and tell them how _you_ truly feel, and maybe apologize for being absent so many years of their lives.”

“I _know_ that!” Exasperated, he put down the cup. “But… I’m still afraid. And each day I’m afraid that passes it just gets harder to tell them.” Naegi sighed.

“I’ve been afraid for four years.”

“Is it just that?”

“What?”

“Is it just a matter of being afraid? Is that the only thing that’s hindering you from moving on?” Ikusaba finally asked.

“I don’t follow.”

She gently lowered the cup from her chin.

“ _Are_ you over your wife’s death?”

“I don’t think I’d ever be over her.”

“Then your friends being ‘kind’ to you will be an unavoidable circumstance.”

Naegi descended in silence.

“Can I ask you something?”

He nodded.

“Why is she so hard to get over?”

“Oh, besides the fact she was my wife?”

“It’s a valid question.”

Naegi glared at her, as though all the pain and depression he was suffering could all be attributed towards this one girl.

Reason took hold in the end.

“It’s a long story.”

“That’s alright.”

“It’s just… I spent a lot of time chasing after her. 2 years before we started going out. There wasn’t much drama, it was just that she seemed… quite inapproachable. Always curt, civil at best, all the time I walked with her to class, talked with her when I could during lunch, she gave no clear signs of interest towards me. I thought, _just get it over with, tell her, if it hurts to be with her without her knowing, tell her. For good or for worse, tell her._ ” He went on. “So, before the third year… during Christmas Eve, when I finally plucked up my courage and told her I had feelings for her whilst exchanging gifts, I was taken off guard when she accepted my offer of going out. And we did. It didn’t feel very different from our previous outings, it was just our normal outings with the glaring fact that she knew I had feelings for her. Most of the time, I was wondering why she had agreed, whether she had feelings for me as well, or whether this was merely her giving in, a little play for her excitement.”

“And then, one day, as I walked her home, she kissed me.” Naegi’s cheek grew faintly red as he recalled the memory. “I had no idea what that meant, but I had an inkling of a suspicion she liked me. That’s what I would have liked to believe, of course. We never mentioned it in our next meeting, or the one after that, and that’s when I decided I needed to know.” His voice grew with conviction. “I needed to know her feelings towards me. I had the courage, I was prepared to risk it all, I wanted to take her off guard by asking this.”

“What happened?”

“The one taken off guard again was me. Before I could ask her, she admitted her feelings for me; which I was very delighted to hear, of course. We could go on outings and reply in the affirmative that we’re going out when we bumped into our classmates. But during the year, I was always nagged, nagged by this feeling, this loathsome feeling of inferiority towards her. _She was perfect. She was always one step ahead of me._ We liked each other, but I always felt I was the lucky one, the lucky one to be with her, the lucky one that she chose to be her boyfriend. Kirigiri almost always took the initiative in our relationship, be it the yearly school dance, the prom, the surprises… It was powerlessness that I couldn’t place my finger on.”

He had finished the cup of coffee. The bitter brew seemed to steel him, and he went on:

“Proposing to her was the only major action in our entire relationship I took the initiative for.” Taking note of her look of surprise, Naegi continued: “I didn’t think she expected it, but I wasn’t about to have her raise the issue of marriage by herself. I wanted to do that much at least. So I had bought the prettiest ring I could find from a second-hand store, and during Graduation day, during a party hosted by our seniors, I sat down with her as our classmates danced. We talked about the future, and wondered how things would turn out. Then she asked me whether I could see a future with the both of us… I decided that was the time to do it. When the music was a little bit softer, and lower, I told her as a matter of fact I _did_ see a future with the both of us, and I was prepared to make it happen. I told her everything that I loved about her, and then after apologizing for the abruptness of the proposal, I got down on my knees and… asked for her hand in marriage.”

Even in the silence of the café, Naegi could still hear the hushed, excited whispers that fell upon the room when he popped the question, and the roars and cheers when she said yes. He could _still_ feel Nekomaru and Hinata’s vigorous pats on his back, _still_ remember Hanamura and Hagakure chiding him for ending his bachelor years too early (with vicious looks from Asahina as a result), _still_ remember when Kuzuryuu drunkenly proposed to a sober Pekoyama later on that night (it didn’t work)… That night, Naegi felt like he could do anything; Kirigiri had affirmed her love for him with the promise of marriage, that was all it took.

“She said yes, didn’t she?” Ikusaba asked in a small voice.

“Yes.”

“But… that means she loves you, right?”

“Yes, I do think so, but…” Naegi struggled for the correct words. “Love comes in different forms. My daily life with her didn’t put away my darkest fears: that she’s resigned herself to merely take care of me. Now I was the lucky one she chose to marry. I keep on worrying, worrying about such things throughout our marriage, even when she told me what I done for her was enough. I didn’t dare ask her, of course, I knew better than that to ask her such things. Then one day, I thought that such inconsequential worries would vanish with time, as we spend more time together, overcome hardships together, grow old together. With that in mind, I was in marital bliss; those months the happiest in my life.”

“And then it happened.”

Naegi had gone quiet. She patiently waited for Naegi to finish the story, speak the inevitable.

Taking a ragged breath, he whispered:

“The driver was drunk and raced the red light. He didn’t see her at all.”

Naegi seemed to age with every word he got out.

“Where was I when she died? 35 miles away, in the suburbs, at a birthday party she arranged… I took the call, heard the news, but I didn’t think I processed what I was hearing at that moment. _It couldn’t have happened. Not like this._ But I remember leaving the party without a word, taking the nearest taxi and going to the hospital where she was housed… she was already pronounced dead on the scene.”

His words took a little while to sink in.

Ikusaba looked away. “I’m sorry.”

He nodded, and continued:

“In the funeral, I couldn’t take it. It was as if fog had surrounded that little church that the ceremony was held. And in that fog eyes were staring at my back, watching me, pitying me… I hated it. The funeral was the last place in the world I wanted to be in… and as my friends offered condolences, saying how they understood what I was going through,” he gave a bitter laugh, “I just wanted to leave. But for the sake of ceremony, for the sake of good grace, I swallowed every bitter apology and condolence my friends had to offer.”

“All of it might have gone well if _she_ hadn’t showed up.”

Taking note of Ikusaba’s confusion, he explained: “One of my friends brought a friend he had made overseas to the party. As it was her turn to do what she had to do, I finally snapped.” He sighed. “I let everything out: saying that she shouldn’t even be here at a funeral she had no fucking idea was for, screaming that none of them understood how I felt, berated them for pretending that they understood… I said terrible things.”

The remaining dregs of his coffee collected in ugly stains on the ceramic cup.

“I _had_ to leave. There was no way I could continue to be in the ceremony after something like that, no amount of pretense could work. I took a taxi, went home in a daze, locked the door, locked myself in my room...” Naegi’s eyes had become devoid of life. “You know the rest.”

The silence that followed was more pronounced than all the rest.

“I-“

“I never cried.” Naegi didn’t seem to hear her. “To this day, I never cried. Not a single tear was shed throughout the 4 years. I never knew why, why in never cried over the loss of my wife. All I knew was, her death had robbed me forever some part of my life, made me feel as though I was cleaved into two, gutted and-“

Ikusaba reached over the tabletop and put her arms around him.

“I-Ikusaba-san?”

“Please stop.” He could feel her cheek beside his own as she whispered those two words. “It’s ok.”

But it wasn’t. Unlike one of Kirigiri’s rare hugs, there was no warmth to it, no sudden rush of ecstasy and fulfillment. It was just skinship, two people in contact with one another. That’s all it was.

He pulled away gently.

“Why did you do that?”

She didn’t even blush as she said: “I wanted you to stop.”

“Why?”

“… Because it hurts me to see you like this.”

They descended into cold, comfortable silence once more.

“It hurts _you_?” Naegi repeated.

“…I just feel uncomfortable seeing you like this.”

“Why would it?”

“I don’t know, because we’re friends, I guess?”

Naegi sighed.

“I like being with you too, Ikusaba-san. But I don’t want our relationship to be that of expounding each other’s unhappiness towards each other. As much as possible, I want this friendship to last, to be a happy one.”

Ikusaba smiled. “Don’t we all.”

“… As much as possible, I don’t want to discuss Kirigiri again. _That_ really is just for me to solve with time, and hope for the best.”

 _That will not save you_ , Ikusaba thought as Naegi made his case. She wished she could just help him, help him get over this huge mountain of despair… _But this man is broken, and will cut me when I handle it._

She gazed impassively back towards Naegi.

“So be it.”

**PRIME MINISTER’S OFFICIAL RESIDENCE**

“Sir? There’s a couple of hooligans outside that want to see you.”

“Hooligans, George?” There was something of a party inside Ishimaru’s residence that night, and Ishimaru enjoyed every minute of it. _The critics are pacified, the people are happy, and I get to do what’s right._

“They call themselves the Crazy Diamonds.”

Ishimaru reeled. _They’re here?!_

“Well, you better send them in!”

“Yes, sir!” Bowing, George shuffled off, before Ishimaru’s cell phone rang again.

He answered it. “Hello?”

“Have you gone completely insane?” A voice laughed.

“Fukawa-san? Why are you calling this number?”

“I tried calling your secretary’s secretary’s secretary but they all told me to go away! What were you thinking, saying things like that on live TV?”

“You can’t be sensible all the time.” Ishimaru shrugged.

“You can if you’re Kiyotaka Ishimaru! You’re the Prime Minister, for God’s sake-“ but Ishimaru saw Oowada and co striding over from the room, and didn’t hear.

“Sorry, Fukawa-kun, gotta go. German Chancellor on hold.”

“No she’s not!”

**_CLICK_ **

“Aniki!” Hurriedly stowing away his phone, Ishimaru quickly accepted Oowada’s bear hug. “Oh, it’s so good to see you!”

“I say, Kyoudai, that was some pretty badass shit you were saying on TV today! What were you smoking before you gave that speech?”

“I didn’t smoke anything!”

“And you dissed the President of the United States? Who’re you, and what’ve you done to Ishimaru, huh?” He clapped Ishimaru on the back. “Seriously though, that was awesome.”

“Thank you, Aniki.”

“Come on, all the others wanna speak with you.” Oowada turned to his members. “OI! You little shits, fall in and come here and talk! Where’s Yukimaru? Yukimaru?!”

“He’s over there!” Ishimaru pointed to where he was, legs bent, hand outstretched, teaching Nagisa-

“And _that’s_ called flipping the bird.”

“Fascinating.” Nagisa copied the gesture.

“YUKIMARU-KUN! What are you teaching him?!” Ishimaru shrieked.

“It’s very interesting, sir.” Nagisa remarked. “Apparently this is a great insult!” With that, Nagisa raised a middle finger upwards-

“OK, I think that’s enough!” Ishimaru hurriedly put Nagisa’s hand down. “Never do that gesture again to anyone, understand?”

“Unless that person in question’s a cunt.”

“YUKIMARU, for the love of GOD!”

**TOGAMI MANOR**

“You know what’s the problem of having a friend who’s Prime Minister? It puts your life in harsh perspective.” Fukawa remarked as she typed rapidly into her laptop, a new novel already in the works. “What did he do today? He stood up and fought for his country. What did I do today? Written a few lines and collected Akira’s giant lobster costume from Yamada.”

“I would have thought having _me_ as a husband would already put your life in harsh perspective.” Togami looked up from his stack of paperwork, before commenting on the soulful music on the stereo: “What’s this we’re listening to?”

“Adele.”

Togami groaned. “I cannot believe you _still_ listen to Adele!”

“Oh I love her music, and true love lasts a lifetime.” Fukawa sighed as the British singer belted another line. “She was the woman who taught me to take my love for you seriously.”

“I must send her my regards.” Togami quipped. “By the way, the Christmas party’s going to be held at the art Gallery Koizumi works at.”

“Oh! What a coincidence!”

“Akira will be alright, wouldn’t she?”

“She’ll be entertained by the house staff, I hope.” Fukawa took out the small bag of Christmas gifts she had bought. “Now, which one of these dolls should I give Akira’s friends? The one that looks like a transvestite or the one that looks like a dominatrix?”

***

**THE NEXT DAY**

_“Well, this must be a_ _very exciting moment for you! Fighting for Christmas single number one, how’s it going so far?”_

From his workstation, Souda watched as Ibuki considered the question.

_“Very awful indeed!” she stated dryly. “Blue are outselling me five to one, but I’m hoping for a late surge. And If I do reach Christmas number one, I promise to set fire to myself on stage!”_

Souda choked on his Coke amidst his laughter.

_“Do you mean that?”_

_“Of course I do, do you want a preview, you old fart?” Ibuki clicked her fingers. “Somebody get the GASOLINE~”_

The interview room roared with laughter, and Souda could not help but join in.

_She keeps this up, she’ll have no problem attracting new fans._

**_KNOCK KNOCK_ **

Souda looked towards the door in confusion. _Odd._ He stood up and took a closer look. _Did someone knock?_

**_KNOCK KNOCK_ **

Still confused, Souda quickly made his way to the front door and wrenched it open.

“Can I help-“ The rest of his words were caught in his throat.

Sonia stood outside, dressed smartly in a champagne-colored Burberry trench coat, smiling nervously as she held up the white box. “Lemon tart?”

Souda gulped, trying his best to form intelligible words as his world began spinning in the opposite direction. “No thank you.” The words were curt.

“Thank goodness!” Sonia beamed. “You would have broken my heart if you said yes.”

_Why is she here? Here, for God’s sake? Why?!_

“Right. Well, um… lucky you, I guess.” Souda muttered, avoiding her gaze.

Sonia’s smile drooped slightly as she surveyed his unwelcome demeanor.

“Can I come in?”

“Er…” For some reason, the word ‘No’ suddenly became extraordinarily difficult to pronounce. “Yeah, well, I’m actually pretty busy at the moment, doing work I needed to do yesterday-“ But Sonia slipped into his workshop nonetheless.

“I was just passing by and I thought we could check that video out! I thought I would be able to swap it with some lemon tart.” Still smiling, she offered the box again.

“No thank you.” _I need to get her out of here._ “Look, Sonia, I was serious, I really can’t find the video. I don’t know where it is, how about you come here tomorrow and-“

“Souda, can I say something?”

Something in her tone made Souda stop mid-sentence. All pretense gone, the smile replaced with a look of concern, this was Sonia Nevermind in full princess mode.

“… Yeah, go ahead, I guess.” He fixed his gaze towards the floor.

She took a deep breath. “I know you’re Tanaka’s best friend, and I know you’ve never particularly warmed up to me-“

“No, that’s not-“

“No, _don’t_ argue.” She sighed. “I know what we discussed during that night about us being friends… that never really came into fruition, and we never really got friendly. But I just want to say, I hope that can change!” Sonia took a gentle hold of Souda’s hand. “I’m nice. I really am. Apart from my terrible taste in Lemon Tarts… and it would be great if we could be friends.”

Souda gently pulled his hand away from her grip.

“Yeah.” Souda nodded. “Absolutely. Absolutely.”

Looking sadly unconvinced, Sonia sighed once more.

“Alright!” She recovered. “Let’s find the video together!”

“Listen Sonia, that doesn’t mean we’ll be able to find the video, though.” Souda hurriedly tried stalling her, to take her attention away from the DVD rack. “I tried searching quite a bit when you first called, and I _still_ couldn’t find it-“

“Would this DVD here that says ‘Sonia and Tanaka’s wedding’ mean I’m on the right track?”

A cold wave of dread surrounded Souda. _Well, that was quick._

“Right. Wow, um…” Souda attempted to take the DVD from her grip, “Yeah! That could be it…”

“Um…” Sonia looked at Souda’s DVD player. “Do you mind if I just checked out the video a little bit?” Without waiting for a reply, she slotted the DVD and Souda’s fate inside.

Panicking, Souda started blabbering. “Actually, I p-probably taped _The Walking Dead_ over it by now, lovely series, you should go watch it, do you wanna watch it now? Let’s watch it now, anything but-“

Sonia’s face appeared on his television.

“Bingo!” Sonia beamed as they watched her walk down the aisle in her wedding dress. “Oh my god, Souda this is just what I needed, thank you so much!” Souda could barely answer her, as he waited for the inevitable to happen.

“I looked quite nice!” Sonia watched a close up of herself being kissed, watched herself giving the bride speech, watched herself listen to the speech given by the maid of honor…

“You’ve stayed rather close all this time, haven’t you?” Sonia remarked as she watched herself laugh as she addressed the crowd.

As Sonia continued watching the movie, she felt something peculiar was afoot that she couldn’t place her finger on. She watched herself dancing freestyle amongst the crowd, her beautiful face providing a stark contrast from the people around her, watched herself drinking a glass of wine, watched herself slow dance with Tanaka, his face completely obscured, leaving only Sonia’s calm, peaceful face with one full of love-

Then it dawned on her.

Sonia had to sit down.

Wide-eyed, she continued watching the video, continued watching herself wave towards the camera, as flower petals and bouquets were thrown around, one hand clutching Tanaka’s arm, another throwing a peace sign as she flashed a brilliant smile, continued watching her as she enjoyed all of the wedding’s festivities-

Suddenly mortified at her own actions, she took her eyes off the screen and into a framed photo of the three of them.

“They’re all of me.” She whispered, dumbstruck.

Souda, hand held over his mouth in horror, could only nod as they watched Sonia give one final wave towards the camera, looking like the first breath of spring.

The cold, screeching static roared over the deafening silence. Sonia had become very still. Souda was lost for words.

“B-but…” Sonia finally spoke, “I don’t understand.” She looked towards the furiously blushing Souda. “You never talked to me.”

He remained silent.

“You always talked to Tanaka.”

He remained silent.

“You always avoided me.”

He remained silent.

“Y-You don’t like me.” She whispered, slightly shaking her head in disbelief.

Souda exhaled. “W-well um… I hope it’s useful. Don’t show it around too much, alright?” His voice cracked on one or two intervals, but he went on: “It needs a bit of editing. Look, I gotta go get lunch.” Pulling on his coat, Souda hurried towards the front entrance. “You can show yourself out, right?”

They gazed at each other for a long moment. He tried reading her eyes: shock, shame, surprise, perhaps even a degree of flattery was included as Sonia watched Souda, searching for an explanation to his actions.

“Look, don’t tell Tanaka ‘bout this, alright? He doesn’t know.” Souda’s voice broke.

“It’s for… for self preservation, you see.”

Sonia blinked, confused. Finally, her eyes widened as she realized what he meant.

“Souda-“

The door slammed shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: everything goes to hell.  
> As usual, feedback of any form would be very much appreciated! Thank you!


	5. Scheiße

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!  
> This proves how utterly horrendous I am at deadlines, and with school starting, updates are going to be less frequent. But I'll do my best to complete it ASAP!  
> PS: Quite a number of songs mentioned here are really worth a listen.  
> Enjoy!

_The waiters took away our plates and brought lemon sherbet and espresso. Nagasawa barely touched his dessert and coffee, moving directly to a cigarette. Hatsumi ignore her sherbet._ _“_ _Oh boy,_ _”_ _I thought to myself as I finished my sherbet and coffee. Hatsumi stared at her hands on the table. Like everything she wore, her hands looked chic and elegant and expensive. I thought about Naoko and Reiko. What would they be doing now? I wondered. Naoko could be lying on the sofa reading a book, and Reiko might be playing_ _“_ _Norwegian Wood_ _”_ _on her guitar. I felt an intense desire to go back to that little room of theirs. What the hell was I doing in this place?_

 _“_ _Where Watanabe and I are alike is, we don_ _’_ _t give a shit if nobody understands us,"_   _Nagasawa said._ _“_ _That_ _’_ _s what makes us so different from everybody else. They'_ _re all worried about whether the people around them understand them. But not me, and not Watanabe. We just don_ _’_ _t give a shit. Self and others are separate._ _”_

 _“_ _Is this true?_ _”_ _Hatsumi asked me._

 _“_ _No,"_   _I said._ _“I_ _’_ _m not that strong. I don'_ _t feel it'_ _s OK if nobody understands me. I'_ _ve got people I want to understand and be understood by. But aside from those few, well, I feel it'_ _s kind of hopeless. I don'_ _t agree with Nagasawa. I_ _do_ _care if people understand me._ _”_

 _“_ _That'_ _s practically the same thing as what I'_ _m saying,_ _”_ _said Nagasawa, picking up his coffee spoon._ _“_ _T_ _he same! It'_ _s the difference between a late breakfast or an early lunch. Same time, same food, different name._ _”_

 _Now Hatsumi spoke to Nagasawa._ _“_ _Don'_ _t you care whether_ _I_ _understand you or not?_ _”_

 _“_ _You don'_ _t get it, do you? Person A understands Person B because the time is right for that to happen, not because Person B wants to be understood by_ _Person A._ _”_

 _“_ _S_ _o is it a mistake for me to feel that I want to be understood by someone_ _–_ _by you, for example?_ _”_

 _“_ _No, it'_ _s not a mistake,"_   _answered Nagasawa._ _“_ _Most people would call that love, if you think you want to understand me. My system for living is way different from other people's_ _systems for living._ _”_

 _“_ _So what you'_ _re saying is you'_ _re not in love with me, is that it?_ _”_

 _“_ _Well, my system and your-_ _“_

 _“_ _To hell with your fucking system!"_   _Hatsumi shouted. That was the first and last time I ever heard her shout._

_Nagasawa pushed the button by the table, and the waiter came in with the bill. Nagasawa handed him a credit card._

_“_ _Sorry about this, Watanabe,_ _”_ _said Nagasawa._ _“_ _I'_ _m going to see Hatsumi home. You go back to the dorm alone, OK?_ _”_

 _“_ _You don'_ _t have to apologize to me. Great meal._ _”_ _I said, but no one said anything in response._

_The waiter brought the card, and Nagasawa signed with his ballpoint pen after checking the amount. Then the three of us stood and went outside. Nagasawa started to step into the street to hail a taxi, but Hatsumi stopped him._

_“_ _Thanks, but I don'_ _t want to spend any more time with you today. You don'_ _t have to see me home. Thank you for dinner._ _”_

 _“_ _Whatever,_   _said Nagasawa._

 _“_ _I want Toru to see me home._ _”_

 _“_ _Whatever,_ _”_ _said Nagasawa._ _“_ _But Watanabe'_ _s practically the same as me. He may be a nice guy, but deep down in his heart he's_ _incapable of loving anybody. There'_ _s always some part of him somewhere that'_ _s wide awake and detached. He just has that hunger that won'_ _t go away. Believe me, I know what I'_ _m talking about."_ _  
_

_I flagged down a taxi and let Hatsumi in first._ _“_ _Anyway._ _”_ _I said to Nagasawa,_ _“_ _I'_ _ll make sure she gets home."_ _  
_

_“S_ _orry to put you through this,_ _”_ _said Nagasawa, but I could see that he was already thinking about something else._

 _Once inside the cab, I asked Hatsumi,_ _“_ _Where d you want to go? Back to Ebisu?"_   _Her flat was in Ebisu._

_She shook her head._

_“_ _OK. How about a drink somewhere?_  " _  
_

_“_ _Yes."_   _she said with a nod._

 _“_ _Shibuya,_ _”_ _I told the driver._

_Folding her arms and closing her eyes, Hatsumi sank back into the corner of the seat. Her small gold earrings caught the light as the taxi swayed. Her midnight-blue dress seemed to have been made to match the darkness of the interior. Every now and then her lightly made-up, beautifully formed lips would quiver slightly as though she had caught herself on the verge of talking to herself. Watching her, I could see why Nagasawa had chosen her as his special companion. There were any number of women more beautiful than Hatsumi, and Nagasawa could have made any of them his. But Hatsumi had some quality that could send a tremor through your heart. It was nothing forceful. The power she exerted was a subtle thing, but it called forth deep resonances. I watched her all the way to Shibuya, and wondered, without ever finding an answer, what this emotional reverberation could be that I was feeling._

**2 WEEKS TO CHRISTMAS**

“I don’t get why you’re calling me here all of a sudden!” Hanamura complained as Hagakure pulled into a small coffee shop. “If you want to get coffee, I know lots of other places where they serve it much better than most of these Starbucksed joints.”

“Yeah…” Hagakure undid his seatbelt. “Sorry, Hanamura-chi, I didn’t call you here to drink coffee today.”

“What? You wanted to try the cheesecake? Also Starbucksed. Don’t even try.”

“It’s not about the cheesecake either.” They exited the truck, trudging across the stubborn little patches of grass that refused to wither away, into the little coffee shop that clearly tried too hard to stand out from the rest. The owner must have simply took a glance at a quick search on Google for ‘Indie’ and let his low budget, uninspired imagination take over. Ersatz art hung in frameless walls, and a pale imitation of a tiki totems was stuck firmly into a corner, if tiki totems actually had the faces of Bob Marley, Dylan and Elton John crudely carved into hard wood.

“Well then, what’s the point of coming-“ The rest of his words were lost as Hanamura caught sight of one of the sole customers in the room.

“YES! YES! YES! KURUMI BE MY WAIFU~” Yamada squealed as he clutched his iPad with glee, an OVA of a Harem Anime having just finished. “2D! 2D! 2D! 2D!”

Hanamura stared at Hagakure strangely. “What’s the meaning of this?”

Hagakure smiled ruefully as he gently directed Hanamura towards a comfortable, moldy green armchair. “Consider this an intervention.”

-

“Yes yes yes!” Yamada looked from Hagakure to Hanamura sagely. “Hagakure-dono has told me all about your plans to go to the states. Is this true, Teruteru Hanamura-dono?”

“Quite true.” He ignored the server’s small plea for his (nonexistent) order.

“And this is a decision made when you were sober?”

“Yes.”

Yamada drummed his fat sausages rhythmically on his armrest.

“Well!” He clapped his hands. “That’s a very drastic thing to do. The all important thing that we need to address is _why_.”

“Why?" Hanamura snorted. “Didn’t Hagakure tell you? I am more likely to get laid in any old bar in the United States than the whole of Japan, and I refuse to let my days of being the lovable lothario come to an abrupt end. Hence, QED, my master plan is sound; I am going to Wisconsin to get LAID.”

“You know, there are _plenty_ of hostess clubs –“

“Where’s the fun in paying for sex?” Hanamura retorted. “It’s not just the end result, it’s the kill I wanna enjoy. The way I’ll get that dumb blonde’s attention towards me, hook, line and sinker.”

Yamada blinked once. Twice.

“You’re right, Yasuhiro Hagakure-dono, this is a serious case.” Yamada dabbed the little beads on his forehead with a richly illustrated pocket-handkerchief. “Hanamura-dono, I regret to inform you that this plan of yours is highly insane.” Yamada held his right hand up, palms parallel to the ground. “This is your craziness level. It has surpassed _Westboro Baptist Church crazy_ to _Amy_ _’_ _s Baking Company crazy_ , and is lingering dangerously close to _shipping Asuka and Shinji crazy_.”

Hanamura’s breath caught amidst his throat.

“You think I’m crazier than _Amy_ _’_ _s Baking Company_? Even to me, that’s just cruel.”

“Yamada-chi, you’ve got some pretty messed up priorities, that’s for sure.” Hagakure edged away from Yamada cautiously.

“ANYBODY WHO SHIPS ASUKA AND SHINJI TOGETHER DESERVES TO GET BITCH-SLAPPED!” Yamada screamed at the top of his lungs.

Hanamura shook his head. “I didn’t even know you _watched_ Kitchen Nightmares!”

“Only that episode. I had an idea for a crazy Yandere character, and I needed some inspiration–but enough of all that!” Yamada boomed. “Yasuhiro Hagakure-dono has asked me to make you see reason. I will do my very best to do exactly that!” The rotund man leaned closer across the tabletop.

“Hanamura-dono, will you look at me and tell me what you see?”

Hanamura considered it. “Is this a trick question or something?”

“I’m being fully serious here.”

“…I see you, I guess.”

“Be specific.” Yamada snapped.

“What else can I say?”

“How do I look like?”

Hanamura sighed. “You’re fat, you’re ugly, and you probably have the largest BMI in the entire universe.”

“THAT’S RIGHT!” Yamada beamed. “But am I sad about this? Am I sad that no one would probably marry me throughout my life? No, I’m not!”He proudly puffed up. “I have learned to accept myself for who I truly am, and simply adapted! Why, if it were not for my self acceptance, I would never have fully embraced the world of 2D, Teruteru Hanamura-dono!”

“I don’t WANT to embrace the world of 2D!”

“You’d be surprised.” Yamada calmly informed him. “Hanamura-dono, allow me to impart you a little piece of wisdom: in conflicted times like these, you need to wake up and smell the Kawoshin.”

“…The what?”

“Kawoshin.” Yamada nodded sagely, as Hagakure silently groaned to himself. “You need to wake up and acknowledge it!”

“I don’t understand.”

“You don’t understand?”

“ _Here we go._ ” Hagakure muttered as Yamada took a deep breath:

“March 13, 1996, an episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion was broadcasted throughout Japan and remained one of the most beloved yet controversial episodes of anime to ever be broadcasted on live television. Kaworu Nagisa, fifth child, 17th angel and a _very_ good looking white haired boy displayed hints of affection and love towards conflicted main character, Shinji Ikari. Homoerotic scenes in the bath, sleeping together in the same room, the early sweet scenes of boys love threatened to overwhelm the minds of fujoshis and critics alike, whilst non BL shippers remained in furious denial that their relationship was homosexual in nature (these non-BL-shippers strongly favor Rei or god forbid, Asuka). Even after much evidence was piled on that these two truly were meant to be in a pure, homosexual relationship (I mean come on, in Rebuild 3.33 there’s the heart shaped tree, heck, even in the promotional posters have them sharing a pair of red earphones. Red string of fate much?), people remained in denial, and much discussion has been wasted upon the topic on whether the scenes in the original anime _were_ homoerotic in nature or purely platonic.” Yamada heaved. “When somebody tells you to wake up and smell the Kawoshin, it means you should wake up and acknowledge the obvious facts in front of you, even if they may seem a little strange and make you uncomfortable at first. And in time, once acknowledging these facts, embracing these facts, you will come to appreciate these little things that once made you uncomfortable, and discover what a brilliant relationship these two have! Hence, we should all wake up and smell the Kawoshin, ladies and gentlemen, and discover the beauty in our little imperfections that once made us uncomfortable and drive us to despair. If we all wake up and smell it, the world will be a much more beautiful place!”

“Charming.” Hanamura twiddled his thumbs. “So, TLDH, you’re saying that I should accept that I’m a fat, lonely asshole, and somehow find happiness within?”

“Very good!” Yamada beamed, happy that his speech seemed to have gotten through. “I’m glad that you understood so quickly–“

“You are mistaken.”

“Excuse me?”

“I get that I am who I am. But that is _not_ stopping me from finding happiness the way _I_ want to find happiness, the way _I_ think of happiness. And _I_ think of happiness as a woman’s loving bosom... and everything under it. I am doing this thing if it kills me, you two, and nothing you can say or do will stop me.” Hanamura got up from his seat, still smiling. “Well, this has been a pleasant discussion. Thanks for the coffee. Now, if you would excuse me, I’m gonna look for somewhere where they sell condoms in bulk. Have a nice life, have a nice death, goodbye!”

And with those fine words of wisdom, Hanamura sauntered out into the cold winter sun.

Hagakure finally pulled his vision away from the door.

“That was successful.”

“Don’t look at me.” Yamada shrugged. “You’re the one who wanted me to host the intervention.”

“Yeah. It didn’t work, didn’t it?”

“Live and let live, ship and let ship, I guess.”

“This coming from you?”

Yamada sighed.

“Well, I better be going.”

“Wait, what? Aren’t you gonna go after him?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Yamada laughed. “I have an _unfinished_ Love Stage!! Doujinshi that I’m giving to a fellow colleague for Christmas, and it’s only half done.”

“You value _this_ over Hanamura’s sanity?”

“In the eternal wisdom of Morgan Freeman: I don’t give a shit.”

Nodding, Yamada waddled out of the café, leaving Hagakure alone, wallowing in dread.

***

**BUDOUKAN**

Snow vanished as the little flakes neared the glaring lights harsher than the sun.

Budoukan was legendary; a behemoth arena, famed throughout Japan for being one of the largest, most gut-bustingly amazing concert halls in it’s modern history. Doubling as a sports arena for the likes of martial arts, it gained an international reputation as live albums featuring artists such as KISS, Iron Maiden, Cheap Trick and so on appeared on CD racks around the world.

Tonight, the lines outside the hall were packed, the atmosphere trickling with a clear, bubbly excitement as the fans outside strained their ears, hoping to hear the band’s sound checks, perhaps even an early belted line. The cold didn’t matter; rather, it added to the thrill and edginess of the area they occupied, as strangers chatted animatedly with each other, questioning one another on the band’s trivia, hoping against hope that they would trip up and answer them wrongly, hoping that they would emerge as the bigger fan…Pointless arguments, pointless games; all are equal in the faces of the gods they worship.

“I can’t believe we’re seriously doing this. On impulse, no less.”

“We can still leave, if you’d like.”

“No, no!”Naegi reassured her. “I’m just slightly awed at our surroundings.” He took a precursory glance at the line behind them. “We don’t fit in very much, do we?”

Ikusaba stole a glance. Teens awash with black leather get ups waited patiently for the doors to the mosh pit to open. Quite a few sported tattoos, even more had piercings, and most wore more mascara than Naegi ever would in his lifetime.

“It’s like a Scene Kid AU.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much. I doubt any of them genuinely dons this sort of attire on a daily basis.”

“Yeah, I kinda got the idea.” Naegi laughed gently, and Ikusaba’s heart was set a flutter.

“I guess we should count ourselves lucky, managing to get the tickets for the mosh pit.”

“Yes, but that’s not going to do anything about the long line in front of us.” Naegi worriedly looked away.

“How many of them do you reckon _have_ tickets to the mosh pits?”

“A damn bloody lot of them, that’s for sure.”

“I didn’t think this band had that many followers.” Ikusaba muttered. “…It seems I was mistaken.”

“Well to be fair, this is definitely smaller than most crowds.”

“It’s a German band, though, and this is the Japanese fanbase we’re talking about.”

“If they dress anything _like_ they way they do on the posters, then I can see why. They’re like a visual kei group.”

“Visual Kei?”

“Basically people in bands cosplaying. They have this philosophy that visual impact is as important as musical impact…” Naegi mused. “Eye candy, essentially. One of my friends was crazy about Alice Nine.”

Her brows furrowed, frowning. “Alice…Nine?”

“Yeah, like _Heart of Gold_ , that’s the group! You know them?”

“…The name is familiar.”

“Well, I wouldn’t think of it too much.” Naegi shrugged. “They’re relatively obscure recently.” He redirected his attention towards the front of the line. “Still, chances that we’ll make it to the front of the stage looks increasingly slim.”

Ikusaba paused, deep in thought. _Should I?_ As she considered the unorthodox option, she ran her fingers through her hair, pausing as she felt the metallic clip.

 _“_ _A kitty barette?!_ _”_ _Junko screamed as she saw her new accessory._ _“_ _Seriously? OK, fess up, who_ _’_ _s the guy you_ _’_ _re seeing? No way in_ _HELL_ _am I believing my worthless sister cares about the way she looks. Who gave it? Come on, say it, who gave it? I_ _’_ _m about to go FULL KUBRICK over here, sis! Who gave it? What_ _’_ _s his name? Does his hair look like a broken boner or something? Are you a lesbian?_ _GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH!_ _”_

The thought of her own sister going mental over her chutzpah for donning her gift was enough to make even Ikusaba smile. The small action smacked of rebellion, and whilst it had been funny at the moment, she wondered whether Junko would allow it to slide that easily.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a man standing in front of the heavy gates; “Gates opening in one minute, people!”

At once, the excitement intensified, as the people around Naegi started getting up, patting their leather jeans free of winter dust, loud whispering bouncing over the heads of the waiting crowd.

“Well, I don’t suppose you’d like to just make a run for it?”

“What?”Naegi blinked.

“Let’s run. We _could_ just race ahead of those people once we enter the hall.”

“All of those people? You overestimate my abilities.”Naegi shook his head.

Ikusaba lowered her voice. “Do you want to stay at the front of the stage?”

“Y-yeah.” Naegi admitted. “But I don’t think I can make it in front of all these other people –“

Quick as a flash, Ikusaba ducked down and swept Naegi from his knees mid-sentence.

“I-IKUSABA-SAN?”

“Shh.”

Naegi had gone beet red. _A princess carry?_ Already he could hear the chortles from the crowd around them, but even that was quashed as Ikusaba’s physical strength sunk in. It was as though her arms were made of chiseled steel, and lifting Naegi up was as easy as slicing butter with a chainsaw. Yet her strength was measured, and as Naegi shifted uncomfortably within her grasp, her grip softened, and she held him a little higher.

“Hands around my neck.” She said in a small voice.

“What?”

“ _Hands around my neck_.” The stares from the crowd were beginning to affect her as well, and Naegi could see a faint tinge of pink line those little freckles on her face.

Naegi obediently followed.

“I-Ikusaba-san.” He nervously mumbled. “Why are we doing this?”

“You said you couldn’t run.”

The boy frowned in confusion for a brief, spell-binding moment.

Then it hit him.

“You don’t mean-“

**_CLANK_ **

“Let’s run.”

“Everybody in~” The man called, and at once the throng moved as one. There was screaming, there was pushing, there were people desperately trying to save horrendously hand-made poster boards showcasing the band’s name scrawled in glitter and sharpies from being trampled on by the ongoing crowd, it was chaos. And for the people who had access to the mosh pit, it was war as each and every last stinking one of them pushed, shoved and ran, hoping to get the best places where they could stand and watch their idols perform, singing songs that they could never hope to understand, nor care to understand.

But it was all in a day’s work for Ikusaba: there had been more chaotic situations she faced as a member of Fenrir. _Easier than avoiding crossfire,_ she thought as she swerved, accelerated and overtook people in front of her; they were obstacles, sentient ones, yes, but in chaos all there mental capacity will be for naught. There were already a few cries of protests as fans who waited all morning for the chance to stand at the front row were given as much notice as a pile of manure. _Their loss._

The hands tightened behind her neck. Naegi clutched on for dear life as his head narrowly averted a collision with a fervent fan’s bare back. He had been the most vocal, of course, belting out vulgarities every time they came close to colliding, every time he bounced slightly on her arms, every time her grip tightened around his arms as a result. But like gunfire, she drowned him out, focusing on the destination at hand.

The front of the stage was still bare as Ikusaba skidded to a stop, gently setting down Naegi in the process. Winded, he took several shaky breaths, collapsing onto the yellow safety railings as he collected himself.

Ikusaba calmly waited as Naegi turned to face her.

“W-what was that?” He shakily coughed. “W-where did that _come_ from?”

“I work out.” She avoided the question.

“That. Was. Amazing.” Naegi gave a thumbs up, oblivious to the fans behind them giving scathing looks of envy. “I didn’t see that coming at all, but that was…WOW.”

Ikusaba hid her smile of self-satisfaction. “It’s nothing special.”

“Nothing?!” Naegi could not help but laugh. “I could never do that, never in 5 years could I do that…And suddenly you just _sweep_ me off my feet…That doesn’t happen every day, you know!”

“It’s just basic maneuvers, Naegi-kun. But thank you.”

Just as he was about to retort, the lights dimmed, and the arena, now fully packed, chattered in frenzy as they waited anxiously for their idols to appear. One thousand glowsticks burst into luminescent light, bobbing up and down in the sea of the crowd. And as the band members finally sauntered on stage, the howling of their names, the shrieks of ‘WE LOVE YOU’ and the cries of pure, unadulterated fangirlism throbbed like a heartbeat throughout the arena, affecting the cells which were a part of this united, glorious system.

Ikusaba and Naegi stared in wonder at the band as they introduced themselves.

“Tokio Hotel, huh?”

Naegi took a closer look towards the lead vocalist.

“He is not how I remembered him on the website…”

“Didn’t he cut his hair a few months back?”

“Now it’s short and dirty blond…” Naegi uttered over the ear-splitting din. “They should’ve stuck with the futuristic image.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think it looks as bad as you make it out to be.”

“Yeah…Maybe I’m just nitpicking in this whole thing.”

As they completed their introduction, the drummer got into position, rapped his drumsticks in a 5, 6, 7, 8, and Naegi’s eardrums exploded as the first song began. The shredding of the guitar repeatedly struck through his chest, and as the crowd began jumping to the beat, Naegi could not help but follow the wave, stopping only as he realized Ikusaba had stood motionless towards the direction of Bill Kaulitz.

He looked once at the back of the crowd, then back towards Ikusaba. _What was she thinking? What was she pondering over this din, this cacophony of nonsense in order, this vichyssoise of unintelligible German?_

Naegi bit his lip.

Tentatively, he edged his hand closer, closer, before finally slipping his tender fingers between hers.

Almost by reflex, her hand jerked away.

Naegi blinked, slowly acknowledging his hand hanging emptily in the air between them. Ikusaba finally seemed to notice him, and her cheeks promptly burned red as a result.

 _So this is the feeling one gets when one realizes he_ _wasn'_ _t_ _the person that guy down the hall was waving at._

“Um...” Naegi mumbled, at a loss for words. “Sorry, I just –“

“No no no, it was me.” Shyly, guiltily even, her hand found his in the midst of the throbbing crowd.

At this point of time, Naegi didn’t know whether the monstrous _thump thump_ in his chest was simply a result of the steady fusillade of knocks on the drum set on stage or his own, frozen heart.

He tightened his grip.

 _Well_ _…_ _I guess this is alright._

The smile returned.

“Do you think that we’ll ever understand a word of what they’re saying?” She called.

Still laughing, he shook his head.

***

“Hinata, are you alright?”

“Hmm?” Hinata swiveled in his chair. “Yeah, of course, why?”

“I know you’re fine.” Kuzuryuu’s chopsticks paused, wedging a piece of smoked pike between each tip. “But for the past few weeks you’ve got that same, vapid, shit-eating grin plastered on your ugly mug 24/7. Help me out here. See, you’re doing it now!”

Working hard to conceal his euphoria, Hinata replied, “Well, it’s not really that much of a big deal.”

“What?” The kingpin snorted. “You finally got a girlfriend?”

“Kinda.”

The piece of fish gracefully fell onto the Vivienne Westwood suit.

“I’m sorry, what? Come again?”

Hinata waved his hands up in a celebratory fashion. “I’m seeing someone.”

“NICE! About time.” Kuzuryuu shook his head. “And here I thought you were going to remain single till 33. Who’s she?”

“Colleague of mine at work.”

“Office romance?!”

“You make it sound like a venereal disease.”

“…Ok. I won’t judge. What’s she like?”

Hinata paused, deep in thought, ransacking his brain for the best possible words to describe the woman of his life.

“She’s cute.”

“Good.”

“She likes games.”

“You have my attention.”

“She likes sleeping in the middle of conversations.”

“Not sure what to make of that one.”

“And long story short, she’s the nicest girl I’ve ever had the opportunity to meet.”

“ _Ever_?” Kuzuryuu sighed. “How many girls _have_ you ever been with in your life, Hinata?”

“Oh, speak for yourself for a change.” Hinata muttered, finding a queer sense of satisfaction at seeing the man in front of him squirm. “But she _is_ really nice.”

“How so?”

“Let’s see.” Hinata blissfully drummed his fingers on the greasy tabletop. “Um…She never raises her voice, she’s quiet, she makes all these cute little pauses in the middle of her sentence, she kicks my ass in DOTA but never gloats, and," the remaining words caught in his throat. Turning a light pink, he muttered “And she’s got nice skin.”

“Skin?” Kuzuryuu raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Yeah.”

“You like this girl because she has nice skin?”

“I’m just saying it’s a contributing factor.” Hinata bit his lip, recounting the time she had fallen asleep onto his lap. _That_ time he did it; her locks of hair were as smooth as silk, and smelt of the warm blankets she always laid upon. Granted, she _might_ have noticed, with her sleepy eyes opening just a fraction as he gently felt her hair, but if she did, she remained quiet. _Maybe she liked it_ , Hinata thought, the memory as cloying as nectar and ambrosia.

“Hinata, not riding your ass or anything, but this girl sounds pretty weird.”

“No she’s not.”

“Yeah she is.”

“Fine, maybe a little.” He conceded. “But she’s a really nice girl."

"I believe you."

Hinata bit his lip.

"Hey, Kuzuryuu, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"How exactly does on bring up the topic of sex for the first time?"

He didn't laugh, but Kuzuryuu _did_ nearly fall out his chair.

"I think you've asked the wrong person."

"No, I'm really being serious here." Hinata sighed. "I know it's an uncomfortable, awkward topic, but this needs to be addressed sooner or later."

"It _is_ your first time, right?"

Hinata twiddled his thumbs.

"... Yes." He said finally.

"And it's hers?"

" _How the hell should I know?_ "

"Does she look like she's done it a couple of times before?"

"Like I said, _how the hell should I know_?!"

"It's not that difficult!"

"What, this coming from the guy who married the girl he's known his entire life?"

"Look, do you think she's inexperienced in this sort of thing? Does she seem... Innocent, I guess?"

Hinata flushed a deep red. "I guess so."

"... Have you at least _kissed_?"

He looked away. "No."

"AND YOU'RE ALREADY THINKING ABOUT DOING THE DO?"

“I can't help it, alright?!" Hinata exclaimed. "Even _I_ have urges... I don't know whether she has them; heck, I don't know whether she even _knows_ about sex. Even kissing sounds like a giant leap."

Kuzuryuu scratched his head wearily.

"When are you next seeing her?"

"Tonight."

"At her house?"

"Nah... It's a Christmas party, the one our company has every year."

"Togami?"

"Duh."

"Then what's the problem? You take her out, go with a slow dance, and then..." His voice trailed off, and gestured illustriously.

"Of course it's easy on paper... But there are other things as well."

"Such as?"

Hinata shifted uncomfortably. "There are a number of things I haven't told her about myself yet."

"Like what?"

He glared at the gangster. " _That's_ none of your business."

"Woah. What's with the sudden attitude?"

"... It's stuff I've never told anyone about... Ok, maybe just another guy (and that was an accident), but it'd be the first time I ever told someone deliberately about it."

"What?" Kuzuryuu snickered. "The size of your cock?"

Hinata flipped him the bird.

"Then?"

"... I don't want to talk about it." Hinata shook his head. "Nothing to do with you, mind... It's just that I really would like this to be a secret."

"Hey, I could keep one just fine." Kuzuryuu protested.

"That's nice, but I don't think this is one I'd like to take the risk for." Hinata smiled.

Kuzuryuu glowered. "Then why the hell did you consult me in the first place?"

Hinata shrugged.

"Next time, I'm not listening to anything you say to me." Kuzuryuu muttered.

"Just... Do me a favor and forget what I just said. You're right, these things need to be settled on my own."

"No shit."

"Anyway, I’m thinking about introducing some members of the gang to her, maybe have a gaming marathon at her place.”

Kuzuryuu shook his head. “I don’t think she’d like that very much, a bunch of guys suddenly showing up at her place expecting to spend the night-”

“Oh come on, it’s not going to be a surprise!” Hinata groaned. “Even _I_ know that these things need to be discussed…I don’t think she’d reject it, though. I think it’d be nice for her to play with people face to face for a change…with friends.”

“…I think I’d pass. I suck at these sort of things.”

“Everybody sucks in games in front of her. It’s alright.” Hinata laughed.

“Alright then.” Kuzuryuu decided to indulge Hinata on his little charade. “Who else do you think should come? I know Leon would be interested. Maybe Ibuki as well, Oh! How about Souda-“

Hinata stiffened.

“Hinata?”

But Hinata barely heard him. Already, he thought back on when he had last saw Souda, the panic and dread coming back in an instant.

 **HINATA** **’** **S APARTMENT (1 WEEK AGO)**

“ _How_ did it happen? How did you let it happen?”

“She just walked in, alright?!” Souda groaned. “How the hell was I supposed to know she was gonna come today? To my house, barging in like that –“

“Barging in?” Hinata frowned. “You seemed to have invited her –“

“Bullshit…I may have given her a mixed message, but what else was I supposed to say? ‘Hey, Sonia, nice to see you here, I’m really busy now so could you please fuck off back to Legoland?’ I didn’t know she was going to search for the DVD…And that she’d find it so damn quickly.”

Hinata sighed. “You had it labeled ‘Tanaka’s and Sonia’s Wedding’. HOW could she not have seen that?!”

“Just…shut up for one second, alright? Let’s pretend I already feel like a sack of dragon shit, and you don’t need to rub it in any further.” Souda collapsed onto the sofa chair. It had been a full seven hours since his world ended back at his apartment, and he had spent the rest of the afternoon wandering aimlessly throughout Tokyo, headphones blasting with Ibuki’s New Year album ‘Doomsday’on repeat. He would sprint a little, walk, stop, piss, continue walking, run, scream at an empty harbor that he saw being used all too many times in all of the dramas Sonia watched, but nothing, _nothing_ helped Souda escape the fact that the love of his life knew that he loved her.

He loved her.

 _Well, that_ _’_ _s it. I_ _’_ _m fucked._ Souda dejectedly hung his head in his hands. It was official: he officially stood no chance of scoring Sonia’s affection, now the cat’s out of the bag and into the drowned in the river Thames, went onto the heavenly express in that Tom and Jerry short and drove off into the sunset. How could he have known, that the one thing he had wished for made him feel so horrible inside?

“Here.”

Hinata handed Souda a glass of Cola, bubbles still fizzing, chock full of ice.

“Thanks.” He took a single swig, and grimaced. “This is Pepsi, isn’t it?”

“Souda Kazuichi, there’s no difference, just DRINK.”

Souda wobbled the little ice cubes, watching as they grew smaller bit by bit before setting down the glass with a hollow thunk.

Hinata took the opportunity and gently sat across the coffee table.

“4 years.”

“Mm.”

“I’m surprised it actually lasted this long…And that you didn’t tell her yourself.” He gave him a look of pity. “…I have that much to thank you for, at least.”

“Yeah. Ha. Ha.” Souda muttered. “Best friend of the year. Wheeeeee.”

“Your sarcasm isn’t going to help much –“

“You know something? If I knew that eventually she was gonna know about me liking her, I wouldn’t have bothered waiting; I’d just go straight to her back at that party 4 years ago, interrupt Tanaka’s conversation about lobsters and asked her out right there. But no! You just _had_ to intervene, didn’t you? RIGHT at the moment when nothing was official between Tanaka and Sonia, you told me not to date her, not to talk to her, not to even make a single goddamn move. And I did! And guess what? It worked! It worked _so well,_ I’m his best man!”Souda simultaneously shrieked and laughed at the same time. “Did you know how much that hurt, Hinata? Hmm? Did you know what I’ve been through as I saw Sonia kiss Tanaka on the altar? It hurt like HELL! And pretending to be happy for Sonia, to be happy for Tanaka…WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!”His voice grew thick with tears. “And after seeing the love of my life getting married off to my best friend, fate decides to kick me in the balls, and have Sonia find out anyway. WHAT THE HELL, HUH?! WHAT THE FUCKING-“ At this point, Souda gritted his teeth, seething with rage, and screamed.

Hinata gulped. “Hey…um…I’m sorry…It was probably your own decision in the first place, but I just…I got concerned, alright? You two really are great friends to me and everyone, and I didn’t want it to fall apart.”

“Yeah. Look how well that turned out…” Souda wiped his eyes. “Now, whether or not she’d tell Tanaka or not, it’s not going to be the same ever again! How can I even be in the same room with them, now that they know all of this crap?”

“…I don’t know. Maybe the whole thing will just boil over.”

“How the hell do you expect this thing to boil over?”

“Well, aren’t your feelings a thing in the past?”

“No!”

“…Then I don’t know.”

Souda stared blankly into space. Only one thing was made certain: there was no fucking way he was going to allow things to end like this.

 _Don_ _’_ _t do it,_ his conscience preached. _When somebody hurts you, turn the other cheek!_

 ** _Don_** ** _’_** ** _t listen to him!_** A little devil perched on his shoulder. **_You_** ** _’_** ** _ve been through far too much crap already. Go for it!_**

_What would Tanaka think? How do you think Tanaka would feel?_

**_He can go fuck a duck! You'_** **_ve been his pushover for far too long._ **

_He_ _’_ _s your best friend!_

“That has nothing to do with it.”

Hinata looked up. “What?”

“This is between me and her…” Souda slowly got up. “That’s right! What has this got to do with Tanaka anyway?”Souda clapped his hands. “I got it! I’ll tell her exactly how I feel, and hope for the best!”

“You what?”

“I’m gonna tell her what that video meant in great detail!” Souda spoke with enthusiasm. “I’ll apologize for ignoring her all those years, but the truth was I love her, and I didn’t act on those feelings because I had far too much respect for Tanaka to pursue them-“

“Souda.” Hinata panicked. “You’re not really suggesting you wanna... confess to Sonia?!”

“Absolutely!” Those eyes of despair was replaced with ones of hope. “I think I’ll do it like this –I’ll take a boombox, put on a Christmas single, go to her house-“

“Souda.” Hinata glared. “No.”

“Why?!” Souda protested indignantly. “This is my chance to set things straight-“

“You’re confessing to her.”

“Sometimes that’s what it takes!”

“Souda, pursuing Sonia is really a thing of the past. I know you’re regretful that you didn’t go for her when the time was right, but you need to be level-headed about this. What are you trying to achieve here?”

Souda gritted his teeth.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m just gonna tell her the truth!”

“And you’re doing that because you want a relationship, is that it?”

“What?! No!” Souda snapped. “I guess…I just wanna know how she feels about me. That’s all.”

Hinata shook his head.

“Souda, this is going to hurt Tanaka really badly. And Sonia if you keep pressing the subject.”

Souda froze. Slowly, he turned to face Hinata.

“So…Long story short, you don’t want me doing this because it’s going to hurt Sonia? And Tanaka. Is that it?”

“…Pretty much.”

“Let me get something straight, Hinata.” It was amazing how much presence Souda exuded as he marched in front of Hinata’s face. “Sonia barged in on my life. Alright? It always has been the same thing. She came out of nowhere that night 4 years ago, and I’ve fallen in love with her ever since. Fact is, she loved Tanaka, and I allowed him to take the lead. I admit that much. Now? She’s married, all without that stinking notion and idea that I liked her. Heck, she thought I _hated_ her! And I was ready to give up, ready to keep this secret to the grave, and what happens? She barges in AGAIN! And now you’re telling me I can’t go and tell her exactly how I feel, and ask how she feels towards me, because _Tanaka and Sonia_ would get HURT?!”Souda exploded. “WHY IS FALLING IN LOVE WITH SONIA MY FUCKING FAULT?!”

“Nobody’s saying it’s your fault, Souda, all I’m saying is you need to be careful-“

“I’ve been careful for four years. Look where that’s gotten me.” Souda stormed towards the door.

Hinata tried again, desperate. “Souda, please.”

“Hinata. I get that you’re thinking for the whole of the group. But Tanaka’s my best friend. I’m going to be the one taking the consequences if he finds out.” He mashed his beanie back onto his frizzy pink hair. “And you know what? I don’t give a shit. I’m doing this, I’m going to tell Sonia everything, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!”

**_PRESENT DAY_ **

He didn’t do it.

Of course, talking to Sonia about the matter was something easier said than done. Though that day, in the heat of passion, Souda had marched from Hinata’s apartment straight towards the private residences where Sonia lived, as he got to the gates a curious sense of cold feet overcame him.

Including of course, the two security guards that requested his name when he said he wanted to go in.

Now, a week later since the event, he was no less miserable than before. Though he had talked big in front of Hinata, that he would simply barge in on Sonia like she did and tell her everything, the task now seemed monumental upon closer inspection, a task that he had absolutely no idea how to accomplish.

He considered texting her. _No. Completely out of the question._ Texting with somebody automatically gave you a barrier for you to collect yourself, some leeway for you to review what you say. No, this instance, he needed to look Sonia in the eye and absorb everything.

He considered surprising her on Tanaka’s birthday… _Again, absolutely not._ Even Souda had enough dignity and respect to abhor such an idea.

The simplest option, of course, would be to invite her out for coffee and tell her everything here and there. _But she_ _’_ _s a princess. She_ _’_ _d be prepared for it._ Unless he took her by surprise, there was no way he could have had any indicator that what she said was the truth.

Angrily crumpling an unfinished draft, he decided to retire for the evening and went back to his apartment.

 _If only there was somebody I could consult about this_ _…_ Souda thought as he made his way across the steps. _Somebody that I could consult on_ _–_

His hand froze in front of the doorknob.

-

**TAKA ISHII GALLERY**

"I don't recall your photography to be so risqué."

"Fukawa-San, be a dear and don't rub it in." Koizumi shook her head, trying her best to ignore the large painting behind her. For the party, the gallery was transformed into winter wonderland... Well, as much as Winter Wonderland could be in a room full of porn. The usual ambient lighting that flooded the hallways and the empty spaces was replaced with a dark, colored glow that provided a distinct edge to the already dodgy interior. Mistletoe hung strategically at small corners, away from the holly that littered the ceiling. The magnificent Christmas tree Togami had ordered was bedecked with golden ribbons and baubles, from the silver polished trunk to the almost luminescent angel watching over the crowd.

“When Celestia said this place was dodgy, she meant it.” Togami remarked as he observed the party from a distance.

“Celestia?” Fukawa inquired.

“My assistant.” Togami replied in clipped tones, spotting her in a queenly gown reminiscent of Georgian lace. “She booked the place.”

“I know.” Koizumi shook her head. “I didn’t like her very much.”

Togami took one sip of the red punch and unceremoniously dumped the rest in the nearby bin. “Why? What did she say?”

“It wasn’t something that she said.” Koizumi snapped. “Women just have this sixth sense, you know? One that men don’t have.”

“Illuminating.” It was amazing how much sarcasm Togami managed to macerate the word in. “And this intuition generally works well for you?”

“It’s working plenty fine right now.” Koizumi stared back at him.

“Guys, lighten up.” Fukawa cut in. “We’re supposed to enjoy ourselves.”

“HEY BOSS!”

“ _I_ can’t.” Togami turned to the sound of the voice warily. “Excuse me, Touko.” He gave his wife a quick businesslike peck before marching towards his employees.

Koizumi cleared her throat.

 “So, how’s little Akira?”

“Oh yes, she’s doing well.” Fukawa gave a nervous smile. “Komaru tells me she’s received most of Byakuya’s brain.”

“And personality?”

“She’s a child. She’s not going to be as ruthless as her father from the get go.”

“I know.” Koizumi sighed. “I just… just don’t feel like it’s the right thing to do to let children grow up so fast… just my opinion, of course.”

“I know.” It struck Koizumi on how elegantly Fukawa had aged; whether it was the effect of being a mother, or the fact that she was happily married to the man of her dreams, time seemed to take its toll on Fukawa, yet it only seemed to accentuate her beauty. The small wrinkles that sparsely lined her skin smiled when she smiled, frowned when she frowned, emphasizing the youthfulness in her visage. She gazed sadly at the crowd.

“But I’m still worried there comes a time where she needs to grow up.”

“Of course she will.” Koizumi shrugged. “It’s all a matter of time –“ Her voice trailed off as she finally had an inkling of a suspicion what Fukawa was referring to.

“No! No, no!” Koizumi shook her head rapidly, looking hastily from Togami to Fukawa in swift succession. “That’s _highly_ improbable, Fukawa-san. I mean, look at him! Togami won’t die that easily, there won’t be any tests for new scions, Akira’s not going to-“

Fukawa held up a finger to stop her.

“I know it’s just a stupid thought…” She sighed. “But… it just happens so frequently, I keep imagining…”

Koizumi scratched her head. “B-but at least, he’ll have a brother to take over for him, doesn’t he?”

Fukawa stared at her strangely.

“What?”

“Twogami? Togami XXL?”

“Are you genuinely stupid?”

“I’m just saying, maybe he can take over Byakuya’s identity if the infinitestimal chance that he dies-“

“Do you even know who he is?” Fukawa interrupted.

“… I thought you told us that he was one of his real brothers… until he lost the game that Byakuya won and his identity from then on.”

“It’s… It’s not that simple.” Fukawa shook her head.

“Then?!”

“…”

“You’ve kept a lid on this for so long?”

“ _He_ ,” Touko briefly considered her choice of words, “ _They_ want to keep this secret.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Koizumi caught sight of Hinata approaching an attractive girl shyly.

Fukawa sighed. “Let’s change the subject, shall we?”

“Be my guest.” Koizumi grimaced.

 

 

“Speaking of which, _how_ is Saionji these days?” Fukawa remarked. “I haven’t seen her for a long time.”

“She’s touring Japan.” Koizumi smiled as she remembered the postcard she had received a few days ago. “Apparently, she’s doing really well. Hates everywhere, but yeah, doing pretty well. I heard she’s pretty popular as a dancer.”

“I guess most of her fans weren’t the lolicons I thought they were-“ The rest of her words trailed off as Fukawa received Koizumi’s own withering look.

“Sorry.”

The girl that Hinata had led out to the middle of the room to dance was proving inept, but even Koizumi could see the girl had a certain charm in her clumsiness, her ineptitude, her inexperience. She chuckled lightly as she watched Hinata awkwardly try holding hands to lead her.

 _You_ _’_ _re doing it wrong,_ she thought as Hinata and the girl sort of just circled each other, unsure of what else to do. Years of seeing the relationships bloom around her had given Koizumi a powerful sixth sense when it came to these things, and as the girl accidentally stepped on Hinata’s foot amidst their dance, she arrived at a conclusion: _this is more than just a dance between friends._

Watching the girl apologize sleepily towards the already laughing Hinata, her memories jogged to another dance that lingered stubbornly in the edges of her mind.

A queer sense of frustration seemed to engulf her when she thought of him: chauvinistic, one-dimensional, completely useless in the art of housework, desperately lacking a sense of basic hygiene, already she could picture herself nagging at another one of his idiosyncrasies, and watching him reluctantly obey.

 _He probably can_ _’_ _t even take care of himself right._ Koizumi aimlessly thought as the music changed to G Dragon’s _Crayon. Irresponsible, loud, selfish, insensitive_ _…_ She surprised herself with her choice of words.

 _But I guess he can be nice sometimes._ She could see the fragility whatever twisted sense of pride he haphazardly built over the years had obscured, and it fascinated her. Maybe it was some stupid sort of sympathy she had felt for the pathetic individual that was Souda Kazuichi… _No, pathetic is a bit of a harsh term. Maybe I just don_ _’_ _t understand him that well._

But nothing explained why she had recollected her memories of them together with such fondness. As much as she would like to deny it, she liked his company. It felt… natural, and _refreshing,_ as if their relationship was a gif that a person with OCD would gladly repeat over and over.

She tried placing a finger on what exactly she felt for him. _Friendship_? _Complete sympathy? Emotional dependence? Love?_ Her freckles flushed as she considered the possibilities, even more so as she considered what _he_ had felt for her.

 _No. It couldn_ _’_ _t be._ Koizumi shook her head. What she felt for Souda was completely different for what she felt for Saionji, and there was no mistaking that her feelings for her were true. _Besides, he_ _’_ _s in love with that other person, right?_

 _And if she_ _’_ _s who I think she is_ _…_ She blankly stared at the dancing crowd. _But she_ _’_ _s married. Maybe he_ _’_ _ll think things over and move on_ _…_ If her lingering affection for Saionji was any indicator, moving on would be difficult.

 _Wait. HE should be the one worrying about this!_ Flustered, Koizumi hurriedly shook her head, her red curls swinging from side to side. _Why should **I** be worried?! Guys should take the responsibility for this sort of thing!_

“Cross Gene’s _For this Love._ _”_ Fukawa nodded, impressed. “This DJ knows his stuff.”

“I’ve never HEARD of Cross GENE!” She said a little too loudly.

Fukawa stared. “Are you alright, Koizumi?”

“I’m sorry…” Koizumi shook her head. “It’s… It’s just annoying stuff-“

“Is it Saionji again?”

“No! I mean, yes, I mean-“

“Souda?”

“W-Wait a minute- HOW DID YOU-“

“No, is that Souda outside?”

Koizumi’s heart did something akin to a tap dance as her blood ran cold. Still shocked, she looked towards one of the floor-to-ceiling windows that connected the art gallery to the nearby crowd.

Utterly triumphant, a little bit sheepish, completely unabashed, Souda waved a blank canvas board, _CALL KOIZUMI OVER_ scrawled in black paint haphazardly.

“What is he doing here?” Fukawa muttered.

“Excuse me.” Koizumi breathed, already making her way towards the door, the opening chords of Taeyang’s _Wedding Dress_ beginning to play.

***

Tonight, Hinata discovered he was terrible at dancing.

Like, truly, horrendously lousy. If Saionji ever saw him, he was sure she’d never let him live it down.

Fortunately, he discovered on the same night Nanami wasn’t that impressive either. Which was actually surprising, given her long list of DDR highscores.

So when the tempo of the music in the foreground slowed to an adagio, and the lighting dimmed, both put their hands on their knees, collecting their breaths.

“Can we both agree, let’s not _ever_ dance like that again?”

“Agreed.” She rubbed her chin with the back of her hand.

Yet even as they spoke, people began pairing up, linking hands, pulling each other close, and the longer they stared, the more he felt he should do… something.

 _“_ _Then what_ _’_ _s the problem? You take her out, go with a slow dance, and then_ _…”_

He embarrassedly cleared his throat.

“Hey, Nanami?”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t suppose you’d care to-“ The words scarcely left his mouth before he felt Nanami’s tender fingers curl around his.

She flushed slightly.

“Will you lead me?” Nanami whispered.

Hinata gulped.

Finally exhaling, he gently pulled her closer, placing his hand over the fabric that lined her back.

It turned out later that night, he discovered he sucked at slow dancing as well.

But by then, Nanami’s eyes were the only things left ringing in his mind.

**BUDOUKAN**

‘ _So Automatish beer and mitch, dino hand, ey_ _…_ ’ Naegi struggled as he did his best recounting the gibberish that he was hearing. “ _Sur alles du_ _…_ _something something yourself_ _…_ _So Automatish beer and mitch, dino hand, ey_ _…_ _. Sur alles-_ I can’t.” He shook his head. “I give up.”

“Why are we still doing this?!” Ikusaba laughed. “He hasn’t spoken a single line of English since we’ve been here!”

“I don’t know. I was hoping you’d know a bit of German.”

“Why would you think I know German?”

“I don’t know, you picked the concert-“

“WE picked the concert!”

“AND I was hoping that at least you could translate!” Naegi finished. The excitement of the arena never seemed to die down, as the lead singer jumped jubilantly, goading them on as he belted off chord after chord after riff after shredded riff after BADUMCRASH of the drums after-

“They sing pretty OK, at least.” Naegi admitted.

“It’s autotune.” Ikusaba shook her head.”I wouldn’t say it’s good, per se.”

“I know… but still.” Naegi giggled. “Y’know, I’m surprised I can still hear anything at this point.”

“What? Do you need earplugs?”

“That kinda ruins the entire premise, don’t you think?”

Ikusaba shrugged.

“I think it’s ending soon, at least.” She checked the setlist on her phone. “Just one more song.”

“Oh?”

“ _World behind my Wall._ ” She looked surprised. “It’s English.”

“Good. At least we can understand _one_ song by the end of the night.” Naegi shook his head.

“… Hey, Naegi-kun?”

“Yeah, Ikusaba-san?”

“Do you think any of this would end?”

Naegi stared. “What?”

Ikusaba looked uncomfortable. “I’m not usually into these things.” She admitted. “Never really considered the necessity of this, this… relationship we have. If I have to be honest, I always thought of these things as liabilities, weaknesses. But…” She fidgeted as _Automatisch_ ended, and the crowd erupted into cheers. “I really treasure this, our relationship. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared that this would end days, weeks, months-“

“Hey.” Naegi stopped her, concerned. “You’ll never have to worry about that.” Naegi started repeatedly gripping his fist over and over, fighting back the nervous tics. “If we’re being honest, you’re the one of the only two people I’m _ever_ seeing these days. I seriously have no clue where I’d be without you here beside me these past weeks. And… I treasure this relationship as well. And I’d be damned if I’m going to let it end.”

Ikusaba’s melancholy expression gradually gave way to a soft smile and warm eyes.

“Thanks, Naegi-kun.”

Naegi’s smile got a little bigger.

The chords of a piano rang beautifully across the stadium, and at that moment, all noise save for the ones of each individual mallet hitting each individually bound wire was irrevocably extinguished. The sound of a choir could be heard in the distance, and like pendulums, the crowd oscillated side to side. Amongst this sea of people, amongst every breaking wave, they stood, two lone rocks in the middle of the ocean, immovable by the forces of wind, the forces of water as the quavering voice of Bill Kaulitz serenaded the arena.

**_BUMP_ **

“Hey!”

Naegi fell into Ikusaba’s arms as another fan pushed past him to get a better look.

“Sorry.” Naegi straightened up, her hands still protectively holding his arms upright.

“Um… Ikusaba-san?” But she never responded. For better or for worse, the only sounds from each other’s mouth were that of their slow, shallow breaths.

Naegi’s mind reeled, trying to figure out what the hell was happening right now. They were simply standing, _he was in her grip_ … but something about the moment felt… intense. As each chord was played, he could feel his breaths getting heavier.

 _I should probably get off her, right?_ But whether it was simply the result of Ikusaba’s iron grip, or the fact that his muscles refused to listen to their instructions from his brain, he remained where he was.

He tried harder and harder to get a grasp on the situation, but each and every foothold he painstakingly built fell to pieces, obliterated, each wall he piled on, brick by cracked brick, was destroyed by returning to the vision of the beautiful girl in front of him. In Naegi’s vision, only she existed.

Only she existed.

Only she, with her freckled cheeks, her once-lifeless eyes brimming with excitement, her barely separated lip, and the sounds of warm air coursing out of her mouth.

He tried to extricate himself once more. Again, he felt resistance, but gradually, Ikusaba released her hold. Naegi breathed a heavy internal sigh of relief. Oddly, he felt a tinge of regret as he watched her return her arms to their normal position.

As he began to turn away, he felt some kind of resistance. Surprised, he looked at his sleeve and saw her hand gently pulling the fabric. Completely stunned, his eyes moved up to meet hers.

 _This doesn_ _’_ _t make sense._ But there was no question that she was definitely feeling the same thing he was. _This doesn_ _’_ _t make-_

Something broke.

As if it was the most natural thing in the world to do, simultaneously, both of them planted their lips against each other in a gentle kiss.

As with all kisses, there was always a sense of danger, but whether it was the music, whether it was the situation, whether it was because it was _her_ Naegi was kissing, the danger was nowhere to be felt. The softness of her lips, the feeling of the hair that smelt faintly of smoke as he pressed against her, wanting more, it was intoxicating to Naegi. He had a feeling that once, maybe just once before, he experienced this absurd, this Kafkaesque feeling. But there was no past, no future in this moment: there was only the now.

Naegi allowed a moan to escape his lips. As he felt Ikusaba’s tongue enter his mouth, curious, tentative, hungry, he pressed harder against her chest. He felt a weight over the back of his head that surely must belong to her hands, and without realizing, he began doing the same. He needed something. He didn’t know what, he didn’t know how, but he needed it, and this was one hell of a way to start.

“Naegi-kun-” Ikusaba gasped. He stood on tiptoe, moving up her face, up to each freckle that dotted her cheeks before finally making eye contact-

His eyes widened.

 “NO!”

Nothing, not the shredding of any guitar, not the banging of the drum, not the raucous cacophony the band had emanated tonight jarred Ikusaba’s hearing as much as that scream.

Naegi forcefully pulled away, panting, gasping for breath.

The arena was loud now. Now they could hear people talk. Now they could hear people clamor, people scream, people scuffle, their ever quieting sounds of their breaths lost in the echoes. The magic was irreparably lost.

Ikusaba was the first to break eye contact. For a moment, her face was a tower of cards, teetering dangerously from conflicting emotion after emotion as something glistened in her eyes. Yet just as suddenly, the emotions vanished, pulled away, stored, hidden, protected. She gave one long, impassive look towards Naegi as the song pulled into a close.

Finally, on cue with the melancholic final chords, she averted her gaze.

The roars of applause thundered in Naegi’s ears as he turned his body upstage.

*******

“Nice rave.”

“It’s not a rave, and it’s not _mine_ in the first place.” Koizumi shrugged. “Togami’s secretary did most of the preparations.”

Souda squinted through the windows. “That chick who’s dancing with Togami now?”

Koizumi turned. Sure enough, whether by obligation and common courtesy, or by the fact that Togami might have had a little too many drinks, Togami was leading Celestia in a slow dance, his legs gliding gracefully with experience.

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“She’s hot.”

Koizumi kicked him hard. “Togami’s married!”

“Who ever said anything about that?” Souda winced. “All I’m saying is she looks attractive!”

“You should think about the things you say before you say them…” Koizumi muttered, hopping off the ledge into the sidewalk along the river. “You could end up hurting someone.”

“To be honest, that really isn’t high on my priorities tonight.”

“And your priorities are?”

Souda took a deep breath.

“It’s about that girl.”

She sighed. “Is this going to be a recurring thing whenever we meet? We talk about our old flames, I berate you, you complain-“

“Just…” Souda held up a hand. “Listen. Something happened, and she knows.”

Koizumi’s blankly stared. “You… You told her?”

“NO! God, I didn’t do it on purpose, she just happened to find out.”

“Souda, you’re not presenting the most convincing argument here.” She shook her head.

“Ok, let me put it this way.” Souda tried again, carefully picking out his words. “There was a piece of legally incriminating evidence of my feelings towards her in my house, and… she found it.”

“Oh my God.” Koizumi put her hand over her eyes. “Did she tell anyone else?”

“If she did, they’re doing an awfully good job of concealing it.” Souda breathed. “I don’t think she told anyone, truth be told, but I don’t want to take that chance.”

“… What do you plan to do?”

“I…” Souda struggled with the words. “I guess what I have is a chance.”

“A chance?”

“Yeah. To settle this thing.” Souda nervously smiled. “I guess I just wanna tell her everything; why I hid the truth from her, why I didn’t chase after her, maybe apologize a little bit as well. But…”

Koizumi had gone very quiet. “But?”

“But I wanna hear what she thinks. I want to see _one_ side of her that I know for sure is honest when she listens to my story, and I wanna hear it myself when she tells me what she thinks. Thing is… I don’t know how to force the truth outta her.” Souda sighed.

Slowly, Koizumi seemed to understand. “And you want me to help you on this?”

“… Any advice would be welcome.”

The riverside breeze bit into her cheeks as she considered it.

“Souda. What are you trying to accomplish here?”

“I told you! Closure!”

“Souda…”

“… I…” Souda fidgeted uncomfortably. “I guess I just want her to apologize.”

“Apologize?! For what?” Koizumi protested.

“OK, you’re right, that came out wrong.” Souda sighed.

“I… I want him to apologize.”

Koizumi stared, uncomprehending. Then the horror set in.

“Souda, you can’t be serious.”

“I’m dead serious.” Souda gritted his teeth. “I didn’t pursue her at all because I knew he liked her. Even if I tell Sonia everything, I’m not going to get over it unless he knows as well.”

“Please, Souda, you need to reconsider-“

“Reconsider? I gave up pursuing her just for him! So much time spent pretending I didn’t find her attractive just to keep him oblivious! I think I deserve a little fucking recognition from him, don’t you think?”

The horrible sinking feeling intensified as Koizumi understood the logic of his actions. Yet she knew she couldn’t agree to it; she did not want to see him go down this path.

“Souda… I can’t help you on this.”

“Why? I’m going to do it-“

“I don’t _want_ you to do this in the first place!”

Souda looked hurt. “You too?”

“Souda, think about this.” Koizumi turned and faced him, acutely aware of the crestfallen look on his face. “Let’s just say you do this. How exactly do you plan to move on from this incident?”

“This would do the trick!”

“No, it wouldn’t. Think about it. If you tell him about it, there is no way you could ever have that original relationship with T- … this person ever again. Your relationship would never recover. They would never let you forget that you once loved her, and they would never forget either.” She lowered her voice. “Is that what you think when you say you’ve moved on?”

“W-well…” Souda stammered, completely dumbstruck. “I never considered it that way…”

“Then don’t do it. Treasure what you have now.” Koizumi smiled kindly. “It doesn’t do you well to dwell on the past. Trust me, I know.”

“Yeah, I get it.” He sighed. “Look Koizumi, thanks for all this. I really appreciate it. And I understand. But… but I don’t want it to end like this. I just think... The fact that I never got the chance to pursue this love because of somebody else really rubs me the wrong way. Even if you tell me what’s gonna happen if I do tell him, tell them… I still haven’t moved on from all this. I never will.”

Koizumi fidgeted slightly. Their warm breaths turned to mist in the orange glow of the street light above them.

“Hey… you will move on. I’m sure of it.” Koizumi said softly.

“Koizumi, I really don’t need to hear any pointless encouragements-“

“I’m serious.” She stepped closer. “I know you can move on.”

Souda stared, bemused. “Really? How did you figure that out?”

Even in the orange glow, Souda could see her cheeks burn crimson.

“Because…” She hesitated.

“Because?”

“Because I’m pretty sure I’ve moved on as well.” Her eyes gleamed with determination.

“Really? What drove you to that conclusion?”

“Because I like you.”

Souda stared. He became dimly aware that his mouth was agape, that Koizumi’s face had turned as red as her locks of hair, but other than that, Souda’s world began spinning in the wrong direction.

“Y-You…” He stuttered. “W-wait, I don’t f-follow, y-you-”

“Why do you even have to ask?” Koizumi looked away, a tinge of anger seeping into her voice. “Why do you have to make me repeat something like this? I like you, alright? I wished I fell in love with somebody that was more handsome, more responsible, somebody less pathetic, but no! I fell in love with _you!_ ”

Souda tried to speak, yet the words caught in his throat.

“I know you’re in love with someone else, but would it just _kill_ you to spend a little bit of attention towards me? To even try looking for someone new? To see the bloody obvious that’s been laid towards you every time I asked you to hang out and you agreed all those times these past weeks?! I like you! It’s that simple.”

He let out something between a laugh and a shriek.

“I… I… Why did-“

“DON’T ASK! I DON’T KNOW EITHER!”

“B-but-“

“I know what I said. The cold hard fact is… I’m not repeating what I said, you know! All of that is true! So please, could you take your eyes off Sonia for one minute and just look at me like you would do her?”

“Sonia?” Souda blinked. “I never told you about…. Wait a minute.” He narrowed his eyes. “How did you know about that?”

Too late, she realized her mistake. “I-I figured it out. It wasn’t hard.”

“So all this time you knew?” Souda’s incredulously shook his head, his pride rapidly crumbling into pieces. “Even when I was talking about it to you, you knew I was talking about Sonia? A-A-And Tanaka?!”

“Souda, calm down-“

“Is that why you told me this? That you liked me?” Souda’s voice grew higher and higher as what he perceived as the truth began to dawn. “You said all of this just so I wouldn’t talk to them, to TELL THEM about this, to keep it a secret like I’ve been doing every single fucking minute over the past 4 years-“

“No, Souda, it’s not like that-”

“WHY?!” Koizumi flinched. “WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT? WHAT, YOU THINK IF I DIDN’T GET SOMEBODY TO LOVE IN HER PLACE, I WOULD JUST BE MISERABLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? THAT’S WHY YOU ‘CONFESSED’?!”

“Souda, you’re wrong.” Two long trails of fire scorched her cheeks as she tried calming him down. “Please, I didn’t mean it like that, I really do-“

“I DON’T NEED YOUR PITY!” He choked out between sobs. “YOU THINK THIS’S SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF?  HUH?!”

“It’s not pity! Everything I said was true-“

“Koizumi.” Souda snarled, shaking with rage. “Do me a favor. Shut up.”

“Souda, just listen to me-”

“SHUT UP!” He screamed. “SCREW YOU AND HINATA BOTH.” Angrily wiping the tears on his cheeks, he readied himself to glower at her one last time. “SCREW-” The rest of his words were cut short when he saw her tears.

Immediately he felt so ashamed of himself he almost apologized, begged her forgiveness.

All he managed amidst all this anger, all this shame, all this sorrow, was a lowering of his voice:

“I gotta go.”

Her gaze never left him, even as he turned, he could feel her eyes boring into his back.

 _…_ _So, now what?_

As Souda pondered this dilemma, he heard her steps grow fainter and fainter, her sobs growing louder and louder as she imagined him out of earshot.

The winter gale tore into his neck. Souda blankly stared at the river beside him. He mulled over his entire life. It was almost insulting how quickly he reached the conclusion that met him.

“… I _fucking_ hate being me.”

**BUDOUKAN**

Naegi stood outside the girls’ washroom, watching as hundreds of fans milled out of the arena. There was something akin to the exhaustion one feels after sex about the atmosphere around him, as dazed, euphoric fans chatted and muttered things like ‘That was amazing’ or ‘Let’s do that again’. Yet as Naegi listened, he felt his lips, as if still feeling the pressure of hers against his.

 _What the hell was I thinking,_ he thought as a group of girls passed him. _I_ _’_ _m married, for God_ _’_ _s sake._

“Sorry for taking so long.”

Naegi couldn’t meet her gaze as he muttered a nondescript ‘S’alright’. Silently, they made their way out of the arena.

Finally, he snuck a look at Ikusaba, hoping to gain a hold of what she was feeling. But she remained eerily calm, her face as emotionless as the day they met.

A sense of shame overwhelmed him, and he wondered why _exactly_ he was feeling it: _Was it because of Kirigiri, or that I pushed Ikusaba away?_

He felt compelled to say something.

“Look, I’m sorry.”

She looked down at him. Steeled, he continued: “I’m sorry I kissed you… and that I pushed you away. I really didn’t know what I was thinking, everything was just reflex-“

“Why are you apologizing?”

Naegi blinked. “What?”

“You don’t need to apologize. I initiated the kiss anyway.”

This was untrue. He knew he had leant forward just as much as she did.

“Can we just forget about this? All of that was a mistake.” He pleaded.

Ikusaba gave a sad smile.

“I know. Don’t worry, I will.”

She hailed a taxi down. “Oh.” She took out a slip of paper and pressed it into his hands. “Can you read this when you get home?”

Confused, Naegi nodded uncertainly.

“Good night, Naegi-kun.” Giving one final smile, Ikusaba got into the taxi and the door swung shut. Soon, the car vanished amongst the sea of traffic even as Naegi watched.

“Good night… Ikusaba-san.”

Paper still in hand, he approached the bus stop, feeling slightly better.

He read it then:

 **_I_** **_’_ ** **_m writing this letter while you_ ** **_’_ ** **_re waiting outside. This is the first time in my life I_ ** **_’_ ** **_ve ever written a letter to somebody in the bathroom, but it_ ** **_’_ ** **_s the only way I can get through to you. I mean, you_ ** **_’_ ** **_re hardly listening, hardly aware of anything I say, or anything you feel. Am I right?_ **

**_Do you realize you did something terrible to me today? It was my first kiss. I had no idea what to do, but I knew at the moment it felt right. You had no idea how it made me feel, feeling you kiss me back. I know you liked it; I liked it as well._ **

**_But no. No, you_** ** _’_** ** _re shutting everything off again. Seeing only what you want to see, convincing yourself of what you think is_ ** **_‘_** ** _right_** ** _’_ ** **_, against everything that says otherwise. Would it kill you to just listen to your heart for once? I was scared, alright? I_** ** _’_** ** _ve never been more scared in my life, just kissing you like that. I was wounded, don't you understand? That wounded me more than any physical injury could have. If this is what our relationship is going to be like, one of denial and pretense, I don_** ** _’_** ** _t like it._ **

**_Which is why I_** ** _’_** ** _m telling you the lie: As a matter of fact, I don_** ** _’_** ** _t want to meet you again. You obviously want to be alone, so go ahead. Be alone and think to your heart_ ** **_’_ ** **_s content._ **

**_Just don_** **_’_ ** **_t get me wrong: I_ ** **_’_ ** **_m not angry at you. I'm even going to miss you. I know it._ **

**_I_** ** _’_** ** _m just_ ** **_…_ ** **_sad. You were nice to me when I had my problems, but I couldn_** ** _’_** ** _t do anything to change yours. Do you recognize how much despair you_** ** _’_** ** _ve made me feel? You_** ** _’_** ** _re locked up in that little world of yours, and when I try knocking on the door, you just sort of peer out for a second and then slam the door shut._**

**_I just thought... I could pretend things were different. My mistake._ **

**_I_** **_’_ ** **_m done. I already have enough disappointment for a lifetime. I_ ** **_’_ ** **_m not going to hurt myself repeatedly trying to reach out to you. Please don't contact me again._ **

He tried calling her phone, still reading the places where the pen had gouged deep scars into the paper’s pale frame.

“No.” He shook his head, still in shock as the dial tone greeted him. “No, please…” He tried calling her again, again and again as he pushed past people, all desires of going home evaporating in an instant.

 _Please_ _…_ _Don_ _’_ _t leave me alone._ He anxiously waited, hoping against hope that she would pick up the phone. _Don_ _’_ _t make me feel that sadness, that horrible feeling ever again._

Nothing happened.

In an alleyway, Naegi collapsed, a complete wreck.

He began to laugh. Slowly at first, the guffaws escalated until he shrieked with laughter, the bitter irony of the entire situation setting in.

“Alone again!” He sang, still giggling. But it was no use: he could feel the loneliness tighten its hold against his chest.

 _Please_ _…_ _Please just pick up-_

**_RINNNNNNNNG_ **

In an instant, the phone was next to his ears.

“Ikusaba-san, I’m sorry, I get I was wrong. Please don’t leave me, tell me what to do to make you stay, I’d do it, please just give me another chance!”

There was stunned silence on the other end.

“Hello?”

Naegi stiffened.

_This is definitely not Ikusaba._

***

 **NANAMI** **’** **S APARTMENT**

“Thank you for taking me home.” Nanami yawned.

“Did you enjoy yourself today?” Hinata asked.

“Pretty much, yes.” Nanami considered it. “But I don’t want to dance so much ever again. This is exhausting.”

“Yeah…” Hinata sighed.

“But…” Nanami turned red. “I wouldn’t mind if I danced with you… A slow one, of course.”

Hinata’s face turned the exact same shade. “I… I wouldn’t mind either.”

The lights above them flickered briefly as they stood in front of Nanami’s doorway.

“Hey, Hinata-kun?”

“Y-yeah?”

“You can do it now.” She whispered, smiling.

“What? You mean-“

Nanami closed her eyes, gently pulling her chin up expectantly.

Hinata gulped. _This was it._

Slowly, as if afraid he would miss his mark, he bent down, hands on her shoulders to steady himself.

His lips could feel her warm breaths just as his cell phone rang.

 _Of all the unlucky moments_ _…_ Hinata sighed as the phone continued ringing.

Nanami laughed. “You better get that. It’s alright.”

Nodding, he opened his cell.

“Hello?”

“Is this Hinata Hajime?”

“Yes.”

Nanami watched as the look on Hinata’s face turned to dread, shock and despair in an instant.

“Yes.”

 _What_ _’_ _s wrong?_ Concerned, she tugged on his sleeve, but Hinata’s expression remained one of horror.

“He what?!”

His expression frightened Nanami, and as he nodded dully as the person continued rambling on the other end, her grip never faltered.

“Yes. Yes I’ll be right there.”

The phone clicked shut.

“What happened?”

“I need to go.”

“What happened?” She pressed him. Conflicted, Hinata gave an audible sigh.

Finally, he looked at her.

“My friend attempted suicide.”

**_**

**ST LUKE** **’** **S HOSPITAL**

Minutes later, the two were greeted by the smell of antiseptic as they rushed into the hospital.

“Hi, I’d like to ask for the ward of Nagito Komaeda, please.” He panted to the receptionist.

“I’m sorry, he’s resting at the moment, I’m afraid meeting him is-“

“Ma’am. Please. Just tell me where he is.”

The receptionist gazed at him blankly. Nanami wiped her sweat with her sleeve as she waited.

“Ward 13-B.”

“Thank you.” Holding her hand, Hinata sprinted across the marble hallways until he reached a long corridor of rooms. The situation might have resembled a hotel had there not been countless diagrams of organs and apparatus hanging on the walls.

“13… 13… 13…” He muttered, passing by rooms.

Gradually, the sound of shouting was audible to Nanami in the distance.

“… condition’s stable, treatment’s successful, he should be up in no-“

“What I’d like to know is HOW he got the knife in the first place! How did you allow it?”

“He stole it, we didn’t know.”

“SOME HOSPITAL THIS IS!”

“Sir, I need you to calm-“

Hinata opened the door to ward 13 and froze. Nanami turned to get a better look.

In the middle of the room, a sickly, pale man with hair as white as snow was sleeping. Heavy bandages were wrapped around both of his wrists, and saline dripped from the tube as he breathed. Interrupted in the middle of heated conversation, a man Nanami had never seen before stared shocked at her, stared at Hinata, along with a gaunt, skeletal doctor.

Hinata had gone very still.

“Naegi-kun? Wha-“

Without hesitation, the man marched across the room and punched Hinata straight in the nose.

-

 _…_ _It finally hit me some dozen or so years later. I had gone to Santa Fe to interview a painter and was sitting in a local pizza parlour, drinking beer and eating pizza and watching a miraculously beautiful sunset. Everything was soaked in brilliant red_ _–_ _my hand, the plate, the table, the world_ _–_ _as if some special kind of fruit juice had splashed down on everything. In the midst of this overwhelming sunset, the image of Hatsumi flashed into my mind, and in that moment I understood what that tremor of the heart had been. It was a kind of childhood longing that had always_ _–_ _and would forever remain_ _–_ _unfulfilled._ _I had forgotten the existence of such innocent, almost burnt-in longing: forgotten for years that such feelings had ever existed inside me._ _**What Hatsumi had stirred in me was a part of my very self that had long lain dormant.** And when the realization struck me, it aroused such sorrow I almost burst into tears. She had been an absolutely special woman. Someone should have done something _ _–_ _anything_ _–_ _to save her._

 _But neither Nagasawa nor I could have managed that. As so many of those I knew had done, Hatsumi reached a certain stage in life and decided_ _–_ _on the spur of the moment_ _–_ _to end it. Two years after Nagasawa left for Germany, she married, and two years after that she slashed her own wrists._

 _It was Nagasawa, of course, who told me what had happened. His letter from Bonn said this:_ _“_ _Hatsumi'_   _s death has extinguished something. This is unbearably sad and painful, even to me._ _”_ _I ripped his letter to shreds and threw it away._

_I never wrote to him again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did any of you see that coming? XP  
> 2 more chapters excluding the epilogue to go.  
> And over the course of writing this fic, Kazukoi is now one of my biggest DR ships. Which is really surprising, given that Koizumi was never intended to have a main storyline... On the other hand, I do have a soft spot for Sounia, so... Tough. Kazukoi needs more love :(  
> Any feedback would be really appreciated. Thank you for reading!


	6. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, short version: Not Dead.  
> Please forgive me because Komaeda has to be the hardest character in the world to do justice.  
> Komaeda has gone through so many cliches and tropes from fanfics that it's begun to be difficult to portray him as nothing more than a slightly odd gay character cliche... Even now, i dont think I did him justice. But I'll do better in part 2. I hope.

**_A Certain Church 4 Years Ago_ **

_It was the sound of all the whispers in the world echoing on all the ruined walls in the world. It was the sound of all the misty drizzles in the world falling on all the freshly mown lawns in the world. It was the sound of all the laughter in the world. It was the sound of all the screams in the world._

_It was the sound of silence._

_The cathedral was relatively old. Clearly the architect had aimed for a classical look with ancient marble and granite forming the pillars of salt, pillars of sand. It was neo-gothic, it was Victorian; it was a modern work of avant-garde for people to think about the man in the sky._

_A flock of ravens settled gracefully in the misty meadows, crowding around the corpse of a field rat. Their black plumage fluttered, cawing unceremoniously as they picked at the small morsels that stubbornly clung to the jigsaw of bones._

_A white raven fluttered down, attempting to join the feast._

_In unison, the ravens screeched. Realizing his mistake too late, the bird tried stalling its flight path, but to no avail: the crows swarmed around him, pecking, screaming, taking no joy as they carried out their duty. A flurry of feathers_ _–_ _white and black_ _–_ _started littering the moist meadows, and the white raven desperately flew towards the church, seeking sanctuary, hoping against hope its aggressors would be deterred._

_One well aimed nip at the inner wing, and the flailing albino crashed into the cobblestones. The darkness engulfed the bird, and it twitches; dead. Yet the darkness crowded around it still, dead rat forgotten, having found a new jigsaw to disassemble._

_Raised voices from the church halted the crows'_ _feast. One bird looks up curiously, a tendril of darkness gazing towards the sun._

_The doors to the church burst open, and the darkness dissipates._

_With an air of subdued, shamed anger, a man stumbled out of the church. Taking ragged steps, he pays no attention to the calls behind him as he headed towards the main road, preparing to flag the next taxi._

_His foot brushes past the white corpse, and distracted, he glanced at the bird._

_His gaze softened slightly as he saw the bird. The familiar feeling of hope, of wishful thinking began brewing inside him. **Maybe it'**_ **_s still alive. Maybe it could be saved._ **

_Shouting from the church sent him crashing back to reality. The scowl flitted back, gently sketched upon his rounded features. Yet the expression exhausted him, and his face quickly returned into a granite slate._

_He spotted a taxi pulling over. Taking it as his cue, he abandoned the corpse and went towards the car. The man waited patiently for the sole passenger to come out, gingerly carrying his forget-me-nots with him._

_Taking a final curious look at the passenger'_ _s white hair, the man entered the car._

_“_ _Where to?_ _”_

_Naegi blankly stared ahead._

_“_ _Just take me home._ _”_

_-_

_“_ _Well, that certainly ended well."_ _  
_

_“_ _Shut up, Souda!_ _”_ _Koizumi hissed._ _“_ _Can we please have this conversation later?_ _”_

_“_ _What? You can'_ _t say you'_ _re not surprised about that._ _”_

_“_ _Can you pay attention to the task at hand?!_ _”_

_Souda flushed, a piece of Kirigiri's_ _bone still wedged between his chopsticks._ _“_ _Right. Sorry._ _”_

 _“_ _Let'_ _s all just shut up for a second and talk later, alright?_ _”_ _Hinata muttered as he transferred a piece into the small urn, already halfway filled with ashes. 2 minutes later, they finished the deed, and let Sayaka and Oogami take their turn._

 _“_ _Wonder how Sonia-san'_ _s feeling._ _”_ _Souda whispered as he gazed towards her, Tanaka'_ _s sitting protectively by her side._

 _“_ _She'_ _s a princess. She'_ _ll handle these things better than any of us."_ _  
_

_The three settled into comfortable silence, watching as others huddled around, lending each other support. The cold atmosphere that had permeated the room just a half hour before was slowly melting away. It'_ _s still there, though. Togami'_ _s rare smiles felt more forced than usual (if such a thing was possible) and for a very long time, Sonia remained silent._

_“_ _But big bro Naegi'_ _s right, though."_   _Saionji had sidled over. "_ ** _Why_ ** _should she be here?"_ _  
_

_Hinata glared._ _“_ _Saionji..._ _”_

 _She shrugged._ _“_ _What? What he said was true. She'_ _d never seen Kirigiri before, and now she_ _’_ _s here to_ _‘_ _pay respects'_ _?_ _”_

 _“_ _If I may interject_ _…”_ _Hinata muttered._ _“_ _And if I may quote Tom Green, funerals are for the living, not the dead. Sonia'_ _s intentions were to comfort Naegi._ _”_

 _“_ _Tch._ _”_ _Saionji made no effort to hide her disdain._ _“_ _Fake sympathy._ _”_

_"No, sympathy is cheap. It's real."_

_“_ _You can'_ _t seriously support Naegi on this._ _”_

 _“_ _What if I do?"_ _Saionji pouted._ _“_ _He had just lost the love of his life. On his birthday, no less. I think a little PTSD is in order, don'_ _t you think?_ _”_

 _Souda shook his head._ _“_ _That'_ _s not PTSD._ _”_

 _“_ _Same difference._ _”_ _Saionji went on._ _“_ _Regardless, I think I'_ _d go crazy if what happened to Kirigiri happened to Koizumi-san._ _”_

 _“_ _But that can'_ _t be right._ _”_ _Hinata shook his head._ _“_ _Death can'_ _t excuse this kind of behavior_ _…_ _Just because something like that happened doesn'_ _t mean_ _…”_ _His voice trailed off. **Who am I kidding?** Who was he to say these things, anyway? _

_The silence was punctuated by a loud blowing on the nose in the distance._

_“_ _I still can'_ _t believe she'_ _s gone, though._ _”_ _Koizumi whispered._

 _“_ _She was one heck of a scary junior, that'_ _s for sure._ _”_ _Souda smiled faintly._

 _“_ _Do you remember that time Leon dipped her hair in ink?_ _”_ _Koizumi smirked._

 _“_ _Yep._ _” S_ _ouda recalled the rumor clear as day._ _“_ _Apparently Kirigiri made some sort of casual diss, and Leon placed a few braids of Kirigiri'_ _s hair into his inkwell secretly during class. When class was over, she got up_ _…”_ _The 4 cringed as they imagined droplets of ink spilling everywhere._

 _“_ _As I recall, she never spoke to him again."_ _Souda sniggered._

 _“_ _And gave one hell of an evil eye while she was at it."_ _  
_

_“_ _Do you remember Naegi helping her borrow a uniform?_ _”_

 _As the others began lamentably reminiscing about the endeavors of Naegi and Kirigiri's_ _relationship, Hinata could not help be bugged by the turn of events he had just witnessed. Perhaps it was crude to put it this way, but the sad, sick, sorry fact was that he had never fell in love before- scratch that. Hinata realized it was something else entirely._

_He was afraid. He was afraid of the day he would find somebody worth loving, of the day he would find worth giving his entire life to. Heck, he was afraid of loving somebody, or receiving love, love that was supremely different from the love he was so accustomed to receiving from his parents._

**_But how different could it be?_ ** _Hinata wondered to himself. **Maybe all love is unconditional, and the one that isn'**_ ** _t unconditional_ ** **_…_ ** **_isn'_** ** _t love?_ ** _Unbidden, a shiver was sent down his spine. **Unconditional love. It sounds almost as scary as eternal damnation.**_

_Yet as he saw the people around him, the couples smitten with one another, the familiar prickling of envy began stabbing his chest again and again and again. Envy, he understood, was the most hopeless prison in the world. It was not a place he was forced into by someone else, but a jail in which the inmate entered voluntarily, locked the door, and threw away the key. And not another soul in the world knew he was locked inside. Of course, if Hinata wanted to escape, he could do so. The prison was, after all, his own pure heart. But he couldn'_ _t make that decision. His heart was as hard as a brick wall; such was the very essence of envy._

_Hence, Hinata came to the conclusion that when the day came in which he fell in love for the first time, it would be both a blessing and a curse; he hoped the day would come, and he hoped the day wouldn'_ _t come._

_He couldn'_ _t have known, of course, that the day was **today.**_

_And that person he never searched for was standing amongst the graves._

-

 **ST LUKE** **’** **S HOSPITAL:**

“You know, you really are pathetic.”

“Shut up.” Naegi muttered as the doctor tsk tsk’d away, continuing to examine his swollen hand.

“I mean, it’s bad enough you started a fight in my hospital…one that admittedly ended very quickly, but the fact that your sole injury wasn’t inflicted by this Hinata-kun? I’ve seen better fighting spirit from my desk clerk.”

Sadly, Naegi knew he was right. He never had fighting prowess; his muscles were limp, his bone structure merely acceptable, and his stamina was less-than-average. Attempts to train Naegi had never gone well; even blindfolded, Pekoyama could easily disarm him with a feather duster in a practice kendo match. Attempts to train Naegi at boxing spectacularly failed: a lesson in circling the opponent was cut short after a swift kick to Naegi’s thigh, an attack that Oowada thought he would block. But it never bothered him; he knew he wasn’t the type to naturally pick a fight anyway.

So when out of pure instinct, Naegi’s fist collided with Hinata’s face, he was as surprised as anybody.

But what he knew was that at that very same moment Naegi saw him, a feeling almost obscene in its vitriol engulfed him. _And for good reason,_ Naegi thought as the doctor applied a lengthy amount of gauze onto his hand.

“So, what did Hinata-kun do to deserve such…violence?”

“It’s…” Naegi rubbed his eyes with his free hand. “I’d rather not talk about it with you. No offense.”

“Why? Is it a sensitive subject?”

Naegi glared at him. “Yes.”

“Or is it just a long story and you can’t be bothered to tell me?”

Naegi tried to telepathically say ‘Up Yours’ with his eyebrows.

“Ok, Ok. I won’t press the matter any longer.”

The doctor ripped out one final length of gauze from the roll, and Naegi silently watched as the white cloth went round and round his hand.

“Good to go,” he said. Naegi flexed his fingers, testing it.

“Still a bit sore.”

“Course it is, it wouldn’t heal that quickly…I’d give it a week before the swelling goes.” The doctor removed his latex gloves, and casually plucked a beaker from a drawer. “Care for a drink?”

Naegi stared. “What, here?”

Grinning, the doctor took out a bottle of Henessey cognac, the golden, burnt liquid providing a delightful contrast in the sterile environment. “I like stretching doctor-patient confidentiality as far as it can go,” he said, gracefully uncorking the bottle, “and seeing as it’s such a chilly night, how about a little liquid fire in your guts, Naegi?”

“Pass.” He shook his head. “Heavy liquors aren’t really for me.”

“My funeral, then.” The doctor poured out a lengthy draught into the beaker, licking his chapped lips. “Mm,” He murmured, feeling the alcohol singe his mouth, “That hits the proverbial spot.”As the doctor drank, Naegi took another close look at his swollen knuckles. Already, there were fireworks of squeamish green and purple blossoming in his pale skin. _Fantastic._

“Naegi, can I tell you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“You have something worrisome in your eyes.”

“Worrisome?” His eyes furrowed. “I don’t follow.”

“You look especially down this starry, starry night.”The doctor smiled kindly, taking another sip from the beaker. “This might be the cognac talking, but you look even more down than usual.”

“Really? And I suppose the fact that one of our long-term patients in the terminally-ill ward attempting suicide doesn’t give you any clue why I’m possibly upset?”

Igarashi sighed. “You’re remarkably easy to read, you know that, Naegi-kun? I’ve seen people grieving plenty of times over 20 years as a doctor here. And you know what they all have in common after a while?” The doctor raised his glass in salute. “Denial. It is one of the more depressing things one encounters when being a doctor. The repercussions of denying the truth and reality are catastrophic, so to speak. And getting someone to stop being in denial, that’s not easy at all.”

Naegi’s lips scrunched from side to side. “Then why do you bother trying?”

“I could at least point you in the right direction.” The beaker was running low of the golden liquid, and the doctor swirled it around with interest. “It gives me a lovely sense of achievement. But more often than not, I fail. I can’t change somebody’s belief, no matter how much it goes against all evidence laid bare, for their belief is not based on fact but based on a deep seated need to believe. So, Naegi-kun,” the doctor smiled kindly, “what do you need to believe in that is driving you slowly insane?”

…Naegi knew he already had the answer to that.

Before Naegi could answer however, the door to the ward opened.

“Sir, these files need to be signed-“ the woman stopped short as she saw the both of them, “Are you drinking my urine samples?!”

Igarashi hurriedly tipped the contents in the chemical bin. “Nope.”

“God forbid.” The nurse rolled her eyes. “These papers need to be signed before the patient’s released for Christmas.”

“Christmas…Oh yes. Hyperthyroidism, was it?” The doctor took out a sleek ballpoint pen and hurriedly flourished his signature on the forms. “ _Tsubasa_ _…_ _Igarashi_ _…_ _._ Fantastic. Done.”

“Good.” The nurse rifled through the forms again, nodding as she confirmed everything was to her satisfaction. “Well, better get going. Have a merry Christmas.”

“It’s not for a week.” Igarashi pointed out.

“I’m taking the rest of the week off. If you need me, I’ll be in Beijing.”

“Oh. With Kazama, I presume? Send him my regards, and tell him I found his latest thesis reductive.” He absent-mindedly scratched his scalp.

“How’s Hinata in the next room?”

Naegi stiffened.

“His nose’s slightly bent, but not broken at least. I’ve only applied ice to curb the swelling. He’ll recover quicker than most.” The nurse eyed Naegi with subdued interest. “What a featherweight this one is.”

“…What about the girl beside him? Did she say anything?”

“Nothing beside a few _does-it-hurts,_ or _are-you-okays_. She’s cute,” she piped up after an afterthought, “very cute if I may add.”

Naegi was dimly aware of the girl’s buxom figure and alluring, sleepy voice, but other than that, he saw nothing very remarkable about her. _Well, other than the fact that she_ _’_ _s in a relationship with Hajime fucking Hinata._

“OK…this conversation’s gone stale like a bag of potato chips. Komaeda’s not likely to wake up tonight, so why don’t you meet Hinata and his lovely girl and go out to a bar for a nice chat?”

Naegi’s blood turned to ice.

“What?”

“No use delaying the inevitable.” The doctor’s bony finger circled the beaker’s remaining rivulets of liquor. “You’re going to have to talk to him _some_ day. Besides, I heard a friend slitting his wrists makes for _delicious_ tableside conversation…  Not including, of course, the pleasant effects of alcohol on human interaction.”

“And how exactly did you reach that conclusion?” He muttered acidly.

The doctor shrugged, then boomed in tenor: “ _SHOULD AAAAAAAAALL ACQUAINTANCE BEEEEEE FORGOT, AND-"_

“ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, I GET IT.” Naegi waved him off, but the uneasiness still couldn’t be shrugged off. Already, his mind was swirling with various (probably unsuccessful) ways to break the 2-year long ice, yet there was always something that prevented each idea from coming into fruition. _Riff-Raff,_ Naegi thought as he made his way towards the door. _Fucking Riff-Raff._

“You know Naegi, I really don’t understand something.” The doctor remarked. “Why exactly did you hit him if you’re both friends?”

Naegi gave him one final steely glare.

“I don’t know. Ask Komaeda.”

Allowing that to sink in for a moment, the door swung shut.

***

 _“_ _That,_ _”_ _Hanamura groaned,_ _“_ _was the most uncomfortably dramatic funeral I_ _’_ _ve been at in my entire life._ _”_

_Hanamura, Hinata and Hagakure amongst the others milled out of the graveyard into the driveway. Kirigiri_ _’_ _s ashes had been buried in front of an elegantly chiseled rectangular block of polished stone. The name of Kirigiri's father, grandfather, as well as Naegi_ _’_ _s were carved in red in smaller text beside hers, and like the other new graves, it quickly became overrun with flowers: chrysanthemums, tulips and violets created a visual feast in front of the bleak granite slate._

_“_ _Put a pall over the entire event, didn't_ _it?_ _”_

_“I_ _t was pretty fucked up from the get-go, if you asked me._ _”_ _Hagakure shook his head._ _“_ _I wasn_ _’_ _t ready for this so early in my life_ _…_ _I haven_ _’_ _t felt this shitty and depressed since I saw someone blowjob a chicken leg._ _”_

 _Hinata choked on the winter air._ _“_ ** _What_ ** _were you watching?_ _”_

_“_ _Killer Joe._ _”_

_“_ _Why not watch something more toned-down, like Pulp Fiction?_ _”_

 _“_ _You kidding? I already rewatched the heck out of that flick. Or anything Tarantino shot._ _”_ _Hagakure lit a cigarette, his left hand shielding the flickering, greasy flame._ _“_ _Here, Hanamura-chi,_ _”_ _he pocketed the lighter._ _“_ _What does Marcellus Wallace look like?_ _”_

_“_ _A bitch."_ _  
_

_Hinata watched them high-five._

_“O_ _k, let_ _’_ _s do impressions._ _”_   _Hagakure smiled, starting to get into it._

 _“_ _Django Unchained?"_ _  
_

_“_ _Wunderbar._ _”_

_“_ _Do I get to be Candie?_ _”_

_“_ _Not this again._ _”_

_“_ _Last time you got to be him when we tried picking up that girl at the bar, and did we score? No. I'_ _m Candie this time, and for good measure._ _”_

_“_ _You seem to be forgetting something._ _”_ _Hagakure snarled._ _“_ _The girl only left when you said her thighs were like tree trunks._ _”_

_“_ _It was a compliment!_ _”_

_“_ _You'_ _re shitting me, right?"_ _  
_

_“_ _You know I like girls with big thighs! People didn'_ _t drool over Chun Li because of her nice personality, that_ _’_ _s for sure._ _”_

_“_ _I know about Chun Li."_ _Hagakure waved him off._ _“_ _But that ain_ _’_ _t no excuse to talk to a girl about their body weight! The moment you talk about it, BOOM! Major Turn-off, show_ _’_ _s over, we don_ _’_ _t get laid tonight._ _”_

_“_ _As long as you tell them you like the way they look, they won'_ _t care whatever we say about their weight, right Hinata? Hinata?_ _”_ _Hanamura and Hagakure stopped in their tracks._

_“_ _Where is that little bugger?_ _”_ _Hagakure looked around._

_“_ _Maybe he went ahead._ _”_ _Hanamura considered the possibility._ _“_ _Granted, we did talk about some disgusting things back there and he'_ _d had enough._ _”_

 _“_ _W'_ _ve said worse._ _”_ _Hagakure pointed out._ _“_ _Remember that time the two of us watched **Sal**_ ** _ò?_** _We got so traumatized we talked about all those people eating shit that was actually sausages and berries in brown sauce. Hinata was there, and he stayed right with us, that strong little bastard._ _”_

 _“_ _I'_ _m 75% sure he wore earphones the moment we started talking about eating shit_ _…_ _And speaking of which, can we please change the subject?_ _”_

 _“_ _From blowjobs on chicken legs to people eating shit._ _”_ _Hagakure shivered as the rumblings of thunder were heard across the bleak sky._ _“_ _Hanamura, you ever get the feeling we'_ _re pretty fucked up?_ _”_

 _“_ _Hey don'_ _t rope me in with you. You'_ _re the one who'_ _s fucked up, introducing me to all these films._ _”_ _Hanamura snorted._

 _“_ _You think that'_ _s the reason why we can'_ _t get a steady girlfriend?_ _”_

 _“_ _We?"_ _Hanamura retorted._ _“_ _Does Asahina not exist in your little brain or something?_ _”_

 _Hagakure pursed his lips._ _“_ _I don'_ _t know, man. She'_ _s put up with a lot of my shit over the years_ _…_ _a lot of one night stands, my shifty business decisions_ _…_ _I don'_ _t know whether I deserve someone like that._ _”_

 _“_ _Now that'_ _s bullshit._ _”_ _Hanamura shook his head._ _“W_ _e_ _’_ _re fucked up, maybe you more than me by quite a bit, but we_ _’_ _re still fucked up. Having someone that could tolerate all of this? That'_ _s a dream. She likes you, and truth be told, I don_ _’_ _t know whether she'_ _ll wait any longer._ _”_

_Hagakure took a deep drag from the cigarette, feeling the acrid smoke warm his lungs._

_“…_ _Guess the only right thing to do_ _’_ _s to marry her._ _”_

 _Hanamura blinked._ _“_ _Well that escalated quickly._ _”_

 _Hagakure sighed. For as long as he could remember, he had always preached to anyone who would listen that marriage was a slow death, essentially sending your relationship into eternal purgatory; apart from the occasional near-death experience by snu-snu, there was little chance of revival, save for cheap, vibrating plastic toys and new positions you learned from your wife'_ _s copy of **COSMO**. Bachelorhood, now that was freedom, freedom to drink, pillage, and copulate as you please. It was paradise. And yet, whether he liked it or not, that philosophy was challenged repeatedly. From Naegi_ _’_ _s proposal to Togami_ _’_ _s, to Kuzuryuu_ _’_ _s (drunkenly botched) one, steadily, he watched as people got married one by one. **And they all seemed Happy.** Maybe it wasn_ _’_ _t the unrestrained euphoria that the freedom from bachelorhood brought them, but more of a silent satisfaction_ _…_ _a satisfaction of making that promise._

 _Hagakure snubbed the cigarette on a wooden fence._ _“_ _I think it_ _’_ _s time I put these days behind me. She deserves that much, at least._ _”_

 _“…_ _Well I_ _’_ _ll be damned. You_ _’_ _re really doing this?_ _”_

 _He nodded._ _“_ _Truth be told, this scares the shit out of me. But I think after all those years of letting her hang on the strings, I need to give her all of me, y_ _’_ _know? Be sincere and responsible and all that._ _”_ _Hagakure noticed Hanamura_ _’_ _s silence with a pang of guilt._  " _I know_ _we said bros before hos, but I think this is the right thing to do... You ok with that?_ _”_

_Hanamura mulled over the thought._

_“_ _Two conditions._ _”_

_“_ _Shoot._ _”_

_“_ _You still be my wingman when I need it._ _”_

_“_ _I might not be able to go that often."_ _  
_

_“_ _4 times a week._ _”_

_“_ _2 times._ _”_

_“_ _3 times._ _”_

_“_ _Sold. Next?_ _”_

_Hanamura smiled evilly._ _“_ _I get to be the best man._ _”_

 _“_ _Duh!_ _”_

_“_ _Hagakure, you have my blessing. Marry the shit out of her!"_ _  
_

_“_ _Alright._ _”_ _Hagakure coughed._ _“_ _Time to buy a ring._ _”_

 _“_ _Time to plan a stag party!_ _”_ _Hanamura whooped._

_And the two erupted into laughter as another clap of thunder reverberated through the air._

_-_

_Hinata swore silently, head bent, searching for his keys._

**_Of all places,_ ** _he thought, **of all places why did I have to drop them here?!**_

_The graves towered like buildings as he started into a crawl to better search for them, and simply thinking about what laid beneath the cool soil he was feeling was enough to make his skin crawl. The rumblings of thunder didn_ _’_ _t help either._

**_I could just crash at Kuzuryuu_** ** _’_** ** _s_ ** **_…_ ** **_or even Souda_** ** _’_** ** _s, and then go back to the dorm manager and ask for another replacement key._ **

_Hinata hastily stood up, wiping his hands against the rough edges of his jeans._

**_But she_** **_’_ ** **_ll probably get pissed again._ **

_It was as Hinata pondered his dilemma when he saw him._

_30 meters in front of him, a figure was gently laying cobalt forget-me-nots in front of two graves side by side. As the figure stood up, two slender hands removed his hood, revealing messy locks of brilliantly white hair. His greyish green eyes betrayed no emotion as he stared at the two pillars of granite, oblivious to the increasingly intense bursts of thunder overhead._

_Hinata cocked his head. **It'**_ **s** ** _gonna rain, and this lunatic_** ** _’_** ** _s still going about his business._ **

_He debated the two choices._

_Finally, going against his better judgment, he approached the figure._

_“_ _Excuse me?_ _”_

_The man looked up._ _“_ _Hm?_ _”_

 _“_ _I probably shouldn_ _’_ _t interrupt you in the middle of_ _…”_   _Hinata awkwardly gestured towards the two graves,_ _“_ _but I think you should know it_ _’_ _s going to rain pretty soon._ _”_

 _“_ _Oh, that_ _’_ _s right."_ _The boy_ _’_ _s eyebrows furrowed._ _“_ _Well, it_ _’_ _s still early, and the odds are still infinitesimal, I think I can take the risk this time round._ _”_ _He gave a polite smile._ _“_ _T_ _hank you for your concern, but I_ _’_ _ll just stay here a little longer. It_ _’_ _s probably not going to happen anyway_ _…_ _though in my case, nothing is really certain._ _”_

 _“_ _What_ _’_ _s certain is that you_ _’_ _re about to get soaking wet if you don_ _’_ _t find shelter._ _”_

_The boy blinked._

_“…_ _You_ _’_ _re worried about that?"_ _He laughed._ _“_ _Oh, that explains it, forgive me. I was actually considering the odds of being struck by lightning._ _”_

_A clap of thunder seemed to reinforce his point._

_“_ _I mean, it_ _’_ _s not given that you_ _’_ _ll die even if it **does** happen._ _”_ _The stranger went on,_ _“_ _But you_ _’_ _ll probably do become a Lichtenberg figure even if you do survive, and the scars are nothing to joke about. They_ _’_ _re highly intricate, but still generally appalling in the eyes of many._ _”_

 _Hinata twitched involuntarily._ _“_ _That_ _’_ _s_ _…_ _a little reaching, isn_ _’_ _t it?_ _”_

 _“_ _Maybe._ _The stranger shrugged._ _“_ _But anything can happen in my case._ _”_

 _“_ _If I were you I_ _’_ _d worry more about getting wet._ _”_ _Hinata muttered, unsure what to make of him._

 _The stranger put a pale hand towards his chin._ _“_ _Perhaps you_ _’_ _re right_ _…_ _I_ _’_ _ve had pneumonia before, though; the odds of contracting it again isn_ _’_ _t that likely._ _”_

 _It was unnerving how quickly this person was ready to jump to extremes. There was a distinct air of dottiness towards this person that unsettled him, especially with his eyes that looked so_ _…_ _familiar. Yet the longer he stayed with him, the more he felt enchanted, mesmerized by his voice, his hair, his skin-_

_Hinata blinked._

**_What am I thinking?_ **

_Shaking his head, he returned to the stranger:_ _“_ _Anyway, just thought I should tell you to go inside before the storm rolls over._ _”_

 _The man slipped him a grateful smile._ _“_ _Concern? You flatter me._ _”_

_As the man turned, Hinata heard the distinct jingling of keys, and remembered why he was here in the first place._

_“_ _Actually, can I ask you something else? Before you go back to-"_ _Hinata gestured again._

 _Clearly amused, the man smirked._ _“_ _Go ahead._ _”_

 _“_ _I_ _’_ _ve dropped my dormitory keys somewhere here, have you seen anything as you walked around_ _…” t_ _he rest of his words were lost as the man took out a set of keys from his parka'_ _s right pocket._

 _“_ _You mean these?"_ _He tossed them into Hinata_ _’_ _s open palm._ _“_ _I was wondering whose it was._ _”_

 _“_ _Y-yes._ _”_ _Hinata breathed a sigh of relief._ _“O_ _h, thank you! You_ _’_ _re a lifesaver!"_ _  
_

 _“_ _Not a common title people bestow on me._ _”_

_“_ _My name_ _’_ _s Hinata Hajime, but Hinata_ _’_ _s fine._ _”_

_“_ _Nagito Komaeda. Nice to meet you too."_ _  
_

_The sharp scream of intensifying wind filled the silence that followed, as they both directed their attention to the gravestones in front of them._

_“_ _So_ _…”_ _Hinata took another stab at conversation._ _“_ _Um, they_ _’_ _re your-"_ _  
_

_“_ _Parents._ _”_

**_Kicking oneself should be made physically possible_** _, Hinata thought, already regretting the question._

_“_ _I_ _’_ _m sorry to hear._ _”_

 _Komaeda sighed._ _"_ _It_ _’_ _s so easy to feel sorry for someone you_ _’_ _ve just met, please don't be;_ _Apologies do tend to sound like a cheap means of distancing oneself from responsibility._ _”_

_“…_ _Were you very young when they passed away?_ _”_

_“_ _Relatively._ _”_

 _“_ _I se_   _…”_ _Hinata shifted uncomfortably._

 _“_ _But it wasn_ _’_ _t that bad from then onwards. I could take care of myself just fine. It hasn_ _’_ _t been without its_ _’_ _up and downs, of course, but I mean,_ _”_ _Komaeda gave a cheerful smile,_ _“_ _I_ _’_ _m still around, aren_ _’_ _t I?_ _”_

 _Hinata was unsure what to respond._ _“_ _I guess_ _…”_

_The awkward atmosphere was tangible between the both of them for a moment._

_“_ _You know,"_   _Hinata went on,_ _“_ _it_ _’_ _s really about to rain soon, and the church_ _’_ _s closing. The nearest bus stop is 100 meters away on foot, and there_ _’_ _s no chance of flagging a taxi here. So, do you want to share an umbrella with me?"_   _  
_

_Komaeda looked surprised as he weighed his options._

_“_ _Well, I guess the dead will remain dead anyway._ _”_ _Giving his flowers a final adjustment, he walked besides Hinata._ _”_ _Thank you. I appreciate this._ _”_

_“_ _You_ _’_ _re welcome._ _”_

_“_ _So what do you do for a living?_ _”_

_“_ _I_ _’_ _m still a medical student, working part time at a caf_ _é_ _._ _”_

_“_ _Oh. I like coffee. Is yours any good?_ _”_

_“_ _I can take you there._ _”_

_As they exited the church, it stated to drizzle._

***

In all her 18 years of gaming experience, Nanami had never encountered a situation this difficult.

Having been shown to the cafeteria (the nurse said it was ‘Fajita Night’) along with Hinata’s assailant, they now shared a table in a mostly empty space. Taking the liberty to sit between the both of them, Nanami watched as the two determinedly averted their gaze from each other, daring each other to speak first.

Normally, should the situation arise that required excessive and altogether unnecessarily awkward conversation with actual human beings, Nanami would simply reach into her bag and take out whatever gaming device she had decided to bring and deny any opportunity of interaction. Today however, her pink bag was absent; and the only thing that _could_ pass for a gaming device was her iPhone, and even that didn’t have any games to play.

Except for _Candy Crush,_ but Nanami wasn’t _that_ desperate.

She looked curiously towards the stranger sitting beside her. Besides briefly being informed that his name was Naegi Makoto, Hinata had remained tight lipped and moody and refused to say anything more. Her history with a multitude of video game characters had to do the rest. He and Hinata were of similar height, perhaps just a little shorter, but while Hinata’s body was well-developed, Naegi’s was comparatively thin. His lime green eyes tinged with exhaustion and something more as they were trained resolutely towards his sneakers.

_OK, Nanami, if you could clear Dark Souls 2 in 2 tries, you can surely work this out._

She cleared her throat.

“Um-"

At that moment a cafeteria attendant sidled over. “Hi, can I get you anything to start with? Some tableside guacamole perhaps?”

A ping of silence rang throughout the room.

 _Background characters shouldn_ _’_ _t have the ability to talk,_ Nanami thought.

“…No, thank you. But some warm water would be nice.”

"Alright." The attendant scratched his face, looking to and from Hinata and Naegi’s stormy faces. “Everything alright between you two?”

Hinata gave him such a withering look that the attendant quickly slunk back behind the counter.

 _Right. Back to square one,_ Nanami thought.

“So…Um…Naegi-kun, was it?”

He raised his gaze towards her and nodded.

“…”Nanami wishedher processing speed was faster. “…How did you come to know Hinata-kun?”

Naegi’s eyes glittered as he tried evaluating her ulterior motives. Seeing none, he muttered: “School.”

“Oh…was Hinata your classmate?”

“1 year my senior.”

“…What happened?”

The man looked at her for a long, long time.

“How does one politely refuse to answer, accounting for the fact it’s none of your business?”

“……I guess you can simply stay silent.” She poofed her cheeks, annoyed.

“Then can _I_ ask you something, now? You can opt to, if I may quote you, _remain silent_.”

Hinata tensed. Naegi raised a finger and waggled it between the couple.

"Have you two fucked yet or is it ‘just friends’?"

"CAN YOU PLEASE-"

**_CLUNK_ **

Hinata’s outburst was cut short. “Now how about that tableside guacamole?”

“ _NO, THANK YOU!_ _”_ Hinata hissed, and returned to a frozen Nanami. “Nanami, come on, let’s leave-“

“Wait a minute.” Naegi blinked. “ _She doesn_ _’_ _t know?_ ”

It was Hinata’s turn to freeze.

“Doesn’t know what?” Nanami finally asked, visibly distraught, but Naegi was already laughing, ignoring her completely: “So, Hinata-kun, enlighten me, when were you planning to tell her? Once you successfully or unsuccessfully finished your business under the bed sheets?”

“Naegi, shut up.”

“You know, the only reason I’ve been keeping quiet about the whole thing was because I gave you the benefit of doubt that you told this girl already.” Naegi shook his head. “But you haven’t. I guess I should have expected it, seeing what you did these past years.”

“Oh, is that better than what you’ve been doing?” Hinata lashed back. “Moping about and being a complete shut-in? Not seeing your friends for years?”

Naegi leer faltered slightly. “I had a perfectly good reason for that-“

“Really? As did I.”

“Excuse me, did I hear you right?” Naegi shook in rage. “You left him to _DIE!_ What was your reason for that?!”

“He was going to die anyway! How did you expect me to change that? You think waiting around for four years’going to cure him? To bring Kirigiri back? You think isolating yourself is going to magically make you feel better? You think all of this is going to help? It’s not! You’re not putting her behind you, and you’re not letting any of this rest!”

“Well that’s still better than what you’re doing!” Naegi retorted, incensed.

“Look, I get it. She’s dead, it wasn’t supposed to happen, it HURTS, I get it! But if YOU don’t get over it, none of us can either! And a lot of us think that we’ve had enough of dealing with this bullshit for 4 years-“

“HEY, I KEPT THE SECRET YOU WERE GAY, BITCH! DEAL WITH IT!”

A heavy silence rang around the room. Somewhere in the kitchen, a blender was turned on, as an eavesdropping attendant quickly went back to making guacamole that _definitely_ wasn’t tableside.

“…What?”

Nanami seemed to have short-circuited as her world suddenly started spinning in the wrong direction. Blankly, she stared in open space, unsure if she heard Naegi correctly.

Hinata blinked, finally remembering Nanami’s presence. “T-That’s- W-wait, it’s not entirely- Nanami, please-”

“Come on, why so shy?” Naegi goaded him. “If you don’t, I will! Nanami, you should know that your boyfriend Hinata was in a torrid love affair for 2 years with Nagito Komaeda, a man.”

Nanami helplessly looked between them for an explanation. “…Hinata-kun?”

“I-I…”Hinata stammered, angrily looking at Naegi. “I was going to tell you-“

“You know,” Naegi loudly interjected, “While it _is_ larger than average, I never knew that a woman’s chest could have the power to change one’s sexuality-"

The rest of his words were cut short as Hinata lunged towards him.

-

**3 YEARS AGO**

_Is it possible, in the final analysis, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another?_

_We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close can we come to the person_ _’_ _s essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?_

 _I started thinking seriously about such things a week after I left my job at the law firm. Never until then_ _–_ _never in the whole course of my life_ _–_ _had I grappled with questions like this. And why not? Perhaps because my hands had been full just living. I had simply been too busy to think about myself._

Naegi looked up from _The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle_ , deep in thought.

Newly unemployed, Naegi found this kind of life refreshing. No more commuting to work on jam-packed subways, no more meetings with people he didn’t want to meet, and best of all, he could read any book he wanted, anytime he wanted. Naegi had no idea how long this relaxed lifestyle would continue, but at that point, at least after a week, he was enjoying it, and Naegi tried hard not to think about the future. _This is my one great vacation in life. It would have to end sometime, but until it did I am determined to enjoy it._

That particular evening, though, Naegi was unable to lose himself in the pleasure of reading for some reason, disturbed by the own hurricane of thoughts brewing in his mind, and Kirigiri was the eye.

 _I can_ _’_ _t enjoy reading like this._

Sighing, he looked at the watch. _I should prepare dinner._ Not that he had any great feast in mind: Naegi would be stir frying thin slices of beef, onions, green peppers and bean sprouts with a little salt, pepper, soy sauce and mirin –a recipe Hanamura had taught him. There was leftover rice in the fridge, the miso soup was in the pot, and the vegetables were all sliced and arranged in separate piles in a large dish, ready for the wok.

He looked at the vegetables again. All of a sudden, just imagining the smell of peppers and beef and oil nauseated him, and he lost his appetite.

Naegi sat at the kitchen table, tasting some of the mirin and munching on some soda crackers he had found in the back of the cupboard, watching as the small hand of the clock edged towards the 7.30 position.

… _If this is a vacation then it must be the worst one in the world._

Finally, seeing the lack of an attractive alternative, Naegi set down the Mirin and crackers and made his way out of the house, preparing to face whatever the world had in store to entertain him.

-

The moment Naegi stepped out of the apartment it started to drizzle.

 ** _Terrific,_** Naegi thought as he watched people raise their voluminous umbrellas, evidently coming prepared. Himself, he had worn a T-shirt, thin cotton trousers and tennis shoes, but the spring drizzle made it a thousand times colder, and he could feel a light film of water forming under his arms and in the hollow of his chest.

Sighing, he walked with no destination in mind, making up his mind that he’d eat at any restaurant he found interesting enough to chance upon.

Naegi walked through the street he lived in. The houses that lined the street fell into two distinct categories: older ones, and those built more recently (Naegi the latter). The newer ones were smaller, cheaper, their clothes-drying poles protruding from the street being quickly brought in as Naegi watched. Over some back walls came the sound of television sets and flushing toilets, and the mouthwatering smells of curry cooking. Occasionally, he passed a broken-down bar that burped alcohol into the street when the door swung open, or a cheap deli redolent of old grease and garlic.

The drops fell harder, and Naegi quickened his pace, looking for the place that was no place. He crossed the street and doubled back, losing himself amongst the kiosks selling newspapers and restaurants offering huge bowls of ramen and steaming buckets of broth. In Tokyo every inch was made to count; looking up, Naegi saw signs offering massages, spiritualism, feng shui and tarot readings…

A clap of thunder shook the world, and for a moment it felt as if every single refrigerator was thrown open in one single gust as the rain intensified. _I_ _’_ _d better get shelter somewhere,_ Naegi thought as he tried in vain to stay dry.

Eventually, wiping his face on his soaking sleeves, he ducked into the 7-11 in front of him, bought some genuinely terrible-tasting coffee and settled on the latest issue of JUMP, as the rain unrelentingly pelted the windows in front of him.

***

Now here’s the thing about being with Komaeda: it’s unpredictable.

That’s what Hinata learned the hard way after knowing him for a full year. It was unlike anything he’d experienced before. There was a certain _excitement_ that firmly allowed itself to be felt whenever they met. Perhaps it was due to the extraordinary things that would happen _just_ as they met. Perhaps it was the fact Hinata kept Komaeda a secret from the rest of his friends.

Perhaps it was the fact that Hinata was gay.

Or Bi.

Or Pansexual.

…Well ok, maybe the last three a _cut_ above the rest.

But to be honest, Hinata had expected it to be more perplexing to figure out; the manga that Hinata had read almost always included at least one (multiple if a harem manga) stupid filler chapter in which the love interest felt confused about his/her changing feelings towards the protagonist. For him? No such thing! Always the straight man in contrast to his sometimes insane classmates, always painfully blunt in his speech, when the moment came where his feelings had reached its peak, it took a heartbeat for Hinata to realize and acknowledge the fact that he was in love.

The problem was, he had literally no idea what to do next.

Well, technically he knew the next logical step was to come out. But there were fundamental reasons for not doing so... Not in front of his friends, at least.

His parents had reacted nicely enough when he came out; it was as uneventful as he could have hoped for in a coming-out session: after casually dropping the atomic bomb in the midst of watching a baseball game, they blinked a few times, then gave varying responses of ‘I see’, ‘good for you’, ‘that’s nice’ and carried on watching the game, completely unaffected. It was a relief, but that did little to calm Hinata about the yet-to-be-clusterfucked state of things. He didn’t want to tell his friends, even though being gay wasn’t unheard of within their group, nor was it that his friends would react negatively:

 **Souda:** You’re gay? That’s awesome! I always wanted a gay friend!

 **Hanamura:** Oh, we could be wingmen!

 **Hagakure:** HELL YEAH! A legitimate reason to go to a gay bar!

 **Ibuki:** AWWWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAH~

 **Togami:** I don’t care.

 **Asahina:** Wow! Who’s the lucky guy?

 **Kuzuryuu:** …

 **Tanaka:** …(nervously laughs) Irrelevant!

 **Kuwata:** I FUCKING CALLED IT! OOWADA, PAY UP!

 **Oowada:** Seriously?!

 **Ishimaru:** …D-do you want a hug?

Hinata most certainly did _not._

Long story short, unlike most other coming-out stories it was not that he was scared of what his friends would think if he did. Hinata understood that the revelation of his sexuality would not affect his friends that much emotionally…emphatically…psychologically…grammatically.

But there existed a decisive finality to coming out that he was gay. It wasn’t something you could randomly take back: either you liked men or you didn’t. There wasn’t any possibility that you could simply say “Awfully sorry, fella, but you just looked better than average and I was so starved of traditional companionship amongst strangers that I mistook my platonic feelings for you to be sexual in nature. No hard feelings, then?”

…To be exact, he guessed he could consider himself as bi, but that just seemed like a cop-out in the grand scheme of Komahinaland.

It didn’t seem to truly reflect his sincerest feelings.

It was true that he _had_ experienced things that could be considered feelings for girls before, and he was very sure that he _was_ sexually attracted to them as well, if his porn collection was any indicator, but the feelings he had for Komaeda were fundamentally different from what he had felt for girls. They were stronger, more relentless, and altogether more painful and blissful.

Maybe it was because Komahina was a man.

Pity there didn’t exist a third sex to prove or disprove this theory, although Hinata suspected that that particular gender in question would probably be as neglected as Bulbasaur if it did exist in the first place.

So if he was asexual before and the feelings for Komaeda were a first, logically speaking he was gay.

**But he wasn'** **t.**

So by the means of logic, he was bi.

**But that seemed like a copout.**

Hence, he was gay…by choice.

And then there was the entire debate about homosexuality as a matter of unchangeable genetics or choice.

So either he had no bisexual gene, or it was his choice to be gay... or maybe there was a gene that caused homosexuality, and having more of those genes would make you more and more gay…now that’s just wrong on all counts.

Hinata was gay. Hinata was a bisexual. Hinata was very, very, confused.

Not even the internet helped: a day on Tumblr had introduced him plenty of gay terminology he never knew existed (which probably didn’t, in the official sense), such as ‘demisexual’ and ‘his/her’ pronouns. Up till then, the only time he had ever heard of ‘cis/trans’ was in school.

_And I **hated** Organic Chemistry!_

Not to mention, he wasn’t exactly sure how his friends would react to Komaeda, or vice versa. He wasn’t queer…no, **maybe he was** , wrong choice of words…he wasn’t weird in the Gundam-Tanaka sense, he wasn’t in-your-face-abrasive Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu sense, far from it! He was friendly, he was charming, he even had something the most of the others lacked in spontaneity: wit. But Komaeda had a certain capacity for unnerving and offending the most level headed with inappropriate remarks dropped as casually as ‘how do you do?’.

Maybe his sexuality would be easier to pigeonhole had Komaeda been easier to figure out.

Surprisingly, _maddeningly,_ Hinata was the forward one in the relationship, as much as his astrological sign would like to say otherwise. As suggestive and open as Komaeda was, every single time things seemed to go in the romantic direction, he would suddenly distance himself until the mood was gone. At first, Hinata didn’t mind; he actually preferred going slow (more time to sort out his sexuality and all that crap I just penned down just a few paragraphs above). However, as their relationship progressed, he couldn’t help but get annoyed whenever Komaeda subtly edged away at _just_ the right moment, whenever Komaeda abruptly changed the subject once things turned edgy, and just a little _too_ romantic.

He didn’t plan on plunging into a gay pool for someone: Heck, he didn’t know whether something like that was possible for someone like him! To him, being heterosexual would be one of the final nails in his ordinary-as-fuck coffin. But no! It seemed Komaeda painted the coffin a wonderful shade of gay purple. With unicorns puking rainbows, even!

Long story short, it all arrived into one indomitable conclusion:

_If I_ _’_ _m gay by choice, I_ _’_ _ll make sure that I_ _’_ _m not gay for nuts._

Within the drizzle, Hinata blinked. _Nuts?_

 _Well technically_ _…_ Hinata flushed a lurid shade of red. _Nothing. I_ _’_ _ll make sure that I_ _’_ _m not gay for nothing._

“The rain’s not stopping, isn’t it?” The light voice set Hinata gently down from his turbulent thoughts.

“It’s not getting any stronger either. It’s something.”

“It’s nice to see a positive side to this.” Komaeda’s hair ruffled slightly in the cool breeze, a fine mist of raindrops quickly coating their left cheeks.

“I’m actually thinking about going to that place again for dinner.”

Hinata smirked. “Really? Do you think it’s a good day or a bad day?”

“I don’t know.” Komaeda remarked thoughtfully. “Sometimes I can catch them in the act, sometimes not…And only then can we get the entire meal free.”

Hinata’s lip puckered in his effort not to laugh.

“But seriously though, selling unethical foie gras under-the-table is ballsy, even here.”

“Everyone takes their chances until the dealer grins.”

“Fair enough.”

“But honestly though, do you think that they’ll recognize me?”

“Truthfully speaking? Probably. Not everyone has white hair…”, Hinata’s next words rested against his throat, “Or looks half as handsome as you.”

Komaeda looked at him in surprise. “It’s not like you to pay me a compliment.”

Hinata could not tell whether Komaeda blushed, but he was consciously aware of his own cheeks burning like it was the 5th of November.

“Don’t think too much of it. It’s for the sake of conversation.”

“Of course it is.” Komaeda’s eyes drop, searching for something to continue said conversation in an adequate manner. Seconds later, he makes his excellent decision.

"Have you heard about the science behind being struck by lightning?”

“Really?” Hinata stopped at a traffic junction. “You’re really asking this now?”

“It’s hard not to think of the possibility, you know.” The corners of Komaeda’s lips twitched into a smile as they waited for a traffic light. “You see, it’s a mixture of voltage and current that does the trick,”he recalls with the air of a gentleman explaining what’s for tea, “too much current and too little voltage would not kill, too much voltage and too little current? Nope. That’s why static electricity doesn’t kill. Just the right amount of voltage and current, however? You’d die. Almost certainly.” Komaeda gently wiped his cheek with his parka’s sleeve. “However, this is when insulators and grounding mechanisms come into play, as well as lighting rods. Do you know that the odds of-“

“Komaeda. I get it. Stop.”

He pursed his lips. The words had come out a little colder than Hinata intended.

“Oh…Right.” Resignation did wonders to the passage and delivery of speech. Komaeda’s earlier airiness seemed to have deflated entirely.

“You still don’t believe?”

Hinata’s face fell. “Komaeda-kun, it’s not like that…”

Komaeda nods absent-mindedly, and suddenly seemed _very_ interested in the way a lock of hair bobbed up and down within his peripheral vision.

Right. Perhaps he found that particular reason why Komaeda distanced himself from him.

Sheer, dumb luck.

 _But what the hell has this got to do with me?_ Hinata thought as the light turned green. _Whether I believe in luck or not has got nothing to do with this_ _…_ _Right?_

And then there was the glaring fact: his ‘past’.

Plane hijacking? Meteorite? Kidnapping? Lottery Winnings? Put simply, Komaeda had more baggage than the Kardashians, and Hinata wasn’t quite sure whether he believed him. He _wanted_ to, of course, if only it was that simple. That wasn’t even half of what Komaeda had casually dropped into the conversation before just as casually denying everything that he said.

_How can I be faulted for not believing when he himself misguides me?_

Today, however, was a completely different ball game.

Hinata swallowed.

“Komaeda-kun, can we stop here for a moment? We need to talk.”

“Now? In this weather?”

“It’ll only be a moment. And please, bear with me for a while.”

Sending a quizzical glance towards Hinata, Komaeda considered it. Moments later, he led Hinata in front of a shop window, the small, worn canopy above them providing sufficient (if not perfect) cover from the downpour.

“Alright. What?”

“…OK, I want you to take what I’m about to say with an open mind. Please don’t freak out; as long as it takes, I’ll explain, and if you feel anything wrong with it, I’ll just forget this ever happened.”  _Like hell I could._

Komaeda raised an eyebrow, as if to say ‘go on’.

“Komaeda, we've known each other for a pretty long time. I won't say our relationship was perfect, it did have its bumpy parts, but I guess I still liked your company,” Hinata’s lip curled inwards,“and I'm not sure how I had initially arrived at this conclusion, but for both of our sakes, I think that certain... things need to be addressed." Hinata looked up to see Komaeda's blank expression. "You probably must have some idea of what I’m trying to say.”

“Lots of them," he acknowledged, "each more unsettling than the last.”

“Well, I guess it _could_ be considered unsettling in a way- wait, that’s not the point.”Hinata shook his head. "Look, I'm just going to say it outright, don't stop me until I finish..."

Komaeda's fingers tightened around each of his folded arms.

"The point is, what I'm trying to say and doing a terrible job of conveying, is the fact that I... I like you."

For the tiniest fraction of a second Komaeda stiffened.

"...Oh," Komaeda breathed, recovering, "that's very nice of you to say. Thank you."

_...he's taking this surprisingly well._

**_Wait a minute._ **

"N-no, that's not, I mean-" Hinata, who had nervously chewed his tongue waiting for Komaeda's response, became exasperated. "Look yes, I like you, but not in that way."

"And what way is this?" Komaeda's characteristic smirk started to bloom on the edges of his lips.

"You know what I mean," Hinata gazed helplessly, hoping for a preferable alternative to dropping the other L-Word before it became official, "like as... friends."

"You like me as a friend, is that what you're trying to say?"

"What, no! I mean, yes, I guess that's a given since you're my friend and adding to what I meant to say, which was that I... There's no other delicate way to say this, but I think that I actually-"

The rest of his words were cut short as Komaeda's palm crashed millimeters from Hinata's right ear.

"K-Komaeda?"

Komaeda had stopped smiling, and as he narrowed his eyes, he shifted his torso forward towards Hinata, examining him closely.

_... What the hell._

_What the hell is happening here?!_ Hinata had anticipated several possible scenarios, ranked in order of likeliness and preference, but this, this _kabedon_ was nowhere near Hinata's expectations.As a creeping flush started rising, Hinata gulped and looked away from Komaeda's searching stare.

"You know, Hinata, from up close, you're really ordinary." Komaeda remarked dryly, oblivious to how close his face was from Hinata's. "But you can still surprise."

Hinata was at a loss of words.

"Um, are we talking about the same thing here-?"

"... You say some strange things sometimes, you know." Komaeda whispered.

Hinata gulped, bracing himself in the process.

Yet a full 10 seconds passed, and Komaeda extracted himself from Hinata's inner midst.

"That loose poster edge has been annoying me ever since you started talking."

Hinata blinked. _Poster?_

He looked towards his right. A sloppily pasted advertisement for 2 for 1 sodas frayed at its' edges, and even as Hinata watched the bottom edge gave out on the same area where moments ago, Komaeda's hand had rested.

A sudden wave of disappointment overwhelmed him.

"Well, the rain seems to be stopping at last," Komaeda turned and gazed upwards, "we should get going-”

The rest of his words were cut short as Hinata gripped his outstretched arm and gently flung Komaeda back-first towards the windowsill.

"Now you just wait just a fucking minute."

“W-what?”

“Let me finish what I need to say.”

Hinata was no sadist, but he felt a queer sense of satisfaction watching Komaeda squirm under his gaze. Fueled by the little confidence it brought, he cleared his throat:

“Komaeda, let’s just say that after meeting you, I’m gay.”

This time, Komaeda _did_ stiffen.

“Y-you’re… gay?” He repeated.

“As in… happy?” Komaeda attempted hopefully.

“Komaeda Nagito, you know perfectly well that’s not what I mean. Maybe I’m bi, but that’s not the point.” Hinata’s face color was flushed as a tomato, but he soldiered on: “The truth that I think the both of us had realized a long time ago but keep avoiding is that, I… want to be with you.”

It was Komaeda’s turn to turn red.

“H-Hinata-kun…”

“It’s a bit creepy, I know, but… If what I’m feeling isn’t love, I don’t know what is,” Hinata went on, the heat gradually dissolving from his cheeks, “and I just want to let you know how I feel.”

Komaeda’s wide eyes searched him.

“No, that can’t be it.”

“I’m serious!”

“No, I mean, it’s improbable that somebody would _ever_ stop at telling someone what they feel without demanding to know what the other feels.”

“W-well, I guess.” Hinata looked away, embarrassed. “Since you brought it up, how about you tell…”

“To be honest, I’m scared, Hinata-kun.”

The injection of a new note in Komaeda’s voice surprised him, and Hinata returned his gaze. The rare spectacle of a distraught Komaeda greeted him.

“I’m… very lucky to have met you on that graveyard that day.” His lips parted slightly. “I do like you, all pretense aside, but what you’re asking for is… impossible.”

“I thought I was talking to the guy who made the impossible possible?”

“Having small odds isn’t doesn’t make things impossible.” Komaeda shook his head. “I just don’t want what we have now to disappear.” The sparks in his eyes flew into his darkness like dying fireflies down a cave.

“Komaeda, I’m not the most romantic guy in the world, but there’s one thing I can promise you.” Hinata’s hands slowly found Komaeda’s. “As long as you need me, want me, love me, and as long as I want you, love you, I won’t just leave you.”

“Really? You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Then prepare for eternal damnation; that promise is hard to keep.” Komaeda laughed.

“We can always take it slow from the start.” Hinata assured him. “I don’t need to tell anyone of my friends yet until you’re comfortable with me.”

“What if people suspect?”

“Best friends always make people question their sexuality.” Hinata thought, thinking of Hanamura and Hagakure.

Komaeda bit his lip.

“Hey, Hinata-kun…”

“Hmm?”

“Are _you_ comfortable with this?”

In response Hinata kissed him.

The slightest twinge went through Komaeda’s shoulders, and then he relaxed and closed his eyes for several seconds. It was a soft and gentle kiss, not one meant to lead beyond itself, and as Hinata swayed slightly he could have sworn he heard the splatter of rain on the windowsill. But he ignored it, his lips lingering on Komaeda’s as he pulled away.

For a moment or two, the two were silent.

Then Komaeda spoke.

“That was _fascinating_. I quite liked it.”

“Do you want to do it again?”

Komaeda flushed and looked away. “I thought we were taking this slow.”

“You’re right.” Hinata acquiesced, “but that was very nice. I liked it too.”

Slowly, the absurdity of the situation began sinking in. Unbidden, they burst into a small fit of laughter.

_I did it. It took a month, but I finally said what needed to be said._

Hardly suppressing his grin, he straightened and looked around. “The rain’s stopping, let’s go somewhere else…” His words trailed off as he looked to his right.

Inside the 7-11, scarcely 2 meters from where they stood, Naegi silently stared back, the brown stains of spat coffee slowly trailing down the windowsill.

For a moment, the two simply stared at each other, completely lost for words.

"... Fuck." Hinata finally muttered.

“Who is that?” Komaeda asked, having noticed where Hinata was staring.

“He’s…” Hinata gulped. “He’s someone I haven’t seen in a while.”

As if in response, Naegi shyly lifted his fingers and waved a hello.

***

It turned out Naegi had a lot to ask for a social recluse.

“So let me get this straight. I shut myself in for a year,” Naegi poured the three cups of sweet potato vodka as the meat grilled in front of them, “and all of a sudden you’re gay?”

“Well, technically I consider myself as bi-”

“I’m not entirely sure myself, to be honest.”

“Hold on Komaeda, let me handle this-”

“I’m starting to question what else I’ve missed over the past year.”

“Yeah, look who’s fault is that.” Hinata pointed out.

Naegi twiddled his chopsticks.

“I know quite a fair bit. I know Asahina and Hagakure got married. I know Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama are about to get married. I know Ishimaru’s graduated from Toudai. I know Maizono-san released another EP. I know Akane and Nidai are currently in a relationship, and today I know about you two.” Naegi looked between the two. “No offense, Hinata, but I never expected you to be... you know.”

“These things just happen, I guess. I like him.”

“And I’m happy for you. I just thought if anyone was going to be gay, it would be Ishimaru and Oowada.”

“Best friends make people question their sexuality.”

Naegi turned to Komaeda now. “You know, Komaeda-kun, I vaguely remember seeing you before.”

“You did?” Komaeda politely considered it. “I don’t quite recall…”

“Must have been a while ago, I haven’t been out for very long save for the occasional trip to the bookstore.”

“I’m afraid I don’t remember such a thing.”

“My imagination, then.” As the three started on the strips of grilled beef, Hinata took the time to properly look at Naegi. Grief had did its work well: Most traces of Naegi’s puppy fat had vanished entirely, leaving Naegi leaner and more thin. Months of lying in bed seemed to have caused a late growth spurt; at the rate Naegi was growing, he’d catch up to Hinata in another 2 years.

“Naegi-kun, there’s something I need to ask of you.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone, if that’s what you’re asking about.” Naegi shrugged. “I won’t go out of my way to tell anyone, scout’s honor.”

“Actually, it’s the opposite.”

Naegi looked up. “Oh?”

Hinata sighed.

“I just think that it’s already been a year-”

“No.”

“Naegi, are you listening to yourself right now? You’re insane!”

“I’ve made up my mind on this matter. I decide for myself when I go back to meet everyone else.”

Hinata shook his head. “Look, Naegi, nobody cares about what happened anymore, they’re willing to move on!”

“ _Somebody_ must care.”

“No, I mean…” Hinata gave up. “Look, Sonia understands you were in grief.”

The thought of his outburst was sour in Naegi’s mind.

“Hinata, this thing I need to settle on my own time.”

“You’re taking a very long time.”

“I will take as long as it takes.”

“Before what? You stop feeling sorry for yourself?”

“BEFORE I GET OVER THE FACT THAT SHE DIED.”

It took a while for the both of them to realize they were talking in raised voices.

“If I may interject,” Komaeda raised a slender hand, “who is this ‘she’ you’re talking about, Naegi-kun?”

“Komaeda, please don’t ask.”

Naegi chewed his lip.

“Am I correct in deducing she was your wife?”

He nodded.

“Well. That’s sad, I guess.”

“’I guess?’”

“That’s sad.” Komaeda smiled. “I know how you feel, or at least how you’re supposedly feeling.”

“Really?” The fumes of alcohol seemed grow stronger as Naegi continued. “How’re you so sure?”

“Please don’t ask-” Hinata buried his face in his hands, but it was too late.

“I lost my both my parents in a plane accident when I was young.”

Naegi’s eyes widened.

“Um…”

“Then, the dog that I adopted died prematurely of cancer-”

“Ok, I think I get your point-”

“Then I was kidnapped at the slightly older age of 8, before the kidnapper realized that nobody wanted to pay the ransom… At least, that’s how the book I read went.”

Naegi blinked.

“Book?! You’re comparing this with a book?”

“It seemed appropriate.” Komaeda absent-mindedly nibbled at an onion. “What I’m trying to get at here is that everybody goes through something like this sooner or later. You’re not the only one who had someone die.”

“Yes, but…”

“Personal experience aside, I find that the most depressing and motivating fact about life is that it goes on with or without you. It’s only your loss if you decide to spend the rest of your life moping on things you can’t control.”

“… I know.”

Komaeda examined him slowly.

“Hinata-kun, I think this is something he needs to settle on his own.”

“Fair enough.” Hinata breathed a sigh of relief.

The three were halfway through dinner when Komaeda excused himself to the washroom, leaving Hinata and Naegi alone to divide the remaining pieces of meat amongst themselves.

“… Are you happy, Hinata?” Naegi asked.

“ _That_ was out of the blue.” Hinata blinked. “I think I’m pretty lucky. I’m in a relationship.”

“That is nice to hear. But are you happy with it?”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with it per se.”

“Are you happy?”

“YES. I AM. Happy?”

“Please go on. You were saying there was nothing wrong about your relationship?”

“… Well, the only problem is on my end.”

“What problem?”

“Well, the entire thing started when I first realized that I harbored feelings for Komaeda. Then I had a little coming-out crisis, and debated on whether to consider myself gay or bisexual, or whether it compromised my feelings for him. You, see I reasoned that-” (Author’s note: The following paragraph is essentially a retread of Hinata’s monologue a few pages upwards. Due to it’s insane length and the pointlessness of transcribing it entirely again right here, I took the liberty of fast-forwarding this conversation.)

 **2 minutes later** **…**

“And that’s my problem.”

Naegi shook his head. “If you took the bechdel test, you’d fail with lowest honors.”

“Yeah, but I’m just not sure whether my feelings for him are sincere, or that they only seem special because he’s a guy, and it’s my first gay relationship.”

Naegi smiled. “I think you have a misunderstanding.”

“Hm?”

“Hinata-kun, you don’t go gay for someone. If being a guy, you do have feelings for another guy, it means you were originally a bisexual or gay in the very first place. There’s no such thing as going gay for someone, as much as 9gag or tumblr says otherwise.”

Hinata blinked. “Actually makes sense,” he admitted.

“Of course it does,” Naegi grinned, “at least, that’s what Koizumi told me.”

“I made a promise with him, you know.”

“Dangerous things, those are.”

“I just told him as long as we loved each other, I wouldn’t leave him, and he wouldn’t leave me.”

“Seems reasonable.”

The two surveyed each other contentedly.

“I missed you.” Hinata admitted.

“I did miss you.” Naegi returned.

“Coming back soon?”

“… I’ll try. But don’t force me.”

Naegi looked at his watch.

“I should be going. Here’s my share of the bill.”

“Hey, no need to run off so quickly.”

“No, I really need to get going.” Naegi gave Hinata a quick smile. “It’s been nice catching up.”

“Likewise.”

“Oh, one more thing.” Naegi returned. “I’ll keep your relationship secret until you deem it suitable to tell everyone, but in return, don’t even think about telling anyone that you met me recently.”

“But-”

“Hinata…”

Hinata struggled for a moment, then reluctantly nodded.

“Good night, Hinata.”

And with that, Naegi exited the restaurant, looking slightly happier than he was before.

“He left already?” Komaeda had returned, dabbing his mouth with a handkerchief.

“He had something on.”

“I see.” Komaeda absentmindedly ruffled his hair. “So what do you want to do now?”

Hinata looked at the half-filled bottles of liquor. “Finishing up our drinks seems like the logical thing to do.”

Komaeda grinned. “Logical thing it is.”

*****

**PRESENT DAY**

**Curb outside the Hospital**

“And then he BANGED him.”

“Shut up, Naegi, that’s not how it happened.”

“Really? Two guys get drunk, go to a love hotel, shag the living daylights of one another, it’s textbook!”

“Nanami, ignore him, I assure you it didn’t happen that way-”

“But it did happen sooner or later, is what he’s saying!”

“Excuse me, do you mind keeping silent for a while?” Nanami finally broke her lengthy silence. Seeing Naegi politely close his lips, Nanami faced Hinata sadly.

“Why didn’t you tell me this beforehand?”

“It… I didn’t think it was very important, it was something new between us.”

“Nanami, you should take note this goes to show the length to which he keeps his ‘promises’-”

Nanami shushed him.

“I don’t mind that you were in a past relationship. I don’t mind that you could have had… you know, with a guy. But, Naegi-kun does have a point… Why did you leave him? Why didn’t you trust me with the truth?”

“It’s… It’s not as simple as you think it is.”

“I think the both of us have ample time.”

“Don’t you mean the three of us?” Naegi interjected.

“This doesn’t concern you at all.”

“On the contrary, I think it does.”

Hinata glared at the both of them. Finally, he stood up and dusted his pants.

“I know a bar where we can keep talking that’s warmer.”

Naegi exchanged glances with Nanami. “I’m ok with it.”

Nanami tentatively nodded. “I need to get back soon…”

“You’re in for a long night.” Hinata shook his head, already beginning walking. “I’m afraid it’s a bit of a long story.”

“… Long story my ass. You abandoned him, clear and simple.”

“Naegi-kun,” Hinata glowered, “I’m not innocent, but I sure as hell had my reasons for it, and for all the bullshit I’ve endured for you, you can listen to what I have to say.”

Naegi pursed his lips, watching his breath turn into vapor under the streetlight.

“… I just hope this place you have in mind have good jazz.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is as much as i could do for now.  
> I'm sorry I'm going through hell in the form of A levels, and will probably finish this fic sometime before christmas this year.  
> Thank you.  
> As usual, any feedback you have will be greatly appreciated ;)


	7. Apoptosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DECEMBER.  
> It's surprising how little dementia is actually made a prominent plot point in most Komaeda fics, so I couldn't really use anything for inspiration.  
> So I started googling dementia on reddit and so on... And all of that was a more depressing than a reread of Flowers for Algernon... Thematically similar, now that I mention it.  
> Anyway, this is part 2.  
> I'm really not the Komaeda expert, or Dementia one for that matter, so please take with a grain of salt.

It’s funny how relationships begin all optimistically before they all start going down to shit.

You’ve seen movies, you’ve seen the dramas, you’ve seen the tropes present in thousands of god-awful dime-a-dozen fanfics, and all of this knowledge and self-awareness gives you the false sense of security that it would never happen to you.

Why? _Because I know the mistakes people make, and how things can easily go wrong. I won’t make those kinds of mistakes._

Laughable. Arrogant kids.

Of course, talking about something and actually doing it are two different ball sacks altogether.

Take something as simple as being truthful to each other, as a simple example. Your relationship must be different from the others: no, we all desire a perfectly truthful relationship. As long as we are truthful to each other, we can understand each other, we can avoid unnecessary drama, right?

The thing is, nobody realizes telling the truth is a difficult thing to do… and a stupid risk to take, to be honest.

Especially in the case of one-sided relationships, only one person is willing to expose his/herself to the other completely. The other will stay guarded, indulging the sucker with the impression that he/she is being completely truthful to them as well. Invariably, inevitably, misunderstandings abound when the lies unravel. And all that fucking optimism dies alone in a corner.

In the end the core reason of all failed relationships is lack of communication. Sometimes we can’t help it, though. We can only convey _so_ much through words. That’s not even coupled with our own inherent stupidity and inability to acknowledge the ‘signs’ you signal to your partner, magnified tenfold in the protagonist of any popular harem manga/light novel.

Which is why the search for that perfect relationship, the perfect love is almost always one of our innermost desires. We don’t know what constitutes perfect, though. Because of our lack of effective communication skills, the only right word we can actually use to aptly describe it would be ‘real’, or as a certain loner out there likes to call it, ‘genuine’.

Odd, because last time I checked I didn’t remember living in the fucking matrix.

What we have here is already ‘real’. And the reality is that we’re really just weak, pathetic people with a constant need for emotional reassurance, ‘genuine’ or not. Of course, when we do get it, we start getting greedy and question the ‘realness’ of it all.

But there really is nothing wrong with that. It’s human nature. Everybody needs love, or some semblance of it.

Because when life throws you lemons, you’re going to need a fuckload of sugar to make lemonade. Or sugar substitute.

-

“Komaeda-kun,” Hinata stared, “what are you doing?”

“I needed space on my bookshelf.”

“And for that reason you’re tearing that book into pieces?”

Komaeda blinked, as if having a moment of realization, his hands still full of pages from Thomas Mann’s _The Magic Mountain._ “Goodness. I don’t know why I did that.”

“Because you’re one crazy bastard, what else?” Hinata sighed. “It’s alright, that book is just depressing anyway. And you’re right, many of these books are just gathering dust.”

Komaeda tucked the torn pages back into the book jacket. “I was hoping you could read them, Hinata-kun.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t read them, though?” Hinata frowned. Komaeda considered it.

“Not really my style.”

“Hmm?”

“There’s a certain quality in reading a book for the first time. The feelings you have, the impulses you feel, they’re all strongest when you read a book the first time…” Komaeda went back to where Hinata sat, tucked in a blanket on the sofa. “And the truth is, it’s all very well to read a book again, but if I can’t experience those feelings again, then what’s the point?”

“That’s…” Hinata watched as Komaeda lazily ran a slender hand through his hair, “not all books can be fully appreciated just reading it once.”

“Whatever. It’s just a waste of time for me.”

A moment allowed itself to wither away before Hinata closed the computer in front of him and placed it on the coffee table. As he looked up, his own eyes met Komaeda’s.

“… What is it?”

“…”

 _…What the hell am I supposed to do in this situation,_ Hinata thought as Komaeda continued to stare. Hinata stared back, but saw nothing but two dark pupils that seemed to be functioning as they were meant to.

Another beat passed before Komaeda gently placed his head on Hinata’s shoulder.

“Feeling romantic today, huh?” Hinata gently smiled as he extended an arm over Komaeda’s shoulder, as his long locks tickled his cheek. Feeling a small rush of giddiness, Hinata pulled Komaeda closer and buried his head into Komaeda’s fluffy hair.

 _Sweet… too sweet,_ Hinata suddenly noticed as he took several slow breaths of Komaeda’s hair.

“… Did you change your shampoo again, Komaeda?”

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

“It’s just-“

“What, do I stink?”

“Not exactly.”

The steady rise and fall of Komaeda’s chest stopped abruptly. “… Oh God.”

“Komaeda-kun?”

“… I didn’t get hair dye by mistake, did I?” He muttered after a while.

“Course not.” Hinata laughed. “Don’t be silly.” Disconcertingly, the smell was still there, and as it permeated his nostrils Hinata as he leaned in and gave Komaeda a small peck on the cheek.

“Mm.” Komaeda gave a small sigh of acknowledgement.

Hinata shifted his legs uncomfortably.

“Hey, Komaeda-kun.” Hinata nervously began.

“I don’t suppose you want to… you know, right now?”

Komaeda spun to look at him. “What?”

“Y-you know. Doing _that_.”

His eyes widened in understanding.

And swiftly in embarrassment.

“Now? Well, I guess I don’t mind but… now? Seriously-“ The rest of his words were stifled by the wall of Hinata’s lips against his.

Komaeda stiffened slightly, and this evaporated as he parted his lips slightly for Hinata to enter.

They fell in a gentle heap with Hinata on top.

-

“Why the sudden call?” Naegi plopped down into the plush armchair as he brought an Americano and a sugar satchet.

“I actually have some questions to ask… About Komaeda and I.” Hinata began, his hands fidgeting nervously beside him.

“Oh. Well that’s to be expected. I’ll try my best and answer them.”

“So…” Hinata bobbed his straw up and down his iced coffee. “I’ve noticed Komaeda being… odd recently.”

“Odd?” Naegi tilted his head. “Wasn’t he always?”

“I’m probably overthinking things, but Komaeda has a few quirks that are a bit unnerving at times.”

“Elaborate.”

“Well… Sometimes he’s pretty rude and has the emotional range of an eggcup.”

“He’s human. We all have lapses of character.” Naegi gently blew at his coffee. “You’ve only just moved him with him. There’s bound to be some traits you never knew about him that you’ll just find out over time.”

“Yeah… but sometimes he really gets on my nerves, you know? Just yesterday he ripped one of his books to create space for his bookshelf.”

Naegi pursed his lips. “Well that’s rash… But again, it’s his book, he can do whatever he wants with it.”

“That’s not the point. The point is… well, that I never really see this side of him before I moved in. Gradually he’s getting a little bit, you know, colder to me than usual.”

Naegi sighed. “Pretty normal circumstance. Moving in is the first stage in disillusionment in a relationship. It happens. Don’t worry, it happened with me and Kirigiri as well.”

“Why do I find that so hard to believe?” From Hinata’s perspective, it was difficult to imagine Naegi and Kirigiri’s relationship had any errors or speed bumps.

“Hey, my relationship had problem of its own, alright?” Naegi put the cup down in disgust. “Even though they weren’t… very big, per se, but they were there all the same. We solved most of them with time, though. And by talking to each other.”

“Ok, you made your point.” Hinata swirled the cream around and around his glass. “So long story short, you think the best approach would be to simply talk to Komaeda all about this?”

“These things won’t be resolved by themselves,” Naegi downed a sizeable amount of his coffee, ”better to just talk to him head on.”

“Alright.” Hinata thought about it a while, before taking the glass and slowly gulping down copious amounts of Frappuccino.

It was already past evening with the sun setting down, and the city was beginning to show off its night face as Hinata continued drinking. From his peripheral vision he could see a well-dressed teen typing away at his Macbook, and suddenly had a savage impulse to take it and cleave his head in two, fashionable glasses and all.

“Well, if that’s all, I think I’ll take my leave-“

“No, actually there’s one more thing.”

“Hm?”

“It’s… a little bit delicate.”

“Spit it out.”

“Well…” Hinata twiddled his thumbs to and fro.

“What is the best way to ask him if he wants to…” Hinata drifted off, hoping Naegi would catch his drift.

“… get married?” Naegi blinked.

“No!”

“To go out on a date together?”

“NO!”

“Oh, what’s the best way to ask him if he wants to break up?”

“NO!” Hinata shook his head in exasperation. “Like, what’s the best way to ask him if he wants to um… go to bed together?”

Realization dawned on Naegi’s face.

“That’s it?” Naegi absent-mindedly chewed his napkin. “I don’t know. You could assign a code word for it. And whenever one off you wants to do it, you say:: Hey, let us [insert code word for Sex here]. Like um… Doing the laundry together.”

“Laundry?”

“It seemed appropriate.” Naegi shrugged. “Like, ‘Hey, Komaeda. Want to do laundry together?’ Simple.”

“What if doesn’t want to?”

Naegi was confused. “What else do you do? Just wait another time, or if you’re really desperate, do some… hand laundry.”

“Any time I try to mention ‘doing the laundry’, it usually does happen, but there’s a little bit of that buzz gone.”

“… Well then, just go for it at night! He wouldn’t object!”

“You’d be surprised.” Hinata muttered. “For a supposed boyfriend, he’s surprisingly moody and reserved.”

Naegi sighed.

“It bugs me that a senior is asking me these sort of questions.”

“Deal with it. I’m keeping the secret that a social recluse is being so out and open again.”

“Still. If I could deal with it myself, surely you could as well.”

“I know… I just don’t want this relationship to fail, you know?” Hinata smiled weakly. “It’s one of the few things I have in life that I treasure.”

“… I understand.”

By then, the city had been submerged in darkness, and the sign of the karaoke store in the distance flashed with neon lights. From where he sat beside the window, Hinata could see numerous young people walking about on the streets.

“Can _I_ ask a question now?”

“Course.”

A lopsided grin bloomed on Naegi’s face.

“Who normally is the topper in this relationship?”

“NAEGI!” Hinata turned as red as Naegi’s converse.

“Right, right, sorry I asked.” Naegi snickered.

“Ask that again and I’ll send you to Belize, I swear.”

-

“I don’t know whether this is a good idea, you know.”

“It’s just going up for drinks, what’s the big deal?” Naegi shrugged as the two trudged up the stairs. “And it’s your house anyway.”

“Yeah… But you might not like him very much.”

“Can you put a _little_ faith in him? He _is_ your lover, after all.”

They stopped in front of door as Hinata fumbled with the keys. “Well… just be careful around him.”

“Hinata, you’re really overthinking-“ Hinata opened the door, “… things.”

“What the fuck?!” Hinata looked around at the state of his apartment.

“Did you get robbed or something when you were away, or are you normally this messy?” Naegi looked around with interest, prodding an upended chair.

“No, I locked the door before I left.” Hinata shook his head as he collected the heap of blankets strewn across the floor, nearly tripping over his bag in the process. “Besides, Komaeda’s supposed to be home…” His voice trailed off as he looked around.

_Where is that guy?_

“Komaeda-kun? It’s Naegi-kun, we’re here to have drinks!”

When there was no response, a cold wave seemed to overcome Hinata.

“Komaeda? Answer me!” Hinata looked from room to room, each in a dismal state of disarray. “This really isn’t funny anymore-“ Hinata paused as he felt a sticky sensation on his foot.

He sat down to take a closer look.

“… Is that..?” Naegi gasped.

Numb, Hinata and Naegi followed the dried trail of blood all the way to the bathroom.

“Komaeda-kun? ANSWER ME!”

When there was no response, Hinata burst the door open… and his stomach turned into water at the sight in front of him.

Komaeda’s head was stuck firmly into the toilet, stained by marks of blood, his hands limp besides him as he breathed shallow breaths.

“KOMAEDA!” Hinata screamed as rushed to help put him upright.

The boy was a sorry sight, paler than he was before, blood trailing in a steady trickle from his lips. The water in the toilet was dyed a horrifying shade of red. His lifeless eyes shone like dull glass.

“CALL AN AMBULANCE NOW!”

-

“Well, this is not how I pictured me having a drink with you.” Naegi shook his head as he took a small sip of the mini-bottle of soju, having just returned from the convenience store across the street. Even late at night, the nearby General Hospital was noisy and crowded with weekend visitors and patients who had less serious symptoms, and everywhere hung that smell of ibuprofen, bouquets and antiseptic.

Hinata said nothing, but looked with increasing dread at the door of the Emergency Room. Unsure of what to do, Naegi just tried to sort of… pat his back a little bit, afraid of setting him off at the slightest touch.

“… It could be just food poisoning.” Naegi reasoned.

“…”

“A _very_ serious case.”

“…”

“But not to the point of being fatal…”

“Do me a favor and shut the fuck up.”

Naegi did.

Scarcely a moment passed before he continued, “I never did like hospitals. Gives me the creeps everytime.”

Hinata remained silent; Feeling emboldened, Naegi saw fit to continue.

“It’s the atmosphere, you know? It’s alright when we were younger, I guess, but as you get older these things become much more noticeable.” A group of nurses in heels walked past. “Like… you start noticing the crying families, the inevitable apathy of the doctors to your plight… it really makes you feel for your mortality, doesn’t it? It’s as if-”

“Excuse me,” Hinata interrupted, “how on earth is this supposed to help?”

“I don’t know.” Naegi admitted. “I just feel like talking to somebody is the best way to cope.”

Before Hinata could answer, however, a doctor emerged from the Emergency room. “Who here is this person’s immediate next of kin?”

Hinata and Naegi looked at each other.

“… Well?”

“I don’t know, Komaeda never mentioned having a family… or next of kin for that matter.” Hinata whispered.

“Well?” The doctor disposed of his latex gloves in a lazy flourish.

“Me.” Hinata stood up. “How is he?”

The doctor avoided his gaze as he led Hinata into a private room. “We’ll talk in here.”

Naegi stood up, attempting to join them, but the doctor raised a hand to stop him: “Just his immediate next of kin, please.”

… _Drat._

-

As Naegi paced up and down the corridor, waiting for Hinata to emerge, he found himself amongst a sea of huge-bellied young women.

_Maternity Ward…_

Amongst this sea a teen who couldn’t be older than Naegi sat flushed and resolutely staring at his shoes. This teen was a subject of intense interest by the women sitting around him – and no hint of goodwill. For a moment, Naegi stared at him as well, wondering what was so peculiar about him that merited the stares of many.

As if on cue, a young student emerged from the operating room, clutching her stomach, gently tapped the young man on the shoulder, and the two left without a word.

 _… Oh. Well that’s just…_ Naegi sighed and looked away.

Unbidden, the memory resurfaced:

-

_“You’re pregnant?!” He repeated incredulously. “Wait… how did-“_

_“Naegi-kun, all I said was my period is 3 days late.” She gently reminded him._

_“Oh…” Naegi stared at his miso soup, trying his best to hide his disappointment. “B-but, there’s still a possibility, right?” He glanced up hopefully. “If there **is** a baby, then that’s-“_

_Kirigiri put her chopsticks down. “Naegi, I told you before, I don’t want kids.”_

_Naegi seemed to deflate slightly at the reminder._

_“I understand.” Naegi glumly prodded his rice. “So… abortion?”_

_“I’ll just get a pregnancy test from below before I make any hasty decisions.”_

_“… I see.”_

_The couple finished their meal in silence._

_“Thanks for the meal.” His voice grew flat. “I’m not feeling very well tonight, I’ll just go to bed.”_

_Kirigiri could not bring herself to object._

_-_

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_ **

_She rapped gently with her gloved finger._

_When no answer was given, she opened the door to their room and looked around._

_Naegi was sleeping on his side, back away from the door, one hand under the pillow and one hand over it._

_Kirigiri rubbed the bridge of nose in annoyance._

_“Naegi-kun, let’s talk.”_

_The figure remained silent under the sheets._

_“Naegi-kun, I know you’re awake. You’ve been holding your breath for the past few moments.”_

_The figure exhaled, and Naegi reluctantly came into view._

_“… How was it?” He finally asked._

_Kirigiri waited a moment before handing him a strawberry pink pregnancy test._

[     I ]

_Naegi stared at the lone dash in silence for a few moments._

_“False alarm, I guess.” He forced out a small smile of relief. “At least there’s no need for an abortion.”_

_“...” Kirigriri gently sat down on her side of the bed._

_“Naegi-kun-“_

_“I get it. It’s alright.” Naegi muttered. “Well… I’m just disappointed, but it’ll pass sooner or later.”_

_“No, Naegi-kun just… listen for a moment.” Kirigiri took a moment to collect herself._

_“I know you really want kids… but there’s just too much that we have to take into account.”_

_“…”_

_“For one thing, we can’t afford the expense of a child yet.” She went on. “My job’s busy enough as it is, and I don’t think your salary alone could support 3 of us if I’m on maternity leave.”_

_“But it’s not just that, isn’t it?” Naegi sighed. “Even if all 3 were checked, you would still not want children, right?”_

_Kirigiri looked away._

_“It’s difficult to explain, but I just never had the desire to have one. That’s the honest truth.” She admitted.  “As I am, I don’t think I can be a very good mother.”_

_“Maybe, but you’ll be a great mother as far as I’d know.” Naegi pointed out. “You’re a strong, independent woman, smart, pretty, who wouldn’t be happy to have a mother like you?”_

_“… That’s very nice of you to say. But, I really wish you’d let me decide this for myself.” Kirigiri tucked her arms over her knees, copying Naegi’s posture. “I realize we don’t really agree on this issue, but I really want you to let me decide whether to have children or not.”_

_Naegi stayed silent for a long time, completely crestfallen._

_Kirigiri sighed. “Let’s not talk about it for a while. It’s getting late.” She gently set her gloves down on the bedside counter and undid the buttons on her shirt._

_“Kirigiri-san?”_

_She paused._

_“I… I respect your decision. I love you, and I think at the end of the day I’d rather have you than any child.”_

_“… Thank you.”_

_“B-but…” Naegi hesitated slightly._

_“But?” She turned her face to face him._

_“Could you just… hold me for a minute?”_

_Wordlessly, as Kirigiri undid the last button on her shirt she crept to Naegi and enveloped her arms around him. In the moonlight, her skin was cool, and the gentle pressure of her waist on his back set his heart at ease._

_“… I can’t believe you’re still so slender,” Kirigiri mumbled into Naegi’s neck._

_“Well… I don’t exercise much.” Naegi admitted, fingers playing with Kirigiri’s over his chest._

_She brought her cheek beside his over his shoulder, and stayed there silently for a moment longer._

_“… Good night, Naegi-kun.” She finally extracted herself from the embrace, and tucked herself underneath the covers. But as Naegi did the same, all he could do for several minutes was stare at Kirigiri’s back in silence and wonder._

**_I wish… I wish you were as afraid to lose me as I was to lose you._ **

_Finally, he tucked himself further into the covers and turned around._

_Unbeknownst to them, it started to snow._

_-_

The sound of the office opening snapped Naegi back to attention, and Hinata staggered out, a multitude of papers in tow.

“What happened?” Naegi hurriedly asked him.

…

“Hinata, say something!”

He licked his chapped lips, and shook his head in horror. “He never told me…”

“What?” Naegi suddenly felt sick. “What didn’t he tell you?”

***

**PRESENT**

“Malignant lymphoma, in it’s advanced stages.” Hinata sighed. “Not to mention a healthy dose of Frontotemporal dementia, because why not, right?”

“… Is that bad?”

“Nanami, you’ve seen what Komaeda looks like now. Yes, it’s bad.” Naegi snapped.

The bar Hinata had brought them to was below street level, and far bigger than Naegi would have expected. A small stage was next to the bar, and on it was a pianist playing ambient music in the background. They were considerably over dressed for the setting, and some gave the three queer looks as they passed their booth.

“The thing was, a physical check wasn’t even needed.” Hinata went on, helping himself to the nuts in front of him. “All they had to do was search his name in the registry, and boom: registered long-term patient of St Luke’s Hospital, diagnosed with so and so and such and such.”

Naegi sipped his beer. “Well, yes, you did tell me in the end.”

“He didn’t tell me, though… The fact that he hid it from me was deliberate…” Hinata took a gulp of his mojito. “I had noticed that there was a sweet smell coming from him long ago… he knew it was cancer that I smelt, but dismissed it as new shampoo or whatsit.”

Nanami was still inspecting the wine list with some lingering confusion. Sighing, Hinata called the bartender over and ordered her a simple mimosa. The ice in Naegi’s beer had melted, and the coaster underneath the bottle was wet and swollen.

“But it wasn’t really the cancer that affected him so much as the dementia.” Hinata admitted. “No one should have to live through that.”

“Well yeah, clearly you didn’t think so.”

“Naegi.” Hinata snarled. “You know perfectly well what I meant by that.”

“… Doesn’t justify you leaving him at all.”

“Fuck you. It’s all very well for you to act high and mighty before me, but you weren’t the one taking care of him 24/7.”

“It became that way after you left.”

Hinata shook his head.

“You didn’t go through the worst of it.”

“What? What really could be worse?”

***

The moment he discovered Komaeda had frontotemporal dementia, Hinata was determined to not let it ruin their relationship. He would gently chide Komaeda for not telling him, but then life would return to normal. He would read up on frontotemporal dementia and its symptoms, and what to do in each situation listed.

As he drove Komaeda back to their house, he made efforts to engage Komaeda in conversation that ended invariably into nothingness. Besides apologizing to Hinata for the trouble he’d caused, Komaeda remained mum up until he went to bed.

_Well, nobody said it was going to be easy. At least his lymphoma should still be in remission._

The next day wasn’t any better. Despite talking more than usual, Komaeda had the annoying habit of destroying the house whenever Hinata was gone for work. By the time he came back, the furniture was upended, shifted to the corner, and recreated the shower scene in Psycho with his coughs of blood.

Perhaps this would have been easier to endure had Komaeda become a little less of a douchebag in personality. Whether intentional or dementia-induced, Komaeda, on the rare moments he would speak, would unnerve him, demean him and his lack of anything unique with apathy and all that was uncomfortable.

At the time, Hinata didn’t mind. Komaeda was sick, and until he got better, he resolved to take care of him the best way he could. Komaeda even had several rare moments of lucidity. One moment, he was mutely staring into space, the next he was making one witty remark after another at one of Hinata’s jibes, and the two were able to indulge in good-natured humor, if only for an instant.

Yet these moments of lucidity were what had driven him. Upon describing those rare moments to the specialist doctor, the doctor showed some signs of optimism.

“These moments of clarity generally fade out after the first year.” He noted. “The fact that Komaeda can still occasionally engage in conversation with you is actually very encouraging. He might even avoid the worst of it.”

“Can he get better?”

“That… That’s not something I can answer. These cases are never happy ones.” The doctor shook his head. “The best you can hope for is that he doesn’t do anything too… crazy.”

It all went to shit from there.

-

As he came back from the doctor dead at night, he found the door to his apartment locked.

Confused, he tried finding his keys, but that was gone as well. The spare key under the flower pot on the shoe rack was also missing.

**_Knock Knock Knock_ **

“Komaeda, could you open the door please?”

There was a muffled yell in the distance as Hinata knocked harder on the door.

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_ **

“Komaeda, this is not funny open the door!”

**_“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”_ **

This went on for 15 minutes, with each other trading horrible vulgarities before Hinata decided to call a locksmith and be done with it. Even then, it was difficult to explain to the locksmith what exactly was going on, and the locksmith wasn’t fully on board before Hinata reluctantly admitted Komaeda had dementia and had in fact locked him out.

As the door clicked open, however, Hinata found Komaeda sunk in a peaceful stupor on the sofa.

It was as if the massive tirade had never happened at all.

The locksmith shook his head.

“These sort of psychos, only good thing to do’s lock them away somewhere and hope for the worst.”

-

“Purple in the morning, red in the afternoon, yellow at night.” Hinata muttered as he brought the first few bottles of prescribed ‘new’ medication. “Easy enough to remember.”

Taking several deep breaths to steel himself, Hinata approached him. “Komaeda-kun?”

Komaeda looked up from the diary he was keeping.

“Um… Listen, the doctor thinks these might help.”

He looked at Hinata blankly with disinterest.

“You know, pills and such.” He took out a purple one and dissolved it in a cup of water. “Alright, Komaeda, drink this. It’s going to help-“ the rest of these words were cut off as Komaeda poured the glass in a steady stream onto the carpet.

He set the glass down.

“… Alright, that was helpful.” Hinata resisted the urge to scream. “How about we try that again?”

“… hate.”

“What?” Hinata repeated.

“I hate this.” Komaeda mumbled. “Why must…” he struggled to find the right words to say, “hopeless.” Komaeda shook his head. “Hopeless!”

“No it’s not.” Hinata shook his head. “Look, you’re doing fine now, talking to me.”

“I can’t even-“ Komaeda shook with frustration as he fumbled with his words, “I can’t even write like I used to. I can’t read the books again, I can’t even wash myself without…” Komaeda stopped for breath. It was the longest he had spoke in weeks.

“I’m… I’m… an invalid.”

Hinata was inclined to agree.

“But I still need to take care of you.” Hinata gently rubbed Komaeda’s shoulder. “And we’re gonna get through this till the end.”

He headed up the bathroom and filled the glass back to the brim.

“Alright, Komaeda, you can do this now, it’s medicine that’s going to help.”

Komaeda took the glass, hands shivering slightly.

“That’s it… now just drink-“

Komaeda flung the contents in Hinata’s face.

“ALRIGHT, THAT’S FUCKING IT!” Hinata screamed.

Komaeda looked up, startled.

“W-“

“Shut the fuck up for a minute.” Hinata snarled. “ _I_ have tried my best to help you, and EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU MESS UP THE HOUSE, I DON’T SAY ANYTHING AND JUST REARRANGE EVERYTHING IN ORDER, KNOWING _FULLY_ WELL YOU ARE JUST GOING TO MESS THINGS UP AGAIN! Every single fucking time you scream in the middle of the night, I wake up and help you back into your bed. All because I know this is because of your FUCKING FTD. I… have bitten my tongue for so long it looks like a piece of chewing gum on the street. NO MORE. ALL THE SHIT YOU’VE THROWN AT ME? NOT APPRECIATED, OK?!”

Hinata took one look at Komaeda’s impassivity and went on: “Do you know what I have to say to my boss every time he asks me why the hell I fall asleep at work? Hmm? WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY? HUH?! I can’t bloody well say that I’m taking care of you, you mentally retarded ASSHOLE, and because of you I’ve been getting less than 3 hours of sleep a day! I’ve put my life on hold for you. THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS JUST- just…” It was getting difficult to speak with Hinata choking out words between sobs. Exhausted, Hinata collapsed in a wreck onto the floor and broke down entirely.

Komaeda watched all of this happen with the emotional range of a teaspoon.

For a tiny instant, Komaeda seemed to want to say something.

Finally, he got up, walked past Hinata and locked himself in his room.

***

**PRESENT**

Naegi was silent by the time Hinata finished.

“… I’m not proud of it, but that’s honestly what happened.” Hinata sighed. “After all that I endured, there was bound to be a breaking point, right? I guess… something snapped at that moment.”

The bartender replenished the nuts on the table. The pianist had been replaced by a guitarist, now, murmuring an English song. The bar was almost vacant, with only the disgustingly drunk and the 3 still sitting inside.

“I guess, Naegi knew what happened afterwards.”

“… You sent him to St Luke’s Hospital for long term care.” Naegi muttered.

“There were specialists there that could better help Komaeda.”

“Nothing could help Komaeda, be serious.” He shook his head. “You just wanted somebody else to have the responsibility of taking care of him.”

“Naegi-kun…” Nanami began.

“No, that much is true.” Hinata stopped her, before returning to watch the ice in his mojito melt. “But it still was hard work. I made the effort to come every day and check on him… let him listen to some nice music and bring some pencil and paper… I’d try talking to him, but even his lucid moments seem to have vanished.”

Nanami had been very quiet all night. She barely touched her mimosa, though she helped herself to the cherries that were meant for garnishes as she listened.

“And then…” Naegi looked up. “You just didn’t come at all and left me to take care of him without so much as a fart in the wind. Why?

“I don’t really want to talk about-“

“Just spit it out.”

The ice had fully melted by then. Hinata took the glass and downed it in a go.

“It was several weeks after he entered the hospital.”

***

“Why don’t you just… kill me now with that fork?”

Hinata looked at the tray of food in front of Komaeda, steadily growing emaciated by the day.

“Or we could just talk, you know.” Hinata sighed, already used to Komaeda’s incoherent ramblings. “Far better things to be done.”

Komaeda started chuckling to himself as he sunk back into the bed, food left untouched.

“No matter.” The doctor shook his head as he left the room. “We’ll give it to him intravenously if he doesn’t eat by the hour.”

The apathy of the doctor surprised him, but he figured that man had seen more depressing things than he had in a lifetime.

Komaeda’s eyes were almost always closed these days, and it sometimes made no difference whether he was awake or asleep, Hinata found.

“… Hey, can you hear me in there?”

Komaeda remained silent. All that was heard in the room was the constant beeps of the machine beside him.

“… Alright I’ll just be out with it.” Hinata sighed. “I’m sorry about my outburst last time… I was angry, rightfully so, maybe, but I think I overreacted. For that I apologize.”

“I guess… I was wondering whether all of this was a mistake. Meeting you. Taking you out to coffee as thanks for the keys. Dating you. Having sex…” Hinata lowered his voice. “But… actually I’ve been thinking about it a lot, you know? And I think it’s not really that much of an error on any of our part. I mean, I don’t think I would have been very comfortable with approaching the idea of ‘love’ with anybody before I met you.” He propped his chin on his hands. “Even though my friends were getting hitched one by one and copulating like mad, I just… I didn’t really find anyone for me. Maybe I never tried.”

“When I discovered I liked you, it was a bit of a… crisis for me. Not in the typical way of discovering that I was gay, mind you, but something a lot more simpler: the fact that I fell in love. Maybe if it were a girl I might not have been so successful… that just leaves a lot to belligerent sexual tension. But you were nice, gentle, even if you can be a little odd at times, but it didn’t bother me as much as they might have.”

“Long story short, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I… I lov-“ Hinata looked up.

Komaeda’s eyes were wide open as they looked around, frightened.

“Komaeda?” Hinata whispered. “Komaeda, you’re awake?” _He’s being lucid again._ “Can you talk?”

“Where is this place… why am I-“ He turned to Hinata in confusion. “Who are you?”

Hinata blinked.

“It’s… It’s me, Hinata. You’re in hospital.”

“What? No, no I didn’t want to be stuck here again.” With trembling hands Komaeda fumbled with the wires attached to his chest.

“I don’t think you should do that,” Hinata stammered, head spinning, “just let the doctor do his thing, Komaeda-kun.”

“I told them to kill me. I told them I didn’t want to be like-“ Komaeda stopped, and turned to get a good look at him.

“Who are you?”

Hinata’s blood went cold.

“I… I’m Hinata, your friend.” Hinata’s mind reeled from what was happening. “It’s… We’ve lived together for a year and a half. We loved each other.”

“Loved?” Komaeda blinked. “No, that can’t be, not someone like me. No. You’re mistaken.”

“Are you kidding me?” Hinata breathed. “Tell me you’re joking. Tell me this is just your idea of a bad joke-“

“I _don’t_ know what you’re talking about- let go!”

The door to the infirmary burst open at that moment.

“I heard voices.” The doctor looked to and from Hinata and Komaeda. “He’s talking again? A good sign.”

_No… No… this is far from good…_

Even now, Komaeda seemed to have lost his spontaneity, and sunk into tupor once more.

_Then what was… what was all of it for?_

Numb, Hinata collected his things, his makeshift pillow, his water bottle, his books to read, and staggered out of the ward.

-

As Naegi climbed up the stairs to Komaeda’s ward, a peculiar sight engulfed him.

“H-Hinata? Where are you going?!”

“…”

“Are you leaving already?!” Naegi called.

“I’m…” Hinata sounded hollow as he continued walking. “I’m not coming back.”

Naegi blinked. “WHAT?!”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Wait, Hinata-kun, listen you can’t just-“ Naegi was lost for words as Hinata trudged his way out of the hospital. “HINATA WHAT THE HELL!? ARE YOU HONESTLY LEAVING HIM TO DIE LIKE THIS?!”

A nurse tapped him on the shoulder. “Please keep your volume down in the hospital.”

Naegi felt slightly sick as he watched Hinata flag a taxi. _He’s leaving him._

At once, a furious anger bubbled beneath Naegi’s calm veneer.

_So this is how you act when the going gets tough…_

Without another glance, he turned back to the stairwell and climbed.

_So be it._

***

**PRESENT:**

“He forgot.” Hinata muttered dully. “He forgot everything. They said it could happen, they said it was a potential side effect… I didn’t think it would be this bad.”

“All of it?” Nanami repeated.

“All of it.” Hinata's index finger circled the rim of his glass. "All of that 2 years I met him... Gone to waste in an instant."

By then, the guitarist had received his normal fee and had long exited the bar. The bald bartender yawned as he wiped glasses with a rag.

"The worst part is, now I don't even know whether he had loved me the same way I loved him."

"Loved?" Naegi stiffened slightly. "How could you say you loved him if you left him like that?"

"Now wait just a minute." Hinata muttered. "It's only because I cared for him that I was the most affected."

"Still, that doesn't mean-"

"Naegi-kun, I plead with you to see things from my perspective." Hinata raised his voice. 

"From my late teens to then, Komaeda had me under control. One day, I looked around, and found I was growing smaller and smaller. I was disappearing. I had dreams of doing things. Perhaps I'd write a book, be a journalist, lawyer, doctor, something! All of this I put on hold to take care of Komaeda."

"And at the time it seemed like a good cause. I would juggle work and Komaeda at once, because I cared for him. And I had hoped that... very deep down he cares for me as well. But I  _couldn't_ manage it. I'd have to be superhuman. I was barely getting by, my boss breathing down my neck, getting fired inevitably... After a while I had wondered to myself: What am I doing with my life? I no longer had any goals and I was just... fading. Things were hard for Komaeda, I know. But you need to understand it was hard for me as well."

He took a glance at Naegi and went on.

"In the end, it all hinged on the belief that he loved me. And what we shared before it all became a disaster." Hinata muttered. "Komaeda saw to the destroying that little bit of hope I had."

The silence between them was deafening at that instant.

"I understand." Naegi admitted.

"Do you?"

"Yes... But you could have saw it through to the end. That's what I would have done."

"Naegi, I would love to see you try." 

"He's dying anyway. Why didn't you visit him anymore? That doesn't mean you can't still... keep him company."

"What? You want me to wait for the moment until Komaeda dies? Are you crazy?!"

"What's so wrong about that?"

"WHAT'S WRONG IS, IF I DID WHAT YOU SAID, I WOULD BECOME LIKE YOU!"

...

"What?"

"Look at you, Naegi." Hinata shook his head. "You're a pathetic wreck who hates the world and his friends who are trying to help you. All because the love of your life died. In an accident. And you weren't there. If that's what's going to happen to me if I still consider Komaeda my lover, why the hell would I carry on with it?!"

Naegi was struck dumb.

"Don't get me wrong: I know it's grief, but at this point it's just... gratuitous and needless. I would want to move on before any of that happened. Why can't I? Why can't I avoid being in your situation you choose to place yourself in?! Can't you see that I'm scared I'll turn into something like you?"

He avoided Hinata's gaze.

"I..."

"Look. This is the last time I'm going to say this. For all of our sakes. In the end I abandoned him. That much is without doubt. I had to get away from him. The past, everything. I pleaded with Togami for a reasonable job at his company, met Nanami and just... you know." It was difficult to tell whether in the darkness, Nanami was blushing. "I knew that doing so meant that I would never have to take care of him again. I wanted to help - as much as I could -  but I was exhausted. As much as I tried to help, I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop the dementia." His eyes burned slightly, but he went on undeterred, "I suppose you think I'm making excuses?"

Naegi shook his head.

"The worst thing was I wished he  _had_ died." Hinata whispered. "That I would be free again. That I could go back to a normal life and find somebody I could love without restraints and be loved without restraint. But... I still felt worried when I received the call tonight. I don't know why."

Silence descended on them.

"I... I'm sorry." Naegi finally said.

"I'm sorry as well." Hinata muttered.

"You don't have the right to be sorry, it was your decision in the first place, and you're not going back on it anytime soon."

"Look who's talking, dumbass."

They glared at each other.

Finally, Naegi got up. 

"I need to go home. Hinata, would you mind taking you and Nanami's glass to the bartender with me?"

He stared at him for such a long moment he nearly took them himself. In the end, Hinata took the glasses and joined him on the way to the bartender.

Once out of earshot, Naegi muttered: "I think I might have screwed it up with a girl."

"What? A girl?" Hinata wheeled around. "How long has it-"

"It's..." Naegi cringed at the thought. "I half-assed my friendship with her by being the complete apathetic asshole I was."

"Oh come on. You're not that bad."

"There's still some things that I need to settle for myself before deciding whether I should see her again."

"Of course you should. Move on. It's been 4 years."

"B-but..." 

"But?"

"I screwed it up already. She said she doesn't want to see me again."

Hinata slowly shook his head. "Naegi, for your sake, don't let go of this woman. And it's alright: if it's important enough, a little mistake isn't going to ruin everything. In the end we all need to love and be loved. Be brave."

Naegi struggled with himself. At that moment two of his biggest instincts were duking it out in that brain of his: the ghost of Kirigiri and the entire gang + Ikusaba, and neither seemed to give up anytime soon.

"I... I'll try to go back to the gang." Naegi forced the words out with difficulty.

"I'm sure you will."

For a moment, they said nothing as the bartender started closing up.

Finally, the two exchanged a gentle hug.

"... Should this be the appropriate time for me to say 'No Homo?'" 

"Naegi..." 

"Kidding." He gave a small smile before he returned to the booth and took his bag. He turned to Nanami. "You really should give him a chance. Despite all that I've said about Hinata, he's actually... a pretty decent guy."

"O-Oh." was all Nanami could manage."

"Not really necessary, Naegi." Hinata groaned.

-

"I'm sorry you had to go through all of that."

"It's ok." Nanami gave a small smile as they walked down the street. "I learned a bit more about you." It was well past midnight by the time the 3 left the bar, and after saying some obligatory goodbyes, Hinata and Nanami were walking back to the hospital, watching the snow fall like duck feathers.

"... Nanami."

"Hmm?"

"I... I don't know what to do now, even if he wakes up."

"... I think for your sake it'd be best to just apologize though. Even if it is in the end, gratuitous if the apology doesn't reach him." Nanami reasoned.

"What would be the point, then?"

"... I don't really know." Nanami admitted.

Hinata sighed.  _Figures._

The two reached the hospital gate and pushed it open. 

"Ah..."

"Hmm?" Hinata turned around.

Nanami fiddled with her sleeves. "This is where I leave you for tonight."

Hinata blinked. "R-right. Of course."  _Nanami definitely wouldn't want to stay in the hospital overnight._

He watched as Nanami flagged a taxi near the entrance.

"Hinata-kun?" 

"... Yes, Nanami?"

"... If you need to talk to somebody after this, you know where I live." The taxi door swung shut. After a moment, the taxi drove off, leaving Hinata alone to collect his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I hope I didn't mess up too badly on the depiction of dementia. I know for sure it's not something I want to go through in my family.  
>  The last thing I need is to be mistaken as an ableist. If anything in my fic had pissed off any of you, I am sincerely sorry.  
> Any comments and criticism would be much welcome.  
> Thanks.
> 
> P.S. I hate how Ao3 creates unnecessary spaces from what I input. I apologize for that as well.


	8. 왜 또

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so late. Follow up chapter within a few days.

_Reiko,_

_It is almost unbearable to me that I now have to write a letter like this to you._

_I have always loved Naoko, and still love her. But there exists a decisive finality to what exists between Midori and me. It has an irresistible power that is bound to sweep me into the future. What I feel for Naoko is a tremendously quiet and gentle and transparent love, but what I feel for Midori is a wholly different emotion. It stands and walks on its own, living and breathing and throbbing and shaking me to the roots of my being. I don_ _’_ _t know what to do. I_ _’_ _m confused. I_ _’_ _m not trying to make excuses for myself. I don_ _’_ _t believe that I have lived as sincerely as I know how. I_ _’_ _ve tried not to lie, but I have definitely hurt other people over the years unwittingly. I find myself tossed into this labyrinth. How can this be? I can_ _’_ _t explain it. I don_ _’_ _t know what I should do. Can you tell me, Reiko? You_ _’_ _re the only one I can turn to for advice._

_Toru._

_-_

_Watanabe,_

_I think you take everything too seriously. Loving somebody is a wonderful thing, and if that love is sincere, no one ends up tossed into a labyrinth. You need to have more faith in yourself._

_My advice to you is simple. First of all, if you are drawn so strongly to this Midori person, it is only natural for you to have fallen in love with her. It might go well, or it might not. But love is like that. When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself into it. **Anything other than that would be insincere.**_

_Second, as to whether you should have sex with Midori_ _…_ _that is something for you to work out. I can_ _’_ _t say a thing. Talk it over with Midori and reach your own conclusion, one that makes sense to you._

 _Third, you have been a great source of strength for Naoko that even if you no longer have the feelings of a lover towards her, there is still a lot you can do for her. So don_ _’_ _t brood over everything in that super serious way of yours. All of us (and I mean_ **_all_ ** _of us, both normal and no-so-normal) are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. We don_ _’_ _t live with the mechanical precision of a bank account or by measuring all our lines and angles with rulers and protractors. Am I right?_

 _She sounds like a great girl. I understand why you would be drawn to her. But I also understand why you still remain attached to Naoko as well. **There**_ ** _’_** ** _s nothing the least bit sinful_ ** _about it. Things like that happen all the time in this great big world of ours. It_ _’_ _s like taking a boat on a beautiful lake on a beautiful day and thinking both the sky and the lake are beautiful. So stop eating yourself up. Things will go where they_ _’_ _re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it_ _’_ _s time for the, to be hurt. Life is like that. I know I may sound like I_ _’_ _m preaching over a pulpit, but it_ _’_ _s time you learned to live like this. You try to hard to make life fit your way of doing things, of thinking things. If you dot want to go insane, you need to open up a little more and let yourself go with Life_ _’_ _s natural flow. I am just a powerless and imperfect woman, but there are still times when I think to myself how wonderful life can be! So stop what you_ _’_ _re doing this minute and get happy: work at making yourself happy!_

 _Needless to say, I do feel sorry that you and Naoko did not see things through to a happy ending. But who can say what_ _’_ _s best? That_ _’_ _s why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about others too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than 2-3 chances in a lifetime, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives. I hope I_ _'_ _m wrong, though. I don_ _’_ _t have many chances left. If I were in your position, I would love this Midori person like crazy!_

 _I_ _’_ _m playing the guitar everyday for no one in particular. It seems pointless. I hope I_ _'l_ _l have another chance to play my guitar and eat grapes with you and Naoko with me._

_Ah, well until then,_

_Reiko Ishida_

_-_

As much as Naegi hated to concede, the encounter with Hinata had brought several uncomfortable facts to light. The most glaring of which was that there was more similarities between their two situations that they’d like to admit.

 _Both had_ _‘_ _dead_ _’_ _significant others. Both had doubts about their relationship. Both wondered they loved us. Both had significant others who had no fucking way of answering that question._

Only difference?

_Hajime fucking Hinata had the balls to pull out of the relationship before it got nasty. Nothing for me._

Naegi reconsidered.

 _But my doubts definitely weren_ _’_ _t as bad. I had no definite reason to actually question her._

 _I was_ _…_ _happy with her. Definitely._

Naegi unhappily kicked a stone in the curb as he approached his apartment building late at night. _Then why am I still rejecting Ikusaba?_

He inadvertently flushed as he remembered her lips just a few hours before. Even for Naegi, that kiss was something else. Whether it was the atmosphere, whether it was _her_ he was kissing, whether it was the fact that he hadn’t held or kissed anyone for 4 years, something had awakened within Naegi at that moment. And it didn’t feel like dissipating any time soon.

But also needing to be taken into consideration was the fact that Kirigiri was, _without a doubt,_ the love of his life. He doubted whether anybody else could merit the love he gave to Kirigiri, and match the quality of her love he received.

_Then what good would entering another relationship be?_

These conflicting arguments thrashed in his mind as Naegi unlocked the door to his apartment. As he made the motion to close the door, his foot brushed over a royal yellow envelope. The kanji for ‘Togami’ was clearly legible even in the darkness.

Stifling a yawn, he picked up the envelope and tore the flap open, peering at the contents suspiciously.

_Hanamaru Primary Nativity Play. Christmas Eve._

He scanned the invitation once more before striding it to the kitchen and was about to chuck the invite into the bin before he gave it a second thought.

Slowly, reluctantly, he left the invitation on the kitchen counter.

 _Tomorrow._ Naegi thought as he made his way to his room. _I’ll think about it tomorrow._

-

Even though the person Hinata was sitting next to was comatose, it was still one of the considerably more awkward points of his life he had ever been in.

Stretched out, he looked like some tiny creature with a fatal wound.

He lay on his side, limp, the drooping left arm inert, jabbed with an intravenous needle. He had somehow managed to shrink even more than Hinata had last saw him. What was left of his white hair remained in unkempt tufts, and his pasty white arms were dotted with the holes left by injections or intravenous drips. His half-open eyes stared at a fixed point in space, bloodshot spheres that twitched in our direction when he entered the room. For some ten seconds they focused on Hinata, then drifted back to that fixed point in space.

Hinata knew when he saw those eyes he was going to die soon. There was no sign of life in his flesh, just the barest trace of what had once been a life. A week or two, a month, and he would be six feet under.

 _This was what I had hoped for_.

There was something distinctly sickening about these words that crossed his minds. But it didn't faze him. He had grown too numb to care about the little things such as the morality of his thoughts.

'... He'd only continue to suffer if he lived anyway.' Hinata muttered, trying to convince himself. 'So there's nothing wrong with-'

"Hinata-kun?"

He turned back. "Oh. It's you." The head doctor gave a curt nod as he stood beside Hinata, surveying Komaeda sprawled across the bed.

"I didn't remember you working the graveyard shift."

"And I haven't seen you in a year." The doctor sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Funny how life screws with us."

Komaeda's eyes flickered open slightly, and Hinata managed to catch a glimpse of his greyish-green eyes before they went back to being tightly shut.

"It'll be anytime soon, now."

"Clearly not soon enough." Hinata sighed, eyeing the bandages wrapped tightly on Komaeda's lips. "Has he... Has he been lucid as of late?"

The doctor shrugged. "There definitely has been moments, but even then they're fleeting. He had a brief episode thinking everyone in the hospital was out to kill him."

"I remember." Hinata muttered. "He said he didn't mind dying, but wanted to die for a good cause... But that's not what I really meant."

"These days, like most terminal patients, Komaeda has spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping... Or being awake with his eyes closed."

"Again, that's not what you're here for."

"No," the doctor agreed, "it's not." From his clipboard, he extracted a small clip of papers and a pen.

Hinata eyed the government documents warily. "What's this?"

“Consider this a notice.” The doctor chewed his tongue. “I’d like to ask you a question. Did Komaeda, at any point of time you were with him, ever spend some time in penning down a will?”

Hinata blinked.

“No… Not that I know of.”

“I see. And has any remaining long-lost relative contacted him?”

“You know perfectly well there hasn’t been anyone.”

“Well. Then you should know that in the probable event of Komaeda’s death, all of his living possessions will be possessed by the government.”

Hinata considered it. _To be expected, actually._

When the silence became too pronounced, the doctor cleared his throat.

“I guess in a way I understand how you are feeling.”

“Doctor, I really, really doubt that.”

“… Maybe you’re right.” The doctor turned back towards Komaeda in deep thought. “But I was lamenting how everything will vanish along with him when he passes; nothing to remember him by.”

Hinata stared. “Don’t I qualify as someone to remember him by?”

“I haven’t seen you visit him in a year. If this isn’t you trying desperately to forget and move on, I’ll eat my glasses.”

Hinata had nothing to say.

 _But there_ _’_ _s no way I could ever truly forget him._

The doctor yawned.

“It’s a pity, actually.”

“What is?”

“That they don’t allow charming couples of your sort to marry here. I don’t see the problem. As a… husband, I guess you could receive everything that Komaeda has and more.”

Hinata shook his head. “If you are implying what I think you’re implying, I did _not_ leave him for such a reason.”

The doctor gave a sad smile.

“I suspected as much.” He tucked the papers back into the clipboard, and made his way across the room.

“It’s not just that, though.” The doctor added, as an afterthought. “Maybe you two would be happier when what was going on between you two wasn’t frowned upon.”

“No.”

“No?”

“Our problems are the same as any other couple’s. I don’t think it would have made any difference whether the fact I loved him was right or wrong.”

“… Then let me ask you this. Would you have felt your time with Komaeda was wasted if he had been born a woman instead?”

For the second time that night, Hinata found himself unable to answer.

The doctor sighed.

“Thought so.”

And the doctor exited the room, leaving Hinata alone to mull over the doctor’s words.

After a while, Hinata turned off the night light in Komaeda’s bedside and tentatively rested his forehead onto crossed arms, laid on the fringes of Komaeda’s bed.

The uncomfortable things always looked better in the morning.

**1 WEEK TO CHRISTMAS.**

**HAGAKURE’S APARTMENT:**

Hagakure opened the door at 1 in the morning.

“Hey. Could you crash overnight?" Hanamura panted, his luggage following close behind him.

“... Am I allowed to say no?"

"You could... Then I'd be technically homeless."

"What?"

"I rented my place out to pay for my ticket to Wisconsin. I thought I'd crash with you for the night!" With a spring in Hanamura’s step, he entered Hagakure’s crib whilst his landlord stood in disbelief.

“Wait. You _rented_ your place out?!”

“AirBnB.” Hanamura explained as he dumped his luggage beside the couch. “A Swiss family’s staying in Japan for the Christmas holidays. Seemed like the perfect opportunity for me to earn some quick cash, so why not? “ He took out the ziplog bag containing all of his toiletries and made for the spare toilet in kitchen. “Don’t worry. I’ll be out in the morning.” He stated matter-of-factly as Hagakure made every effort to protest. “Wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome now that you’re married.”

“Gee. That’s awfully nice.” Hagakure groaned as he looked over his shoulder, fearing his wife’s appearance at any minute. “Look, Hanamura-chi, I know we’re pals, but this is just too sudden-“

“You don’t need to worry about a thing. I’ll clean up after myself.” Hanamura spat out the mouthful of water into the sink. “I’ll even make you and Asahina breakfast in bed tomorrow before I leave.”

“I don’t really think-“

“With Waffles.”

Hagakure stopped short.

“Well… when you put it _that_ way,” Hagakure sighed, “I reckon you can stay the one night.”

“That’s the spirit!”

“SHHhH-” Hagakure shushed him. “Get to the couch quickly. Before Asahina sees us both this late at night and assume the worst.

“Righto.”

 **PRIME MINISTER** **’** **S OFFICIAL RESIDENCE**

“No, I’m quite sure that is out of the question.” Ishimaru frowned as he listened to the caller rant. “I know what it is you want, but I don’t think endorsing you would send the right message to my people.”

The caller’s rage intensified.

“… Language sir- Ok, that was a low blow.” Ishimaru gritted his teeth. “Sir, I would advise you to lower your voice- your voice is shrill, goodbye.”

He hung up.

"I take it we are not endorsing Donald Trump?" Nagisa stood, pen poised.

"Course not." Ishimaru gave a long sigh as he sipped his double shot of espresso. "I'd be the laughing stock of everyone if I was seen supporting that complete douche of a presidential candidate."

"Well sir, that's not really for you to decide in the first place."

"I guess not." Ishimaru rubbed his eyes weakly as he got up. "Come on, cabinet council in a few minutes." Together the two exited the room, making their way across the hall.

"Oh yes, before we leave there's something I need to bring to light." Nagisa cleared his throat.

"What is it?"

"I'd like to request a formal leave of absence on Christmas Eve."

Ishimaru blinked.

"Oh. Well that's fine! Why not take the next day off as well? It's Christmas."

"Actually I'm just going to have to be excused from 9:00pm onwards."

"Why that particular time?"

Nagisa extracted a pink slip of paper from his work file.

"That's my consent form for our School's upcoming nativity play."

"Nativity play..." Ishimaru peered at the consent form thoughtfully. "I didn't know you were Christian, Nagisa-kun!"

"Actually sir I haven't given it much of a thought what I believe in."

"And yet you're in a nativity play."

Nagisa shrugged.

"Schools."

"I see." Ishimaru let the matter drop.

"It's not that I _don't_ believe in the concept of a deity. Whether we believe in God or not is out of out control, no matter what atheists say." Nagisa went on. "I just think that Christianity would be a lot easier to get into if it wasn't separated into so many different factions. Protestant, catholic, Westboro Baptist..."

“You know, you could complain to the board of education if they’re forcing this stuff into your minds.”

“They’re not.” Nagisa shook his head. “At least they have given us that dignity.”

“… I have half a mind to attend this concert-“

“I’d really rather you didn’t, sir.” Nagisa flushed in embarrassment. “From all of the rehearsals I’ve been attending, I can say first hand it’s rather… amateurish and unorthodox.”

“If you say so.” Ishimaru chuckled. “On the day itself, I’ll arrange for transportation to send you to school.”

Their conversation was promptly replaced with an awkwardly exchanged moment of silence as they passed Tsumiki Mikan, whom promptly dropped whatever tea set she was holding in her haste to avoid the two.

Nagisa took one look at her retreating figure, and Ishimaru’s flushed cheeks, and sighed.

“She hasn’t said anything to you about what happened 2 weeks ago.”

“I know.” Ishimaru regained composure. “Give her time. She must still be shaken. Of course she would, who would blame her?”

“You would have thought she would give a small message of thanks. Especially after what you did for her.” Nagisa muttered.

“Now, Nagisa-kun-“ Ishimaru nervously looked around, “That matter was done completely after a round of serious thinking. The deal with the U.S. would never had worked.”

“Sir, 5 minutes before the press conference you were ready to accept the deal hook, line and sinker.”

“T-that was also part of the plan.”

Nagisa shook his head. “Whether it was part of the plan or not, from where I stood, it was actually, if I may be so bold, quite romantic.”

Ishimaru turned sharply.

“I just did what was expected out of _any_ man with enough good manners. Nothing more. Don’t misunderstand.”

“Well, why don’t you tell that to Tsumiki-san and save her all of this… misunderstanding?”

The Prime Minister opened his mouth to voice a retort, only to find that he was lost for words. Nagisa _had_ a point.

Unbridled, that rush of affection seemed to well up inside him as he thought of her.

Ishimaru took a moment to collect himself.

“We shouldn’t keep them waiting, Nagisa-kun. Let’s go.”

***

_~~Dear Sonia,~~ _

_Sonia-san._

_~~Yo~~ _ _Hello. Merry Christmas. I_ _’_ _m writing this letter with the intention of clarifying whatever went down last we met. I guess what could be drawn from the video was that I had a thing for you. This is a misunderstanding-_

**_Wait. What am I saying._ **

“Nope.” Souda tossed the letter in the trash. “Not a misunderstanding.”

***

**HANEDA AIRPORT**

“I cannot believe you are actually going to do this.” Hagakure huffed as pulled out Hanamura’s suitcase from the trunk. “Hanamura, this is straight-up crazy.”

“As I’ve told you, this is the best plan I’ve ever had!” Hanamura beamed as he rushed over, pushing the rental trolley. “The United States’ full of liberal minded girls with daddy issues, and one of them’s bound to find me interesting enough to sleep with and have a one-night stand.”

“If a one night stand’s all you want, why not just keep trying here?” Hagakure pointed out. “There’s bound to be _some_ woman drunk enough to sleep with you and call it a night.”

“Even _I_ have standards, alright?” Hanamura hoisted his baggage onto the trolley with an almighty force. “Besides, any hope of me staying in Japan this Christmas was killed after I failed the audition for playing _Andre_ in the live action special of _Prison School._ ”

“I find that hard to believe.” Hagakure shook his head as he entered the bustling lobby with Hanamura. “You’d be a perfect fit for that masochistic son of a whale shark.”

“Nah… Yamada was better.” Hanamura admitted grudgingly. “ _He_ gets to get whipped and kicked in the nuts all day, get served gratuitous boob and panty shots, what’s not to like? He’s enjoying every moment of it, mark my words.”

“… From the doujins he drew, though, I never would have guessed he was a masochist. Some of those gangbang scenes...” Hagakure shuddered as he remembered the uncensored pictures. Together, the two reached the self-service check-in kiosks.

“Let’s see… Wisconsin, Wisconsin, Wisconsin… Do you think they’ve got any nude beaches?”

“In this weather? Not likely.” Hagakure shifted nervously, watching the guards tensely. Out of the corner of his eye, Hanamura noticed this.

“Why so nervous? They’ve never caught you once with the stuff.”

“The last time they came close.” Hagakure shook his head. “My suitcase was stuffed to the brim with Weed. The guard who checked it had a cold… but the guy that took over at the last minute must have smelt _something,_ because he gave me a funny look before I scarpered.”

“Just have someone mail it over for you from Amsterdam if you’re so desperate!” Hanamura sighed as he received the ticket from the small slit below the number pad. “Or Cambodia if you really are desperate. I heard they make a good Marijuana Pizza.”

“Nah… It kills the high.” Hanamura raised the handle of his carry-on luggage.

“Know what I’ve got in there?” Hanamura winked. “Condoms. Lots of them. And one of Yamada’s sickest doujins.”

“Not as sick as you.” They had reached the departures gate, and Hagakure grew increasingly desperate. “You’ll come back a broken man.”

“Yeah, back broken from too much SEX!” Hanamura hooted as he showed the guard his ticket for approval. With a skip in his step, he entered the point of no return.

“You are on the road to disaster!”

“Nope. I’m on SHAG HIGHWAY, heading WEST! Farewell, Failure! Here comes Hanamura Teruteru, and he’s got a giant knob! I’ll tell you how it goes when I get back!” He waved.

Hagakure waved back half-heartedly.

 _I don_ _’_ _t even want to know._

**TOGAMI CONGLOMERATE**

“Right, Celestia, I’ll be back at three.” Togami put on his suit jacket as his secretary stood in a corner. “Christmas shopping. Never an easy or a pleasant task, but it has to be done.”

“Ok.” She watched with interest over his shoulders. “Are you going to get me something?”

Togami stopped short.

“Er…” Hidden from her sight, Togami was wrestling for words to say. “I don’t know. I hadn’t thought about it.” He started doing his buttons. “Where’s Hinata, by the way?”

“He hasn’t been able to make it for the past week. Family thing.”

“Hmm.” Togami gave her a curt nod. “I’ll see you later.”

She lazily batted her eyelashes. “Aren’t you going to ask me what I want for Christmas?”

“I haven’t even asked you what you plan to give me.” Togami spat irritably.

“I told you last week.” She stepped closer. “When it comes to me, you can have _everything._ ”

Togami’s eyes widened. A LOT.

“Well… er…” He collected himself. “Right…. Then. What do you need?”

“I don’t want something I need.” She laid a finger on his lips as she stood on tiptoe next to his ear. “I want something I want. Something pretty.”

“Right. Right.” Togami hastily whirled around before she could catch sight of him flushing and fled the room.

She permitted a small smirk as she went back to work.

***

_Sonia-san,_

_Allow me to apologize for not contacting you for the past 2 weeks. I_ _’_ _ve had a lot of things to settle. My thoughts, for one thing. Not to mention this letter took more time than I expected. But more on that later._

 _First off, Merry Christmas. Hopefully when this reaches you it_ _’_ _ll be Christmas, wherever you are._

 _Now about last time._ _I knew it was never going to be easy having to look as you as a friend, yet wanting you to be mine. Especially when it turned out Tanaka was your boyfriend. It sucks, but I’ll get over it. ~~It’s not you or Tanaka’s fault. It’s mine~~_

**… Hold the fuck up.**

**“HOW THE FUCK IS THIS MY FAULT?!”**

Souda threw the letter into the bin.

Back to the drawing board.

***

“I cannot believe you went ahead and sent the invitations anyway.” Togami had to raise his voic to be heard over the hoard of shoppers, all desperately wishing they had done their Christmas shopping earlier.

“Y-you should be proud.” Fukawa shrugged. “It’s her first play. Everyone would love to attend!”

“Yes…” Togami snarled, “but she’s a lobster. Why couldn’t we arrange for her to be the virgin Mary? Or someone that actually took part in Jesus’ Nativity?”

“Komaru stated that the roles for the 3 wise men, the angels and the Virgin were reserved for seniors.”

 _Terrific._ “And I suppose that’s why by process of elimination that left our daughter with the role of a lobster?”

“First Lobster.”

“That is the most stupid thing I’ve ever-“ He contained himself before Fukawa’s glare turned nasty. “I mean, couldn’t she have just gotten the role of something normal? Like a sheep?”

“Just be thankful she wasn’t cast as a rock.” Fukawa stopped by a counter displaying a number of leather bags. “Now. I know you normally let our staff take care of the shopping, but I need to look at them personally. Let us meet here in a few minutes while I take care of the in-laws.”

“Right. And I’ll just… explore the area. Don’t get lost.” Giving a quick peck on her forehead, Togami took an escalator to the luxury level.

_A lobster. Of all things it had to be a lobster._

Knowing that in a week all of his acquaintances would be watching his daughter put on her very first show in a less-than-desirable crustacean of choice was nothing short of torture.

But as much as he would like to indulge in continued rants of his daughter’s casting, the arrival of a more pressing matter in the form of his secretary forced him to change plans entirely.

_“When it comes to me, you can have everything.”_

_Everything, huh?_

_Wait. What the hell are you thinking?_ Togami shook his head, as if talking to an actual person. _You’re the heir of the Togami Conglomerate. Act like one._

He passed a series of shops selling jewelry and peered within the glass cases.

_Well… she didn’t say it was **that** she was offering. _

_And she **did** do a good job as secretary. A slightly more expensive gift shouldn’t mean much._

It was with these feeble excuses that a very red Togami started examining necklaces with an experienced eye.

His eyes fell on a particular one, simple in its elegance of white and normal gold woven in the chains, a platinum cross dangling under it.

“How may I help you today, sir?”

Togami looked up to see a boy who couldn’t be more than 12 staring at him, a sick mask obscuring his features, save for his beautiful eyes.

“Yes. If you could ask one of the staff to come here. I’m ready to make a purchase.”

“Actually sir, I _am_ one of the staff.” The boy pointed to a name tag on his lapel. “I’m sorry.”

 _Jataro Kemuri. Trainee._ He peered tiredly. _Alright. He’ll suffice._

“That necklace there.” Togami pointed. “I’ll take it.”

“Ah! Excellent choice.”

“Be quick about it.” He turned around, fearing Fukawa’s arrival any moment then.

“Of course, sir.” With gentle hands, Kemuri extracted the necklace from the viewing case as Togami kept a lookout.

“Would you like it gift-wrapped?”

“What?” Togami distractedly looked down. “Oh. Alright. Why not.”

This turned out to be a huge mistake.

“Lovely.” The boy seemed to be smiling behind the mask, as he took out a small, pristinely white box. “I’ll just pop it here...”

“Look, can we be quite quick about this?” Togami muttered.

“Certainly, sir.” The boy took out a magnificent ribbon and pulled it taut. “Ready in the flashiest of flashes.”

Togami went back to keeping a lookout as Kemuri went back to his work. With skilled hands, the ribbon was swiftly tied around the box in a striking flourish. “There.”

“It’s great, thank you.” Togami gratefully reached out for the box.

“Not…” Kemuri held up a finger, “quite finished.”

Pursing his lips, Togami went back to keeping a lookout.

Bending down, the boy extracted from the ornate wooden drawers a fantastically clarion plastic bag-

“Actually, I d-don’t need a bag,” Togami hastily interrupted, “I’ll just put it in my pocket.”

“But this isn’t a bag sir.”

Togami looked at the bag, then back to the boy in confusion.

“It’s not?”

“This is _so_ much more than a bag.”

 _Oh for the love of…_ Togami silently swore as he went back to keeping a lookout.

Placing the ribbon-laid white box gently into the bag and setting it down on a miniature dias, the boy bent down once more, this time opening drawers after drawers of charming decorative materials. Taking a small shovel, he scooped out copious amounts of miniature dried violets and let it shower into the bag in a grandiose flourish. Bending down once more, he scooped out copious ammounts of miniature rhinestones and let it shower into the bag in a magnificent fashion. Bending down again, he extracted a flawless, perfect sprig of lavender and-

“Could we be quite…” Togami had to restrain himself from swearing, “quite quick about this please?!”

“ _Prontissimo!”_

With his delicate hands, the boy gently crushed the flawless sprig of lavender into fragrant bits and pieces, letting it gently settle into the bag, their natural perfume being the only remnants that remain.

Kemuri paused to sniff the proverbial flower as Togami’s eyes twitched.

Bending down again, he opened a golden drawer to extract from its contents-

“WHAT’S THAT?!”

“It’s a cinnamon stick, sir.”

“I know damn well what it is, but can I just-“ The heir gnashed his teeth, “Actually, I’m _really_ in a rush, and I cant be bothered with-“

“Oh, but you won’t regret this, sir!” The boy dramatically laid the cinnamon stick into the bag.

“Wanna bet?”

Togami went back to looking out for Fukawa as the boy went on with his masterpiece. In one fluid stroke, another silk ribbon was dangling on his fingertips, and in several swift strokes the bag was tied.

“There. Almost finished.”

“ _Almost_ finished?!” Togami burst in exasperation. “What are you going to do next? Dip it in yoghurt? Cover it with chocolate buttons?”

“No sir!” The boy brought out a opulently ornate wooden box. “We pop it in this Christmas Box.”

Togami felt like bursting into tears at any moment. “But I don’t want a Christmas Box!”

Kemuri blinked. “But sir, you said you wanted it Gift-wrapped!”

“Well Yes, I did, but not-“

“This is the final flourish!”

“Can I just pay?!”

“I promise you! All we need now-”

“Oh for the fuck’s sake-“

“-a sprig of holly-“

“NO!” Togami screamed. “NO BLOODY HOLLY!”

“B-But sir-“

“You know what, leave it! LEAVE IT!” and Togami backed away from the jewelry counter just as his wife arrived. “Oh? Loitering around the jewelry section, I see!”

“No…” Togami shot the boy one of his patented death glares, whom was awkwardly holding the almost-complete box. “I was just-“

“Don’t worry.” Fukawa rolled her eyes. “I have no interest in jewelry and my tastes aren’t that high. Come on, let’s get back to work.”

And for once, Togami was happy to do so.

***

 _~~Dear~~ _ _Koizumi-san,_

_Merry Christmas._

_I think anyone right now in my position will agree that saying ‘I’m fucked’ doesn’t really cut it right now._

_I am not sure how I got around to writing a letter to you. But I’m suffering from writer’s block from writing a letter to Sonia-san, and all the online sources say that writing something different is the supposed cure._

_So. Something different. To be honest, anything I write will probably be wrong when I talk to you. And I’m sorry doesn’t really quite cut it with regards to what happened last time._

_But it seems it’s the only logical thing that should be done._

_So… I’m sorry about last time. I lost my temper. I overreacted._

_It’s just… I’m so sick of being pitied on. You didn’t have to say something like that so I would move on._

_… Were you, though? It wouldn’t matter. Either way, I made a mistake that time. I don’t think we can recover from it._

_And even though I’m not the most sensitive of sorts, even I know that asking to be friends with you again is just pushing it too much._

_It sucks. It really does. You’re pretty cool, and ~~to be honest, I think I enjoyed being your friend even more than you did~~ I’ll probably miss you. But I’m done with playing pretend in relationships. What I want now… I just want…_

Souda tapped his pen so much the ink started to bleed through the card paper.

‘But what do I want…’

For as long as he knew, his life had been one fuck-up after another. Normally, they weren’t such a big deal. Nothing a friend and some alcohol couldn’t fix. _Love_ however was a completely different category altogether.

Souda pursed his lips and continued to write:

_I don’t know what I want to be honest. So let me freestyle for a moment and get back to you._

_Actually, you know what I really want?_

_~~An advance screening of Star Wars VII, with the theatre all to myself, away from all the dickheads who spoil the move right after seeing it. But if I can’t, I’ll settle for Die Hard again. The original, obviously. Somehow the later additions don’t quite cut it for me, you know? Yippee-Ki-Yay is overrated. I much prefer the line ‘Geronimo motherfucker’ when he throws that chair into the elevator shaft full of dynamite. Actually, scratch that. What I really want is an Enzo Ferrari. Or an Audi R8. If I can make a working model like the one I gave Sonia –san and make it really really big I can drivie it for real, like wow and lots of coffee because I have no idea what I am writing only the fact that I am writing this hoping desperately for some sort of blast of clarity to appear out of nowhere~~ _

_I want to be sincere._

_Wait. That’s it. That’s it!_

_That’s the answer I was looking for._

_Every single thing I beat up myself on is because I suppress myself, I limit myself, I hide my true feelings. I wasn’t sincere about my feelings for Sonia, I wasn’t sincere about my feelings for you, I was insincere. Both ways._

_That’s what I should do. I am going to be sincere._

_Goddamnit, these things do work._

Souda put down his pen, mind racing. **_Yes. The key is to be sincere._ **

But the more Souda thought, the more he realized he hadn’t found a real solution. There still existed the problem of what to do with Sonia and Koizumi.

_And which is the ‘sincere’ option?_

Souda stared at the full bucket of half-written cards he had written for Sonia in the trash.

“And I can’t even ask you for advice anymore.” Souda muttered.

_If only there was a compromise-_

_No. No more fucking compromises. Do something and get it over with._

_But if I apologize to Koizumi, there’s probably not much chance of us starting again… And if I do tell her, Sonia would still be unresolved._

It took him several beers, and a lot more letters, before he finally realized what the sincere thing to do was.

And much like being honest, it was a difficult thing to do. But it had to be done.

**CHRISTMAS EVE**

Ibuki, Twogami and all of their label mates crowded around the radio in anticipation.

“And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! The winner of the Christmas Number one IS-“

-

From the hospital room, Hinata watched the Christmas lights all alone.

-

Ignoring the stares as he carried the boom box, Souda patiently waited for a taxi, watching as couple after couple enter the love hotel across the street.

-

Sonia finishes the decorations for her Christmas tree and looks back in silent approval. As Tanaka voices his disdain for the pagan tradition, she bites her lip in silent regret as the memory comes back.

Hidden from Tanaka’s sight, in her drawer, the DVD remains.

-

Koizumi is outside, taking pictures of the lights and the scenery on the way home from work. She wonders whether she should call Saionji, even when she’s busy. She types in Souda’s number for more than once, but always refrains from pressing ‘call’.

-

Out of the corner of his eye, Ishimaru watched as Tsumiki exited the building.

-

Shingetsu Nagisa gently presses him to go wish her a Merry Christmas and befriend her again.

-

The Prime Minister comments on the weather in response.

-

Nanami sits, huddled in a blanket, cocoa in her hands, blankly allowing the 3 wardens to obliterate her health in Halo 5.

-

Celestia receives a phone call from her boss.

Having _not_ received a Christmas Gift from Togami, she is unsure what to say as she answers the phone in fully decked lingerie.

-

Togami watches in satisfaction as his butler gives out the order that Celestia is to be moved to a different department away from him, his fantasies and his marriage.

He is less than satisfied by the final lobster costume donned by his daughter, as they make their way to the play for rehearsal. But it will suffice.

-

Fukawa sits listening to the signed Adele 25 CD in appreciative silence.

-

Naegi pays the driver, and exits the taxi, bringing his flowers with him, taking in the empty surroundings awash with white.

It is a few seconds later that he enters the graveyard.

-

Hanamura approaches an attractive girl at the bar counter. He asks her whether she is drunk enough to come home with him.

Taking a good look at him, the woman orders another drink.

**THE END.**

**That is, if this narrator was feeling particularly cruel.**

**But who knows? In the world of love, not everyone has a happy ending.**

**… To be concluded shortly**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a brief 5 minute fantasy on what it would be like to troll my readers with an ending of the world ending and killing everyone. Happy New Year and Merry Christmas indeed. Thankfully, its now the last thing on my mind.  
> ... Still on it, though.  
> As usual, any feedback or criticism would be really appreciated :)


	9. Baby Baby

“AND IT’S OFFICIAL! IBUKI MIODA HAS, AGAINST ALL ODDS, WON THE TITLE FOR CHRISTMAS NUMBER ONE!”

The room erupted into cheers and screams, and for a few glorious seconds the room was filled with the sounds of glasses clinking and champagne uncorked as Ibuki Mioda screamed, hugging everyone in sight, hurling vulgarities at her old band mates-

“Er… Excuse me? EXCUSE ME!” Twogami bellowed as the crowd got out of hand. “We’re still live across Tokyo.”

“Oh right! Silly Ibuki!” Beaming, she picked up the phone. “Hello? This is Ibuki!”

“Right, Mioda!” Monokuma cackled through the phone. “We’re live across the nation, and you’re number one! How will you be celebrating?”

“Hmm.” The rockstar tilted her head. “Ibuki doesn’t know. Ibuki could behave like a real rock and roll loser and get drunk with my fat manager…” The room laughed as she pointed at a smirking Twogami, “Or… when I hang up, I’ll be flooded by invitations to a large number of parties.”

“Welp, for all our sakes, let’s hope it’s the latter! Alright, here it is, if you haven’t already gotten sick of it for the past 4 weeks, number one hit Single from Ibuki Mioda, ‘Christmas is all Around’!”

“OH JEEZ, NOT THAT CRAP AGAIN!” Ibuki screamed as the familiar melody started being put on blast throughout the room.

“Hey, Ibuki, congrats on the win,” one of her friends raised her glass, “But you do realize you really ARE going to have to set fire to yourself on stage?”

“Eh?” Mioda furrowed her brows. “Ah, whatever! I’ll think about that later! Now where’s my cellphone, I want to rub it in to those ex-members of mine.” The crowd tittered as she whipped out her phone and began texting aloud: “ _May your Christmas be as dull, insipid and shitty as your music. With Love, IBUKI.”_

**_BRRRRING_ **

“Yes, Hello?” Ibuki examined her nails as she listened.

She suddenly stood at attention.

“Ooh, G-Dragon!”

The crowd immediately dissolved into hushed whispers at the idol’s name.

“Hmm? Oh, alright! Send an embarrassingly big car and Ibuki will be RIGHT OVER!” She killed the call. “You lots have fun! Ibuki is going to ‘accidentally’ smoke some weed herself and if she get wasted, she’ll give a call in the morning! But before that, a toast!” She took a nearby flute of champagne and raised it high. Twogami and the others followed suit, all grinning broadly.

“Guys, here’s to one very KICK-ASS Christmas!”

**PRIME MINISTER’S OFFICIAL RESIDENCE:**

“I cannot _believ_ e,” Nagisa shook his head, “that you didn’t talk to her again! Not even a _‘Merry Christmas’._ That was a great timing, sir.”

“Nagisa-kun, concentrate on your work.” Ishimaru snapped as he returned to the papers he was examining. “It’s going to be fine. You’re overthinking things.”

“It’s already done.” Nagisa placed a small stack of forms onto his desk. “And I’ve helped you settle a time for the treasury meeting.”

“Right.” Ishimaru put on his reading glasses. ”And our Protocol for the ZIKA virus has been finalized?”

“As of yet, no. WHO hasn’t declared ZIKA to be a worldwide emergency yet.”

“Who didn’t?”

“WHO didn’t.”

“That’s what I’m asking. Who didn’t declare ZIKA to be a worldwide emergency yet?”

“Yes!”

Ishimaru stared, momentarily shifting his eyes left to right, before hurriedly nodding and diving back into his work.

_World Health Organization. Of course._

Nagisa checked the grandfather’s clock in the study. “I’m going to have to change, sir, the play’s going to begin in 45 minutes.”

“Oh yes, certainly. Carry on.”

Hearing this, Nagisa went to his knapsack and extracted a white cloak and staff, along with an antiquated straw hat whose rustic appeal was dashed slightly by the H&M label sticking out on the back.

Ishimaru watched with interest. “And what are you supposed to be?”

“A stable boy.” Nagisa called as he ducked out of view to change. “I’m supposed to be there when it happens.”

“Oh. Do you have any lines?”

“Uhh… Yes. Something along the lines of ‘Hey, you can’t just barge in here and decide to give birth’.”

“I’m sure you’ll nail that perfectly.” Ishimaru stifled a yawn as he started leafing through a leather pouch on his table. “What’s in this bag, by the way?”

“Christmas well-wishes from the staff.” Nagisa reappeared from behind the corner, all dressed in shepherd’s garb. “The butler had dropped them in here while you were away.”

“Really?” Ishimaru pawed through several of them with interest. “Let’s see now, this looks promising: ‘Dear Prime Minister, have a very Merry Christmas and continue to not,” Ishimaru paused as he squinted, ”-fuck up in your job. Sincerely, your Minister of Internal affairs and Communication.’ … Well, that’s clearly communicated in any sense. Let’s see if there’s anything a little more delicate than that, shall we?” Ishimaru extracted a blue envelope and tore it open, reading aloud: “Dear sir, Merry Christmas and please decide on a date where we can discuss the proposed change in stance towards LGBT. Sincerely, Minster of Gender Equality.” Ishimaru muttered. “Nagisa-kun, are you sure these _are_ cards and not to-do lists?”

“Well, you have a limited audience everyday.” Nagisa reasoned. “They’re going to have to try and talk to you _some_ way or another.”

“Yes… Yes…” Ishimaru extracted another envelope. “Right, maybe third time’s the charm, and it’s from-“ The Prime Minister stopped abruptly.

“Sir?”

“It’s… It’s from Tsumiki-san.”

Nagisa turned sharply. “Ah. Go on.”

“… Well, we’ll get to that later, shall we?” Ishimaru put it in the furthest corner of his desk. “Now let’s see, maybe Minister of Disaster Management has some choice words- GIVE THAT BACK!“

In an instant, Nagisa snatched the pink envelope from the desk and tore it open.

“If you’re not reading this, sir, _I’m_ going to read this.”

“Nagisa-kun, give that back before I drag it away from you-“

“Too late. _‘Dear sir_ ,” Nagisa began, “ _Merry Christmas and I hope you have a very happy New Year. I'm truly very sorry about the thing that happened. Thank you for helping me out then. It was a very odd moment and I feel like an idiot for not knowing what to do at the time. Particularly because…”_ Nagisa’s voice trailed off as he read the final sentence.

“B-because what?” Ishimaru tried his best to hide his interest.

“Particularly because I’m yours. With Love, Mikan Tsumiki, your housekeeper.” Nagisa finished, handing the letter for Ishimaru himself to read.

The silence was broken a few moments later:

“Well um… lovely letter, but It’s a bit… odd.”

“What is?”

“Now that I mention it, it _is_ odd.” Ishimaru stood up, a new surge of energy overcoming him. “Why should _she_ apologize of all people? ‘Oh, I’m sorry for getting sexually harassed by the President of the United States’. That doesn’t make any sense, it’s sexist, it’s just wrong.”

“Well in her defense, sir, you _did_ give her the cold shoulder after the incident.”

Ishimaru stared.

“Oh, shit.” He muttered.

“Sir?”

“Oh shit, oh shit, ohhhhh SHIT! I’ve made the wrong decision, haven’t I?”

Nagisa kept silent as Ishimaru stared blankly at the letter.

Without warning, Ishimaru stood up.

“Get the car. We’re leaving.”

“Where to?”

“Tsumiki’s apartment.”

“And where is that?”

“Roppongi. The dodgy end!” Ishimaru threw on his cloak.

“But sir, your documents-“

“Nagisa-kun, do you want me to settle things with her or not?”

“… I’ll send for the limo.”

“Smart boy.”

**A CERTAIN CHURCH IN TOKYO**

Snow was falling like goose feathers as Naegi entered the church grounds.

The entire building was softly illuminated as the Christmas festivities went on inside. Carols were singing ‘Silent Night’ with clear accents that seemed to give the song some extra charm. A small stand outside was selling hot wine to the appreciation of the visitors. One or two other people gave Naegi queer looks as he avoided the warmth of the insides to progress further down, where she would be waiting.

Naegi paused to take a bucket and fill it with water in the nearby tap before moving on.

The entire landscape was blanketed in white, and like miniature buildings the tombstones jutted out neatly row by row, bound by bound. Flowers, wilted and tinged with frost were strewn messily across some. Oranges, by then frozen, were stacked in twos in front of one or two.

Kirigiri’s was bare save for the film of snow that covered the top of the rectangular block.

Naegi stared in silence, flowers in hand, at the sight in front of him.

A moment later, he lays down the flowers to a side, and kneels. Taking out a cloth from his breast pocket, he shifted the bucket slightly forward.

Working meticulously, he began his work, running his damp cloth on the gravestone with care. He removed the small pieces of dirt that had been collected in the area where her name was etched. He picked apart the rivulets of ice that had formed along the sides as frost every morning.

When everything had been cleared, and the tombstone was shining amongst the others, he stood up and repositioned himself at the foot of the grave. Bringing the flowers gently in front of him, he puts his palms together and prays.

_Hey, Kirigiri-san. It’s me. I still think about you everyday, but these days your face takes longer for me to conjure. Only a little bit, though. I won’t forget._

His eyebrows furrowed as he struggled for something to talk about.

Today however, for whatever reason, his mind was blank.

Sighing, he continued.

_Komaeda is probably going to die soon. The doctor had said his condition has deteriorated to a point where it could be any day now… His suicide attempt didn’t help. When he does, wherever you are, maybe you could meet him. I don’t know whether things work like that up there, but I’m sure you’ll find him… interesting._

Naegi paused a long while before deciding to go towards _that_ topic.

_This might be a bit of a surprise. I met someone. Or someone met me. You would like her. She’s almost as quiet as you. Her name’s Ikusaba. We met in the bookstore I frequent. Over the past few weeks we’ve met up and gotten to know each other._

_Against or to my will, I like her. I do like her quite a bit. I’m not sure whether it’s the same feeling I felt when I talk to you. Even if it was, I don’t think I would recognize it. Time does funny things._

_But I’ve hurt her. I’ve hurt her badly. I didn’t mean to, of course, but how many of us really do these things purposefully anyway?_

_Of course, it was wrong to think a relationship like that could remain in stasis for long. I couldn’t use her as a means to cure my loneliness for long._

_I honestly don’t know what to do now. Kirigiri, I still love you, but I feel something for her as well. To talk to you about something like this is unbearable for me. But I don’t know whether I should. The mere thought of me moving on from you is scary enough to make the idea of being with her unappealing._

Naegi waited a little longer. By then, the carols had started singing ‘Good King Wenceslas’.

_And here I am, talking to a grave instead of making a decision for myself._

Sighing, Naegi stood up, rubbing away the stiffness in his knees.

“Well, this is a surprise.”

Naegi turned around. A woman carrying roses of her own surveyed him in interest, her red spectacles standing out within the dark surrounding.

“Um…” Naegi scratched his head, “I’m sorry. You do look familiar, but I don’t quite remember-“

“Yui. Samidare Yui.”

Naegi blinked.

“Oh. That’s right. You were her colleague.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, I was about finished anyway.” Naegi gave a quick smile. “Please carry on.”

Samidare nodded as she too laid her flowers on the grave and murmured a quick prayer.

“… It seems a strange time for somebody to visit.” She suddenly spoke.

“The same could be said for you.”

“Kirigiri and I often worked overtime during Christmas Eve.” The woman took out a packet of Marlboro Lights and lit one, a hand shielding it from the biting winter wind. “This year, I’m stuck doing more overtime yet again. So… it became something of a tradition for me to bring some flowers this time of the year and say a few words.” Samidare blew a thin column of smoke from her lips. “But why are you here?”

Naegi shrugged.

“Didn’t have anywhere else to go, I guess.”

Samidare squinted at him.

“Would you mind coming down with me to the station after this?”

“Hm? Was it something I said?”

“No. It’s just that Kirigiri had left quite a few effects behind from her office, and they’ve been lying around ever since.”

 _That_ perked Naegi’s interest.

“It’s nothing much to note, but I thought you might appreciate all of the little things she left behind.”

“… Let’s go then.”

**FURTHER DOWN IN TOKYO**

“Name and house number, please?”

Souda Kazuichi pursed his lips.

“Actually, I would like to keep that secret. It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

The guard gave an unimpressed stare. “Who do you think you’re kidding?”

“It _is_!” He held up the placards he made, along with the boombox in another hand. “It’s a Christmas surprise.”

“That’s nice. I’m still going to need your name and house number you’re going to before I let you in.”

Souda grinded his teeth. “ _That_ would ruin the surprise. Can’t you just be a little lax for a while? I’m going to be out in 15 minutes, I promise!”

“Can’t. We’ve got all sorts of high-end people living here. Millionaires, heirs, idols, even royalty.”

Souda let out a groan in frustration.

“You’re ruining a really great surprise!”

“Keep telling yourself that, kiddo.”

-

 _Well, that didn’t work,_ Souda thought gloomily as he walked away from the front gate. _But I need to take her surprise. I can’t have that prat just cock things up._

He looked at his watch. _8:24._

_If I don’t manage to do this in time, I’m not going to have time to complete the second phase of the plan._

Sighing, he circled the perimeter of the luxury houses, looking for an opening.

_Come on… It’s not like you haven’t already been here a hundred times already. There’s gotta be a way inside this godforsaken- What the fuck?_

Souda halted in his tracks, staring at the creature through the gates.

He rubbed his eyes hard, and looked again.

The ostrich screeched as it peered through the enclosure. Built directly against the hedge was a cage for the creature to romp around in. Though the cage was clean as could be, the smell of urine still lingered as Souda watched it slowly tread around.

 _Of course,_ Souda thought, _Gundam fucking Tanaka._

He peered through the cage. Sure enough, the large cage/enclosure was directly in the grounds of the largest mansions in the apartment complex, which was decorated with various statues of demons, gargoyles and one of the grim reaper.

_Found you._

Souda looked at the large cage again. Though the wall of the cage was large enough such to deter visitors from coming in, he spotted a small locked door through another cage encircling the one encasing the avian creature. Directly across, on the far side of the cage, was another door.

The logical plan occurred to him, and he took out his small tool-kit from his breast pocket.

 _But there’s a fucking ostrich in between,_ he groaned as he paced nervously, the ostrich curiously watching his every movement.

Just as he was racking his brains for another way in, something caught his eye.

Through the windows, he watched as Sonia fixed her hair in front of a mirror with admirable elegance and grace.

Souda Kazuichi closed his eyes and counted to 10. When he was done, she was still there.

The sight seemed to stiffen his resolve, and he swallowed.

_Let’s do this shit._

-

“Here we are,” the driver parked the car. “Roppongi, the dodgy end.”

“Oh God.” Ishimaru peered through the tinted windows. “22 skyscrapers and 43 apartment complexes. I am never going to find her in time.”

“Actually, if I may interject,” Nagisa muttered, Galaxy in hand, “She’s living in _that_ condominium and… and unfortunately there’s no house number. Best I could do.”

Ishimaru looked towards where Nagisa was pointing and his heart sank. A moderately new, 22-story high building towered over the area.

_This is going to be a long night._

-

**SLEUTH’S LIBRARY**

“It’s mostly her workplace items, but there’s a few things in here she treasured.”

“I see. Thanks, by the way.”

“It’s no problem. I needed a break from all my work, anyway.” She passed him a standard-issue black box, lined with silver streaks, something a dime a dozen in an ordinary workplace, but somehow standing out in the quaint environment.

 _Rather dusty,_ Naegi thought as he held the box reverently.

“Consider that a Christmas present.”

“I will.”

Yui took another long drag from her second cigarette that night.

“She liked you a lot, you know.”

“Pardon?” Naegi looked up.

Yui shrugged. “You know her. She didn’t really talk about things unless you ask. You were an exception.”

He blinked several times.

“Really?”

“They were funny stories. Something about burned cake 3 years in a row?”

“Oh… dear.” Naegi flushed with embarrassment, looking down in the process.

“I don’t really think that directly means she loved me, though?”

“… If that’s what you want to believe, then I can’t help you any more than that.”

An unsure silence hung over the both of them.

Yui yawned, rubbing her eyes with her slender fingers. “Back to work. You have a Merry Christmas.”

Naegi snorted. “… It’s a couple’s holiday.”

“Well, you seem like a sweet guy, but I’m certainly _not_ spending a night with you if that’s what you’re implying.”

“NO. I meant… Nevermind. Merry Christmas.”

-

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_ **

An elderly woman peered out.

“Excuse me, does Miss Tsumiki live here?”

“N-no. She doesn’t.”

Ishimaru pursed his lips. “Well, never mind then. Merry Christmas-“

“Aren’t you the Prime Minister?”

He and Nagisa exchanged a look. Nagisa shrugged.

“Er… Yes, yes I am.” Ishimaru smiled. “Christmas Initiative. Trying to make Christmas more of a family event than the couple’s holiday it’s known to be.”

“Oh… Lovely. Merry Christmas to you too!”

The door gently swung shut.

“That was successful.” Nagisa muttered.

“Oh, keep quiet.”

-

“Are you… quite sure you don’t want to go back to Novoselic for Christmas?”

“It’s perfectly alright, Tanaka.” Sonia licked a flap of a Christmas card. “Besides, I always did think that the Christmas Ceremonies are a tad overdone.”

“Understatement of the millennium.” Tanaka muttered, feeding a very aged Cham-P. “Very well, then. A time of pagan traditions quietly celebrated, then.”

“Just you and me.”

“… Would you mind if I call some acquaintances over?”

Sonia turned. “Tonight? Well, that’s alright, who?”

“Oh, just anyone who dares to come. Perhaps Kuzuryuu, perhaps Togami, and Souda, of course.”

Sonia stiffened. This small gesture did not go amiss, and Tanaka frowned.

“Sonia?”

“It’s nothing. Please carry on.”

“Wait. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, really, Tanaka.”

Tanaka sighed. “Did Souda offend you? He can make japes of poor taste, I admit, but you shouldn’t take him seriously.”

“No, no he did nothing of the sort. And it was just a chill I felt. Don’t worry.”

Tanaka’s face settled into his usual grimace. “If you insist.”

**_DING DONG_ **

The two turned.

“Did you invite someone already?”

“No, as a matter of fact I didn’t.”

**OUTSIDE**

The moment Souda rang the doorbell he realized his mistake.

_What if Tanaka got the door?_

His face paled as he imagined the consequences.

_“Oh, yo, Tanaka-san, Merry Christmas, oh nothing much, just stopping by to say Merry Christmas. What are these? Oh don’t mind me, they’re an art project I’m doing for another friend of mine which coincidentally features Sonia Nevermind’s name oh god this was a shit Idea I’m insane I’m Insane I’M INSANE-_

He heard footsteps approaching. Finally, he ducked behind the nearby bush and waited.

The door opened.

A very confused Sonia peered out.

“Hello?”

Souda bit into his fist to stop himself from swearing.

After a while, the door swung shut.

“Fuck.”

Souda checked his watch.

_If I don’t do this soon I’m not going to make it in time._

Steeling himself, he took his items and went back to the door.

-

With his foot, Naegi swung the door to his apartment shut.

Still carrying the dusty box, he set it on the shoe rack as he turned on the lights. Putting on his phone and keys on the jet-black stereo, he turned the radio on before focusing his attention on the box.

He set the box on the table and took a deep breath, unsure of what to expect.

Finally, to the baritone vocals of Frank Sinatra, he lifted the lid.

Either someone had taken the time to arrange her effects neatly, or Kirigiri always kept her things with precision even after work.

One pair of gloves. Naegi took the time to feel the buttery leather in his hands. Two more, he knew, were still in her cupboards, but it came as no surprise that she had a spare in her workplace.

Several boxes of staples. _Unremarkable._

A tube of NoDoz caffeine pills, half-empty. Naegi still remembered her burning the midnight oil as he laid in.

Her favorite magnifying glass, slightly murky from disuse.

A slightly rusty pair of Vernier Calipers, along with something that looked suspiciously like dried blood clinging onto the jaws’ edges.

A pair of computer glasses, still in the box along with its cloth. Naegi put them on for a brief moment, looking at the mirror to see how he looked. After indulging in enough silliness, he put them back.

A miniature sewing kit. Naegi stopped to think for a moment to wonder just when Kirigiri would have to use it. Somehow the idea of Kirigiri knitting just seemed so out of character, and Naegi suppressed a smile as he pictured her bringing home a scarf she had made over a month. _Not like it ever happened or will happen._

Her favorite pen and little black notebook; an odd pen, not in design but by its background and how she came across it. It was a fountain pen from the Navy, standard-issue, and upon visiting once on a pen she was told she could keep it. Naegi flipped the pages of the notebook with interest. Diagrams and case details were neatly scrawled across every page.

Naegi looked at all of the things before him for a long while; loneliness started rearing its ugly head as it made its presence felt.

_I guess nothing changes._

It was as Naegi was beginning to pack her effects away that Naegi saw it.

Camouflaged against the brown interior was a brown envelope.

 _苗木_ _誠_.

Heart racing, he took out the envelope with shaking hands. Something thin and metallic could be felt through the rough paper as he examined it.

Naegi had never wondered what it was Kirigiri had wanted to give him the night she died. Humble as he was, a party seemed enough of a present and Naegi had stopped thinking about it.

Slowly, he tore the flap open and peered inside. A CD, in its dust cover, and a letter. Naegi took out the CD and stared. His 19th birthday was penned in elegant script across.

Making his way across the room in front of the television, he inserted the CD into the DVD player. And as he waited, he read the letter.

And he read it again.

 

**Dear Naegi,**

**Time flies, doesn’t it? It seems like yesterday that you made the effort to talk to me. Of course, I didn’t know then I would be your wife and you my husband. It didn’t seem logical, to be frank.**

**Well, I don’t have enough time to write a short letter, so this would have to be a long one, despite my best intentions… Come to think of it, that’s an interesting quote, isnt it? Lots of people have claimed to be the one who first penned it down. Pascal. Mark Twain. Maybe a lot of them _have_ thought of it earlier but never bothered publishing it. The same goes with people who are nice ‘deep down’ but never really show it. It’s a little moot, to be honest.**

**Still, it’s a good quote, if a bit paradoxical. Of course, the actual writing of long letters take a longer time than short letters. Maybe whoever thought of this quote is implying that short letters have more thought put in them; you take time to sort out exactly what you want to say, and nothing more. Longer letters give you the luxury of penning down whatever pops into your mind. It’s what you write for good friends. So we spend less time thinking in longer letters and more time actually writing.**

**But I _do_ think, Naegi. I think quite a lot about you and I even if you don’t believe it.**

**I think about the time you confessed to me. I’ll be honest now. I was surprised, both because I didn’t notice your feelings beforehand and because you were actually brave enough to tell me.**

**I think about the time you proposed. Again, taken by surprise. You have no idea how very surprised and happy I was when it happened.**

**I think about the time I told you I didn’t want kids. Once again, don’t get me wrong. If I were to have children, I wouldn’t mind them being yours. But children are something I would have to learn to deal with when I’m older. I don’t think I’m ready for them just yet.**

**… I don’t know, but after that incident I’ve been thinking more and more about us and our relationship. How it operates, our roles and so on.**

**And it pains me to write this but I concluded that I never actually thought I did anything special to merit your love for me except for the fact that I reciprocate your love; and even that I don’t do very well. Please excuse me for this: I am a normal girl, and even I have trouble getting my feelings across.**

**So let me take this opportunity on your birthday to tell you, in the straightest way possible, with no room for misinterpretion, that Naegi Makoto: I love you. Thank you for loving me, even if you did have doubts sometimes. Thank you for staying with me, even if I puzzled you. Thank you for making me happy, even if I don’t show it by habit.**

**This is something I’ve made upon thinking of another particular time I hold dear. Keep it. I might never actually do it again.**

**… This took longer than expected, even for a long letter. Just remember if you’re thinking about me, I’m probably thinking of you as well.**

**Love,**

**Kyouko Kirigiri.**

 

During the third time, he became aware of an unfamiliar sound around the house. As he looked around, he realized where it came from and why the letter was beginning to be wet from tears.

Suddenly, he stood up, taking his keys and phone from the stereo and pulling on his coat. Hurtling down the stairs 3 at a time, Naegi flung himself into the winter cold.

“TAXI!”

As the vehicle slowed, Naegi clambered in.

“Take me to Ikusaba's house.”

“And where is that?”

“Where Ikusaba lives, now GET GOING!”

“Yessir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're probably wondering why this is short.  
> Well, here's the deal.   
> This is HALF of what this chapter was meant to be before the epilogue (not really important to the story just adding on several tidbits)  
> I am so sorry, the army has fucked up my writing schedule, adding to my already slow writing speed.  
> The other half, and all the cliffhangers solved next time.   
> 1 CHAPTER LEFT.   
> ...  
> NOT COUNTING THE EPILOGUE.  
> As usual any feedback and criticism would be much appreciated.  
> Thanks!


	10. Baby Baby (FULL)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And to continue this is the penultimate chapter, excluding the epilogue.  
> SORRY BY THE NEXT TIME I UPDATE IT WILL BE THE END OF THIS ONE.  
> I PROMISE.  
> P.S. : I know some of it's the same. But this is how the 2/3 of the chapter was supposed to go, and to prevent any confusion I had to make it into a new chapter instead. I'll delete the previous ones when the full chapter is finished.
> 
> another 5000 words to go... T-T
> 
> BTW: if anyone is interested the song that Hinata hears is this one. Specifically, this cover:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CI9-9ZzYJEI

**IBUKI’S APARTMENT**

“AND IT’S OFFICIAL! IBUKI MIODA HAS, AGAINST ALL ODDS, WON THE TITLE FOR CHRISTMAS NUMBER ONE!”

The room erupted into cheers and screams, and for a few glorious seconds the room was filled with the sounds of glasses clinking and champagne uncorked as Ibuki Mioda screamed, hugging everyone in sight, hurling vulgarities at her old band mates-

“Er… Excuse me? EXCUSE ME!” Twogami bellowed as the crowd got out of hand. “We’re still live across Tokyo.”

“Oh right! Silly Ibuki!” Beaming, she picked up the phone. “Hello? This is Ibuki!”

“Right, Mioda!” Monokuma cackled through the phone. “We’re live across the nation, and you’re number one! How will you be celebrating?”

“Hmm.” The rockstar tilted her head. “Ibuki doesn’t know. Ibuki could behave like a real rock and roll loser and get drunk with my fat manager…” The room laughed as she pointed at a smirking Twogami, “Or… when I hang up, I’ll be flooded by invitations to a large number of parties.”

“Welp, for all our sakes, let’s hope it’s the latter! Alright, here it is, if you haven’t already gotten sick of it for the past 4 weeks, number one hit Single from Ibuki Mioda, ‘Christmas is all Around’!”

“OH JEEZ, NOT THAT CRAP AGAIN!” Ibuki screamed as the familiar melody started being put on blast throughout the room.

“Hey, Ibuki, congrats on the win,” one of her friends raised her glass, “But you do realize you really ARE going to have to set fire to yourself on stage?”

“Eh?” Mioda furrowed her brows. “Ah, whatever! I’ll think about that later! Now where’s my cellphone, I want to rub it in to those ex-members of mine.” The crowd tittered as she whipped out her phone and began texting aloud: _“May your Christmas be as dull, insipid and shitty as your music. With Love, IBUKI.”_

**_BRRRRING_ **

“Yes, Hello?” Ibuki examined her nails as she listened.

She suddenly stood at attention.

“Ooh, G-Dragon!”

The crowd immediately dissolved into hushed whispers at the idol’s name.

“Hmm? Oh, alright! Send an embarrassingly big car and Ibuki will be RIGHT OVER!” She killed the call. “You lots have fun! Ibuki is going to ‘accidentally’ smoke some weed herself and if she get wasted, she’ll give a call in the morning! But before that, a toast!” She took a nearby flute of champagne and raised it high. Twogami and the others followed suit, all grinning broadly.

“Guys, here’s to one very KICK-ASS Christmas!”

**PRIME MINISTER’S OFFICIAL RESIDENCE:**

“I cannot  _believ_ _e_ ,” Nagisa shook his head, “that you didn’t talk to her again! Not even a  _‘Merry Christmas’_ _._  That was a great timing, sir.”

“Nagisa-kun, concentrate on your work.” Ishimaru snapped as he returned to the papers he was examining. “It’s going to be fine. You’re overthinking things.”

“It’s already done.” Nagisa placed a small stack of forms onto his desk. “And I’ve helped you settle a time for the treasury meeting.”

“Right.” Ishimaru put on his reading glasses. ”And our Protocol for the ZIKA virus has been finalized?”

“As of yet, no. WHO hasn’t declared ZIKA to be a worldwide emergency yet.”

“Who didn’t?”

“WHO didn’t.”

“That’s what I’m asking. Who didn’t declare ZIKA to be a worldwide emergency yet?”

“Yes!”

Ishimaru stared, momentarily shifting his eyes left to right, before hurriedly nodding and diving back into his work.

_World Health Organization. Of course._

Nagisa checked the grandfather’s clock in the study. “I’m going to have to change, sir, the play’s going to begin in 45 minutes.”

“Oh yes, certainly. Carry on.”

Hearing this, Nagisa went to his knapsack and extracted a white cloak and staff, along with an antiquated straw hat whose rustic appeal was dashed slightly by the H&M label sticking out on the back.

Ishimaru watched with interest. “And what are you supposed to be?”

“A stable boy.” Nagisa called as he ducked out of view to change. “I’m supposed to be there when it happens.”

“Oh. Do you have any lines?”

“Uhh… Yes. Something along the lines of ‘Hey, you can’t just barge in here and decide to give birth’.”

“I’m sure you’ll nail that perfectly.” Ishimaru stifled a yawn as he started leafing through a leather pouch on his table. “What’s in this bag, by the way?”

“Christmas well-wishes from the staff.” Nagisa reappeared from behind the corner, all dressed in shepherd’s garb. “The butler had dropped them in here while you were away.”

“Really?” Ishimaru pawed through several of them with interest. “Let’s see now, this looks promising: ‘Dear Prime Minister, have a very Merry Christmas and continue to not,” Ishimaru paused as he squinted, ”-fuck up in your job. Sincerely, your Minister of Internal affairs and Communication.’ … Well, that’s clearly communicated in any sense. Let’s see if there’s anything a little more delicate than that, shall we?” Ishimaru extracted a blue envelope and tore it open, reading aloud: “Dear sir, Merry Christmas and please decide on a date where we can discuss the proposed change in stance towards LGBT. Sincerely, Minster of Gender Equality.” Ishimaru muttered. “Nagisa-kun, are you sure these are cards and not to-do lists?”

“Well, you have a limited audience everyday.” Nagisa reasoned. “They’re going to have to try and talk to you some way or another.”

“Yes… Yes…” Ishimaru extracted another envelope. “Right, maybe third time’s the charm, and it’s from-“ The Prime Minister stopped abruptly.

“Sir?”

“It’s… It’s from Tsumiki-san.”

Nagisa turned sharply. “Ah. Go on.”

“… Well, we’ll get to that later, shall we?” Ishimaru put it in the furthest corner of his desk. “Now let’s see, maybe Minister of Disaster Management has some choice words- GIVE THAT BACK!“

In an instant, Nagisa snatched the pink envelope from the desk and tore it open.

“If you’re not reading this, sir _, I’m_  going to read this.”

“Nagisa-kun, give that back before I drag it away from you-“

“Too late.  _‘Dear sir_ ,’” Nagisa began, _“Merry Christmas and I hope you have a very happy New Year. I'm truly very sorry about the thing that happened. Thank you for helping me out then. It was a very odd moment and I feel like an idiot for not knowing what to do at the time. Particularly because…_ _”_  Nagisa’s voice trailed off as he read the final sentence.

“B-because what?” Ishimaru tried his best to hide his interest.

“ _Particularly because I’m yours. With Love, Mikan Tsumiki, your housekeeper_.” Nagisa finished, handing the letter for Ishimaru himself to read.

The silence was broken a few moments later:

“Well um… lovely letter, but It’s a bit… odd.”

“What is?”

“Now that I mention it, it  _is_ odd.” Ishimaru stood up, a new surge of energy overcoming him. “Why should she apologize of all people? ‘Oh, I’m sorry for getting sexually harassed by the President of the United States’. That doesn’t make any sense, it’s sexist, it’s just wrong.”

“Well in her defense, sir, you  _did_  give her the cold shoulder after the incident.”

Ishimaru stared.

“Oh, shit.” He muttered.

“Sir?”

“Oh shit, oh shit, ohhhhh SHIT! I’ve made the wrong decision, haven’t I?”

Nagisa kept silent as Ishimaru stared blankly at the letter.

Without warning, Ishimaru stood up.

“Get the car. We’re leaving.”

“Where to?”

“Tsumiki’s apartment.”

“And where is that?”

“Roppongi. The dodgy end!” Ishimaru threw on his cloak.

“But sir, your documents-“

“Nagisa-kun, do you want me to settle things with her or not?”

“… I’ll send for the limo.”

“Smart boy.”

-

**St Luke’s Hospital**

The Christmas lights were a muted yellow and red that night.

Hinata watched the passerbys go about their business, clearly in the holiday spirit; though he doubted any of them actually took the holiday seriously other than an excuse to have more sex. The two MCs on the radio were discussing about where best to head for Christmas and Christmas Eve.

He lifted his forehead from the cold glass, slightly numbed from the prolonged contact, and refocused his attention on Komaeda.

The doctor had informed him bluntly that unless the occurrence of divine intervention should happen, he could expect Komaeda to die any day now.

That conversation took place two days ago.

Hinata gave a small groan as he extracted himself from the windowsill and back towards the chair beside the bed to get a better look. His eyes were sewn tightly shut as he took peaceful breaths.

As he watched, he thought of Nanami.

He wondered what she was doing now. Was she thinking of him as well? _Probably playing another game._ Was she hoping he would join her? _Does she still want to be more than friends with me after all of this?_

He felt a sudden impulse to see her. To talk to her. To ask her to come. But somewhere inside him he felt this moment was between him and Komaeda; asking anyone else to come felt wrong.

_Guess it’s another lonely Christmas._

“ _Right, that’s enough about the events coming up for now_ , _”_ the radio crackled, “ _but here’s a little music on this beautiful Christmas Eve for those feeling a little Sentimental._ _Without further ado, here’s **Wang Ruo Lin’s cover of ‘Vincent’** by Don Mclean.”_

Hinata froze as the familiar guitar chords began to play.

 _Komaeda,_ he thought glumly, _it looks like there’s someone up there who has a sick sense of humor. Your favorite song on your deathbed._

The guitar paused ever so briefly.

“Starry starry night...” Hinata breathed, in sync with the music.

-

_Starry Starry Night,_

_Paint your palette blue and grey_

_Look out on a summer’s day_

_With eyes that know the darkness in my soul_

 

_Shadows on the hills_

_Sketch the trees and daffodils_

_Catch the breeze and winter chills_

_And colors on the snowy linen land_

-

**A CERTAIN CHURCH IN TOKYO**

Snow was falling like goose feathers from the starry starry night as Naegi entered the church grounds.

The entire building was softly illuminated as the Christmas festivities went on inside. Carols were singing ‘Silent Night’ with clear accents that seemed to give the song some extra charm. A small stand outside was selling hot wine to the appreciation of the visitors. One or two other people gave Naegi queer looks as he avoided the warmth of the insides to progress further down, where she would be waiting.

Naegi paused to take a bucket and fill it with water in the nearby tap before moving on.

The entire landscape was blanketed in white, and like miniature buildings the tombstones jutted out neatly row by row, bound by bound. Flowers, wilted and tinged with frost were strewn messily across some. Oranges, by then frozen, were stacked in twos in front of one or two.

Kirigiri’s was bare save for the film of snow that covered the top of the rectangular block.

Naegi stared in silence, flowers in hand, at the sight in front of him.

A moment later, he lays down the flowers to a side, and kneels. Taking out a cloth from his breast pocket, he shifted the bucket slightly forward.

Working meticulously, he began his work, running his damp cloth on the gravestone with care. He removed the small pieces of dirt that had been collected in the area where her name was etched. He picked apart the rivulets of ice that had formed along the sides as frost every morning.

When everything had been cleared, and the tombstone was shining amongst the others, he stood up and repositioned himself at the foot of the grave. Bringing the flowers gently in front of him, he puts his palms together and prays.

_Hey, Kirigiri-san. It’s me. I still think about you everyday, but these days your face takes longer for me to conjure. Only a little bit, though. I won’t forget._

His eyebrows furrowed as he struggled for something to talk about.

Today however, for whatever reason, his mind was blank.

Sighing, he continued.

_Komaeda is probably going to die soon. The doctor had said his condition has deteriorated to a point where it could be any day now… His suicide attempt didn’t help. When he does, wherever you are, maybe you could meet him. I don’t know whether things work like that up there, but I’m sure you’ll find him… interesting._

Naegi paused a long while before deciding to go towards  _that_  topic.

_This might be a bit of a surprise. I met someone. Or someone met me. You would like her. She’s almost as quiet as you. Her name’s Ikusaba. We met in the bookstore I frequent. Over the past few weeks we’ve met up and gotten to know each other._

_Against or to my will, I like her. I do like her quite a bit. I’m not sure whether it’s the same feeling I felt when I talk to you. Even if it was, I don’t think I would recognize it. Time does funny things._

_But I’ve hurt her. I’ve hurt her badly. I didn’t mean to, of course, but how many of us really do these things purposefully anyway?_

_Of course, it was wrong to think a relationship like that could remain in stasis for long. I couldn’t use her as a means to cure my loneliness for long._

_I honestly don’t know what to do now. Kirigiri, I still love you, but I feel something for her as well. To talk to you about something like this is unbearable for me. But I don’t know whether I should. The mere thought of me moving on from you is scary enough to make the idea of being with her unappealing._

Naegi waited a little longer. By then, the carols had started singing ‘Good King Wenceslas’.

_And here I am, talking to a grave instead of making a decision for myself._

Sighing, Naegi stood up, rubbing away the stiffness in his knees.

“Well, this is a surprise.”

Naegi turned around. A woman carrying roses of her own surveyed him in interest, her red spectacles standing out within the dark surrounding.

“Um…” Naegi scratched his head, “I’m sorry. You do look familiar, but I don’t quite remember-“

“Yui. Samidare Yui.”

Naegi blinked.

“Oh. That’s right. You were her colleague.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, I was about finished anyway.” Naegi gave a quick smile. “Please carry on.”

Samidare nodded as she too laid her flowers on the grave and murmured a quick prayer.

“… It seems a strange time for somebody to visit.” She suddenly spoke.

“The same could be said for you.”

“Kirigiri and I often worked overtime during Christmas Eve.” The woman took out a packet of Marlboro Lights and lit one, a hand shielding it from the biting winter wind. “This year, I’m stuck doing more overtime yet again. So… it became something of a tradition for me to bring some flowers this time of the year and say a few words.” Samidare blew a thin column of smoke from her lips. “But why are you here?”

Naegi shrugged.

“Didn’t have anywhere else to go, I guess.”

Samidare squinted at him.

“Would you mind coming down with me to the station after this?”

“Hm? Was it something I said?”

“No. It’s just that Kirigiri had left quite a few effects behind from her office, and they’ve been lying around ever since.”

 _That_  perked Naegi’s interest.

“It’s nothing much to note, but I thought you might appreciate all of the little things she left behind.”

“… Let’s go then.”

-

His breaths were getting noticeably slower, and the beeps on the machine were occurring at larger intervals. Yet Hinata stayed.

_Now I understand~_

_What you tried to say to me_

_How you suffered for your sanity_

_How you tried to set them free_

_They did not listen, they did not know how,_

_Perhaps they’ll listen now_

_-_

**FURTHER DOWN IN TOKYO**

“Name and house number, please?”

Souda Kazuichi pursed his lips.

“Actually, I would like to keep that secret. It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

The guard gave an unimpressed stare. “Who do you think you’re kidding?”

“It  _is_!” He held up the placards he made, along with the boombox in another hand. “It’s a Christmas surprise.”

“That’s nice. I’m still going to need your name and house number you’re going to before I let you in.”

Souda grinded his teeth. “That would ruin the surprise. Can’t you just be a little lax for a while? I’m going to be out in 15 minutes, I promise!”

“Can’t. We’ve got all sorts of high-end people living here. Millionaires, heirs, idols, even royalty.”

Souda let out a groan in frustration.

“You’re ruining a really great surprise!”

“Keep telling yourself that, kiddo.”

-

 _Well, that didn’t work,_ Souda thought gloomily as he walked away from the front gate.  _But I need to take her surprise. I can’t have that prat just cock things up._

He looked at his watch. 8:24.

_If I don’t manage to do this in time, I’m not going to have time to complete the second phase of the plan._

Sighing, he circled the perimeter of the luxury houses, looking for an opening.

_Come on… It’s not like you haven’t already been here a hundred times already. There’s gotta be a way inside this godforsaken- What the fuck?_

Souda halted in his tracks, staring at the creature through the gates.

He rubbed his eyes hard, and looked again.

The ostrich screeched as it peered through the enclosure. Built directly against the hedge was a cage for the creature to romp around in. Though the cage was clean as could be, the smell of urine still lingered as Souda watched it slowly tread around.

 _Of course,_  Souda thought _, Gundam fucking Tanaka._

He peered through the cage. Sure enough, the large cage/enclosure was directly in the grounds of the largest mansions in the apartment complex, which was decorated with various statues of demons, gargoyles and one of the grim reaper.

_Found you._

Souda looked at the large cage again. Though the wall of the cage was large enough such to deter visitors from coming in, he spotted a small locked door through another cage encircling the one encasing the avian creature. Directly across, on the far side of the cage, was another door.

The logical plan occurred to him, and he took out his small tool-kit from his breast pocket.

 _But there’s a fucking ostrich in between,_ he groaned as he paced nervously, the ostrich curiously watching his every movement.

Just as he was racking his brains for another way in, something caught his eye.

Through the windows, he watched as Sonia fixed her hair in front of a mirror with admirable elegance and grace.

Souda Kazuichi closed his eyes and counted to 10. When he was done, she was still there.

The sight seemed to stiffen his resolve, and he swallowed.

_Let’s do this shit._

-

_Starry starry night_

_Flaming flowers that brightly blaze_

_Swirling clouds and violet haze_

_Reflect in Vincent’s eyes of China blue_

_Colors changing hue_

_Morning fields of amber grain,_

_Weathered faces lined in pain,_

_Are soothed beneath the artist’s loving hand._

-

“Here we are,” the driver parked the car. “Roppongi, the dodgy end.”

“Oh God.” Ishimaru peered through the tinted windows. “22 skyscrapers and 43 apartment complexes. I am never going to find her in time.”

“Actually, if I may interject,” Nagisa muttered, Galaxy in hand, “She’s living in  _that_ condominium and… and unfortunately there’s no house number. Best I could do.”

Ishimaru looked towards where Nagisa was pointing and his heart sank. A moderately new, 22-story high building towered over the area.

_This is going to be a long night._

**SLEUTH’S LIBRARY**

“It’s mostly her workplace items, but there’s a few things in here she treasured.”

“I see. Thanks, by the way.”

“It’s no problem. I needed a break from all my work, anyway.” She passed him a standard-issue black box, lined with silver streaks, something a dime a dozen in an ordinary workplace, but somehow standing out in the quaint environment.

 _Rather dusty,_ Naegi thought as he held the box reverently.

“Consider that a Christmas present.”

“I will.”

Yui took another long drag from her second cigarette that night.

“She liked you a lot, you know.”

“Pardon?” Naegi looked up.

Yui shrugged. “You know her. She didn’t really talk about things unless you ask. You were an exception.”

He blinked several times.

“Really?”

“They were funny stories. Something about burned cake 3 years in a row?”

“Oh… dear.” Naegi flushed with embarrassment, looking down in the process.

“I don’t really think that directly means she loved me, though?”

“… If that’s what you want to believe, then I can’t help you any more than that.”

An unsure silence hung over the both of them.

Yui yawned, rubbing her eyes with her slender fingers. “Back to work. You have a Merry Christmas.”

Naegi snorted. “… It’s a couple’s holiday.”

“Well, you seem like a sweet guy, but I’m certainly not spending a night with you if that’s what you’re implying.”

“NO. I meant… Nevermind. Merry Christmas.”

-

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_ **

An elderly woman peered out.

“Excuse me, does Miss Tsumiki live here?”

“N-no. She doesn’t.”

Ishimaru pursed his lips. “Well, never mind then. Merry Christmas-“

“Aren’t you the Prime Minister?”

“Er… Yes, yes I am.” Ishimaru smiled. “Christmas Initiative. Trying to make Christmas more of a family event than the couple’s holiday it’s known to be.”

“Oh… Lovely. Merry Christmas to you too!”

The door gently swung shut.

“That was successful.” Nagisa muttered.

“Oh, keep quiet.”

-

“Are you… quite sure you don’t want to go back to Novoselic for Christmas?”

“It’s perfectly alright, Tanaka.” Sonia licked a flap of a Christmas card. “Besides, I always did think that the Christmas Ceremonies are a tad overdone.”

“Understatement of the millennium.” Tanaka muttered, feeding a very aged Cham-P. “Very well, then. A time of pagan traditions quietly celebrated, then.”

“Just you and me.”

“… Would you mind if I call some acquaintances over?”

Sonia turned. “Tonight? Well, that’s alright, who?”

“Oh, just anyone who dares to come. Perhaps Kuzuryuu, perhaps Togami, and Souda, of course.”

Sonia stiffened. This small gesture did not go amiss, and Tanaka frowned.

“Sonia?”

“It’s nothing. Please carry on.”

“Wait. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, really, Tanaka.”

Tanaka sighed. “Did Souda offend you? He can make japes of poor taste, I admit, but you shouldn’t take him seriously.”

“No, no he did nothing of the sort. And it was just a chill I felt. Don’t worry.”

Tanaka’s face settled into his usual grimace. “If you insist.”

**_DING DONG_ **

The two turned.

“Did you invite someone already?”

“No, as a matter of fact I didn’t.”

**OUTSIDE**

The moment Souda rang the doorbell he realized his mistake.

_What if Tanaka got the door?_

His face paled as he imagined the consequences.

_“Oh, yo, Tanaka-san, Merry Christmas, oh nothing much, just stopping by to say Merry Christmas. What are these? Oh don’t mind me, they’re an art project I’m doing for another friend of mine which coincidentally features Sonia Nevermind’s name oh god this was a shit Idea I’m insane I’m Insane I’M INSANE-_

He heard footsteps approaching. Finally, he ducked behind the nearby bush and waited.

The door opened.

A very confused Sonia peered out.

“Hello?”

Souda bit into his fist to stop himself from swearing.

After a while, the door swung shut.

“Fuck.”

Souda checked his watch. Steeling himself, he took his items and went back to the door.

-

**_Ding Dong_ **

The door opened, and two children peeked out.

“Yes, um, hello.” Ishimaru tried his best to sound pleasant, a feat that was getting harder and harder with each door they passed. “I would like to enquire, does Miss Tsumiki live here?”

The children blinked. “No.”

“Well, sorry then. Thank you-“

“Are you Santa Claus?” One piped up.

Ishimaru’s eye twitched. “Er...” He looked towards Nagisa for help. Nagisa gave a helpless shrug.

“Er… yes.” Ishimaru nodded, getting into character. “But don’t tell anyone I’m here, or you’re going to be put on the naughty list, alright?”

“Do we get presents?”

“Er, yes! Yes, you do!” Ishimaru searched his pockets fretfully for something that kids would like. His wallet, containing over 2 hundred thousand yen in cash. His contact details. His phone.

_In short, nothing._

He was just about to contemplate giving away his brilliantly shiny medal of honor when Nagisa stepped forward, taking out a bag of candy from his knapsack.

“Merry Christmas. Now run along inside before you catch cold.”

Eagerly grabbing the gift, they slammed the door shut.

“… Nicely done.”

“That was my supper.” He sighed.

“May you have a hundred more for Christmas after this.”

**NAEGI’S APARTMENT**

With his foot, Naegi swung the door to his apartment shut.

Still carrying the dusty box, he set it on the shoe rack as he turned on the lights. Putting on his phone and keys on the jet-black stereo, he turned the radio on before focusing his attention on the box.

He set the box on the table and took a deep breath, unsure of what to expect.

Finally, to the baritone vocals of Frank Sinatra, he lifted the lid.

Either someone had taken the time to arrange her effects neatly, or Kirigiri always kept her things with precision even after work.

One pair of gloves. Naegi took the time to feel the buttery leather in his hands. Two more, he knew, were still in her cupboards, but it came as no surprise that she had a spare in her workplace.

Several boxes of staples. _Unremarkable._

A tube of NoDoz caffeine pills, half-empty. Naegi still remembered her burning the midnight oil as he laid in.

Her favorite magnifying glass, slightly murky from disuse.

A slightly rusty pair of Vernier Calipers, along with something that looked suspiciously like dried blood clinging onto the jaws’ edges.

A pair of computer glasses, still in the box along with its cloth. Naegi put them on for a brief moment, looking at the mirror to see how he looked. After indulging in enough silliness, he put them back.

A miniature sewing kit. Naegi stopped to think for a moment to wonder just when Kirigiri would have to use it. Somehow the idea of Kirigiri knitting just seemed so out of character, and Naegi suppressed a smile as he pictured her bringing home a scarf she had made over a month.  _Not like it ever happened or will happen._

Her favorite pen and little black notebook; an odd pen, not in design but by its background and how she came across it. It was a fountain pen from the Navy, standard-issue, and upon visiting once on a pen she was told she could keep it. Naegi flipped the pages of the notebook with interest. Diagrams and case details were neatly scrawled across every page.

Naegi looked at all of the things before him for a long while; loneliness started rearing its ugly head as it made its presence felt.

_I guess nothing changes._

It was as Naegi was beginning to pack her effects away that Naegi saw it.

Camouflaged against the brown interior was a brown envelope.

_苗木_ _誠_ _._

Heart racing, he took out the envelope with shaking hands. Something thin and metallic could be felt through the rough paper as he examined it.

Naegi had never wondered what it was Kirigiri had wanted to give him the night she died. Humble as he was, a party seemed enough of a present and Naegi had stopped thinking about it.

Slowly, he tore the flap open and peered inside. A CD, in its dust cover, and a letter. Naegi took out the CD and stared. His 19th birthday was penned in elegant script across.

Making his way across the room in front of the television, he inserted the CD into the DVD player. And as he waited, he read the letter.

And he read it again.

 

**Dear Naegi,**

**Time flies, doesn’t it? It seems like yesterday that you made the effort to talk to me. Of course, I didn’t know then I would be your wife and you my husband. It didn’t seem logical, to be frank.**

**Well, I don’t have enough time to write a short letter, so this would have to be a long one, despite my best intentions… Come to think of it, that’s an interesting quote, isnt it? Lots of people have claimed to be the one who first penned it down. Pascal. Mark Twain. Maybe a lot of them _have_ thought of it earlier but never bothered publishing it. The same goes with people who are nice ‘deep down’ but never really show it. It’s a little moot, to be honest.**

**Still, it’s a good quote, if a bit paradoxical. Of course, the actual writing of long letters take a longer time than short letters. Maybe whoever thought of this quote is implying that short letters have more thought put in them; you take time to sort out exactly what you want to say, and nothing more. Longer letters give you the luxury of penning down whatever pops into your mind. It’s what you write for good friends. So we spend less time thinking in longer letters and more time actually writing.**

**But I _do_  think, Naegi. I think quite a lot about you and I even if you don’t believe it.**

**I think about the time you confessed to me. I’ll be honest now. I was surprised, both because I didn’t notice your feelings beforehand and because you were actually brave enough to tell me.**

**I think about the time you proposed. Again, taken by surprise. You have no idea how very surprised and happy I was when it happened.**

**I think about the time I told you I didn’t want kids. Once again, don’t get me wrong. If I were to have children, I wouldn’t mind them being yours. But children are something I would have to learn to deal with when I’m older. I don’t think I’m ready for them just yet.**

**… I don’t know, but after that incident I’ve been thinking more and more about us and our relationship. How it operates, our roles and so on.**

**And it pains me to write this but I concluded that I never actually thought I did anything special to merit your love for me except for the fact that I reciprocate your love; and even that I don’t do very well. Please excuse me for this: I am a normal girl, and even I have trouble getting my feelings across.**

**So let me take this opportunity on your birthday to tell you, in the straightest way possible, with no room for misinterpretion, that Naegi Makoto: I love you. Thank you for loving me, even if you did have doubts sometimes. Thank you for staying with me, even if I puzzled you. Thank you for making me happy, even if I don’t show it by habit.**

**This is something I’ve made upon thinking of another particular time I hold dear. Keep it. I might never actually do it again.**

**… This took longer than expected, even for a long letter. Just remember if you’re thinking about me, I’m probably thinking of you as well.**

**Love,**

**Kyouko Kirigiri.**

 

During the third time, he became aware of an unfamiliar sound around the house. As he looked around, he realized where it came from and why the letter was beginning to be wet from tears.

Suddenly, he stood up, taking his keys and phone from the stereo and pulling on his coat. Hurtling down the stairs 3 at a time, Naegi flung himself into the winter cold.

“TAXI!”

As the vehicle slowed, Naegi clambered in.

“Take me to Ikusaba's house.”

“And where is that?”

“Where Ikusaba lives, now GET GOING!”

“Yessir.”

-

A nurse entered, hearing the noises the machine made, and hurriedly went out to find the doctor. Hinata continued to hold his hand.

_For they could not love you,_

_But still your love was true._

_And when no hope was left in sight_

_On that starry, starry night,_

_You took your life, as lovers often do._

_But I could have told you, Vincent,_

_This world was never meant for one as Beautiful as you._

-

After giving some more specific instructions, the taxi finally stopped somewhere near Naegi supposed Ikusaba lived. He would have hoped to be closer to his destination in mind, but the fact was that Ikusaba only mentioned the street address and not the house number.

Bringing up the collar of his winter coat, he tried retracing his steps that night he walked her home. As he did so, he thought of what he was going to say when he met her.

 _Right, so I should first apologize… and then explain myself, and then just say that I missed her and that I…_ He paused in thought.

_Should I say I love her?_

_No. Too abrupt and a bit unbelievable,_ Naegi decided. _I’ll just say that I honestly like her, and hope for another chance._

Before he knew it, his legs had carried him all the way where he had dropped her off on the day they met and up the stairs all the way to her doorstep.

Naegi mentally prepared himself. _Here goes._

**_DING DONG_ **

Naegi stared at his shoes as the sound echoed within the household. Eventually, he heard heavy footfalls toward his direction and the door opened.

“Hi, Ikusaba, sorry to disturb you but could I… just…”

A heavyweight turkishman at least a head taller than Naegi glared back, kebab in hand.

“ _Can I help you?_ ” The man asked in slurred english.

“Er…” Naegi blinked, struggling to comprehend his current situation. “ _Are you... Ikusaba’s father?”_

“ _No._ ”

Naegi sighed.

“ _Ikusaba…. Live here?”_

 _“No.”_ The man was getting impatient.

“Right. _Sorry. Merry Christmas.”_

Nodding, the man closed the door in his face.

Deeply confused, Naegi went back down the stairs and looked back at the apartment in question.

 _This was the place,_ Naegi thought. _Undoubtedly so._

He tried calling her, but a quick inspection of his phone told him that it was flat.

_Terrific._

Naegi looked at the long street ahead of him. At that moment, a certain mad part of him wanted to knock on every single door in search of where she was, but ultimately he decided against it.

Sighing, he went to the roadside and waited for a passing taxi.

_I’ll tell her another time._

-

Somewhere not too far, in a certain familiar bookstore, Ikusaba steps out, allowing the owner to do his tidying up. Her freckles stung against the freezing wind, but other than that, she was perfectly warm within her parka as she entered a passing bus.

Junko was out with Matsuda again, and she knew she would only be back in the wee hours of daybreak from whatever godforsaken club that was unlucky enough to catch her fancy.

She stares at her phone. Naegi’s number had been unavailable since an hour ago.

The thought that Naegi might already have moved on gnawed at her as the bus went on its way.

_But why wouldn’t he._

Resigning herself to another night alone, Ikusaba sank deeply into her seat.

-

“Sir, how much longer are we going to spend here, exactly?”

“We have 15 floors to go, Nagisa-kun. We’re actually progressing relatively quickly.”

“Yes…” Nagisa acknowledged as the duo made their way down a flight of stairs, “but I didn’t think you’d actually go and knock on every door. Sir, we can spend the good part of this night searching, and she could very well be outside drinking with friends.”

“I know that.” Ishimaru sighed. “But certain things are well overdue.”

“I agree… but I have a play to take part in!”

“Two more floors, and if we find nobody, we’ll go for your play immediately.” Ishimaru promised as they entered another long hallway. “Right, let’s quicken things a little bit. You take that end, and when we’re done, we regroup right here.”

-

The head doctor came in now, carrying with him his essentials and a clipboard. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as the doctor readied the defibrillator on standby.

_Starry Starry Night_

_Portraits hung in empty halls,_

_Frameless head on nameless walls,_

_With eyes that watch the world and can’t forget._

_Like the strangers that you’ve met,_

_The ragged men in the ragged clothes_

_The silver thorn of bloody rose,_

_Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow._

-

Sonia was only a few paces away from the door when she heard it again.

**_*knock knock_ ** **_*_ **

Two small knocks, as if they were only meant for her to hear.

Alert, she slowly glided back to the door, straightening her clothes in the process.

The door swung open.

“Can I-“ Sonia began, before seeing who it was outside. “Oh. _Oh._ Hi.” She breathed.

Souda nodded, and hurriedly put a finger to his lips.

“WHO IS IT?!” Tanaka called from within the interiors of the house, thankfully out of sight.

“Um…” Sonia looked lost, for once, and as if on cue, Souda held up a banner.

**SAY IT’S CAROL SINGERS.**

Souda pointed to the boombox on his shoulders, hoping she’d understand.

Sonia looked at him for a long time, a mixture of emotions flitting across her face.

“… It’s carol singers.” She called finally.

“What? Why didn’t you say so?” Tanaka screeched, and the both of them heard him barrel up the stairs. “I must take shelter from these accursed sirens at once!”

Once Souda heard the satisfying slam of a door above, he set down the boombox with a thud beside him, and turned it on.

“ _Silent Night…”_

“Souda-san,” Sonia exhaled, “I’ve been meaning to say I’m-“

Souda held up a finger to stop her. “I won’t take long. Promise.”

As the carols continued to play beside him, he held up the stack of banners with both hands.

**MERRY CHRISTMAS.**

He showed her the next one.

**I would have said something sooner, but I was a bit of a coward.**

**Sorry about that.**

And the next, taking the time to look at her as he switched them one by one.

**With any luck, by next year, I’ll find someone else to chase.**

**Maybe someone as hot as Angelina Jolie.**

Sonia suppressed a small smile, but continued to see what he had to say.

**But for now, let me say**

**Without hope or agenda,**

Souda bit his lip. His cheeks were beginning to turn red, a sign not gone unnoticed by Sonia as hers tinged pink. Slowly, he showed her the next one.

**(Because at Christmas, you tell the truth)**

He lowered his gaze and stared at the ground, taking deep breaths, watching the snow melt upon contact with his boots. Uncertainly, patiently, Sonia watched.

She was considering whether to speak when Souda quickly flipped the banner.

**TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT.**

Sonia stared. She looked to the embarrased Souda and back to the banner underneath, dully aware of the mistiness in her eyes.

Souda finally looked up, a firm resignation spread across his face, already red as a tomato.

**And my wasted heart will love you until you’re as old as the Queen of England.**

Souda paused, and as if as an afterthought, showed her the last one.

**Or Angela Merkel, the old hag.**

And that made Sonia laugh, in spite of herself.

And that made Souda smile, in spite of himself.

As the carols were drawing to a close, Souda tucked the banners under his arm and heaved the boombox onto his shoulders.

The two took their time gazing at one another in silent appreciation.

Finally, nodding once, Souda made his way down the stairs, one at a time.

-

**_She hates it._ **

_No she doesn’t. She laughed. That couldn’t be a bad sign, right?_

**_I’m telling you, she only did so out of pity._ **

Souda sighed. What’s done was done, he knew, and at the moment he contented himself with finally telling the truth.

_I guess waiting for a reaction from her would be too much to hope for._

He briefly contemplated going out through the main entrance.

_Nah. Too risky. He’ll probably ask me how the fuck I got in in the first place._

Just as Souda was about to return via the way he got in, he became aware of the pitter-patter of footsteps behind him.

“Souda-san.”

Heart pounding, he turned around.

Placing both slender hands on his cheeks, Sonia kissed him.

The effect on his ability to think was comparable to that of a headshot, and as adrenaline surged through every fiber of his being, Souda kissed her back.

After what seemed like hours, Souda pulled away from her embrace, and for the first time that night, Sonia was as flushed as Souda.

Souda cleared his throat nervously.

“I hope Tanaka didn’t see that from up there.”

“If he does, I’ll explain. Don’t worry about it.”

 _We are talking about one hell of an explanation, you know,_ Souda thought in a daze, _but then again, personality does go a long way._

“Good Night, Souda-san.”

She gave him a quick smile and a final squeeze of his hands, and then hurried back up the stairs and into the manor. Souda watched her go, the exhilaration of the kiss gradually seeping away. Gingerly, he touched his lips, trying to recall to himself the exact pressure of her lips on his-

The watch on his wrist quickly brought him back down to earth.

_Time to go._

Taking everything, he bolted towards the enclosure and hurriedly undid the lock, taking care to lock it as he went in. Avoiding the mounds of ostrich feces, Souda gingerly trod towards the outer gate, which as a pleasant surprise was thankfully already unlocked for him as he stowed his tool kit away.

Souda took one last look at the manor behind him.

 _Enough,_ he thought, _Enough now._

-

Twogami sat alone in his apartment, champagne flute in hand and a handful of popcorn in the other, watching the rerun of Ibuki’s performance.

**_DING DONG_ **

Sighing, Twogami set down his bucket of popcorn and champagne and started for the front door down below.

The bloodwood door opened gently as Twogami peered out in the darkness.

Ibuki held out a bottle of wine. “Hey. Can Ibuki come in?”.

“Uh… sure.” Twogami held the door open as Ibuki huddled inside, carelessly removing her coat. “What are you doing here?”

“Hmm? Are you saying Ibuki can’t even visit someone on Christmas Eve?”

“I don’t understand.” Twogami muttered as he led Ibuki into the living room upstairs. “I thought you were partying with G-Dragon and the rest of the guys.”

Ibuki scratched her head. “Well, Ibuki was there for a minute or two, and then I had a piphany.”

“ _Epiphany_.” He corrected.

“Same difference.” Ibuki paused to see her performance on TV. “Anyway, I was there watching G-Dragon accepting a marijuana cigarette, when I had a piphany.”

Twogami raised his eyebrow.

“Really…”

“Yep.”

Ibuki took out a packet of Hope Regulars from her pocket, extracted a cigarette and absent-mindedly flicked the lighter on, watching as the tip beginning to smoke.

“So what was this…” Twogami’s eyes narrowed, “Epiphany?”

“Well um…” Ibuki frowned. “It was actually about Christmas.”

Twogami smirked. “You realized it was all around?”

Ibuki shook her head, watching the smoke rings neatly propel themselves from her lips. “Nope. I realized Christmas was a time for you to be with the person you love.”

“… Right…”

The rockstar flicked the ashes onto a nearby pot plant.

“And I realized that, as dire chance and fateful cock-up would have it, here I am, 23, and without knowing it, I've gone and spent most of my music career with a chubby employee. And, much as it grieves me to say it, it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you.”

Twogami blinked as Ibuki continued to flick ash.

“Well this is a surprise.” He finally managed.

“Yeah.”

“One minute with G-Dragon and you’re as drunk as a swimming pool.”

“No, no, no,” Ibuki made a slashing X-sign across her face. “Look, Ibuki’s serious here. I left G-Dragon with his girlfriend Kiko Mizuhara and a Chippendales act filled with men baring their abs and thrusting their hips just to hang out with you at Christmas.”

Now Twogami was staring.

“W-Well… Ibuki, I do like having you around despite all of your quirks, but-“

Ibuki placed a finger on his lips.

“It’s a terrible, terrible mistake, porky… But you turned out to be the love of my life. And to be honest, despite all of my complaning,” Ibuki beamed, “together we have had the time of our lives.”

For a moment, all the two did was stare at each other.

Slowly, Twogami gave a small smile and nervously held out his arms, onto which Ibuki quickly rushed into, her hands barely reaching across his full circumference. Unsure of what to do, and very red in the face, Twogami just sort of patted her back for a long while.

“Well um..” Twogami cleared his throat as they stopped the hug, “Thank you. I mean, come on, it’s been an honor. I feel very proud.”

“Yeah Yeah, no need for all that crap.” Ibuki took out a nearby horror flick and inserted it into the DVD player. “Come on.” She raised her glass. “Let’s get drunk and do whatever naturally happens afterwards.”

Twogami turned a brilliant shade of pink.

-

Like a scene out of so many dramas, the heart monitor produced a monotonous siren as the doctors placed both shockers on Komaeda’s chest, all as Hinata watched.

_Now I think I know,_

_What you tried to say to me,_

_How you suffered for your sanity,_

_How you tried to set them free._

And after a few tries, they gave up, bowing their heads in silent prayer.

Hinata did not believe he still had the strength within himself to cry, yet he looked away as the orderlies brought out the sheet and draped it over Komaeda’s lifeless shell.

A doctor approached him to ask him if he was alright as they began wheeling the body out of the room. Hinata gave a curt nod, avoiding his direct gaze. Seeming satisfied, he left Hinata to his own devices.

It was only until he was absolutely sure the doctor left that Hinata dared to wipe his eyes dry. The song was nearing its end.

_They would not listen, they’re not listening still._

_Perhaps they never will._

Hinata gave a ragged sigh, steadying his breaths.

He turned to the window and sat back down.

_Merry Christmas, Hinata Hajime._

The people outside on the road were staring and pointing at something out of sight. All had their phones out, taking pictures. Curious, Hinata craned his neck for a better look, but the window still obstructed his viewing angle.

-

**_KNOCK KNOCK_ **

The door opened.

“Hi, good evening and Merry Christmas,” Nagisa bowed, “sorry to bother you but-“

“Scram. I don’t have time for kids.”

Nagisa’s eyebrows twitched.

“Ma’am, this will only take a moment, I would just like to ask-“

“No. I don’t have anything to donate as of now.”

“I’m not from _The Salvation Army!_ ” Nagisa blurted. “I’m just an envoy, and I want to ask-“

“Kid,” Celestia scowled, “I’m not in the best of moods right now. Fuck off.”

“Now, really!” Affronted, Nagisa tried harder. “I’m looking for someone.”

“Your mother certainly isn’t here.”

“CAN YOU JUST-“

“Nagisa-kun!” Ishimaru strode over. “No raised voices, remember?”

Celestia’s mouth hung open as Ishimaru turned towards her.

“Hello, Merry Christmas, what he’s trying to ask is, does a Miss Tsumiki live here?”

“N-No.” Celestia shook her head hurriedly.

“Oh, that’s too bad, then-“

“She lives next door.”

Ishimaru stopped.

“Does she? Thank you very much for the kind assistance! Nagisa, say thank you, come on!”

But Nagisa was too busy recalling a very small part of a certain conversation between Tsumiki and Ishimaru to hear.

**_“That’s outrageous! You’re not fat at all!”_ **

**_“Actually, he said I had thighs the size of tree trunks… My neighbor said the same thing... They’re not very nice, come to think of it.”_ **

“Nagisa, come on!”

The boy turned towards Celestia and flipped her the bird.

A ping of silence rocketed across the hallway.

“NAGISA!” Ishimaru recovered first, and hurriedly shooed him away. “I apologize. He thinks that gesture means ‘thank you’.”

“No, Yukimura said to use it on a cun-“

Ishimaru silenced him with a piercing glare.

“Terribly sorry. Merry Christmas!” Quickly, he helped her close the door.

“WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?!” Ishimaru half shouted, half whispered to his secretary.

“She was a cunt who was mean to Tsumiki.”

“A: Don’t say that word ever again, B: don’t ever do that gesture in public again when you’re with me, no matter how much of a…” Ishimaru struggled with himself, “… cunt he or she is.”

He straightened up and went to the final door.

**_KNOCK KNOCK_ **

Ishimaru nervously stepped back, adjusting his tie and badges nervously.

The door opened.

“Yes, Good Evening, I would like to enquire whether Tsumiki’s in?”

The aging couple blinked.

“Mikan!” The man barked after a while. “Your boss wants to see you.”

There was the sound of shattered dishes.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” the woman hurried over to help, “I’ll do it. Go outside.”

There was a little hushed back-and-forth between the two, but eventually she emerged, looking nervously at her father and her boss.

“Uhh… May I borrow her for a small amount of time?” Ishimaru finally spoke. “I’ll send her back by midnight.”

“Er… sure.” Her father nodded. “Anything else, sir?”

“No, thank you.” Ishimaru bowed slightly. “Come on, Tsumiki-san.”

Gulping nervously, Tsumiki exited her apartment, her father closing the door behind them.

Ishimaru cleared his throat.

“Tsumiki-san, I-“

“Sir, could you please do this in the car?” Nagisa muttered. “At this rate, I really am going to be late.”

-

Souda had been in the bus for scarcely 10 minutes when he froze.

_Something’s wrong._

Still frowning, he took off his headphones and thought hard.

_Was I seen?_

_No, I would have been called out. And Tanaka went upstairs anyway. It’s improbable that he did see it in the first place._

As the bus pulled into the freeway, Souda went through everything again.

_I went in the cage, closed the door, got into the gardens, knocked the door, kissed, went back, opened cage door, went out, locked the unlocked cage, boarded bus._

Souda blinked as the bus slowed in front of a traffic light.

_There’s something off with what I just said._

He rubbed his temples, deep in thought.

_I went in the cage, closed the door, got into the gardens, knocked the door-_

A woman behind him screamed.

Souda looked up just in time to catch a glimpse of what she was pointing at before the bus swerved and crashed into the barriers in the middle of the road.

**-**

The silence in the limosine was palpable as it cruised to the primary school. Nagisa drummed his fingers impatiently on the handrest as he did his best to give Ishimaru and Tsumiki some privacy.

Well, as much privacy as they could manage, anyway.

“Um, Tsumiki-san. I’ve been meaning to say this for a while, and this is slightly overdue, I know, but I think it’s time we address the elephant in the room.”

“E-Eh?” Her eyes widened. “Y-you mean me?”

“What? No!” He shook his head. “I meant, it’s time we address the glaring issue that’s been nagging the both of us. I’m sorry for giving you the cold shoulder for the past few weeks. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Me too.” Tsumiki said in a small voice. “I’m sorry that had to happen right when-“

“No, don’t apologize for that. It’s not even your fault, you don’t need to apologize.” Ishimaru said firmly. “Actually, I should make things clear. I… I’ve been denying this fact to myself for the past few weeks, but I think that the reason for me avoiding you irrationally, is that I…”

At this moment, Ishimaru’s ears started turning a very violent shade of crimson.

“I er… well, to put this delicately,” Ishimaru mumbled, “I do think that… wait, I do know that I…”

At that moment the intercom crackled.

“Sir, a word please?”

The Prime Minister’s right eye twitched.

Finally, he picked up the phone with a little bit more force than necessary.

“What is it?”

“There’s a situation overhead. We’re going to be delayed.

“Why?”

“There’s been some sort of a bus crash 2 kilometers ahead.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Nagisa interrupted. “Take the emergency lane!”

“Uh… Nagisa, that lane really is for emergencies only.” Ishimaru stammered. “Women going into labor, Old men going into heart attacks-“

“Sir, you’re the Prime Minister, for God’s sake. And you promised me I wouldn’t be late.”

Ishimaru prayed hard this wouldn’t make headline news the following morning.

-

Naegi checked his watch.

“Uncle, what’s taking so long?”

“Beats me, kid.” The driver in front shrugged. “Holiday season.”

“Yeah…” Naegi frowned, “but we should be moving a little bit at least, right? We’ve been stuck here for 10 minutes.”

Sighing, the driver spoke into the walkie-talkie in front.

“…Something about a bus crash? Horizontal, at that.”

The intercom blurred with static.

“… A Police Chase? Well that’s new.”

“Police? Why would they-“

“Dunno. Criminal on the run, probably.”

_Terrific._

Naegi sunk lower in his seat.

“Stop the meter. I’m getting out.”

-

Less than a mile away in the other direction, Ikusaba gets out of her taxi, and begins the long trek out of the expressway, ignoring the loud horns around her.

-

Several thousand miles away in a very different direction, a woman finishes her last drink and looks at the man in front of her.

“Yep.”

Inwardly, Hanamura pumped his fist in victory.


	11. D (Half-Moon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me.  
> (For reasons you'll soon see)

There is a particular scene in Norwegian Wood near the end.

Context: Watanabe Toru decides to isolate himself from others (including Midori, his recently-found friend) in self-pity and grief after Naoko’s suicide, and lives a hermit’s life wandering the streets of Japan. After about a month of this, he returns to Tokyo, where he receives a call from Reiko Ishida, 19 years his senior and Naoko’s closest friend in the Sanatorium where she lived the last few months of her life. They meet, talk about Naoko, then decide to have a funeral that wasn’t so sad. Toru brings out a bottle of wine, Reiko brings out a guitar, and together they play song after song of oldies on a guitar that Reiko brought. _Dear Heart_ , _Nowhere Man, Michelle, Something, Claire de Lune, Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head, Norwegian Wood…_ They played 50 songs in total.

And then they fucked.

Well… not in the garden that they were in, of course.

But they fucked.

I won’t bother elaborating on the details; Readers of the novel will no doubt want to wash their eyeballs after reading the entire scene, and wonder: what was Murakami smoking when he included this? What did it mean?

There are some who believe that it meant Toru will never recover from the trauma. Throughout the book, the Sanatorium had been described as a realm separate from the real world; the emphasis that it looks particularly beautiful during winter, the season where things go to die, is telling that Murakami intends the Sanatorium to be the embodiment of the realm of death. Reiko and Naoko had been living in the sanatorium for months (and in Reiko’s case, years). By choosing not to immediately seek Midori for comfort and spending time with Reiko instead and doing it with her _4_ times (pronounced the same as _death)_ , it could be interpreted that it means Toru chooses to keep on remembering, to keep on suffering in his own little ways.

On the other hand, there are some who believe that it meant Toru _will_ recover. _Sex_ itself is an affirmation that you’re alive. In the months waiting for Naoko to recover from her depression, Toru remained abstinent and avoided sex with others. In finally having sex, you could say that Toru has chosen to live and move on, and likewise with Reiko.

In the end, in true, frustrating real Murakami fashion, we don’t know for sure whether he has moved on or not. We don’t even know how his relationship with Midori turned out. These things are left ambiguous. Whatever the case, some things need to be examined through the lens of time to understand them properly. It might take 20 years, in Toru’s case.

It might take 4. Or longer, depending on how this chapter turns out.

But as I said, this is a story about a miracle.

And today, we can afford to be unambiguous.

**[ON]**

_And that was Wang Ruo Lin’s cover of Don McLean’s Vincent. Never fails to bring a tear to my eyes, and you know what else bring tears in my eyes? The fact that it’s Christmas! All the thoughts about presents and hot chocolate and carols and new couples having their first times in love hotels-_

_* static *_

_Whoops, said something I shouldn’t have there, for all the kids who heard that, let your parents explain it to you when you’re older… along with Starlord’s Jackson Pollock Joke in Guardians of the Galaxy._

_Anyway, for our listeners, our requests are still ongoing! From now till 11, blasting your favorite hits your way! Old favorites, fun songs, trap songs, crap songs, you name it! So don’t forget to call! But from the looks of things in the next room, you don’t need any more reminding. Our phone lines have been off the hook for the past hour._

_Anyways, this is a song request from one Aoi Asahina as she reportedly exercises, **Work** by Rihanna featuring Drake. It’s so considerate for her to request a song where people who don’t know the lyrics can sing. _

_WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK You see me doing DIRT DIRT DIRT DIRT DIRT DIRT DIRT And something body WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK~_

_Woo~ Well I hope I didn’t ruin that for you guys, because here it is; Take it away, Riri!_

**[OFF]**

… This sucks. Can you get me a beer please?

… Thanks, Hana. That really hits the spot!

… My friends are all outside and I’m stuck in here, waiting for 11:00 to pass…

… My Girlfriend? She’s nuts.

… I don’t know. She’s obsessing over idols again.

…I know right? The main rapper looks like a smashed potato.

...Well it’s not like I’m any better, true that.

… What’s that? For our news section?

… Okada Nana of AKB48 comes out as Bisexual. Welp, there goes her career. Added.

… Alright just gonna check my Twitter Feed…

… Oh damn, this is funny.

            … Wait…

… Is this for real??

**-**

The haunting vocals of DΞΔN were proving to be fitting background music as Naegi walked home, watching the cars inch along.

‘ _Sigani jinalsurok pullineun du nuni. Eoneusaeinga nae gwisgaen ne moksori. Gal gireul ilheoga neol talmeun dwit moseube, I got 99 problems, ige nal eojireopge hae…’_

People generally didn’t see the logic in listening to music in a language Naegi couldn’t comprehend or understand. They argue that you don’t understand what the song means. How could one enjoy it?

Well, one could be superfluous and argue that not all great songs have lyrics in the first place, but that’s just beside the point.

If music is art, and Art is ambiguous, then music itself is open to different interpretation. Language however, leaves no room for misinterpretation. When you don’t understand the language used, then the possibilities are endless. A poppy, lolicon anthem about being able to take off one’s panties could very well be interpreted as the next opening theme of _One Piece._ It leaves your mind open and free to think, without someone interjecting that they’d like to take a ride on your disco stick.

Naegi ran his tongue over his chapped lips, trying his best to ignore the loud horns around him. _It’s cold._

He tried checking his location online before remembering that his phone was flat. _Of course._

Sighing, he looked around. Just like him, people on taxis and buses were being let off, bringing up their collars and heading home. Nearby, a bus driver in his late forties, having let out the rest of the passengers, turned off the engine and stepped out.

Naegi cleared his throat. “Excuse me.”

The man gave a half-hearted grunt of acknowledgment, one hand holding a smoke, the other searching his pockets for a light.

“Do you know where’s the exit?”

“Just follow the crowd.” He indicated gruffly, his left hand having finally found the item in question, and proceeded to flick it impatiently near his mouth. “I bet the whole lot of them’s asking the same question.”

“Oh…” Naegi grimaced. “It’s a pretty bad jam.”

“Ya think?” The driver blew a smoke ring into the night sky. “Worst jam I’d ever seen, that’s for sure. There might be a public enquiry.”

“Hm.” Naegi rocked on his heels. “I was in a taxi just now. The driver told me it had something to do with a criminal on the run?”

“Don’t ask me. All I know is I’m not going to go home anytime soon.”

Taking a hint, Naegi went on his way.

In the deep recesses of his mind, Naegi knew that he was avoiding the situation again. He would go home, promising himself to call first thing in the morning before waking up and deciding to wait for a better time that never came. It could hardly be classified as his personal flaw; things just get harder and harder to bring up once you miss the opportune moment, and we never know when the moment is opportune before it passes.

 _Well, I could hardly say the moment was opportune when I didn’t know what I was feeling at the time,_ Naegi reasoned. And even if he did try to find her now, it’d be useless. Nothing worked in his favor. Yamada never nicknamed Naegi ‘Imagine Breaker’ for no reason.

The bitterness persisted in his throat as he swallowed.

_At least I’ll always have whatever’s left to go back to._

-

The Toyota Century Royal leisurely cruised to a gentle stop several distances from Hanamaru Primary.

“Right. If I run in, I won’t be late,” Nagisa put his bags down, “now let’s go-“

“WAIT!” Ishimaru screeched. “We can’t go out here.”

“And why not?”

“THAT!”

Nagisa turned to see where he was pointing.

“… They’re just parents… and their children… who’ve probably never seen a limousine in their life. Nothing to worry about.”

“Let me remind you of our circumstances.” Ishimaru desperately whispered. “We just used the emergency lane of an expressway when Tokyo is experiencing possibly the worst traffic disruption in years, knowing fully well there’s going to be calling for resignations of the minister of transport, and that the mob’s going to ask for my head on a silver platter once they find out I abused the system just to watch a half-baked version of ‘A Christmas Carol’!”

“Actually, it’s the birth of Jesus.”

“ _This is no time to be pedantic!!_ Point is, we can’t just drop you off here.”

Nagisa rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t suppose anyone has any ideas?”

“Well, worst case scenario,” George offered, “we drop you off a few blocks from here-“

“At the rate traffic’s going, by the time I get off Jesus would already have been lowered magically on stage!”

Ishimaru groaned. “Look, there’s got to be a simple way to get in that doesn’t involve driving at a rate of 2 kilometers per hour.” He examined the small compartment under the armrest. Several pairs of sunglasses were tucked neatly, free of dust.

Something occurred to him at that instant.

“… Nagisa-kun, I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the phrase ‘it’s so overt, it’s covert?’”

-

A slit of moonlight spread across the wooden floor as the door to the gallery opened.

Koizumi flicked on the switches and watched in silence as rows of lights opened in neat order, bathing the gallery in warm light, putting the works of Newsha Tavakolian in sharp relief.

 _‘I know why the Rebel Sings’,_ Koizumi thought, _an improvement over Christmas BDSM any day._

Photographs of disaster-stricken cities hung strategically across the walls, and Iranian children stared back as she made the way across the gallery. It made her think about the article she read a few days earlier that tried to explain why we care more about terrorism in white countries rather than within middle-eastern countries. Simply put, it was explaining why we seemed racist but argued that we’re not.

It meant well, she knew. But you know what they said about good intentions.

Opening the door to her office, she deposited her coat with a half-hearted fling to the nearby leather couch that could have starred in any second-rate porn movie before sinking down behind her desk. Her eyes fluttered as she tried fought the urge to sleep. But there was work to be done, and Sasaki had already finished his shift. And even if she did go home, there would be no comfort in it. It was one of those nights where would long to go home even if she was already home. That was how tired she was.

The computer finished starting up, and she slotted the SD card in. The resultant photos were, objectively speaking, nothing too special, but by some luck, traffic was slow, and people were milling openly between cars and motorcycles on the packed roads. From then on it was all a matter of being in the right time, right place.

A stifled yawn managed to force tears into her eyes. Blinking hard, she returned to sorting out her photos, taking care to raise the volume of her speakers, now playing some R&B number by Zion. T.

She stared at her phone, acting as a paperweight over a stack of schedules and leaflets. The others, she knew, were at the Christmas Play. Saionji was probably still on tour. And Souda… Well, she wouldn’t know where he was anyway. For a moment, she even considered calling Naegi, but knowing his behavior over the past few years, his company was likely to be unwelcome.

It occurred to her at that moment that she wanted to talk to someone – about how cold it was, about photographs, about political stupidity; it didn’t matter. But she didn’t.

 _… Except for him, but even I have pride and dignity,_ she thought in hurt annoyance.

Sighing, Koizumi drummed her fingers as picture after picture was slowly uploaded to her personal cloud folder. _It’s going to be a long night._

-

Having discovered his home was much nearer than expected, the exit to the expressway seemed much closer than before, and soon Naegi joined a group of others grumbling their way out. His headphones were on with no music playing, as Naegi disregarded all attempts to get him to join the conversation.

Not that there was much variety in what was said in the first place. Between grumblings of who to blame, what happened, what appointments were going to be missed, Naegi had nothing to offer. Nothing to miss save for a good night’s rest.

The expressway that night was quiet now; after a good long period of honking, people began to take a hint that no amount of honking was going to solve the problem, leaving the entire road to have a silent, eerie atmosphere. Overhead, a half moon shone brightly, illuminating a cloudless night.

“ _Love… Love the stars_.” Naegi murmured in tune, looking around. “ _Love… love the moon-“_

Then out of the corner of his eye, he saw her.

Blinking hard, Naegi looked again.

50 meters ahead, on the opposite direction, Ikusaba Mukuro walked alone, head ducked, in a camo-green bomber jacket that coupled with her hair reminded him of the girl in _Léon: The Professional._

Panicked, Naegi settled deeper into the crowd of people to collect his thoughts. _This is unexpected,_ his heart hammered as he turned to get a better look at her. She didn’t seem any different, and her stoic visage never did exhibit much emotion anyway.

_Here’s my chance._

Naegi opened his mouth to call her name when he stopped.

It was the sort of hesitation that appeared before major decisions. It was the sort of hesitation that one felt before risk. And though there she was, alone but not lonely, free to contact, something held him back all the while.

He knew the words were simple, just a call of her name and then…

_And then what?_

Uncertainty and doubt plagued him once more.

Finally, he decided to walk on, deciding that should she turn and look at him, he would go right ahead and talk, no matter what happened.

**1 minute ago:**

200 meters away, Ikusaba spotted him from her peripheral vision.

A mixture of emotions flitted across her face as she stopped walking and regarded him from afar. Hope. Surprise. Panic.

 _He doesn’t look much different,_ she thought dully as she watched him hum something under his breath. It was odd how she seemed to feel disappointed.

There he was, with company, but nonetheless, there he was. Like a target on her hitlist, an opportunity had emerged out of nowhere.

Ikusaba closed her eyes. _Analyze Consequences._

 _I broke it off,_ she reminded herself. _It’s not like I have the right to ask him back. It would send the wrong message._

_But who else has the right?_

She wondered what her sister would say if she saw her now, but thought better of it as Junko shrieked about how disappointing she was in her brain.

Finally, she kept on walking, deciding that she would talk to him, if he approached her.

-

Nearly a minute passed, 20 steps away, and the both of them were beginning to feel desperate.

 _Turn around,_ Naegi thought wistfully as she came closer, head still ducked. _Look up. Please._

 _Call my name,_ Ikusaba hoped as he appeared larger out of the corner of her eyes. _Run to me. Please._

But soon they were right across of each other.

Neither looked up. Neither said anything. There they were: two souls hoping for initiative from the other, whilst too afraid to do anything themselves… afraid of what? Unworthiness. Rejection. Risk.

If there was any opportune moment, this was the time, he knew.

If there was any opportune moment, this was the time, she knew.

Naegi opened his mouth to speak, to say _something, anything_.

Blank.

Nothing.

It was what she was used to, she knew, but coming from him and not her sister, it hurt.

Naegi watched the young woman emit a long breath of mist helplessly from afar.

 _… Well done, Naegi Makoto_ , he thought, _wave at this opportune moment as it passes by._

She never stopped. She never looked back.

There was a decisive finality to the two’s actions.

Finally, Naegi put his headphones back on and continued his trek in silence.

The Half-Moon seemed to mock him from the heavens where it floated.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

A sharp screech lurched him from his reverie.

Confused, Naegi took off his headphones and looked in front, towards where the others were looking.

The crowd had their arms out, covering their faces with… phones. There were screams and chatter of excitement, as they continued to film and take pictures of the sprinting, cloaked man-

 _That isn’t a man,_ he realized.

“What on earth-“

The nearly 3 meter tall ostrich continued hurtling towards their general direction, as drivers spilled out of their vehicles in their haste to get away. It’s tiny head bobbing to and fro, it had little difficulty in weaving in and out of the gaps the cars left behind.

Naegi stared, completely incredulous at the surreal sight.

_A Zoo escape?_

And as the ostrich sprinted towards them, a yell pierced the winter sky:

_“ **SOMEBODY ASSIST ME**!”_

Naegi recoiled. _Please don’t tell me it’s actually him…_

“ ** _Adobis! Adobis, HERE!”_** A masked man with a purple scarf screamed on horseback, still sprinting after the bird. “ _Come back to your personal manor, your overlord commands it! If the human authorities catch us all, we’re all doomed! Come back! Somebody stop that OSTRICH!”_

Numbly, Naegi stood by and watched as the ostrich gaily sped past them, the pursuer following close behind, hurling curses and whatnot as he continued chasing it, leaving the thundering of hooves behind.

And then their eyes met.

Naegi flinched.

_She had turned around._

Ikusaba froze from where she stood.

A large number of people were coming now, brandishing their phones after the both of them. And there they stood, two rocks against the current of people, still staring in wonder and disbelief.

The universe wasn’t giving him any excuses tonight.

Their gaze lasted until the sound of sirens shrilled in the air.

-

Koizumi awoke with a start.

Blinking, she wiped away the wetness that had accumulated on the corners of her lips. _I fell asleep?_ She let out a small groan, ruffling her hair in annoyance as she sat up a little straighter. _As if this night wasn’t bad enough,_ she thought, letting a drink of water moisten her chapped lips.

She was still wondering what waked her up when she heard the impatient knocks again.

Confused, she looked at the clock. It was well past closing time. Even though the lights were on, Koizumi was sure took care to lock the entrance.

_Unless it’s Sasaki?_

The knocks started again, and Koizumi finally got up warily and walked towards the door.

“Yes, who is-“ Her voice faltered as she saw who it was.

Souda stood there, disheveled but unbroken, and grinning like the fucking Cheshire cat.

“Yo.”

Koizumi slammed the door shut.

“OI!” The door shook as Koizumi turned the lock and went back to her seat. “Koizumi, I just wanna talk!”

“What makes you think I want to hear you talk?” She uttered, trying to collect herself. _He’s here. HERE. Of all places._

He knocked on the door again. “Koizumi, it’s about what happened last time, I need to talk to you.”

 _Last time…_ A familiar sensation of annoyance and anger engulfed her. “There’s nothing more that needs to be said. What’s done is done.”

“No, there’s more!” A fusillade of knocks followed. “We need to talk.”

“…” Koizumi remained silent, a storm of emotions swirling in her head.

“I can do this all night, you know?” A tinge of exasperation rang throughout his voice. “Why don’t you make things easier?”

“I am in no mood to talk to you right now.” _Or ever, for that matter._

“No, you listen to me, Koizumi. You would not believe the shit I went through just to get here. I’ve broken and entered, gotten into a car crash, and might have assisted in causing the biggest, most atrocious Despair-Inducing traffic jam in the history of Japan. The least you could do is not make this trip a waste of time.”

Koizumi frowned. “Then talk like this.”

“This is more of a… face-to-face thing. Unless you’d prefer me dropping these words like a text message.”

 _That_ did it. Sighing in resignation, Koizumi stood up again and opened the door by a fraction. Souda was no longer smiling, and instead turned away from her stare, scratching his head.

“So. Talk.”

“Er… Right.” Souda Kazuichi forced his gaze towards her. “Um… Give me a moment.”

“Sure. Let me just close the door while you’re at it-“

“No no no,” Souda hurriedly laid a hand on the door, “I got it, I got it. I know what to say now.”

 _Shit._ That was what he claimed, but there was something about the absurdity of the situation that turned Souda’s well-rehearsed script to gibberish in his mind. Under Koizumi’s gaze, he hurriedly racked his brains for something to say that would buy time before he remembered what he came here for.

_Well, there’s only **that** , but… desperate measures._

Thinking of something, he began:

“Listen, I’ve been thinking about what happened, and… I guess I should apologize. I wasn’t in a very good state of mind back then, things just happened to make it worse, and then you gotta go and get angry at all of my honesty.”

Koizumi blinked.

“And uh… Words don’t really do justice for what I want to say, and you know I try but I don’t do too well with apologies.”

No longer smiling, she raised a single eyebrow, daring him to go on.

“Er…” Souda scratched his head. “And uh - _wait, that line wouldn’t make sense_ \- what I’m trying to say is that I only need one more shot at forgiveness-“

**_SLAM_ **

“OI!”

“Right, you’ve had your chance, you blew it.”

“I was apologizing!”

“LIFTING LINES from Justin Bieber’s _Sorry_ is NOT what I consider an apology, dumbass!”

“Hold up a second, no idea what you’re talking about, I’m a guy, I don’t listen to that fucker’s music.”

“That is exactly the sort of sexist crap I expected you to say.” Koizumi snarled. “I’m not listening to any more-“

“OK! OK!” Koizumi imagined Souda flinging his arms out. “You’ve made your point, it was a dickish move on my part. Can I try again?”

“NO!”

For a moment the silence rang between them.

“… Don’t be like that.” A new edge creeped into his voice, muffled through the door. “Please.”

Koizumi bit her lip. “You should know why I don’t particularly want to talk to you.”

“I do. I’m not going to make any excuses for it, but I was quite close to rock bottom at that point. And I didn’t think it could get any worse until... you know.”

Koizumi went back to her desk and retrieved the bottle of water lying on her desk.

“… Were you serious back then?”

She considered it.

“Do you really think I’ll answer that question now?”

“… No.” He admitted. “But it couldn’t hurt trying.”

At some point, Souda had slid down into a sitting position, back against the door. He removed his beanie, absent-mindedly picking apart loose ends as he waited.

Finally, in a much smaller voice:

“I told you, didn’t I? There’s nothing left to say. I said it all that night.”

Souda was aware that his cheeks tinged faintly pink, but most of the surprise was gone. It was invariably saddening to realize that the moment was lost, that the moment was squandered in a dash by anger and misunderstanding.

“I see.” He managed weakly.

“Well, other than the fact that it seems to be a mistake in hindsight.” Koizumi rubbed her temple in annoyance. “So what did you want to talk to me about if you’re not going to apologize?”

“Well um… If I’m being completely honest, it’s…” Souda mumbled.

“It’s what?”

“It’s… about Sonia.”

There was a pause.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

All of a sudden Souda found himself lying face-up on carpeted ground, the door having been flung open with a bang.

“You come all the way here not to apologize but to talk about Sonia AGAIN?!” Koizumi screamed, watching Souda scramble up hastily. “How can you be THAT insensitive?! How can you be THAT stupid?! How- How are you so… YOU?!”

“LET ME FINISH!” Souda quickly ducked as a water bottle flew towards him. “Before you kick me out let me finish. It’s also something to do with you.”

“I am NOT giving you relationship advice again, if that’s what you come seeking from me!” Koizumi had had enough, and was already stuffing notes and her camera into her bag. “You sexist, insensitive prat!”

“All that, and more.” Souda admitted. “But there’ll be no need for advice. I went to Sonia myself.”

Koizumi froze. Souda found his shoes particularly interesting that night.

“… And?” She feigned disinterest as she carried on with packing.

“I guess… I confessed to her, in a way?” He shrunk back a little as Koizumi stared back. “Gundam doesn’t know, of course, and probably never will… unless Sonia tells him herself.”

“… What did she say?”

“Well there wasn’t-“ Souda hesitated. Koizumi noticed his ears matching the color of his cheeks. “There wasn’t much talking, to be honest, I brought some placards over to prevent Tanaka overhearing and then um…” A lump emerged in his throat, as though words were hanging on for dear life from being ejected into the air. Souda took a deep breath, and continued:

“She kissed me and then bid me goodbye.”

Koizumi’s expression was unreadable as she scrutinized Souda’s ears turning from pink to red.

“Good for you.” She finally said. “Well, this has been a wonderful conversation, Souda, but I’d rather take my leave from here.” She slung her tote bag over her shoulder, sarcasm dripping like honey from her voice. “Have a nice Christmas.”

“Koizumi-“

“Save it.” Koizumi ducked her head, allowing her crimson bangs to hide her face as she made her way to the door. “This was a mistake.” She was halfway there before Souda shifted his position in front of the door.

Still, Koizumi averted her gaze.

“Move.”

“There’s a reason why I did that.” Souda mumbled.

“Move.” She repeated, a little more forcefully.

“Look, I get this is stupid and weird and awkward, but just let me continue.”

He wondered whether he should lay a hand on her shoulders. Or two. _She’d probably slap me,_ Souda thought darkly, but restlessly drummed his fingers onto the doorframe all the same. In the silence that they shared, he took the time to get a good look at her. Koizumi was plain, there was no doubt about it; there was none of the captivating beauty of Sonia’s that had enthralled him when they had first met, but there was something vital and alive about her that caught his eye. Her clothes always simple and subdued, but lovely and fit her perfectly. Souda imagined how much time she spends to get her aura of simplicity right, and exactly how much did simplicity cost.

Finally, Koizumi rubbed the edges of her eyes with her fingertips, and looked at him squarely.

“Last chance.” She warned him.

“Well, you see…” He scratched his head nervously. “After that clusterfuck, I’ve been thinking a lot about what was the right thing to do. And a week ago, I realized what was it was.”

“Charming. And what did you come up with?”

Souda shook his head. “It’s a bit… um…”

“Spit it out.”

“… Well, what I realized was that the best thing to do was to be sincere.”

“That’s it?”

He nodded. “Yeah… well that’s just it put simply.”

“Then…” Koizumi weighed the words in her mind. “Then what is the sincere option for you?”

Souda hesitated.

“Friendly reminder, this _is_ your last strike.”

“It… It was to confess to Sonia and then… you.”

Koizumi froze. The vein in her temple started pulsing again.

“Uh…” Perhaps it was because he saw the corners of her lips twitching, or her eyes narrowing, but Souda felt the inescapable need to say something. “Perhaps I should elaborate-“

“I underestimated you.”

“What?”

She shook her head in revolted bemusement. “I didn’t think you were capable of being any more unattractive as a human being.”

“Hey, wait a minute-“ He protested, but Koizumi was on a roll.

“First you settle things with Sonia. Barely an hour later you come here and say you’re trying to confess to me.” She snarled. “The amount of selfishness you have is STAGGERING!”

“I don’t deny it.”

“IT IS _NOT_ SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF, SOUDA!”

“It isn’t, but all the same, I don’t deny it.”

Incredulous, Koizumi turned back to look at him. “What on earth are you talking about?” Souda took a deep breath.

“When I was thinking back then, I had a sort of revelation. It was that I’m... I’m not exactly a nice person.”

“Understatement of the century.”

Souda gnashed his teeth. “Yeah. I get it. And the thing that kept bugging me was that I gave up the chance to chase Sonia when I could have. I held back, you see. And um… I suppose you can consider it a selfless act.”

“… Go on.”

He weighed the words in his mind, picking each one carefully. “And it occurred to me that had I been selfish at that moment in time I could have simply asked her out, get rejected or get laid or get a girlfriend and move on with life. Either extreme was alright, to be honest.” Souda scratched his head. “But no. One selfless act brought 4 years of shit. To think that normally I’m a… a um-“

“Sexist, one-dimensional, insensitive, stupid, pathetic and selfish bastard?” There was the slightest trace of a smile on her face now.

Souda grimaced. “Let’s cut me some slack and just stick with selfish for now, alright? To just say that normally I’m a bit of a selfish bastard, and it’s weird how I did that selfless act in the moment I needed to be selfish the most.”

“… And your point is?”

“I’m not good at explaining this, but if I had to say it, liking someone starts with something silly or minor. Loving somebody needs an act of selfishness to begin. And I guess… this is my one selfish act.” Determined now, Souda stared straight back.

“Koizumi, I like you. I like being with you. I might still have some lingering feelings for Sonia – these things never go away entirely – but I mean it when I say I want to spend more time with you.” Souda sneaked a glance at Koizumi from the carpet. “And I know I’m not… a particularly nice person in appearance or personality, but I can-“ He stopped himself.

“Can what?” Koizumi gently asked.

“… I was about to say ‘I can Change’ but the more I think about it the more it sounds wrong. As in… even after so long, I don’t think I’ve changed a bit.”

“I know.”

“Well, rephrasing it, it’s… the fact is, you’re the first girl I met who knows all of my bad traits and still tolerates them. And I didn’t really recognize how special that was until recently. And all of this boils down to the fact that for you, I’ll be selfish and say that even after all of what happened, I… I want to be with you. And I don’t want to let you go again.”

A terse silence followed those words. Koizumi’s expression was unreadable as she looked away, lost in thought. Souda shifted from foot to foot, waiting. The adrenaline that had fueled his words were beginning to lose their effects, and as time passed, it was harder and harder for him to remain silent.

_… No harm asking, then._

“Uh… Koizumi?”

She looked up.

Souda looked sheepish as he ruffled his hair. “I’m not the expert when it comes to confessions I’m pretty sure I deserve a reply or something?"

Koizumi facepalmed.

Souda stared uncomprehendingly. “Did I ruin the moment?”

“Yep.” Koizumi resignedly shook her head, hand still over her eyes. “Right when it looked like it was salvageable.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that.”

Cue the awkward silence.

“Suppose that the moment wasn’t ruined…" he began again, "...hypothetically. What would you-“

“CAN’T YOU TAKE A HINT?!” She let out a cross between a shriek and groan in exasperation. “Give me a moment.”

“… This is killing me over here.”

“You’re already a lot of things. Let’s try not to add ‘impatient’ to the list.”

That shut him up.

“That being said,” she muttered, “there’s really nothing else to think about, is there?”

“...”

“Although I wished you could have said some of these things back then.” Koizumi sighed. “It would have saved a lot of trouble.”

“I wouldn’t have been aware of those things until you told me.”

A trace of a smile appeared on her lips. “Dumbass.”

Souda shrugged. “Guilty.”

Koizumi folded her arms. “Alright. I choose to believe you. But you really do mean what you said?”

“I don’t know if you noticed, but lying isn’t really my forte.” Souda admitted. “Besides, I don’t need to.”

“…Good.”

“So… Does that mean we’re…” Souda jutted his chin inwards, looking questioningly towards her.

Resignedly, she gave a scarcely imperceptible nod of the head.

“FUCK YES!” Souda’s whooped, and for the next few seconds his laughs echoed off walls and photos alike. “I FUCKING DID IT!”

Koizumi watched Souda do a victory lap around the gallery in stunned disapproval.

“I’m regretting this already.”

“No you’re not. That sort of thing doesn’t happen that quickly.” Souda gleefully reminded her, high on euphoria. “Damn. _DAMN._ I haven’t felt this happy since I drove a Ferrari for the first time.” It was the sort of feeling people received that made people who never did sports in their lives to attempt a backflip, with disastrous results as Souda demonstrated right then and there.

“Ok, enough celebration.” Koizumi’s shoes click-clacked onto the polished wooden floor, as she made her way to pick Souda up. “What do I do with you, honestly.”

Souda winced as he straightened up. “So what happens now?”

“As far as I know, things will remain the same, with the slightly glaring fact that we know we like each other.” Koizumi matter-of-factly told him. “Confessions aren’t really groundbreaking as they seem.”

“Groundbreaking?”

“They don’t change much. Only the superficial would make a big deal out of it.”

“This _is_ a big deal.” He protested.

“Adding ‘superficial’ to the list.”

“Oi.”

“Kidding.” She laughed, and Souda’s heart lifted at the wonderful sound. Koizumi turned back towards him. “You know, the least you could do after letting me go through those two weeks is to give me a hug.”

Gamely, Souda extended both arms and held her close. Her hair was tinged with the smell of winter air, and the scents of smoke and snow alike. He gently pressed her head a little closer to his chest, feeling her breasts touch his through their thick clothing. Her body was warm! So warm! And the two swayed to and fro as they enjoyed their embrace.

“… Souda, has anyone ever told you that you smell?”

He flushed. “Well… at this point it’s sort of unavoidable.”

“I guess I’m stuck breathing in diesel whenever I hug you.” Her voice was muffled against his jacket, and her breath was ticklish against the fabric of his shirts.

Finally the two let go of each other, and stared at each other in nervous adoration.

“I gotta go home.”

“I’ll send you there.” He offered.

“It’s fine.” Koizumi shook her head. “It’s late. I’ll take a taxi.”

“Yeah… about that…” Souda looked away. “That might be difficult.”

“Hmm? I don’t follow.”

“Well, it’s kinda hard to explain but… anyway isn’t it the job of the guy to send a girl home?” He hurriedly explained, laughing nervously. “I’ll walk you there.”

Koizumi’s eyes narrowed.

“Come to think of it, you mentioned something about causing the most despair-inducing traffic Jam in the history of Japan.”

Souda gulped.

“Souda…” Koizumi muttered sternly. “What did you do?”

“N-Nothing! Nothing at all!” Souda ushered her through the gallery, a hand on her back all the while. “Well, not that I know of, that is. I mean, I did get into a bus accident briefly, but it definitely wasn’t my fault, right?” They reached the door to the gallery, and Souda quickly flicked off the lights. “So let me just send you home-“ His voice faltered as the two saw the spectacle in front.

20 meters away from them, the ostrich screeched as it gaily ran past on the crowded road, stationary cars honking all the while. There was a clattering of hooves, and soon a trail of mounted policemen weaved gracefully between cars and screamed instructions to one another, led by someone they knew all too well.

“… Souda,” Koizumi shook her head in disbelief, watching them pass out of sight. “Please tell me you didn’t have anything to do with that.”

Utterly mortified, Souda was unable to meet her gaze.

“… It was an accident?” He managed weakly.

 _She’s right_ , he thought as Koizumi looked back in wonder, _lying really isn’t my forte._

-

**NAEGI’S APARTMENT**

**_Clunk._ **

Naegi set down the warm mugs in front of his guest and sat down. Ikusaba barely nodded in acknowledgement as the aroma of coffee perfumed the room.

For a moment all the two could do was stare silently at the tabletop in front of them.

The most dangerous conversation was about to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I've mentioned previously (and is probably apparent), I have writer's block because of ONE SCENE.  
> That scene I've left out. Yeah. Sorry about that. It's going to have to wait a little longer.
> 
> I promised myself I wouldn't release anything until it's done, but DR3 has made me reevaulate my priorities with the Asahina scare (I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY DID THAT).  
> So... *summons prayer circle*  
> Dear Spike Chunsoft/GOD,  
> Accept this offering and hear my prayers:  
> Don't let Kirigiri or Naegi Die. It's bad enough she probably can't speak to him.  
> Let Ikusaba appear in Zetsubou-hen. A SIMPLE SHOT IN THE OP ISN'T ENOUGH.  
> Let Ikusaba and Naegi meet in Zetsubou-hen. PLEASE.  
> That is all.  
> Ta Ta.
> 
> Back to the drawing board and prayer circle.


	12. BLUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an absolute brick of a chapter.  
> Sorry for the wait!

**5 years ago**

_“The more you move, the longer this’ll take.”_

_“But the pins- OW!” Naegi winced as the needle hurriedly weaved in and out of his sleeve. “Can’t you be a little bit gentler?”_

_“We’re pressed for time over here.” Togami muttered, reading a novel beside Hinata on the nearby couch, watching Hagakure do his work “And it’s not like it’s our fault you decided to tear your sleeve an hour before your wedding.”_

_“Like I said, it was an accident-“_

_“It’s always an accident,” Togami sighed, “I’m just thankful you haven’t lost the ring.”_

_Upon reflex, Naegi’s right hand shot to his pocket, only relaxing when he felt the box through the expensive fabric._

_“Annnnd we’re done.” Hagakure lowered Naegi’s left arm, beaming. “There we go, Naegi-chin. You look like a million dollars.”_

_“More like two hundred and seventy-five thousand nine-hundred and fifty yen.” Togami quipped._

_Naegi’s face crumpled in the mirror. Hinata shook his head in disapproval. “It was an expression, Togami.”_

_“And I was merely stating facts.”_

_“I didn’t know-“_

_“Save it.” The billionaire stood up to get a better gander at the groom. “I won’t have people saying that I did terrible as a best man.”_

_“Just because it’s chump change to you doesn’t mean-“_

_“Oh shut up for once, dolt.” Togami silenced him before turning to Naegi. “You’re supposed to be happy today. Don’t let this get to you.”_

_“Oh believe me, I am.” Naegi smiled nervously, pacing the changing room. “I still can’t believe this day’s come. -“_

_“Me neither, to be honest.”_

_A silence befell the room._

_“Togami-chin,” Hagakure finally spoke, annoyed. “Why don’t you go outside for a while?”_

_“Order a whisky or something.” Hinata offered._

_Togami glanced between the two, taking note of both of their suddenly moody expressions as he obliged, taking his coat with him._

_“Aye aye aye aye aye…” Hagakure shook his head, “It’s been years but this guy’s still has the sensitivity of a brick, doesn’t he?”_

_“It’s not like he’s wrong, though.” Naegi glumly sat down, taking especial care to avoid creasing the suit. “Maybe I shouldn’t have rushed this.”_

_Hagakure and Hinata glance at each other._

_“Has he always been like this?” The senior muttered._

_“If this is what happens when people fall in love, I am **never** getting married.” Hagakure shook his head._

_“What?” Naegi looked up. “What happens?”_

_Hinata sat down. “Naegi, normally you’re the most optimistic person we know. Heck, it sickens some people to no degree. Always a ball of sunshine, and yet when you’re talking about Kirigiri with us these days…” Using his hand, he mimed an airplane executing a perfect kamikaze._

_“It’s not like that!” Naegi shook his head. “I’m happy with her. She’s the most wonderful woman I know.”_

_“That doesn’t stop you from turning into a literal ray of self-esteem issues recently.”_

_“For serious, Naegi-chin. What’s on your mind? Anything happened?”_

_“I-“ The groom pursed his lips, deep in thought. “I don’t know. It’s probably nothing. I’m just nervous.”_

_“And insecure?”_

_Naegi considered the statement. “Well, of course there’s a little bit of that.”_

_“Then what are you so worried about?” Hagakure slapped him on the back. “Weddings have this thing called ‘vows’ for a reason, you know.”_

_Almost at once, the groom broke into a cold sweat._

_“Uh… Naegi-chin?”_

_No longer smiling, Naegi buried his face into his hands. “… Oh god I’m going to ruin this.”_

_The two gaped as their friend started moaning unintelligible balderdash to the floor._

_“… What’s all this?” Hinata whispered, slightly unnerved._

_“Beats me.”_

_In response, Naegi took out a cue card and thrust it to their direction. “Read it.” He mumbled._

_Exchanging looks of confusion, Hinata took the card and began reading._

_And then he read it again._

_Impatient, Hagakure leaned over his shoulder to get a better look._

_“bibidy bobbidy boo… ok, that’s standard… yada yada yada… ooh, nice reference… blah blah blah… Damn that’s intense.” Hagakure looked up in wonder. “This is some serious shit you’re vowing, Naegi-chin.”_

_“But that doesn’t explain why you’re currently mumbling what sounds like Keith Ape’s ‘It G Ma’ into your kneecaps.”_

_Sighing, he looked up._

_“This is going to be a complete **disaster**.”_

_“W-why on earth would it be?”_

_“What if what she’s written is a lot simpler compared to mine? What if it embarrasses her then? What if all of this really is just for show? What if we divorce? What happens to these vows then?!”_

_“Naegi-chin, you’re overthinking things. No one’s going to laugh at these vows.” Exasperated, Hagakure handed the card back to him. “If anything, they’re sweet. They’re very **you**. She’ll love it.”_

_“Easy for you to say, you’re not the one getting married!”_

_And that was the first time the phenomena of ‘pre-wedding jitters’ was coined amongst the group, as future weddings inevitably took place._

_Hinata rubbed his temple, before he continued, “But most importantly, you’ve written all of this by yourself, haven’t you?”_

_“… Yes.” Naegi managed._

_“Then isn’t that alright?” Hinata kindly reminded him. “I don’t know about you, but I think that there’d be no regrets if people were completely honest with themselves.”_

_“There’s a difference,” at that moment Togami appeared, a glass of single-malt whisky in hand, “between being honest with oneself and not hiding the fact that one is irrevocably an idiot. Ceremony’s beginning soon. I think we’d better make our way to the stands.”_

_“Oooh dear, is it that time already?” Hagakure checked his watch. “Well, I’ll see you on the other side, Naegi-chin!”_

_“B-but-“ Naegi sputtered, rising to his feet, “but what about this-“_

_“Oh just say it to her. There’s nothing wrong.” Hinata smiled. “You’ll be happy about this in the future, I bet.”_

_“And Naegs?” Hagakure’s tone turned serious. “Do me a favor, will ya? Tell your wife to throw the bouquet FAR FAR AWAY from Asahina-chi! Heck, throw it to Fukawa-chi, she’s bound to be alone in a corner, an easy target-“ The rest of his words trailed off as Togami threw him a withering glare, shrinking his balls to the size of peanuts._

_“Right.” Hinata shook his head. “Don’t be nervous now, Naegi-kun. Be happy, you’ve waited your entire life for this.”_

_And with those romantic nothings uttered, the trio exited the room._

**_Well, that was useless_ ** _, Naegi thought as he picked up the glass Togami left behind, watching the fumes swirl within the glass._

_Today was a day that Naegi had dreamed of countless times before. Just like the stuff of fiction, all the hours of thinking, despairing, hoping, wishing, all of it had unknowingly been hinged on the possibility of today. Wasted hours turned to wasted days, wasted days turned to wasted weeks, wasted weeks turned to wasted months and years, until Kirigiri was the most important and special person in his heart. Somewhere along his journey, the fox was tamed, and unbelievably, inconceivably, the day he had dreamed about for so long had arrived._

_But today was turning out to be a lot more different than his dreams depicted. What he thought he would feel, elation and euphoria, was revealed to be a curious mix of butterflies and trepidation. What he expected he would feel for her, love and faith, crumbled into doubt and foreboding. Everything was real- there was no need to dream, but reality in all its differences from the illusions his mind conjured was unsettling, and Naegi wondered whether this was what Gatsby felt as he spent the day with Daisy for the first time in years._

**_… Jesus Christ._ **

_The whisky tasted terrible, but at least he had dreamed of that._

_Making up his mind, he set down the tumbler with a heavy thunk and left with heavy steps._

_-_

_Against his better judgment, Naegi ended up in front of her waiting room._

**_I shouldn’t be here,_ ** _he knew. By this time he was scheduled to be in front of the altar, exchanging pleasant barbs with Togami as they waited for the bride to walk in, escorted by her-_

_Naegi frowned. **Was** he coming? Well, that’s something else I could ask. _

_Taking a deep breath, Naegi knocked thrice with the joint of his index finger._

_“Come in.”_

_Unsure of what to expect, the groom walked in._

_“Kirigiri, sorry to bother you but-“_

_The bride turned around from the mirror, and for a moment all Naegi could do was stare._

_For as long as Naegi had known her, Kirgiri was always beautiful. Yet all of those days spent with her did nothing to mentally prepare him for the sight before him. Bathed in pristine white, she looked nothing short of ethereal as she walked towards him, gloved hands gently carrying the folds of her dress that seemed to flow like water behind her. Her shoulders were bare save for the locks of lilac hair elegantly strewn across, and embarrassing as it was Naegi found it hard to look away from her chest that held the dress together. And as her eyes widened gently in surprise at her visitor, Naegi felt sure she must have done something with them too._

_“Naegi-kun?” She blinked._

_“U-um,” His mind was proving to be an excellent conjurer of gibberish as Naegi continued to stare. Kirigiri watched him struggle impassively, before bringing her fingers towards her eyes and shook her head._

_“Naegi-kun, even I’ll get embarrassed if you keep on staring.”_

_“O-Oh.” Naegi exhaled, flushed now. “Sorry.”_

_She examined him from head to toe, before throwing him a searching glance._

_“Why are you here?” It wasn’t a reprimand, yet Naegi shrunk back all the same._

_“I… You look beautiful, Kirigiri-san.”_

_It was difficult to tell through the amount of foundation on her cheeks whether she was blushing._

_“Thank you.” She said simply, “But you didn’t come here all the way to say that, unless, don’t tell me…” Kirigiri allowed a crooked smile, “you just couldn’t wait to see me?”_

_“Yes.”_

_In the silence that followed, Naegi discovered it wasn’t as difficult as he suspected._

_“… How do you expect me to respond to that?”_

_Naegi’s heart fluttered, “I’m sorry, I know I’m not supposed to see the bride before she walks down the aisle.”_

_“That is a Jewish tradition, Naegi. There’s no need to apologize. Although,” Kirigiri mused, “I **was** looking forward to seeing the look on your face as I walked down… though I guess the look you gave me just now must suffice.”_

_“O-oh. Ok.”_

_She took a glance at the clock. “It’s almost time. You should get going to the altar-“_

_“Actually,” he interrupted her, “there’s another reason I came here.”_

_“Another?” She frowned, “What is it this time?”_

_“I um… Ok, promise me you won’t laugh.”_

_Kirigiri gazed at him with her trademark impassivity that answered itself._

_“I… I want to tell you my vows here first.”_

_Her eyes widened a fraction of an inch._

_“And this can’t wait until we’re in front of the altar because...?”_

_“Um… you see, I don’t know whether this usually happens during weddings but,” Naegi looked away, “I’m not entirely certain you’ll like me saying all of this in front of everyone. You might get embarrassed.”_

_“Naegi-kun,” she folded her arms, “ **why** would I be embarrassed?” _

_It was rather cute watching him squirm uncomfortably, all dressed to the nines._

_“I… I, alongside a few others, think it might be a tad strong… and maybe unrealistic.” He confessed. No longer smiling, Kirigiri gently sunk onto the leather sofa, motioning him to join her._

_“… You really are high-maintenance, aren’t you?” She muttered, putting a hand to her temple like she always did when annoyed. “Vows are meant to be romantic, not pragmatic, Naegi-kun. People love vowing things they can’t stick to on these occasions.”_

_“Then…” Naegi bit his lip, “you don’t want to exchange vows?”_

_“Relax.” She waved him off. “I am only saying being unrealistic is just a side-effect of being romantic. But today, I think we can be forgiven for any grandiosity on our part.”_

_“So…” Naegi scratched his head, “you won’t be embarrassed on the altar?”_

_Kirigiri gave the question some serious thought._

_“No.”_

_Naegi’s heart lifted-_

_“…is what I’d like to say but,” Kirigiri sighed, “you have the uncanny ability to always surprise me.”_

_“I-Is that so…” Naegi laughed half-heartedly, the butterflies in his stomach flying wildly again. “Erm… right.” Rummaging through his pockets, Naegi brought out the cue card where he had penned the words repeatedly over the course of weeks. “T-Tell me if there’s anything you don’t want me to say in front of the others later.”_

_Naegi waited a while before realizing she had nothing to reply. Reluctantly, he cleared his throat._

_“Kirigiri Kyouko,” he began in a tremulous voice, “from this day forward I give my all to you, and you will never walk alone. From the moment I met you, I knew you were special; from the days we spent, that you were wonderful; from the weeks we spent, that it was worth the effort to make you smile, from the months we spent, that you were worth suffering for; from the years we spent, that you were the only person I would choose to spend the rest of my life with.”_

_Naegi sneaked a glance. Kirigiri stared back, cheek resting on a gloved fist, in that unblinking gaze he had grown used to. Heartened, he carried on:_

_“I promise to love you, and no other woman but you, even when you’re no longer young and beautiful, even when there’s nothing but your aching soul. I promise to love you, even when you hurt me, even if I doubt you, even when all you’re willing to give me is silence. I will be by your side for all the adventures yet to come, as the Watson to your Sherlock, as the Robin to your Batman, whichever term you’d prefer. But above all, I promise to live in truth with you, to pledge you my undying trust, be it tempered with age or battered in time, and all I ask in return is to feel the warmth of your heart, be it through simple words or actions.”_

_Throughout all of this, to the groom’s ignorance, a smile was furiously tugging at the corners of her reluctant lips._

_“Henceforth I,” his voice was growing softer, as if each word was draining him of energy, “Naegi Makoto, take you to be my wife, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in love and sickness, even when death do us part. In the presence of who we love, I swear, I wed.”_

_The muffled chatter of those in the chapel was audible to them both. The act seemed to have exhausted him, and Naegi sunk further into his knees, admiring the carpeted floor. By then, he knew better than to rush her in instances like this, and waited with bated breath for her response. Patiently waited. She had not moved an inch since Naegi had begun, and had closed her eyes, thinking deeply on all he had said._

_He felt the cushion under his seat rise slightly, and Naegi watched as Kirigiri took out a card of her own. She coughed twice._

_“I promise you,” she said in a voice that suggested she chose her words with care, “until I die I will touch no man besides you. Until I die, I will love no man other than you. Until I die, I am yours, body and soul, from the top of my head to the tip of my toes, for you are unquestionably my better half, my reminder that my humanity exists.”_

_Unconsciously, Naegi had covered his mouth with both hands._

_“I do not pretend that I understand what love is,” she hesitated slightly, “but if love is keeping this promise for as long as we both shall live, then I promise that you shall receive nothing but my undivided love, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, on my honor as a Kirigiri. In the presence of who we love, I swear, I wed.”_

_A pregnant pause followed those words, as both regarded one another, mulling over the words they uttered. Naegi swallowed. His throat was bone dry, and monster trucks seemed to have replaced all the butterflies in his stomach._

_On impulse, he leaned forward, hand landing gently on hers. When she did not flinch, he leaned forward a little more until their lips met. The Naegi earlier that afternoon would have screamed internally at the prospect of any creases appearing on his suit. The Naegi now completely lost all fucks in this regard as Kirigiri ran her hands through his hair, pulling the two down in a gentle heap onto the couch. She smelt sweet with just the faintest tinge of vanilla, and as they kissed he breathed it all in._

_Finally they pulled apart, panting, with Naegi cupping her face._

_“… Wow.” He finally said._

_“Wow indeed.” She agreed, a small smirk plastered on her face. “I quite enjoyed that.”_

_“The kiss or…?”_

_“Both.” Kirigiri caressed his cheek. “But be a little more gentle outside.”_

_“Of course I will.” He chuckled nervously. “…Mine’s a little too long, don’t you think?”_

_“No, I love it.”_

_“A-Ah!” Naegi fumbled with words, overwhelmed with relief. “…Yours too.”_

_Still lying down, she propped herself up with her other hand, pecking him once for good measure._

_“Still embarrassed?” she whispered._

_“As long as you like them, I can say anything.”_

_“… I believe you.”_

_At this point, Naegi hesitated slightly._

_“… Can I ask you something?”_

_“What is it now?”_

_“What if we break our vows?”_

_Kirigiri blinked. “If we break them?”_

_“Well…” Naegi looked away. “I’ve been thinking; if we break our vows, and we inevitably will, what would that mean for the two of us?” His voice cracked, betraying his facade of nonchalance. “By then, the magic of marriage would have been lost, and I might not feel what I feel for you now… I don’t like such a future.”_

_She stared at him for such a long time that Naegi begun to grow impatient._

_“… Naegi, come closer.”_

_“W-what?”_

_Without warning, she pulled Naegi down to a close embrace until the two pressed tightly against each other onto the couch. She was close. Too close. He could feel her heartbeat through her wedding dress._

_“… I’m worried as well.” Kirigiri whispered, and Naegi shivered from the contact of her breath to his ears. “And I’m sad to say that I have not planned so far ahead as of now.”_

_“I-Is that so…”_

_“But here’s what I do know: that whatever happens in the future, it would never change what we shared, what we felt for each other. So Naegi-kun…” she allowed him to shift position slightly, until he was facing her once more, “what is it you’re feeling now?”_

_Naegi did not have to think twice._

_“… Kirigiri, I love you.”_

_A beautiful smile spread across her face, one that bloomed without restraint. “I love you too.” She whispered before bringing her lips to his once more-_

**_KNOCK KNOCK_ **

_“Kyoko-chan!” A man in a fedora sauntered in without waiting for a response. “We’ve got a small problem; ceremony’s about to start and the groom’s nowhere to be-“_

_Kizakura stopped. The rest of his words trailed off as both Naegi and Kirigiri came into view, in each other’s arms, thunderstruck._

_The corners of his mouth twitched._

_Finally, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he reached into his wallet and tossed them a pink condom._

_“… Ah, I see. I see.” The man recovered from his initial shock, grinning. “My apologies. I’ll tell the others there’s going to be a slight delay.”_

_Before the two could protest, Kizakura gently swung the door shut, shrieking in laughter once he imagined them out of earshot._

_Kirigiri gritted her teeth. “… Up.”_

_He did not need to be told twice._

_“I didn’t know he was coming today.” Naegi straightened his suit, trying his best to remove some of the creases that had formed._

_“What’s so surprising?” She twirled once in the mirror, checking for any irregularities. “Did you really think after I severed ties with my father, he’d be the one leading me down the aisle?”_

_“... I guess not,” Naegi shrugged, “but chances are Kizakura invited him as his plus one anyway.”_

_“That’s alright.”_

_“Eh?”_

_“As long as it’s clear **I** didn’t invite him.”_

_Naegi winced. **That’s just cold.** He checked his watch and made his way to the door. “… I’ll see you outside.” _

_He was one foot out the door when he heard her say, “Naegi-kun.”_

_Naegi turned back. “Yes, Kirigiri-san?”_

_Both hands holding the bouquet of Easter lilies, she smiled that unrestrained, unburdened smile she reserved only for him._

_“I love you.”_

_It was embarrassing how he still flushed upon those words._

_“I love you too. God knows I do.”_

_Still beaming, he swung the door gently shut._

_-_

_In an army regiment, brigade, battalion, company, platoon, or even section, there are two types of soldiers in the field. I don’t mean ‘types’ as in vocations: within the marines, EOD squad, engineers, snipers, artillery, divers, guardsmen or even signalers, there’s always two different types of soldiers._

**_One:_ ** _the glory seeker, who does his or her work for achievement and prides himself on the medals he carries._

 **_Two:_ ** _the ones who don’t give a shit about the decorations and care only about staying alive and getting the job done._

_Fenrir didn’t discriminate; as long as you were fit enough for the job, you can go chase all the medals you want, so long as you earned them yourself. Ikusaba soon learned that the longer you stayed on the job, the less you cared about strips of fabric and the more likely you’d become soldier #2, and that they could be just as annoying as soldier #1 with their holier-than-thou insistence that medals don’t matter to members of the new crew. That wasn’t to say both types of soldiers were assholes: she found the glory seekers’ ideals amusing if short-lived; at the same time, she respected the veterans who cared only for the task at hand._

_As for Ikusaba, she couldn’t have cared less. Medals were but strips of color she’d seldom wear in the field, a give-away to an enemy sniper. Which is why besides her dull patches signifying all the courses she’s been through, what she’s qualified to carry out, all her medals she kept in her bunk, others left unclaimed from her superiors._

_Still, it was great conversational fodder during operational lull-periods. She often worked alone – a testament to her ability – but the few times she was paired with other specialists out of sheer necessity or for the learning experience, talk somehow always managed to shift to the ribbons and medals one received._

_As the one the superiors dubbed a ‘prodigy’, Ikusaba Mukuro managed to secure more medals than a substantial amount of people senior in rank, which often made her the subject of hushed conversation, and a certain amount of respect was commanded even from the ones most flippant to authority._

_There was, however, one particular medal people found odd she didn’t have._

**_“Purple Heart?”_ ** _She blinked._

_“Yes. Purple. Tell-tale.” The demolitions expert they called ‘Helmut’ eyed her warily. “How is it you haven’t got one yet?”_

_“I don’t care about the medals.”_

_The others within the BRONCO ATTC laughed._

_“Ikusaba, over here a Purple Heart’s a rite of passage.” Jean informed her, showing off the ribbon on his ILBV, a permanent scowl creasing his face._

_“Rite of passage.” She repeated, indifferent to the curious stares around her. “And what exactly must I do to get it?”_

_‘Skeletor’ – a Korean signaler expert dubbed thus after they realized he resembled Julian Richings – eyed her knowingly._

_“Get shot. Stabbed. Cut by mortar shrapnel. Lose a limb. Lose your nervous functions to gas or water pressure,” he nodded once to Jean, “simply put: get injured by the enemy.”_

_Ikusaba blinked as the three stared at her._

_“Why on earth would I want to get it, then?”_

_“It signifies you’ve been through the tunnel of light, the highway to hell, the stairway to heaven, and that you spit on those doors and came back. It’s the absolute basic criteria you hafta achieve to call yourself a seasoned soldier.” Helmut insisted._

_“All you have to do is get shot.” She shook her head. “Anybody can do that.”_

_“And you haven’t got it because…”_

_Ikusaba’s expression was hard as flint._

_“I’ve never let the enemy injure me.”_

_“Bullshit.”_

_“Nope, it’s true.” Jean assured the indignant Helmut. “That’s why she’s called a legend.”_

_“How can someone get so many ribbons from so many areas of service over 4 years and NOT get injured at least once?” Helmut spat. “I don’t believe it.”_

_“Believe it.” Skeletor took out a Granola bar from his grenade pouch. “Our superiors don’t lie.”_

_Helmut shot her one last withering glare before deciding to read the mission log again._

_“That being said, should the day finally come,” he tore the wrapper open, “do share with us how you received it. I’m sure everyone would be quite eager to know, and Helmut’s little obsession would finally be satisfied.”_

_She frowned. “I don’t plan to get hurt.”_

_“Commendable.” Jean let out a guttural cough she suspected was a laugh. “But speaking from experience, you don’t get to choose when you get hurt.”_

_“You **can** choose, though. If I recall correctly,” Helmut muttered, “you received yours after staying underwater for so long planting mines on that submarine, your facial nerves were paralyzed. Easily avoidable by going in teams, wasn’t it? Was the full share you received worth it?”_

_“Better than getting shot because you, ah, apparently didn’t need a helmet, Helmut, for ‘easy’ work.”_

_Skeletor cackled, almost choking on the granola bar as Helmut stared daggers, wincing as he touched the angry red flesh that streaked the side of his neck._

_“There’s always criteria, though. You can get cheated out of a medal like Carraway; shot 3 klicks from a hospital, sonsofbitches didn’t bother calling a helicopter – wasn’t classified as a class 3 injury, apparently – and manually casevac’d him outta there. Wasn’t at least class 3, wasn’t serious enough to merit a Purple Heart.” Helmut glowered. “I’ve seen fuckers play the system; get the heart from flesh wounds, scratches from knives, pitiful. It’s people like them devaluing the heart and all it stands for.”_

_“There are better badges to earn, badges a lot harder to fake it through.” Jean tapped the sole insignia he bothered to pin on his uniform: a golden eagle carrying a trident, a musket and an anchor._

_Helmut pursed his lips, annoyed even in his reverence. “We get it. You’re a diver. Special forces. Like we haven’t seen it before.”_

_“Best of the best. Rightfully, I should get 4 of these suckers here.”_

_“Rightfully, you shouldn’t even be alive.” Skeletor muttered. “Why on earth would you willingly go through 4 hell weeks?”_

_“They weren’t back to back, it was alright.” Jean muttered. “And there’s this fellow who was insufferable in his one-up-manship. Had to prove a point.”_

_Helmut studied him closely._

_“You know, I’d argue that your facial injury was pointless – after those weeks I never saw you smile again anyway. I mean, look at **her**. Went through one and she’s already a gargoyle.”_

_Self-consciously, she looked at the dull patch displaying the same eagle on her ILBV, besides the numerous others lined in a vertical column._

_“Naw, I’d say she’s always like this. Anyways, regarding the Purple Heart, one could be heroic like Skeletor here and throw him or herself down in front of a grenade protecting your men.”_

_Skeletor grimaced, accentuating his already wrinkled features. “And that is why as much as possible we work alone. We’re mercenaries, not fucking patriots serving one’s country. We do the job, try not to die, get paid. What do you get for self-sacrifice? A lot of weird looks and a whole lot of nothing. Was at the front before, and now I’m a signaler. Do you think the Purple Heart means shit to me?”_

_The rear cabin had gone silent save from the static of the intercom and the steady thrum of the engines in front. Skeletor wedged the bar in his teeth as he adjusted the prosthetic leg._

_“I was… young.” He stressed the word like it was a disease. “Idealistic. Like all of us were once before. There’s no such room for heroism here, so just let incompetents off themselves. I learned that the hard way.” He glanced at Ikusaba appraisingly. “But that’s the correct attitude.” He threw the wrapper in a corner. “Nobody in their right minds would say that they want a Purple Heart. So don’t die on me today, Ikusaba, for a piece of shiny metal, no matter what this idiot says._

_She had replied that she didn’t plan to._

_Another 4 years since that conversation, no Purple Heart in sight, and Ikusaba Mukuro’s infamy grew tenfold amongst new recruits. And through the few times she was paired with others, she learned a little more about the criteria about the award: **that friendly fire justified the award, and that mental issues received such as PTSD did not.** More than one occasion people joked about firing a stray round into her leg just so she could win the award, and more than one occasion did she let them know just how she felt about that with a swift kick to the head. _

_Gradually, as she segued between civilian and military life on a seasonal basis, she began to wonder if she’ll ever receive it, and who would be the one responsible for giving it to her. Her sister loved to ‘help’: despite claiming she had absolutely no interest in her military life, Junko would periodically fantasize about the circumstances surrounding her death or mortal injury. Once it was a land mine. Then it was a parachute failure (before she was informed that under normal circumstances it wouldn’t have given her a Purple Heart). Subsequently, she declared it would be a chemical attack. She lost track after ‘speared to death by angry mob’, but it still didn’t stop her from thinking about the exact details of her Purple Heart._

_Eventually, war became boring. It became easy. It had lost its’ excitement. Ikusaba was now best of the best, receiving a Purple Heart was as unlikely as could be. And soon she realized that unless she allowed it to happen, unless she ignored all her instincts in the field, unless she purposely dropped her guard, it would be just another medal she’ll never carry._

_Unless she let somebody hurt her (fat chance) she’d never receive a Purple Heart._

_Then **he** showed up._

_And despairingly, considering all that happened, it looked like she was a sucker for pain._

_-_

**PRESENT**

At his suggestion, the two had walked back to his apartment, climbed the stairs and entered the small area in front of Naegi’s apartment door.

A thought occurred to Naegi at the moment. “Could you wait a while?”

Ikusaba watched impassively as Naegi entered the apartment alone, closing the door behind him. From inside, she could hear rapid footfalls on wooden floors, imagining him running here and there.

She took a moment to collect her thoughts. Though optimism was never one of her traits, Ikusaba was quite accepting of the fact that meeting Naegi again was something inevitable in the grand scheme of things. By then, she imagined, both of them would have moved on, occupied with their lives, new things to hope for, new things to despair over.

It didn’t stop her from recoiling when their eyes met.

Apart from the simple statement of ‘we need to talk’, there was little conversation between them as they walked side by side. At some point of the journey, it had seemed to dissolve into a contest to see who can avoid each other’s gaze the most. She was very aware of the small glances Naegi took when he thought she wasn’t looking. Whether he noticed the ones she stole was another matter.

The door creaked open, and Naegi stood, unable to meet her gaze.

“Come in.”

Murmuring a short thanks, she slipped into the apartment, being enveloped by the familiar smell of vanilla marred by the winter air. Naegi had removed his coat, and was in the process of taking off a crimson long-sleeved sweatshirt until he remembered his guest standing a little distance apart.

Naegi bit his lip.

“I’ll get coffee.”

“Actually I-“ She pursed her lips, holding the words back. The action was not lost on the host, and he blinked. “Would you prefer something else?”

Truth be told, Ikusaba hadn’t planned to stay for very long in the first place. There was something tangibly final about accepting a drink at someone else’s house, particularly if temperature of said drink increases time spent in said domicile.

But yet here she was.

“… not black.” She finally muttered.

It took a while before he understood what she meant.

“Ok.” He gave a small smile. “Feel free to sit down, this is going to take a while.”

 _‘The coffee or the talk?’_ Ikusaba wondered as Naegi left her to her own devices, closing the kitchen door behind him.

-

The sounds and aroma of coffee beans being ground did little to calm Naegi’s nerves.

“I’m sorry-“ Naegi muttered, half-heartedly turning the burr grinder, “I’m sorry for being insensitive, I would like us to start anew- no, too cliché. Ok… _I guess I was a bit of a bastard, wasn’t I?_ That’s good enough, but how should I… Uh…” he cocked his head, “ _you look nice today-_ nononono, irrelevant. Damn this. _Damn_ this.”

The handle had soon ceased all resistance, and Naegi saw with dismay that the beans now had the consistency of corn flour. _No matter._

Sighing, Naegi opened the lid, gently pouring a steaming stream of water into the removable canister. Absent-mindedly, Naegi stirred the mixture with the spoon from the sugar jar as he mulled over the night’s events.

_What exactly did I want, bringing her here late at night…_

As the coffee steeped, Naegi went to the fridge and peered inside. _‘Not black’. Well that’s bloody specific,_ he thought as he rummaged through the little shelf directly attached to the back of the door. Finally, in holiday spirit, he settled on a small can of condensed milk and guided the door shut.

“So… _Sorry about wanting to see you so late at night._ ” He murmured, languidly pouring the brew into two blue mugs. “I _had wanted to call you but my phone was flat_ \- damn it, it sounds like I’m cheating.” Using a tablespoon, Naegi quickly deposited a spoonful of the cream-yellow substance into each of the cups, watching as the black mixture quickly dissolved into the color of milk chocolate.

“Above all, I guess I called you here to say I’m sorry.”

That was all Naegi had managed to come up with in his time in the kitchen.

 _Pathetic,_ he thought. _I called somebody all the way to my home just to… Apologize?_ There _had_ to be something else, some other reason he called her in. Mayhaps it was because this opportunity to see her was given out of nowhere, but he felt the inner need to make _something_ out of this encounter. Problem was, other than apologizing, there was nothing particularly clear about what he wanted to achieve from it all.

Something occurred to Naegi at that moment.

_If I don’t know what I want to achieve, doesn’t that ultimately mean there is nothing I want achieved?_

He took a moment to reflect on everything that happened. Everything he did. Everything he felt. Ikusaba. _Done._ Kirigiri. _Done._ Being alone. _Done._ Being with Ikusaba. _Done._ Hurting her. _Done._ Being hurt. _Done._ Ask her back. _Not done._ Don’t ask her back. _Why?_

It took him a moment before he realized there was another option. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense.

Just thinking about it made Naegi add an extra dose of sugar in his coffee, for all the good it would do. Naegi watched the steam from the cups waft gently upwards before dissipating completely at a certain height. He heaved a sigh of resignation. _Screw this._

Thus, it is with only an apology on his mind that he finally takes the mugs and heads outside.

-

**HANAMARU PRIMARY**

“This is either the most stupid plan ever made, or this school has the most stupid staff in the whole of Japan.”

“Calm yourself,” Ishimaru whispered through a disposable facial mask Tsumiki happened to have in her bag. “No one’s going to recognize us. And if security asks – assuming there _is_ security in the first place – we’ll tell them we’re your parents.”

“Ok…” Nagisa gritted his teeth, marching across the parade square to the auditorium. “And if anyone wonders why on earth you two are wearing shades at night?”

“U-um, an eye infection?” Tsumiki timidly piped up.

“On _both_ of you? They’ll ask you to take them off eventually.”

“I-if it’s not t-too much trouble, I can act as if I’m a-abused.”

The both of them stared at her, slack-jawed.

“You _are_ kidding, right?”

“EEP!” She cowered under both her raised arms, “I just t-thought people generally d-d-didn’t bother uncovering women they think are under abuse, p-pretending not to notice.”

“… As much as I’d like to disagree, your logic admittedly makes sense.”

“Sir?!” Nagisa gaped.

Ishimaru clapped his hands. “Right! Perfect. It’s a sorry statement on the state of society, but this disguise is impenetrable. Let us hope nobody has to ask us to remove our glasses then, but at least we’re prepared for such a scenario. We’ll send you off there and then leave for the office immediately.”

Nagisa stared metronomically from Tsumiki to Ishimaru, incredulous.

“And if security asks why I have TWO sets of parents coming over tonight? One already seated and one outside?”

Tsumiki’s reply was immediate. “Divorced family, both remarried.”

Nagisa’s eyes grew to the size of lollipops.

“Tsumiki-san, you’re a marvel!” Ishimaru beamed, patting her on the back. “Where do you come up with these ideas? Why, one would almost think you’ve been through all of this yourself…” his voice trailed off, realizing what exactly he was saying and for once that night, the Prime Minister shut up.

“… this is a recipe for disaster.”

“Oh cheer up, Nagisa-kun. I mean, look! We’re here!” They had climbed the steps to a small waiting area, full of staff running to and fro, “Now to find a teacher-“

“Sir, I need to be backstage immediately.”

“R-right.” Ishimaru looked around frantically before Tsumiki raised a hand and pointed at a hallway that led upstairs. Together, they crossed blue and red stairs, voluminously painted walls that depicted the post-apocalyptic landscapes with orange grass, red skies and giant winged creatures that Ishimaru guessed were meant to be birds. As they reached the top of the stairs, a shocking pink corner sun that emitted rays of green smiled kindly at the trio. Well, as kind as it could look, anyway.

“Our school decided it was short on funds and gave full liberty of the stairwell to um,” Nagisa commented offhandedly, “creative students.”

“It’s lovely.”

“Well done sir, your poker face’s improving. Now let’s see, through this door.”

Before the three of them could enter however, a man in black came up and asked them who they were, and if they had any form of identification.

“Erm… yes.” Ishimaru had to remind himself that nobody could see the exact features of his face. “We’re here for our darling son Nagisa’s Christmas Play.”

The suddenly adopted son braced himself for the plan to fail.

“Nagisa?” The teacher repeated, scrolling down a list on his phone. “Oh you’re _that_ Nagisa? You best get backstage, you’re late. As for you, Sir and Madam, why the sudden change of plan?”

“Change of plan?” Ishimaru frowned.

“Terribly sorry, but your seats were filled up already, when you were gone, I’m afraid.”

“I-I see.” He did his best not to sound too relieved, “That’s too bad.”

“All due respect, sir, we didn’t expect you after you called earlier tonight and said you weren’t coming, having more important things to attend to and-“

“Wait, what?”

Nagisa blinked, and gazed searchingly for an explanation. The man looked at each of them in turn, frowning suspiciously.

“…but I’m sure your son is glad you managed to finish your work and come here anyway.” The man recovered, clapping his hands. “He worked hard for it, I’m sure you know.”

Ishimaru was beginning to feel very ill indeed. Tsumiki shifted nervously. Nagisa remained expressionless as the man prattled on.

“Don’t look so glum. Oh, tell you what. I’ll get the play supervisor over! Maybe she can work something out. But Nagisa-kun, you better hurry off backstage. Everyone’s waiting. Chop, chop!” Still looking at his phone, the man hurried off, muttering incoherently.

Nagisa had become very still.

“A-are you alright, Nagisa-kun?”

“They said they’d come.” He muttered. “They _promised_.”

“Maybe they’re merely stuck in traffic.” Ishimaru offered.

“Maybe they suddenly got sick?” Tsumiki piped up.

And Nagisa began to cry.

Ishimaru wished he could have given himself a swift kick in the butt. It was easy to forget that even as a highly competent secretary, Nagisa was still a child with feelings, and Ishimaru felt a curious sense of pity for him.

The two adults exchanged looks, perplexed and helpless as his sobs got louder.

“Come here, easy, easy,” Ishimaru bent down and pulled the stable boy into a hug, mouthing a silent thanks to Tsumiki who bent down with a packet of tissues. “That’s it, let it all out. It’s alright.”

Nagisa squirmed half-heartedly, but soon devoted himself fully to drenching Ishimaru’s shoulder with tears and mucus. Tsumiki gently wiped his tears away, making Nagisa blow his nose for good measure.

“No, I’m ok, I’m ok.” The boy pulled away, eyes red and scrabbling for dignity as he checked the corridor for any witnesses. Satisfied, he murmured, “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t apologize for being sad!” Ishimaru scolded, “You have a perfectly valid reason to cry. Do I look like I get angry at people for being sad?”

“I’m not sad,” Nagisa insisted, “I’m just… tired. Stressed. Disappointed.”

“And being all of that at once is enough to make _me_ feel sad. It’s alright. Right, Tsumiki-san?”

“That’s right.” She smiled warmly, and for once didn’t seem nervous at all as she regarded Nagisa kindly. Rather embarrassed at so much attention, the boy looked away, blowing his nose.

“Right, enough crying.” He decided. “I’ve got a play to stage.”

“That’s the spirit!”

“Though I wished there was someone I recognize in the audience-“

Before Ishimaru could stop himself, “How about we stay behind at watch?”

Nagisa laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous, you heard the man, there aren’t any seats left.”

“Ishimaru?”

The Prime Minister jumped a foot into the air. Nagisa automatically backed away into a cowering Tsumiki.

“Ahem~ I believe you have the wrong person.” Ishimaru squeaked, his voice artificially accented. “I am merely Nagisa’s parent- Oh! Naegi! You work here as well?”

“Yes, it’s me.” Komaru Naegi shook her head in disbelief. “ _What_ are you doing here?”

“Nagisa-kun needed to get to the play.”

“Oh. That doesn’t explain the masks, though.”

“We’re supposed to be incognito.”

“ _Nothing_ can disguise those eyebrows of yours, you know that?”

Ishimaru deflated slightly. Nagisa nodded sagely as if to say ‘I told you so’.

“Right. That’s enough chit-chat. Come on, follow me, Nagisa-kun.”

“Actually…” Ishimaru raised a finger, “would you mind terribly if we came backstage with you? We don’t have any seats left.”

“Eh?” She turned around, surprised. “Are you sure? The play’s not that good, if I do say so myself.”

“Oh it’ll be fine. As his parents for a night, we just want to see him on stage. Besides, how bad could it be?”

-

**NAEGI’S APARTMENT**

**_Clunk._ **

Naegi set down the warm mugs in front of his guest and sat down. Ikusaba barely nodded in acknowledgement as the aroma of coffee perfumed the room.

For a moment all the two could do was stare silently at the tabletop in front of them.

“You said you wanted to talk to me.” She finally broke the lengthy silence.

“… That’s what I said.” Naegi muttered.

Her calloused fingers gently circled the ceramic mug, ignoring its’ scalding heat as she waited for Naegi to collect himself.

“Well um…” He cleared his throat, stirring his coffee with a teaspoon, “How’ve you been?”

“Fine, I guess.” It _was_ too hot, but she sipped some all the same to be polite. “Nothing really happened when you were away and things went back to normal.”

“That’s… good. Everything’s alright here as well the past weeks, except…”

She looked up. Naegi was chewing his bottom lip. “Except?”

“… Nothing. He’s unrelated to this story, God bless his soul.” The cup of Brazilian coffee granted him a sharp reprieve from his mounting exhaustion, and Naegi was forced to pace himself. “But if you must know-“

Ikusaba gave a scarcely imperceptible shake of her head.

“Oh. Alright. Good.” He sighed in relief. “It’s a long story anyway.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“It’s not too sweet, is it?” He finally asked.

“Hm?” It took her a while for her to understand. “It’s alright. Better than last time.”

“I hoped so.” He smiled. “It’s coffee with condensed milk, a Singaporean way of drinking it. Apparently, they’ll serve it to you in a thin plastic bag, like Ziploc, with a string on top so it’s easier to carry around. And then you’ll try and drink it from a straw… or try to, I mean, try drinking something scalding hot through a straw, it’s…” Naegi stopped mid-sentence, and sighed. “Apologies. I’m rambling again.”

“It’s fine.” She blew lightly over her coffee, and for the first time that evening allowed him a small smile. “It was interesting.”

“Great.” Naegi held his cup, thinking. “Not that this isn’t good, but I was accustomed to drinking it black for the longest time. No cream, no milk, just a bit of sugar. Come to think of it, she didn’t even put sugar in hers...”

Unconsciously, the both of them stiffened. There was no doubt amongst them both who exactly he was referring to. Instantly, she avoided his gaze. Naegi stared at the tabletop for a few moments before lifting the mug bottoms-up. _No use hiding it now._

**_Clunk._ **

“Right. I’ve been meaning to say this for a while now, but please excuse me for being a complete bastard the past few weeks.” Naegi bowed his head, avoiding her gaze. “I was insensitive and I... was selfish. I’m sorry.”

She turned back to look at him, frowning. Somewhere in her mind, Ikusaba understood this was a moment of delicacy, and words were to be chosen with care or not said at all. Pity she had all the delicacy of a boombox in a library, and for a while she struggled in forming a reply.

At length, she replied, “…I’m sorry for leaving you abruptly. I guess I should have given you a chance to explain yourself.”

“R-right.” Naegi swallowed. There were but a few dregs of coffee left, and he swirled them around, watching the dark trail it made behind within its circle of life at the bottom of the cup.

“… Look I’ve been thinking a long time about how to say this.” He finally said. “But firstly, thank you for staying with me for a long as you did, before I… got unreasonable. Before it was pointless to stay.”

“…”

“I’ve been trying to understand what is the _right_ thing to do about this, and truth be told, other than apologizing I can’t come up with anything concrete, but here’s what I’ve got so far.”

He suddenly looked pained, as if something extraordinarily bitter was sitting at the tip of his tongue. Lips pressed tightly against each other, he swallowed what was left of his coffee.

**_Clunk._ **

“It’s this: it was fun while it lasted, but for now let’s not see each other again.”

For a moment Ikusaba thought she misheard. Her eyes widened.

“What?”

Naegi could not bring himself to look at her.

“It’s taken a long time for me to come to this conclusion, but tonight I’ve managed to clear my thoughts, and I’ve realized why… why it would never work out between us, even as just friends.”

Of all the things Ikusaba had considered he would say, this was not one of them. As Naegi paused, collecting himself she could not help but wonder if this really was the boy she once knew, or thought she knew.

“It occurred to me that the way I am now, I’m unsuited to be in any relationship with you, for reasons entirely not your fault.”

“Then-“

“I remember you asked me before why it took so long for me to grieve.” Naegi muttered. “For the longest time I had thought it was doubt. Maybe a little bit of misplaced anger at the pointlessness of it all, maybe a little bit of resignation that I’ve already loved and lost and probably won’t again, but it was doubt and all its insecurities that gnawed at me incessantly. Today, through something I received, my doubts were cleared, my insecurities vanished, and yet when I saw you earlier before that… ostrich” he barely managed to choke the word out, “…ran by, I hesitated all the same. I had the opportunity to call you out, to talk to you again, and I just let it slip by.”

“I know.”

Naegi blinked. “You know?”

“… On the bridge before you noticed me, I noticed you further along.” She wished the coffee was sweeter as all the bitter things poured out from her mouth. “I thought that you would see me sooner or later, further down the road. You did, and… nothing happened.”

“If you saw me earlier, why didn’t you say anything?” Naegi asked, confused.

Ikusaba looked away, her face an iron mask.

“… It’s the same reason, isn’t it?”

She knew it was. It was the simplest and worst of reasons.

_Fear._

In the battlefield, fear was what kept you alive. It was what made you exercise caution at every step, made you think twice before looking behind that wall. Fear was _not_ what got the job done. Fear was inaction. Inaction, oftentimes, was fatal.

The coffee no longer scalded her fingertips through the mug.

“Go on.”

“… I’m not sure how to explain this, but the way I am now, I don’t think I’m capable of loving anyone the same way I did for her. The thought of being vulnerable to anyone the same way scares me.” He looked up, pained. “I’m sorry I took so long to reach this conclusion. I’m sorry for misleading you.”

Ikusaba was unsure what to say. This was very different from what she had expected from this meeting. It was turning into merely an acknowledgment of their situation, and a call for it to remain the status quo. Strictly speaking, she did not object to it. _She_ brought it on in the first place, one could argue. But it coming from his mouth… she expected different.

Half of Ikusaba wanted to accept his apology and move on from his life. It was what she was used to doing. The other half asked Naegi:

“Then why did you kiss me?”

Whatever shamble of determination Naegi had put together crumbled at that moment. He had dreaded this question, and for the life of him he didn’t know how to respond. _‘I don’t know’_ was a cop out. _‘It was a mistake’… **Was** it a mistake? _If he said it _was,_ that would be dishonest, and he _hated_ lying. If he said it wasn’t, well that would bring on a whole slew of questions, questions that Naegi didn’t quite feel he was ready to answer. It was impulsive decision that had felt right at the time, that he was beginning to regret.

Naegi drummed his fingers on the wooden tabletop. In a much smaller voice, he said, “There really is only one reason why people kiss, isn’t there?”

He left the reason unsaid, but it was almost insulting how Ikusaba’s heart still managed to beat a little faster at those words.

“… But it wouldn’t work out.” Naegi firmly said. “It wouldn’t last before it turns sour again.”

“How are you so sure of that?” She shook her head in disbelief.

“How?” Naegi looked up, incredulous. “Look at me, Ikusaba-san. I’m alone, 23, after shunning all my friends, wallowing in grief and solitude for years. It gets harder and harder to heal, and I’ve all but accepted the fact that no sit-down session or phone call can put things back to the way things were before. It’s over. My friendships have changed, if not disappeared. Look. LOOK!” Unconsciously, he raised his voice. “You see my room down the corridor? There’s a portion of the cupboard filled with whatever’s left of her that for the life of me I can’t bear to throw away. And that’s just problem number one in the list of burdens she left behind. Whether I like it or not Kirigiri’s always going to exist in my heart!”

The corners of his eyes were starting to blur. Forcing the tears back, he continued:

“It’s not that I don’t like you. In fact, I… I do like you. Very much. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have cared to tell you this much, wouldn’t have cared this much. But don’t you see? Even if I _say_ I want to move on, it’s not going to change the past. We’re going to argue. We’re going to cry. We’re going to fight over this. I know we will. But you said in your letter you didn’t want to get hurt again when you left, and you’re right: I don’t want to hurt you either. I realized it would never work out between us. I’m sorry.”

Ikusaba had gone very still at his outburst. No longer having anything to say, he sat back down, relieved he hadn’t broken into tears right then and there. The silence that followed between the two of them was the most pronounced of them all.

“… In short, you brought me all the way here to tell me you want nothing to change?”

“That’s…”

She tucked her fringe behind her ear, her tattooed hand lingering somewhat.

“Naegi-kun, have you ever considered this from my point of view?”

He shook his head.

“Has it ever occurred to you that I might be just as scared as you are?”

Naegi froze. “N-No.” He was forced to admit, “Why would you?”

For half a moment, Ikusaba felt like telling him. That she wasn’t good with feelings. That he was the first. That her sister probably would flip. That she didn’t know what to do. That she’d hurt him as well.

Almost immediately as it came, the impulse went away.

“… I don’t know.” She finally said. “Think about it.”

Her hands shook slightly as she took the cup and slowly finished her drink.

**_Clunk._ **

“If that’s all you want to say, I think it’s time I took my leave.” She stood up, pulling the chair back and taking the bomber jacket with her. Naegi could not find the will in him to object as he dully watched her make her way to the front door.

Halfway there, she stopped.

“I will say one thing, though.”

Ikusaba turned around, and Naegi was startled to see Ikusaba Mukuro on the verge of tears.

“Never, in the time I knew you, had I asked you to forget her. All I had ever wanted from you was…” She bit her lip to stop it from trembling. “Forget it. Thank you. For everything.”

And with those words, they parted, the door perhaps closed with a little more force than it was used to.

For a moment all Naegi did was stare at where she stood just a few moments ago.

Suddenly, with passion that surprised himself, he buried himself into his arms and wept.

-

**AUDITORIUM**

**_“A long long time ago, in the time of Herod the Great, three wise men were eating sandwiches in the middle of the desert.”_ **

_“This is some damn good sandwich we have here.” Magi one remarked._

_“Really top quality stuff we managed to procure.” Magi two commented._

_“Urrrgh-“ was all Magi three managed to moan out as he took another bite._

“This is not quite how I remembered the birth of Jesus began.” Ishimaru muttered, watching the three wise men sprinkle what looked like bags of oregano between slices of bread.

“I told you it was _amateur_.”

“Who written this screenplay?”

“Yukizome-sensei.”

The trio watched as the three wise men saddled camels, following a star on the backdrop, proclaiming that the King of the Jews was about to be born. Ishimaru was very aware of the several people he recognized in the audience – Togami, Fukawa, Asahina, Hagakure –and consciously adjusted his sunglasses as he peeked out the curtains.

“My part’s not out for a long time, sir. Why don’t the two of you sit down?”

“No, I’m enjoying this. As your parents today, pretend that you’re performing for us tonight.”

“That’s right.” Tsumiki gently patted his head.

“… Your funeral, then.”

They watched as Monaca ordered a nationwide genocide of all babies born within a month.

-

**NAEGI’S APARTMENT**

Naegi couldn’t remember the last time he had actually used the bathtub that sat in a corner of his bathroom. He was never one for long baths in the first place, and he never did possess the patience to wait for such a large tub to be filled. Besides, there was the matter of being environmentally conscious.

 _Environment be damned,_ Naegi thought glumly, slinking deeper underwater until his body was fully submerged. The water was far too hot for his liking, but fuck it, he needed to feel _something_ after that conversation that wasn’t misery and self-loathing.

He was still thinking about it, what he had said, and spent the entirety of his mock-drowning session convincing himself that what he did was right. And that the right thing can sometimes feel very wrong.

It made sense. Even though he liked her, he would hurt her. Inevitably. They would fight again and again and things would never work out. Like last time.

He exhaled, feeling the bubbles tickle his nose as they rose.

_Did we fight, though? She just wanted out._

Naegi burst out of the water, gasping, taking large, deep breaths. _We never did talk it out,_ he reflected. _What we thought. What she thought. What she felt. As much as possible we avoided confrontation. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid of hurting the other._

He slid underwater once more, feeling his locks of hair suspend themselves in the hot water.

 _Well look how well that turned out,_ he thought, thinking of Ikusaba on the verge of tears.

During his 4th consecutive drowning session, Kendrick stopped rapping ‘Swimming Pools’. Perched dangerously on the shampoo rack, his phone rang.

Half-annoyed, half-hopeful, Naegi took the Ziploc bag he housed the phone in, now slightly discolored from steam.

His face fell as he saw who was calling.

Sighing, he swiped the bottom of the screen. The small button didn’t move.

He tried again.

And again.

 _God-damn it,_ he sighed unhappily, steeping out of the bath and wrapping a blue towel around his body. Taking the phone out of the bag, he successfully swiped the screen.

“Hello?”

“It happened. In his sleep.”

He took a moment to absorb this new information. _That’s… to be expected, I guess._

“How are you feeling?”

“Sadder than I think I have the right to be.” Hinata’s voice sounded a little more ragged over the phone. “Sadder than I thought I would be.”

“What were you expecting?” He had placed the phone back on the bathroom counter, leaning towards it as he put his jeans on.

“I don’t know. Relief.”

“Hm.” Naegi pulled on a shirt, taking care to drain the bath before heading out, still drying his hair. “Where are you now?”

“Still at the hospital. They were asking me about the funeral arrangements.”

“Alright. I’m coming over.”

“No need, they’ve been taken care of.”

“It’s you I’m worried about, Hinata-kun.”

There was a small silence from the other side. “Thanks. I’m alright. Really.”

“Don’t think too much of it.” Naegi put his coat on. “I’m actually one of the only person in your circle of friends that can rightfully say ‘ _I know how you feel_ ’ without lying through his teeth.”

“No you don’t.”

Naegi thought. “Is it _that_ different? It’s just between guys.”

“…”

“Fine, fine.” He gave in, allowing Hinata to humor himself with a little bit of self-isolation. “Is Nanami there with you?” He asked, locking the door behind him.

“No. I didn’t think it would be appropriate.”

“Well of course.” Naegi walked down the flights of stairs, “You’d want to be surrounded by people you love and know when you die. But that’s not what I meant. Is she coming?”

“… No.”

“Why not? She’s your girlfriend.”

It was as if he could _hear_ him blush over the phone. “I don’t think she’d want to be here.”

“She’d do it for you! That’s what friends are for.” Naegi stepped out of the apartment complex, and winced as the wind bit into his cheeks. _I should have dried my hair a little longer._ “Besides, she listened to your tragic backstory without breaking up with you. That’s _something_.”

“Yes…” A tinge of reluctance, maybe a tinge of longing crept into his voice. “But I don’t want to mar our relationship with this unhappy memory.”

“Well of course, but tough luck: that’s how relationships mature.” Naegi looked around, displeased. Traffic had come to a standstill, and people were sitting within the warm confines of their cars, or smoking and chatting with others, clearly resigning themselves to a long night. “You don’t embark on a relationship expecting smooth sailing, or pretending it to be. Only when you’re true to each other, open up to each other can you move on and heal, can you grow stronger…”

Naegi realized what he was saying and stopped short.

_God-fucking-damn it._

“Be that as it may, I don’t want to go to her just yet.” He replied, uncomfortably aware he was starting to sound like a certain someone.

“Fair enough” Naegi sighed, and looked around. “Uhh, Hinata, I don’t really think I’m going to make it there.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Well for one thing, in case you haven’t noticed, we’re currently in the middle of the worst traffic jam in the history of Japan, that may or may not have been caused by one ostrich courtesy of the Crown Prince of Novoselic.”

“The ostrich was Tanaka’s?” Hinata whistled. “He’s going to have a lot to answer for.”

“I’ll bet he does. I suggest you find-“

Naegi froze.

30 meters away, she was sitting alone on a bus bench.

He recognized the bomber jacket.

**ST LUKE’S HOSPITAL**

“Yes?” Hinata repeated, “You’d suggest I find what, exactly?”

There was continued silence on the other end.

“Sorry. I gotta go.” Naegi abruptly said. “Urgent business.”

“What?” He protested. “Why the abrupt change in plans.”

“I’m going to be a little busy at the moment, I made a terrible mistake doing the right thing and… You know what? Scratch that. I suggest you find Nanami tonight.”

“TONIGHT?” Hinata repeated, panicked. “You said there’s a traffic jam.”

“Walk. Run. Beg, borrow, steal a bicycle. Blow something up. “ Something new crept into Naegi’s voice. It sounded suspiciously like Hope, if hope was insane. “I don’t care, just do it.”

“No, Naegi-kun, this is between me and Komaeda, I should keep her out of this-“

“Have you bothered talking to her the past few weeks?”

Hinata bit his lip. “… No.” He truthfully said.

“Well you’ve abstained long enough. Don’t let it turn into 4 years. You better stop keeping her hanging lest she gets the wrong idea.” Naegi stated matter-of-factly. “You don’t meet someone like her who takes the time to understand you everyday.”

Hinata saw what he was getting at, but just thinking it felt… wrong. On so many levels.

“So what?!” Naegi exclaimed, and Hinata realized with a start he said that last part out loud. “We’re in fucked up situations, with fucked up problems that might need some fucked up solutions to feel not so fucked up.”

“Stop… Stop…” it was the most Hinata had ever heard him swear, and a headache was mutating like cancer cells in his head. “Don’t rush me. I’m just scared about this.”

“So am I, but that’s not stopping me.”

“What?”

“Mind your own business. I’ll tell you if it works out.”

“This coming from you?”

“Shut up, I’m hanging up: You’ve got two options you grieve alone tonight, or you find your girlfriend who is so nice I believe she might be the second coming of Jesus and have a nice long chat about what happened. Maybe play a few games together if it helps. You don’t call me until you’ve done it I insist Ok? Ok goodbye.”

Before Hinata could protest, he heard the phone click into silence.

 _Son of a-_ He felt like looking for Naegi right then and giving him a swift kick in the shins, but he remembered Nanami.

“Second coming of Jesus.” Hinata said aloud. He had to agree, she was unnaturally understanding and patient. Somebody likes that deserves an answer.

Hinata looked at his watch. It was getting late.

“… _If you need to talk to somebody after this, you know where I live.”_

… _Fuck it._

Finally, Hinata bolted into the winter storm. _One fucked up solution coming right up._

-

“I trusted you, sis.” Junko’s voice was dull. Ikusaba could almost see the mushrooms growing on top of her head. “I invited you to get the fuck away from me and Matsuda-kun on your sister’s name day, and THIS is how you repay me.”

“All I said is I need the keys back to our apartment-“

“Nuh-nuh-nuh…” Junko cleared her throat, “Mukuro Ikusaba,” she adopted a ridiculously guttural southern accent, “has ruined one of Junk International’s stud-bonding sessions. For four months I had him under my surveillance. Manga sessions, neuroscience sessions, sleep sessions you name the schtick. I spent hundreds of thousands of time-dollars on Matsuda-kun to have him grovel at my little finger, and I was gonna allow him to make me make him a man tonight!”

At that point, she heard a disgusted voice shout, “I never agreed to your pathetic birthday wish, you crazy bitch.”

“GAAAAH!” Ikusaba held the phone away from her ear as she squealed. “Sex on the beach? Matsuda-kun,” she crooned, her tone becoming sickeningly sweet, “you naughty naughty boy. And naughty boys need to get punished! And I’ve prepared a _very_ special punishment for my dear Matsuda-kun. Let’s give it our all! IT’S PUNISHMENT-“

“Your sister’s still on the phone.”

“HUUU~” she shrieked, “Now it’s phone sex? Your preferences change as fast as a girl changes clothes! Silly Matsuda-kun, we’re going to do so much more than that tonight, but anyway,” her southern patois returned, hardly skipping a beat, “And please let me be frank, sis, just to show you that I’m not a hard-hearted virgin, and it’s not all hours and days. He was a work of art; he was young, he was innocent, he was the greatest piece of ass I ever had, and I had’em all over the world! And then my own SISTER interrupts our hot torrid session of Netflix and Chill-“

“JUST NETFLIX!” he spat.

“…just to get the keys back to her fucking house, which she by all counts should already have.”

“Junko-chan, you took all the keys away.” She reminded her in a small voice.

“Ah. Right.” Ikusaba heard Junko bonk her head, and the sparkle sound effect that accompanied it. “But sissssss I am _this_ close to doing _unspeakable_ things together with him tonight. We’re both wasted! We made a mess of God knows how many clubs together! Maybe even single-handedly! And all I need for this to happen is one teeny-tiny favor from you.”

Ikusaba was willing to bet a great deal that she already knew what she wanted, but feigned ignorance anyway: “Which is?”

“Don’t show up.” Her voice dropped, hard as flint. “Or ELSE.”

“… Alright.” She deadpanned.

“That’s it?! For crying out loud, that’s ALL the reaction I get? DOOOO Jesus,” the southern drawl was back, “I’m not THAT bad – of course I am, but rather beside the point – let me work something out… Er… Ah.” Ikusaba heard the click, and knew she had put the glasses on. “Here’s the mission, should you choose to accept it – by which I mean of course you will, the plan is awesome – Once my delicious boy loses all reason and decides to pin me against the window in despairingly full view of everyone looking up, you arrive downstairs and I’ll throw the key down, you choosing whether to watch us like the hopeless voyeur you are or go scrabble for the key in the snow. GAH! How’s that for a titillating experience on your birthday?”

“…”

“Tch. You’re no fun. Fun. Fine. FINE! You come all the way here to Matsuda’s house and I’ll just throw the key down. I’ll even make it easy for you to see it!”

“Thank you.” She breathed a sigh of relief. “And good luck with Matsuda.”

“Good Luck? Just what do you think we’ll be doing? GAAAAH! I’m corrupted, I’m beginning to have weird thoughts-“

Matsuda shushed her. “Baptism scene’s coming up.”

“OOH. Gotta go, darling needs me, Buh-BYE!”

“I am _nobody’s_ darling-“ was all he managed to interject before Junko killed the call.

She stared at her phone with the sort of resigned emptiness that she adopted when talking to her sister. Turning it off, it managed to capture the Christmas lights around her: red, orange, cerulean, blurred like water droplets on a bokeh photo.

She looked again closely. Someone was walking towards her.

Annoyed, she put away her phone, pretending not to see him as he sat down a good distance from her on the empty bench.

“… Hi.”

“…”

“…are you still mad at me?”

Ikusaba did not dignify Naegi with so much as a glance.

“Right… Of course you would be.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I should have been more honest with you.”

When she still did not reply, Naegi cleared his throat.

“I did tell you I was scared. That was the truth. All of that about being hurt and vulnerable, and how I never wanted to experience something like that again.” Naegi went on, shivering slightly. “But what I should be sorry for is that we never really got to talk it out, me and you.”

“I believe,” he flinched as Ikusaba spoke, “what happened just now was what you call ‘talking it out’.”

“I guess so.” He admitted. “That really wasn’t how I envisioned ‘talking it out’ would go, to be honest.”

“’Wasn’t how I envisioned?’” Ikusaba repeated, “How else did you expect things to go when **you** suggested we never meet again?”

Naegi opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. Ikusaba still didn’t look at him, watching the passer-bys go about their business under the iridescent Christmas lights.

At length he finally muttered, “I didn’t think-“

“You certainly didn’t.”

“I didn’t.” Naegi agreed, “I didn’t think about it from your point of view. I just thought that after what I did, you really didn’t want to see me again.”

“Oh, so this is my fault now?”

“NONONO,” Naegi exclaimed, “I just… I just assumed. I shouldn’t have.”

The wind sounded like laughter as it swept past the two of them. Naegi wished he had brought some gloves down as they buried themselves deep into his pockets.

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “I felt like an idiot after your letter. I realized how much of an ass I was to you.”

“You made _me_ feel like an idiot, you know that?”

“… Sorry.”

“…”

“Forgive me about earlier. I just thought that after your letter, the last thing you’d want to do is remain friends with me.”

“Do you have _any_ idea how much I missed you the past few weeks?”

It was Naegi’s turn to be surprised. “N-no. I always thought- I always assumed you were the one who wanted to be as far away from me as possible.”

“Are you blind?” She muttered, annoyed. “I knew I’d miss you the moment I penned that stupid letter in that stupid bathroom. Sure you were a bit of an ass that never liked talking about yourself, but you were nice to me. I told you, I liked your company. But I _hated_ the fact that you didn’t want to be honest with me, to be honest with yourself.”

“B-but,” Naegi bit his lip, trying to process this new information, “What about…”

“You said so yourself, there’s only one reason why people kiss, isn’t there?”

It was difficult to tell under the glow of the red traffic light whether she was blushing.

“The point is,” He finally said, “I handled it badly. I didn’t know how to handle it, truth be told. Being with you was something a little… unexpected and foreign for me.”

“Foreign?”

“I haven’t been with anyone besides Kirigiri. I was never interested in anyone else.” Naegi confessed. “Well, there was another one, but I always thought she was out of my league, pushed her away when she tried.”

Ikusaba closed her eyes, considering all he said.

She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, ultimately deciding against it.

“What?”

She stared at the snow collected beside the pavement.

“… You were the first person I felt like this for. Imagine how I’m feeling.”

Naegi blinked, before breaking into a goofy grin. “I’m really happy you feel that way.”

Ikusaba turned towards him, watching as his grin slowly faded.

“What is it?” Naegi asked uncertainly, wondering if he said something wrong.

She murmured something inaudibly.

“Sorry?”

The traffic light now bathed them in green light.

“I haven’t heard it directly from you.”

For a moment, Naegi did not understand. When it finally hit him, it was surprising how much a part of him was still reluctant to oust the words from his mind. He understood there was no taking back the words after they left his mouth.

He’d taken his hands out, and was fiddling with stiff fingers before meeting her expectant gaze.

“Ikusaba-san, I like you a lot more than just friends.” He said simply. “It wasn’t what I had intended out of our meetings together, but I fell for you.”

She weighed the words in her mind for a moment, then nodded, satisfied.

“But I mean it when I said I didn’t think I was ready for it to turn serious.” He added. “I just think the way I am now, we wouldn’t last long without arguing again.”

“Argue? When have we ever argued?”

Naegi couldn’t answer her.

“There’s so much you haven’t told me about yourself.”

“Ditto.” He reminded her.

She resignedly shook her head. “…That being said, I’m glad at least you were honest with yourself for once.”

“…So now what?”

Ikusaba looked expectantly at him. “What do you want?”

He thought long and hard.

“I missed you. I missed you being my friend. Right now all I want is to go back to the way things were.”

“Then what about…”

Naegi sighed, watching as his breath condensed into mist in the freezing air.

“I’m not saying we should talk about all of that immediately,” he said slowly, “but when the time comes, we’ll just be frank with each other, bit by bit. And should there come a time where I decide to kiss you again, or you me, or any other form of affection that the both of us want to engage in, I promise you I won’t hold back.”

She nodded. It was good enough for her.

He checked his watch. It was getting late.

“Do you have any way of getting home tonight?”

“I was actually planning on walking the rest of the way back to my apartment before you arrived, but now I’m considering whether I should steal a bike… kidding.” She chuckled when she saw his face.

“I’ve got cash. You could spend the night in a hotel nearby and go back in the morning.”

Ikusaba raised a single eyebrow. “Hotels. On Christmas Eve?”

Naegi deflated slightly. _Of course. Couple’s holiday. Hotel my ass._

The two sat in silence, watching the Christmas lights that hung above them turn from orange to blue to yellow to red to green.

“… I can sleep in a futon. Would you like to spend the night here?”

For a moment, she thought she misheard. Then Iksuaba saw Naegi’s look of utter embarrassment and her face mirrored his.

“U-um,” Her mind whirled, struggling for an appropriate answer, “I-I… Naegi-kun, I-“

“It’s just out of necessity!” He squeaked, pitch raised by at least an octave, “you can’t possibly walk that far tonight, there’s no other intentions in mind.”

It did not need to be said what kind of intentions he was referring to, and for the first time that night, both their faces matched the color of his Converse.

“N-never mind, stupid idea.” Naegi hurriedly stood up, feeling the blood rush back into his legs. “I’m sure there are other more viable ideas.”

He felt a gentle tug at his sleeve, and almost instantly, he felt his heart hammer against his ribs. Ikusaba looked away, too embarrassed to meet his gaze.

“Alright.”

-

**AUDITORIUM**

_“They’re still coming after us!” Joseph screamed, the clattering of hooves in the distance._

_“Joseph, the baby’s coming.” Mary clutched her stomach imperiously, tottering behind her husband. “We need to find somewhere I can give birth! Like an inn.”_

_“What! It’s Christmas season, all the inns are boarded up! We’d have a better luck finding somewhere secluded.”_

_“What’s Christmas?”_

The audience roared with laughter as Joseph realized his mistake.

_“Not important,” He decided, taking her hand and running backstage, with the pitter-patter of footsteps behind. The lights dim and hordes of animals take their positions on stage._

“This is it,” Nagisa whimpered. “My part.”

“You can do it!” Tsumiki cheered him on.”

“Remember, we’re watching you.”

Taking a deep breath, Nagisa stuck a blade of hay between his teeth and with large strides took the stage.

_The lights come back on._

_“Good evening, all of you.” The stable boy addressed all the animals in turn. “I hope you’re doing well, tomorrow’s the big day. All of you are to be led out for slaughter for the coming winter!”_

_The animals tittered nervously._

_“Shut it.” The stable boy commanded imperiously, looking at a list. “Mr and Mrs Pig, it’s the smokehouse for you. Mr and Mrs Goose, extra crispy. Mr and Mrs Cow, and cow Jr… wonderful with a robust red. And Mr and Mrs Lobster-“_

“AKIRAAAA-CHI!”

Ishimaru watched as Togami smacked the living daylights out of Hagakure beside him.

_“… Elegant in its simplicity with a lemon beurre blanc.” The stable boy recovered after a moment. “Mr and Mrs Turkey, you escaped thanksgiving, you won’t escape tomorrow. Now, Mr and Mrs Salmon- what the devil is that noise outside?!”_

_And precisely that moment, Joseph and Mary burst in._

_“Kind sir,” Joseph began, “please help us.”_

_“People are coming to kill my baby!”_

_“And me if we don’t hurry up, they’ll get me too. PLEASE: let us give birth here!”_

_“Who’re you kidding?!” You can’t just barge in here and give birth!” The stable boy brandished a long cane threateningly. “Get out of here, you hear? I’m taking the whole lot of these animals to slaughter, I can bring you two as well.”_

_Joseph looked crestfallen._

_“Oh… Fuck off, grasshopper.”_

_Quick as a flash, Joseph whipped out a blunderbuss from his pocket and pointed-_

“What on earth-“ Ishimaru began.

_“DROP THE FUCKING STICK OR I SHOOT YOUR KNEECAP.”_

_“Joseph, what’s-“_

_“SHUT UP, slut!” Joseph whirled around, deranged. “I sure as hell know that’s not my baby in your stomach, ‘Virgin Mary’ my ass. God knows who’s sausage you’ve shoved into your grill when I was away. Who was it, huh? Tell me!”_

_“N-no, Joseph, Gabriel came out of nowhere one day and informed me-“_

_“WHO THE HELL IS GABRIEL?!” Joseph screamed, spit spraying both their faces “How long have you been seeing him?”_

_“Excuse me,” the stable boy raised a hand timidly, “do you mind settling your marital affairs elsewhere? I need to get back to-“ Joseph planted the cold metal barrel on his forehead and the stable boy’s lips shrank back into his mouth._

_“You.” Joseph spat. “Get a basin of water and some cloth, milk of the poppy if you’re feeling generous. Help this skank give birth.”_

_“Y-yes sir, I’d love to, but there’s no space-“_

_Joseph calmly unhitched the safety catch. Cowed, the stable boy turned to all the animals._

_“Go. You’re free.”_

_“Cheering, the barnyard animals stampeded off-stage, and Nagisa returned with medicine, cloth and a basin of water._

Ishimaru watched, half-horrified and half-intrigued. “I need to start reading the bible… Nagisa’s doing so well.”

“The girl playing Mary, K-Kotoko-san, is a n-natural as well!”

He bit his lip, watching as Nagisa prepared Mary for childbirth under the watch of Joseph’s gaze.

“Tsumiki-san, there’s been something I wanted to say to you for the longest time.”

“Eh?”

He held her bandaged hand. “I’m sorry. Don’t you ever think that the whole fiasco was your fault. He was an ass, and you shouldn’t feel sorry about what he did.”

“B-but-“ she stammered.

“I’m serious. As your superior- no, wait, as your friend,” Ishimaru cleared his throat, “I care for you. Deeply. Me and Nagisa both. And I promise under my tenure, or even after, I won’t let anyone who hurts you go unpunished. If you ever get hurt again, please talk to me. I’ll listen to the whole thing and call special forces if needed.”

“S-sir…” Her eyes welled up with tears. “I’ve made a complete f-fool of myself, didn’t I?”

“We all do, Tsumiki-san, we all do.”

Slowly, they broke into an embrace just as Masaru sent Nagisa flying with a shot to the chest.

_“Now that that’s settled,” Joseph snarled, “it’s time to get rid of you once and for all! Only with you dead will those soldiers outside stop chasing me. NOW DIE!”_

_“NOOOOO-“_

_“Stop.”_

_Stunned, the couple looked behind them. Magically, a boy descended from the heavens, his features angelic and pristine. “I won’t let you hurt her. You’re safe!”_

_“Who the fuck are you?!” Joseph screamed._

_“I am Jesus, son of Man.”_

-

**NANAMI’S APARTMENT**

_“Eyes up, blue team.” John muttered._

“Eyes up… eyes up…” Nanami muttered, increasingly annoyed. “John, can’t you see you’re surrounded by idiots?”

As she went through so many times before, the Spartans entered a wide arena, and at least 8 Wardens teleported in. Silently thankful the game wasn’t that broken making her fight so many at once, she watched as Cortana disintegrated most of them, leaving three massively overpowered legendary-mode Warden Eternals behind.

“Right. Here’s the plan,” she murmured, as if her AI companions could hear her. “We be cautious, you go distract them, and when they turn around I’ll use the incineration cannons and-“ the rest of her words were lost as Blue team bravely charged, bravely cut into pieces by the wardens’ swords.

At this point, Nanami felt like giving up. Her pride as a gamer be damned, there was no point in playing badly made games. It had shown promise, but HALO 5’s campaign mode on Legendary was nothing short of a clusterfuck, a large part due to the horribly difficult-to-control AI system that clearly was made for co-op, and the horribly overpowered sword-wielding Forerunner Prometheans known as wardens. The difficult wasn’t even as rewarding as other games like Dark Souls: it was difficult to the point of being idiotic. All the ‘reward’ she’d get for completing the entire thing on ‘legendary’ was a cutscene she was willing to bet wasn’t worth the monumental effort it took to get there.

And the plot, don’t even get her started on the plot; while she never cared much for storyline and could forgive certain errors here and there, she had felt particular empathy for Cortana, A.I. to Master Chief. Her storyline was perfect up till then: she was the perfect balance of intellect and wit, and self-aware of her limits as an A.I. program. She had chose to die on her own terms, not submitting to rampancy, not hurting John… Goddamit, Chiaki loved the story of HALO 4. The dynamic between the pair was perfect.

And then Halo 5 happened. Cortana was brought back, now the mastermind of a plot to bring eternal peace through genocide and enslavement in a massive ret-con of despairing proportions, disregarding her character development completely. It was cheap, it was purely for shock value, it was shit!

 _If I returned from the dead,_ she thought, _the last thing I’d do is to be a mastermind as a terrible plot device._

No longer caring about resurrecting her teammates, she fired the remaining rounds off her incineration cannons and binary rifles, managing to take down one before master chief inevitably got stabbed to death, bringing her back to the previous checkpoint.

Completely losing interest, Nanami tossed the controller on the carpeted floor, and sank her head into the sofa behind, staring at the ceiling. _Maybe I should call it a night._

She closed her eyes and counted to 10.

Finally, gritting her teeth, she picks up the controller and presses - RESUME –

**_KNOCK KNOCK_ **

Nanami looked up, mildly surprised. Few people ever knocked the door to her home at this hour. Very few people knocked on her door at all.

Putting the controller down, she makes her way barefooted to the entrance and tiptoed, barefooted to the eyepiece, peering outside.

Nanami opens the door, unsure of what to expect, and there Hinata stood, unblinking.

“Hinata-kun!” She perked up, a smile brightening her features immediately.

“… I’m sorry, I should have called.”

“No no, it’s fine.” Nanami shook her head. “I told you, didn’t I? Anytime you want to talk, you can come to me. And you did!” She adds somewhat unnecessarily, beaming.

A few moments pass before she notices Hinata’s stoic gaze, the bags under his eyes, the redness in their corners.

And she understood.

Her face fell.

“Hinata-kun…”

He opened his voice to say something, managing only to choke out a strangled sob. As the first tear trails his cheek, she is already embracing him, accepting all of him, feeling his spasms as he buries himself behind her shoulder. He was tall, smelling faintly of ibuprofen, and she had to tiptoe slightly to bring her cheek to his. She was warm and soft all over, and he held her tight, feeling her bosom against his chest.

They said nothing for a long while, simply staying in each other’s arms. She ran her hands over his back, feeling the _thump thump_ of his heart in conjunction with hers.

Finally, they straightened, still in each other’s arms. He blinks back tears, face flushed.

“I’m so sorry.”

In response Nanami tiptoed further until she met his lips.

The _thump thumps_ went a little faster, and it is not until she opens her eyes that he reacts, closing his eyes and giving himself in completely.

It wasn’t a kiss for the ages, and Hinata felt any tongue would have ruined the delicate moment completely, but it didn’t stop him from holding her closer as their lips connected, broke apart, breathed in close proximity, and kissed again. Repeat.

Finally, after a long while, she plants her feet firmly back onto the carpeted floor.

“Come in.” She wipes his tears on her green sleeves. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He bites his lip. “… Not yet.”

“Then let’s play a game together until you feel like it, alright?”

Hinata stares, dubious. “Now?”

“Games always make me feel better…” Nanami murmurs shyly. “Even the bad ones.”

Hinata sighed, but the faintest trace of a smile is blooming on his lips.

“Alright.”

Hinata took her outstretched hand.

Nanami let him into her life again.

-

**NAEGI’S APARTMENT**

After a heated talk, Ikusaba gave up and finally accepted the fact that Naegi wasn’t possibly letting a guest sleep on the floor in a futon and made preparations to head to bed. He found several boxes of unopened toothbrush sets they provided at hotels, and left her a set of clothes he thought she could sleep in.

Naegi brought out the bedding out from the wardrobe, arranging it by the indented space that faced the window. The moonlight shone brightly from where it hung, yet even that was not to last; storm clouds were looming dangerously close.

The hiss of the shower was finally extinguished, and he heard her footsteps, dripping wet as she dried herself.

Naegi took a moment to collect himself. _It’s just a simple matter of accommodation, don’t think too much of it,_ he had said, yet his heart hammered against his ribs all the same.

Shaking his head furiously, Naegi took the thick woolen covers and a pillow from the highest compartment of the wardrobe and arranged it nicely onto the bedding.

_Ok. I can work with this._

The door to the bathroom creaked open, and Ikusaba stepped out, drying her hair with his green towel.

“Thanks for the shower.”

“It’s alright.”

The two segued into wary silence, regarding one another with interest.

“… What?”

“N-nothing.” Naegi blinked. “I was surprised. They fit you well.”

Ikusaba looked down at the oversized T-shirt that extended below her navel, and raises a questioning brow.

“Not like that!” He waved her doubts aside. “They suit you, that’s all.”

“I’m more curious as to how such an overly large shirt came to your possession. I don’t suppose you happen to have a friend that fat?”

“Yeah… I mean, no! I mean-“ Naegi cursed, “I bought it. They make for great sleepwear once you enlarge them just enough.”

“… I see.” She murmured, and asked nothing more.

Naegi took his time brushing his teeth, dabbing his face with a hot towel. Looking at the heaters around, Naegi remembered something and prepared some more, running them with hot water.

When he returned, Ikusaba was fumbling with something on her back.

“What is it?” Naegi asked, puzzled. “Do you have an itch?”

Ikusaba paused, staring at Naegi for so long he took an involuntary step back. When she decided he _wasn’t_ making fun of her as she had thought, she relaxed.

“Figure it out.”

He still looked clueless.

Sighing, with one swift motion her hands returned to her back and unfastened her-

_Oh._

Naegi looked away, feeling like a royal idiot as he made his way across the room. She watched with interest as Naegi hung damp towels on the heater. “It gets dry at night.”

“I see.”

He looked around one last time. “Anything else you need before we turn ourselves in?”

She shook her head.

“Alright.”

He flicked the switch off, bathing the room with soft moonlight.

Fumbling with the covers, Naegi finally managed to slip under the sheets, taking time to get used to the unfamiliar sensation of sleeping on the floor. In the darkness, he heard her do the same. Silence descended like sheets upon them all.

“… Hey, Ikusaba-san?”

“Hm?”

“Do you wanna go out tomorrow?”

“Tempting.” She relaxed a little more into the bedding. “My sister’s probably expecting me to come home.”

“Tell her.”

“She doesn’t know about you… At least, that’s what she appears to think.”

Naegi pursed his lips.

“Make something up?” He tried again.

“I don’t think you’d find it to be that easy. She’d see through me in a heartbeat,” Ikusaba smiled, “besides, I could never bring myself to lie to her.”

“Right…”

“It’s alright, Naegi-kun.” Ikusaba yawned. “There’s always another time.”

“You’re right.” Those things could wait. He turned to his side, wincing slightly as he tucked his arms under the pillow.

“Good night, Ikusaba.”

“Good night, Naegi-kun.”

And thus the two shut their eyes and fell asleep.

-

Having coffee before bed was not one of Naegi’s better ideas.

Neither was sleeping on the futon.

Perhaps it all added to the fact that he was sleeping with someone besides Kirigiri for the first time.

Whatever it was, Naegi was wide awake.

Giving up, he faced the window, watching the moon being obscured by storm clouds. It was going to snow, and Naegi wondered whether he’d be able to see Santa and his sled over the moonlight.

The entire night was one coincidence after another, a rollercoaster of emotions, and Naegi wondered if something like fate truly existed. Years of solitude had taken its toll on him, but now he wasn’t alone… Was he?

He shook his head. _I’m thinking too fast. Expecting something like what I shared with Kirigiri from the very start is impossible and unfair._

_Kirigiri…_

All of a sudden, he remembered her birthday present, still in the DVD player outside.

_Crap._

Taking care not to wake her, Naegi gently disentangled himself from the mass of blankets covering him, and tiptoes his way outside, closing the door without so much as a click.

Relaxing, he went in front of the TV, pressing some buttons here and there, fumbling in the dark until he finally managed to get the CD out.

He stared at it, picturing her gloved hands and the flourish of a marker.

Slowly, groping in the dark, he found the laptop in its charging station. Gingerly, he brought it to the sofa, taking special care to lower the volume before booting it up. He connected the CD player, wondering what Apple would remove next in its effort to become smaller and smaller. The headphone jack? The USB port? Unthinkable.

Naegi slid the CD into the player, waiting as it whirred within its port. Soon, a window popped up, and Naegi browsed the files within.

One single .mp3 file.

After adding it to iTunes, Naegi synced his phone, waiting until it showed within his library before he chose to eject both disk and phone.

He breathed a sigh of relief. Now it would never be lost.

Gently closing the lid of the computer, he made his way into the kitchen for something that would ease him to a gentle slumber. Flicking on the kitchen lights, he looked through the cupboards before settling on an unopened bottle of Benedictine herb wine. Stifling a yawn with his free hand, Naegi took a glass from the top shelf, planning to enjoy the nightcap in his room.

 _Drinking alone at night, sure, why not?_ He flicked the lights off, making his way back across the hall to his room. _There’s worse ways to spend Christmas Eve._

With his free hand, he opened the door-

“JESUS-“

Naegi screamed, jumping a foot into the air, losing grip on both the bottle and the empty glass, and would have crashed head-first into the wall behind him had Ikusaba not steadied him with one hand, catching both the bottle and empty glass with the other.

“Ikusaba-san?” He panted. “You scared me!”

“I’m sorry.” She looked slightly abashed, though unfazed by the encounter. The glass swung a gentle round from where it hung on the bottleneck.

“W-why are you up?” Naegi winced.

“… Couldn’t sleep. I heard you go outside, and wanted to wait for you to be back.”

He blinked. “You too?” She nodded.

“Well um,” He shifted uncomfortably, eyeing the bottle she was now peering with interest.

“Shall I get another glass?”

-

The wine was cloyingly sweet, and Naegi felt marvelous as the liquor’s fiery hands reached into his chest, making his insides pleasantly toasty. The two sat on Naegi’s futon, wordlessly sipping on their wine and staring outside into the darkness. Naegi’s phone sat in an empty cup, amplifying a soulful voice in a heartfelt rendition of _La Vie en Rose._

“… How is it?”

Ikusaba shrugged. “It’s good, but a bit too sweet for my taste.”

“I never liked hard liquor.” He said matter-of-factly. “They all tasted disgusting to me.”

She took it as a challenge.

“Gin?”

“Too oily.”

“Vodka?”

“Just bitter.”

“Whisky?”

“Funny taste. Doesn’t improve on the rocks or with a tonic.”

She let the matter drop.

“… Truth be told, this is one of the more eventful Christmases I’ve spent in my life, to be honest.” Naegi commented offhandedly. “It might not say much, I’ve never celebrated Christmas in my life, but it’s the truth.”

“Same here.” She poured herself another small measure of liquor. “I never really got the entire idea of Christmas, to be honest.”

“It’s a holiday for you to spend with the family- wait, let me rephrase that: it’s a holiday you spend with the one you love.”

“Is that why so many flock to love hotels this time of the year?”

Naegi gave a lopsided grin in response.

“How about you? How do you normally spend Christmas?”

The wine was starting to get to her head, and she took slower sips from the cup.

“My sister saw Christmas as another reason to despair over.”

“We were talking about you, not your sister.” He pouted.

“We’re twins.” She murmured, a slight edge to her voice. “Problem?”

Naegi saw he had touched a nerve. Making a mental note to ask her about this sometime in the foreseeable future, he shook his head.

“Our birthdays were close to Christmas. Christmas Eve, in fact. People often treated it as a convenient excuse for them to say ‘this counts as both your birthday present AND your Christmas present’.”

Naegi laughed. “I can imagine. Takes away a bit of the magic of the occasions, doesn’t it? But then again, my family doesn’t really give presents around Christmas time, so I guess it wouldn’t have been a problem either way.”

“I see.”

They calmly watched as the first feathers of snow started drifting down. Naegi stared at his glass, frowning. He felt like he missed something in that conversation, and as Lee Hi began her rendition of _‘Up All Night’_ , it was dancing elusively at the back of his mind.

“Wait,” his eyes widened. “Christmas Eve? That’s today! Your birthday’s today! Happy Birthday!”

“Thank you.” She deadpanned with all the excitement of lukewarm coke.

“That’s it?” His face fell, crestfallen. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? We could have done something special. Made a cake. Go outside. _Something._ ”

“Celebrating my birthday was the last thing on my mind when I saw you.”

“… It’s too late to get you anything now.”

“Don’t bother. I’d feel a little… disappointed if you just happened to give me something just for the sake of giving.”

Naegi’s bubble burst completely. “Right… But I’ll remember it next year!”

“Thank you.” She smiled crookedly. “What’s yours?”

“Ah.” Naegi scratched his head, flummoxed. “February 4th... but I don’t think I’ll be celebrating it with much gusto, to be honest, after _that._ ”

“Oh.” She looked away. _Right._

“It’s alright. Now that I think about it, it was a bit unlucky… and a little inconvenient, on my birthday on all days. Two birds with one stone.” He murmured ruefully.

The snowfall had picked up speed, and as the two gazed out into the night, it seemed to have transformed into a scene from inside a snow globe; snowflakes resembling tufts of cotton candy carried on, buoyed against the wind, borne back ceaselessly into the ground.

He poured the two of them another draught as Lee Hi segued into _‘World Tour’._ _Last one,_ he promised himself.

“How did you normally spend Christmases?”

“… They were unremarkable.” She swirled the liquid in its glass, watching its vapors with interest. “Even on the frontlines.”

“… That’s right. You were a soldier.” Naegi recalled.

“Mercenary.”

“What?”

“We do soldiers’ work for money.” Ikusaba corrected him, recalling that conversation in the BRONCO. “We fight for whoever pays us.”

“… Go on.”

She thought about her stint in Stockholm. “At most, all it meant was a difference in your combat rations. Maybe turkey instead of chicken, though they all tasted the same. If you’re lucky, your target drops its guard long enough for you to get an easy shot.”

A gleam appeared in Naegi’s eyes as he stared at Ikusaba with newfound interest. “You must be very good.”

Ikusaba smirked. “A little bit of an understatement, to be honest.”

“You’re amazing, you know that? That’s so cool.”

She shook her head. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew half the things I do for a living.”

Naegi pursed his lips.

“Well, I can’t say I don’t have any assumptions,” he admitted slowly, “but you don’t seem like the type that takes pleasure in… you know.”

“How on earth would you know that?”

“Um…” Was it the alcohol, or was there simply no concrete answer? “You don’t seem like a bad person to me. Honest.”

Ikusaba looked at him with such intensity a lump appeared in his throat.

“…It’s very much like you to make such generous statements.” She finally said. “You’ll make somebody misunderstand one day.”

“That’s just what I feel, nothing more.” He assured her, and her gaze softened.

“One day I’ll tell you more about my career, and you tell me whether you still think that way. Not tonight, though.” She trembled slightly, the cold finally sinking in. “I don’t want to ruin this moment.”

“This mo-“ Naegi caught himself, “I thought after tonight I ruined it.”

“Almost.” She conceded. “You managed to turn it around.”

“Oh. Good.”

There were but a few dregs left in the glass, and Naegi savored the almost medicinal taste when something caught his eye. “Can I see that?”

“Hm?”

“Your hand.”

She hesitated slightly, before lifting it towards his vision. Holding it reverently, Naegi felt the places where the needle rapidly injected ink into her skin.

“Wow.” He studied the inscription. “I always thought you could feel the markings on a tattoo like paint on paper.” Naegi brushed her hand gently, and Ikusaba smiled, resisting the faintly ticklish sensation. “Did it hurt?”

Unbidden, she recalled gritting her teeth as the man concentrated on his work. “The skin over there is very thin. Pain was unavoidable.”

“It’s cool.” Naegi murmured. “… It’s cold. Your hand.”

And, much like how silences only become awkward when one puts it verbally, the two suddenly became very much aware of one another’s presence.

They remained stock still, neither daring to make a move, neither daring to relinquish their hold on the other. As her heart started beating in a most unreasonable manner, Ikusaba was relieved to see that at the very least Naegi was as tense as she was.

Silence, in its huge cloak, swathed over the two.

And then, very slowly, Naegi slips his fingers between hers, eyes flitting up nervously to where she gazed, frozen in place. He held it there lightly, curiously feeling the slight roughness of her fingers in contrast to the tenderness of her palms.

A few more moments pass before she clasped it, giving it a gentle squeeze as Naegi finally met her gaze.

“… Better?” He murmurs.

Ikusaba nodded.

Neither of them let go.

Naegi tilted his head, thinking deeply as they regarded one another.

“… You know,” He finally cleared his throat, “this actually reminds me, there’s something I feel like I owe you from last time.”

“… You don’t owe me anything.”

“Pardon?”

“I forgave you. You don’t have to do things just because you feel like you need to.”

Naegi blinked. The gulp he swallowed was audible to them both in the void of silence.

“… I _want_ to.” He finally confessed, blushing furiously. “I _want_ to kiss you.”

The effect was simultaneous: both of her eyes widened, and her cheeks were now tinged with the faintest of pink.

Her grip on his hand loosens slightly, leaving him hanging… hanging…

“… Me too.” She whispers.

And so they kissed. Slowly. Passionately. Hungrily. They took their time this time, slowly pressing against each other back… and forth… and back… and forth… their lips breaking apart only to breathe before they kiss again. He was full of longing and want, and here she was meeting his advances with her own.

Naegi presses down a little harder. Ikusaba’s eyes widen for only a moment before the two fell in a gentle heap on the bedding, only a moment before he brings his lips to hers once more.

_More._

Ikusaba slung her hands over his neck. He was soft and warm, and not much of her life had ever been as soft and warm… and inviting. She was toned… she was real, and he stroked her hair in ecstasy as he gave in completely to her open arms.

Finally, breathlessly, they broke apart, the reality of what they just did finally sinking in. Naegi steadies himself until Ikusaba laid between his arms, gazing upward in a daze.

He felt a familiar tightness through his boxers, and knew the time for a decision was then and there.

“Ikusaba-san…” he hesitates, and she reads his eyes like the pages of a book. Fear. Longing. Affection. Hope. Everything he does not outright say.

But Ikusaba made her decision long ago.

Trembling slightly, she took Naegi’s palm and placed it over her heart, drawing a sharp intake of breath as she felt his hand cupping her chest. It was a familiar sensation for him, but his eyes widened all the same. He felt her excitement, trepidation, lust, and sincerity. The slightest movements of his fingers were enough to make her breaths irregular, and it _excited_ him.

They knew there was no turning back from this. Not by a long shot. Haltingly, Naegi leaned in closer until their noses touched. His eyes said it all, and she nods, the two chuckling at the ticklish contact. There was something irrevocably final about the little exchange, and the two kissed again.

His phone was left forgotten in a corner.

-

**HANAMARU PRIMARY [ROOFTOP]**

“I messed up.”

“What are you talking about? You were amazing!”

“That guy in the audience interrupted me.” Nagisa pouted, seated snugly in the cockpit. “I broke character.”

“Broke character?” Ishimaru repeated, putting his helmet on. “If anyone broke character, it was Joseph; what a turnaround! Never saw it coming.”

“… Yukizome-sensei said the same thing, and insisted it be kept in, but that’s not the point. I-“

“Nagisa-kun.” Tsumiki spoke up, determined. “You were really good.”

“There! Do you think she’d lie to you?” Ishimaru hurriedly urged him. “You were spectacular. Everyone was shouting for an encore!”

“That was when Jataro sent Masaru flying with a kick to the nuts…” Nagisa sighed, “but I guess I should be satisfied at least you guys like it.”

“Of course we do.”

Nagisa bites his lip, hesitating slightly as the rotors whirred above them in a steady _thrum._

“Sir… about what happened before the play…. I apologize, it was completely unprofessional-“

“Nagisa.”

“… Yes, Tsumiki-san?”

She runs a hand gently through his hair. “… It’s ok to cry. We’ll be there.”

“And we’re very proud of you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for us.”

Nagisa looked at them both, for once lost for words.

“… It wasn’t much.” He twiddled his fingertips, blushing. “Thank you both for staying until the end.”

“Oh, I quite enjoyed it, it’s alright!”

The helicopter lurched to life, hovering inches from the ground before it picked up speed, floating stories above the school courtyard as families watched, amazed.

“… Looks like none of them have ever seen a helicopter before either.” Quick as a flash, Nagisa was all professional again, peering outside the window disinterestedly. “Haven’t they learned it’s rude to stare?”

“Come on, Nagisa-kun, don’t pretend, you’re just as excited as they are.”

“… I’m not.” He said, barely suppressing his grin as the central business district came into view.

Tokyo was bathed in the glow of iridescence: from the cars that jammed, the vermillion of the rear lights, the yellow from the front, from the buildings, the blue of office lights, the neon green of billboards, all culminating in baubles of an obscene variety as they dotted the streets below. Great tufts of snow were buoying down: Tokyo would be completely covered by Christmas Morning.

“... It seems we’re in for a _lot_ of work tomorrow, sir.” He announced.

“Indeed, but for now,” he took Tsumiki’s hand, “let us enjoy this sight while it lasts.”

The chopper was picking up speed now, and for once, Ishimaru got a good look at the area he governed: a beautiful world, brimming with possibilities and futures of our own creation. It was going to be tough, it was going to be difficult, but he wasn’t going to fail. Everything was going to be alright in the end.

Because you know what?

 _Everything’s fine,_ Ishimaru leans back, contentedly. _Everything’s fine._

_-_

It was the littlest things that made the longest-lasting impressions on them both that Christmas Night.

The way the moonlight put her abs into gentle relief. The chill he felt as he undressed. Her hair through his fingers as he kissed her. Her little mews as he kissed her breasts. The way his toes curled when she curiously ran her lips over his sex. The saltiness of the fluid that grazed her cheeks. The look in his eyes as he tenderly wiped it away. The way her head arched back at an angle on the sheets when he slipped two fingers in hers. The way her underwear was left dangling on her thigh, half-forgotten as she shyly spread her legs. The fingernails that dug into his back when he eased into her wetness. The little gasp he let out when she gently bit the area of skin near his neck. The warmth as she straddled him, in and out he went. The way she looked away, clenching her teeth as he went a little faster. His breathless whisper that he was close. Her startled cry as he shuddered in her arms. Her muffled moans as she buried herself into his shoulder when she followed soon after. The way her hair, dark as jet, was strewn messily across her eyes as they kissed.

The silence they shared as they pulled apart.

Taking long deep breaths, he turned towards his side and found himself facing her. Ikusaba hadn’t even broken a sweat, yet she looked almost dazed as she stared into empty space, her breasts rising up and down with each breath she took. He experienced a curious rush of affection for her. He felt… at ease? Content? Whatever it was, he hadn’t experienced it in a long time.

He stared at her for so long Ikusaba turned to look at him. There was the presence of something new in the abysses that were her eyes as she regarded him peacefully; the abysses stared back.

Slowly, Naegi reached out, tucking the strands of hair behind her ear. When he was finished, his fingers lingered, contentedly caressing the corners of her face as she stared back, unblinking.

He felt something under the covers shift, and watched as her tattooed hand hesitantly, haltingly, cupped his face. Smiling fondly, he gently pressed her hand over his cheek; it was calloused, it was tender, it was warm.

“Wow.” He sighed.

“That was… nice.” Ikusaba admitted.

“… Goddamn it. Do you realize there’s a bed right there, and we went ahead and did it on a futon anyway?”

They laughed, and they held each other closely, intimately, legs intertwined, in each other’s arms. At this distance, Naegi was able to count all the freckles on her cheeks.

“… Naegi-kun?”

“What is it?”

“… Do you like me?”

Naegi looked at her straight.

“I would _never_ do this with someone I didn’t like, Ikusaba-san.”

“You mean it?”

“Of course I do.”

“Even if I told you about the things I did?”

“Even if you told me about the things you did.”

“Even if they’re really bad?”

“Even if they’re really bad… if they **are** really bad, I’ll probably work until you don’t need to do such things anymore.”

She smiles and places her lips gently on his forehead.

“I like you too.”

“Even if I had a past?”

“Even if you had a past.”

“Even if she’ll always exist in my heart?”

“Even if she’ll always exist in your heart.”

“Even if a part of me will always love her?”

“Even if a part of you will always love her.”

Naegi looked puzzled.

“Why? I thought you…”

Ikusaba closed her eyes, thinking deeply.

“… Naegi-kun, do you know what a Purple Heart is?”

“A heart that’s purple?”

“Come on, you can do better than that." She shakes her head. “It’s what soldiers receive as recognition for injuries inflicted by enemies during the war.”

“… Wow.”

“In my 8 years as a mercenary, I’ve never been eligible to receive it. I’ve never let anyone injure me.”

“Woah.” Naegi’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. She thinks a little more, choosing her words with care, and continues:

“You hurt me badly for the past few weeks.”

The accusation catches Naegi off guard, and he looked away guiltily.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. I didn’t enjoy it very much, and the only reason I stayed was because I thought there was more to you. More to your kindness. More to...” Her voice trailed off. “Until the pain became unbearable, I left.”

“I’m-“

“It’s alright.” She takes a deep breath, “But the pain of avoiding you, being alone was a different sort entirely. There was no joy to it. Just… reason. Someone once told me you don’t get to choose when you get hurt… but you could always choose how.”

His cheeks had gone numb with every word she said.

“… I guess… what I’m trying to say is, I decided tonight you were worth suffering for. You are the reason my purple heart exists. I like you.”

There was but a beat of silence.

“That’s one of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me.” Naegi grins, holding her closer. “… I can’t top that.”

“Top?”

“N-nothing.” Naegi thought hard.

“I don’t want you to suffer.” He finally said. “Obviously. And I know I’m not a very good person, I’ll hurt you some days. But there will be more days, lots more days, where I’ll make you happy. I promise.”

“... That’s good enough for me.” She smiles, and approaches to kiss him full on the lips-

And sneezed.

Naegi blinked, lips suddenly wet.

“Oh Christ.” Ikusaba looked nothing short of mortified. “I’m sorry, I should have-“

Naegi broke into a fit of giggles that soon morphed into full on laughter, shaking uncontrollably in her arms.

“OK, I t-think we b-b-better get to bed.” Naegi chuckled, wheezing slightly. “Before any of us catch cold.”

They brought his pillow and sheets over, gratefully slipping into the plush cushiony mattress underneath.

“Hey, Ikusaba-san?”

“Hm?”

Naegi pecked her lightly. “I’m really, really glad I met you.”

“… Me too.” Ikusaba smiled crookedly.

They gaze into each other in expended, satisfied silence, basking in the remnants of afterglow.

“… Good Night, Naegi-kun.”

“… Good Night, Ikusaba-san.”

And with hair still strewn messily over her eyes, Ikusaba falls asleep. Her arm around his chest, he watched her take breath after gentle breath.

_…Thank you._

He would never succumb to loneliness again.

All was well.

**CHRISTMAS DAY**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... let me explain why this took so long.  
> A) To smut or not to smut. I deliberated about this for a long time before concluding that a climax was needed. So I sinned... sort of. I didn't have the patience for long, drawn-out sequences (and this chapter is LONG enough without, god forbid), but I hope you're satisfied with the result.  
> B) Ikusaba in DR3. Why. WHY. Kodaka just comes along, smashes all preexisting notions we had about her character being a pseudo-Kirigiri and more like the sister-obssessed soldier we've come to know. EP 9. WHY. WHY T.T Long story short, it took me a long time before I got the motivation to keep writing and not make a bad end of this fic.  
> (Side note: Ep 11 got us Naegi. Yay. WHERE WAS THE SMILING SCENE FFS.)  
> C) Kirigiri. *Loud whale noises* whyyyyy I mean I sort of expected it after Asahina revealed her secret plot armor in Ep 3, but it still hurt like a TRUCK.
> 
> But it's done. It's 4AM where I'm living at, and I'm done.  
> Conclusion soon. 
> 
> But before that:  
> *prayer circle*
> 
> Dear Kodaka, accept this 19k word chapter as an offering:  
> Let CureW mean something.  
> LET KIRIGIRI LIVE SOMEHOW GDI.
> 
> Thank you all! Feedback is always appreciated :)
> 
> P.S. Yes, Nanami's entire rant about Cortana is my thoughts on the theory that Chiaki Nanami is the Mastermind. What the hell.
> 
> EDIT: FUCK YES THANK YOU IT MEANT SOMETHING. THANK YOU BASED KODAKA I AM GOING TO WRITE LOTS OF NAEGIRI TONIGHT.


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